What Comes Naturally
by playitagainsam
Summary: Edward is married and devoutly Catholic, but what happens when he meets the love of his life two years later? Will he follow his heart or will he honor his past commitments and stay true to his faith? AU/AH, B/E/T, A/J, R/E
1. The Knot

**A/N: Ok, here it is. This my first attempt at fan fiction. Hope you enjoy. **

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**APOV  
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It was a beautiful spring day in Chicago, not a cloud in sight, a little windy, but that was to be expected. Our family church was decorated in various shades of pink and white. I had to admit, I had done an excellent job. It was truly breathtaking. Rose and I were in lovely pink strapless gowns and four inch heels. Standing tall at 5'2", I was always at my best, except for today.

The knot in my stomach was refusing to let up.

Putting on a smile, I slowly walked the aisle behind Rose. My nerves were getting the best of me, and I couldn't figure out why. Discreetly, I glanced around the church to see if anything was out of place. Flowers? Check. Priest? Check. Wedding party? Check. Groom? Check. Bride? I had just left her, so unless she was sprinting towards the back door…check. Rings? _Oh my God, did I have the ring?_ Yes, there it was…around my thumb. Check.

Maybe it was because it was my little brother. I was always too protective over him. That had to be it. Everything else was immaculate. I began to stare at him as I finished my stroll down the aisle. He seemed calm…too calm. He should be a bundle of nerves, right? I was, Jasper was, and we were/are madly in love. This just seemed to be like any other day to him.

I took my place beside Rose and turned to see the lucky girl. She was indeed lucky. I never thought their relationship would make it this far. Edward was lonely, that much was obvious. It was only natural he'd want to find someone to share his life with. I'm sure the fact that his siblings were both married off in the past two years, didn't help him. He was left alone in the house we grew up in with our parents. He was ready to get out, settle down, and start his new life. Or at least, he thinks he's ready.

The wedding march began and everyone rose from their seats as the bride was revealed. She was beautiful. The only comment I had for her. It's not that I didn't like her, its just beauty was all she brought to the table. I had no idea if the happy couple had anything in common at all. They had only known each other for a couple of months.

She was all smiles as she floated down the aisle on the arm of her father. The bride and Edward joined hands and stepped forward to the priest. Meanwhile, I began deep breathing to release the knot. If I had to deal with this uncomfortable feeling for the duration of a Catholic wedding, I was going to be in for a long couple of hours. _Why was this happening?_

While the priest began, I stole a glance at my husband. Our eyes met and I immediately felt better. Jasper always had a way of calming me. The knot was still there, and became painful when the priest announced "Speak now or forever hold your peace." Should I speak? No. I couldn't do that to Edward. He would never forgive me. I went back to staring at Jasper, continuing to get lost in his fabulous blue eyes, and allowing his calming influence to wash my nervousness away.

"Alice." I heard a whisper in the distance. I shook myself from my connection with Jasper to find Tanya staring at me. "I need the ring."

"Oh! Yes, of course," I handed her the ring that had been on my thumb and vaguely heard her vows to my brother. The knot was not having that. It had returned with a vengeance. Had he already exchanged his vows? Yes, Tanya had her ring on already. I was beginning to get sick. Just a few minutes more to hang on. I glanced at Jasper again, only this time it was having no effect. Panic began to rise through me.

"Are you ok?" Rose whispered in my ear. She placed her hand on the small of my back to steady me. I wasn't aware I was losing my balance, but was instantly grateful for the support. I shook my head slightly, so as to not draw too much attention.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Edward and Tanya both smiled and kissed gently. It was over. Nothing went wrong. I should feel better now. But it was oh so much worse.

"I'm going to be sick," I whispered to Rose urgently. She said nothing, but grabbed my hand leading me to the side exit quickly. I heard people gasping at our actions and I was sure Tanya would be pissed that her wedding party just bolted from the wedding. I couldn't think of that now, only finding the nearest trash can.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Rose asked just as the contents of my stomach unceremoniously hit the trash can. I gripped the can for dear life. I was sweating …_I never sweat._

"I don't know," I gasped, "but something is terribly wrong."


	2. The Announcement

**A/N: Two reviews! Woot! 32 hits though…hmm, methinks those numbers are a bit off balance. Ah well, it's early yet. Thanks goes out to the two people that did review. You guys rock! It totally made my day. **

**As for chapter 2…I hope you enjoy. I felt like I struggled with this one, but not as much as I'm struggling with chapter 3. I'm hoping to work it all out over the weekend. Remember to review. If I suck…just tell me, I won't get too offended. **

**Stephenie Meyer totally owns this…not me, not at all. **

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**EPOV**

"Leaving, Dr. Cullen?" I heard a nurse ask.

"Yes," I replied quickly, making a beeline for the door. After a 36 hour shift, I didn't want anything standing between myself and my bed. Complete exhaustion didn't matter to my wife unfortunately. She would insist on my attention the moment I walked in the door, talking incessantly about whatever I missed in her "important" life. Contrary to her belief, I didn't care about the rumor mills of high society Chicago. It was enough to bore any man into a coma. All I wanted was sleep. As if she would allow me that bit of solace.

My drive home was fast and uneventful. Even with a lack of sleep, I felt the need to put myself and others in danger with my reckless driving. Aside from working in an ER, it was the only excitement my life had, and oddly, one of the few things I felt I had control over. Lucky for me, Tanya's car was not in the drive. I shouldn't be surprised; she shopped more than my sister. What was surprising, my sister's yellow Porsche sat in Tanya's spot instead.

_Alice._ I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her. I knew it had been months. Between my long and frequent shifts at the hospital, and my wife's ceaseless need for attention, I had little time for anything, or anyone, else.

"Edward!" My sister squealed, launching herself into my arms. "I called the hospital to find out when your shift ended. I hope you don't mind." My desire for sleep called out to me, but I couldn't deny Alice anything.

"No, not at all, what brings you here, sis?" We walked hand in hand into the dark house and back to the kitchen. I was never more grateful for one of Tanya's shopping trips than I was right now. If she were here, Alice wouldn't be. Alice plopped herself onto a barstool while I fished a couple of waters out of the fridge.

"Only to check up on you, brother dear," Alice answered with her tinkling voice and a mischievous glint in her eye.

"I don't believe you," I replied with a laugh. "You always have a purpose." Alice laughed freely at my assumption and it surprised me how much I had missed my sister. I missed her ease, her laugh, her happiness. It was infectious, and I needed it more than anything. I longed for the days of our childhood, where she would sneak into my bedroom to stay up late watching bad horror movies our parents refused to let us watch for fear of nightmares. Nightmares were never a problem. We always thought Emmett could protect us from anything those movies could throw at us. Life was so much simpler then.

"You're looking well enough," she changed the subject, "except for those awful bags under your eyes. When was the last time you slept?"

"I'm as well as can be expected for someone who just finished a 36 hour shift."

"I guess that answers my sleep question," she mused. "And how is your lovely wife?" her tone changing to something more spiteful at this question. Alice and Tanya hadn't been on friendly terms since the wedding. My lovely wife, as she put it, was still harboring a grudge over "stealing her thunder" on her wedding day.

"Same ole, same ole," I replied, and nothing could be more truthful. We were in a rut. I went to work to avoid her; she went shopping to spend my money. We never had meaningful conversations. We rarely did things together, other than the occasional benefit, in which Tanya insisted we attend so she could improve her social status. There was nothing I could see happening that would change our situation.

"Oh Edward," Alice sighed. She pitied me. That was the last thing I wanted from someone in my family. Yes, our relationship was strained at best, but hopefully we would work through it, eventually. If not, there was always the counseling option.

"It's nothing to worry about," I assured her. "This is how some married couples are. We can't all be like you and Jasper, or Emmett and Rose, or even mom and dad." I knew I was lying to her and to myself. I couldn't help but feel shafted by my marriage. I had three near perfect relationships in my family, yet I was the odd man out. Tanya and I were in love. However, it wasn't like the love I witnessed between my siblings and their spouses. All relationships are different though.

"Yes of course," Alice said softly, strangely answering my question. She was staring off into space, still thinking about what I had said. I hated the thought of her pitying my situation, I could feel anger rise because of it, and the last thing I wanted was to be angry with Alice. I rarely saw her as it was. It would take me forever to come around to apologize for an unwarranted outburst. She sensed my mood, and then dropped a bomb to take me out of it.

"So I just wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant," she announced with a gust of air. Any irritation I was feeling immediately washed away. A bright smile lit her face, and mine as well, because it was just so damn infectious.

"Alice! That's wonderful news!" I lifted her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you and Jasper."

"I know! We're so excited!" Alice went on talking about how far along she was, when the baby was due, how mom was ecstatic, while my thoughts went to first time we thought Alice was pregnant.

_I had just had the first dance with my beautiful wife. She was beautiful in her white gown, there was no denying that. I had everything now. I had one more year of medical school, a loving family, enough money that I would never want of anything, and now someone to share my life with. I was completely content._

_Tanya's father had joined her for the next dance. I was heading to my mother's table to ask her_ _to join me, when I noticed Alice and Rosalie standing before her table._

"_That was a nice little stunt you pulled, Alice," I began. "What on earth was so important that you had to bolt out of my wedding? I'm hurt," I feigned. Everyone's eyes turned to Alice. It was clear they were all wondering the same thing. _

"_Well I guess it was just a little morning sickness," Alice said quietly, but not quiet enough. Everyone's eyes widened, including Jasper's. I thought I saw a brief exchange between them, but the shrill noise coming from my mother drown whatever opportunities I had to decipher it._

"_Oh my God, Alice!" my mother squealed. "I'm so happy. How far along are you? I'm going to be a grandmother!" I could see tears brimming in her eyes. She was completely overjoyed. _

"_Yes, my love, how far along?" Jasper chimed. Was it just me, or was Jasper getting this first hand? Shouldn't he know if he knocked up his wife? Something wasn't clicking. _

"_Oh, just about four weeks," Alice replied, but she wasn't looking at anyone when she did. Her eye contact was failing miserably. She was lying…outright. Why would she lie about something like that? How was my mother's lie radar faulty now? She always knew when we lied! I looked at my mother to see if she was buying it. All I saw was sheer happiness. _

"_Alice….dance with me," I demanded. She wasn't going to get out of telling me the truth. I had to know what would make her lie to mother and everyone else for that matter. Was she ill? Was it something more serious? Surely, Jasper would have told me if something was wrong with Alice, but he looked just as clueless this time._

"_Oh no, Edward, you have to dance with mom next," Alice had effectively side stepped me for now. I did need to dance with my mother, and soon judging by the way Tanya was shooting daggers my direction. _

"_Soon then," I said, letting Alice know she wasn't off the hook all while taking my mother's hand to guide her to the dance floor. Esme could talk of nothing but the coming baby. With my marriage, and her two oldest already married, she had been anxious for grandbabies. Alice would get a mouthful from me for giving our mother false hope._

I never got to dance with Alice that night. She and Jasper had escaped soon after the cake was cut. To say that Tanya was pissed would be the understatement of the century. Not only did one of her two bridesmaids leave her wedding before she threw the bouquet, Alice's baby was now the prime topic of discussion among the guests. Alice had effectively, whether intentional or not, stolen all the attention from the bride.

"This is for real this time, I promise," Alice stated, bringing me back from the memory. I only smiled at her. I didn't hold a grudge against her for it. She had her reasons, whether she knew them yet or not. I still had no idea what they were, but I wasn't sure she did either.

"Alice," I began. I wanted some answers and I had waited two years to ask them, but I was cut off by the sound of a car door slam.

"One day, Edward. I'll explain everything, hopefully." She seemed to doubt herself. She was, truly, just as clueless as me. I heard the front door open and the distinct sound of shopping bags hitting the floor. I groaned internally. "I had better go," Alice said softly. I didn't want her to, but I didn't want to her to deal with Tanya either.

"Eddie! Could you help me with these bags?" Tanya called. God, I hated that nickname. Alice and I slowly made our way towards the front of the house. "Oh, hello Alice," Tanya's tone was cold. I was amazed she even said anything to my sister.

"Tanya," was Alice's short reply before turning towards me. I gave her another big hug, promising to see her soon; she left without saying another word. There was always something about Tanya that seemed to suck the life out of Alice. I wanted Alice out as quickly as possible. She should never be anything but happy.

"What was she doing here?" Tanya asked. I didn't miss the tone in her voice. I picked up her bags and made my way up the stairs to the bedroom, trying to avoid the coming fight. The tension was coming off her in waves and I knew I was in for it.

"She's pregnant," I muttered, hoping she wouldn't hear me clearly, but also hoping she didn't really care about the answer to ask me to repeat.

"She's pregnant!" Not too lucky today. I should have known, after all. I could have been sleeping now if today were a lucky day. "Is it for real this time?" her tone, dripping with malice. Tanya was not a forgiving woman. That was something I didn't learn until after we were married. If I was truthful to myself, I didn't know most things about her until after we were married. It all happened too hastily. We met, I was lonely, my siblings had found their soul mates, I was desperate. We were married two months after our initial meeting. End of story.

"Yes," I replied simply. Less was always more in these situations, and I didn't want to get into a full blown fight now. Lack of sleep was causing my mind to dull; word vomit was likely to ensue if I didn't put an end to this. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep."

"Fine!" she huffed and stormed out of the bedroom. I couldn't care less about her wrath, and I didn't think about it again once my head hit the pillow.


	3. Mass Babies

**A/N: Happy Easter everyone. I thought it appropriate to post a chapter involving a Mass on Easter Sunday. Thanks to all my reviewers. I've got 6 now! Movin' on up! Hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter…please remember to review. **

**Oh yeah, Stephenie Meyer owes this. **

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**EPOV**

Sunlight was piercing my eyelids, beckoning me to wake. If that wasn't enough, Tanya was noisily rummaging through her jewelry box. That woman had more jewels than the Queen of England, yet she was always dissatisfied with her selection. A groan escaped me as I rolled over, trying to avoid the light. My body was still aching from the long shift.

"Eddie, you need to get up now or we'll be late for Mass." Her tone piqued my ears; it wasn't cold like yesterday, it was as close to sweet as Tanya could get. She suffered with pulling off sincerity, it always felt forced. It meant, however, she had amazingly found a way to forget about last night or she wanted something from me. Most likely, it was the latter. I could, typically, buy her forgiveness, hence the large jewelry collection. Hopefully it would be that simple now.

With extreme effort, I opened my eyes and pulled back the covers. The sunlight that had been piercing my eyes was highlighting the whites and pinks of the room. Sometimes it was hard to believe a man actually lived in this house. Everything was white or pink, except for my study. Even my piano suffered. Tanya insisted we bought a new one in white to match the décor. I rarely played anymore anyways; I preferred my black one at my parent's. I knew I was just rebelling against the white one, as childish as it might seem, I couldn't help my partiality. Also, it kept me from hearing Tanya's complaining about the depressing music I would play.

After one last stretch, I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, then stumbled over to the bathroom. The hot water instantly woke me up, releasing some of my tension. Just as I was at my most relaxed point, I heard Tanya enter the room.

"Edward," she began. Yes, she definitely wanted something from me. It was the only time she would drop that dreadful nickname.

"Yes," I replied. _Be something I can buy. Be something I can buy. _I internally chanted in hopes for getting the easy way out. My stomach was beginning to clinch nervously, like it knew what she was going to say before I did.

"I decided I want us to have a baby," she said calmly. My stomach dropped to my knees, there was a ringing in my ears, and I was rendered speechless. _A baby?_ We hadn't even had sex in months. Tanya was the least maternal woman I'd ever met. "I've done some research, and it turns out I'm ovulating now. So we can start tonight." She was ovulating? Holy fucking shit, she was serious. Wait, of course she was serious. Alice is pregnant. Rose and Emmett already have little Remmi, who had us all wrapped around her pinkie finger, except for Tanya. This was all so very simple; I'm surprised I didn't expect it from her. She didn't want to be left out of the attention. A baby would ensure that.

"Edward, you aren't saying anything."

"I'm busy picking my stomach off the floor," I replied, finally finding my voice. "I'm not ready to have a baby. We've only been married for two years; I don't think we're ready." This was good logic. We weren't ready. Nothing would make our relationship worse than adding a baby to the equation. It was a struggle for just the two of us.

"Rosalie and Emmett were only married for two years before they had Remmi," she recalled, seemingly happy with finding a supposed flaw in my logic.

"Rose and Emmett knew each for years before they were married. They met in high school. And Rose has always wanted babies."

"I've always wanted babies," she huffed. "And I don't care what you say; we're going to start trying tonight." With that, she stormed out of the bathroom. If she were truly serious about trying, she would have gotten in the shower with me now. Guess she didn't want to ruin her hair and makeup. I audibly sighed. Why couldn't it have been something easier?

I resumed my shower trying to not think about the possibility of having a baby with Tanya. There was no way I would be able to convince her otherwise. Her mind was set upon this, and it would grant her the attention she appeared to need in order to survive. I didn't know what to do. My marriage would only go downhill much faster if I deny her this, but I couldn't in good conscience go along with it. In the end, it would hurt the baby.

"Edward, we're going to be late!" Tanya yelled from the bedroom.

I picked up the pace and finished getting ready leaving us thirty minutes to make it downtown. Tanya stayed on _operation: baby _the entire way to the church. I helplessly drove like a maniac in order to avoid much conversation from my end. I parked the Volvo in one of the hundreds of parking spaces for the Old St Patrick's Church twenty minutes later. I'm pretty sure it was a new record for me, though traffic wasn't as heavy as normal. Tanya flew out of the car, apparently happy to set her feet on solid ground. I couldn't help but let a chuckle escape.

After she regained her composure, she steadily marched towards the entrance. I walked, a little slower, behind her. She had a determined look about her that immediately made me panic. I knew she was going to tell my mother about the baby talk. I'm sure she would leave out the fact that I didn't want a baby. If she had Esme on her side, she knew I would crumble before long. All of a sudden, I didn't want to go to church. Church was one of my few sanctuaries and she had taken it away this week. I was a bundle of nerves, instead of the peace I usually felt, as we walked through the doors.

Old St Patrick's Church is one of the oldest Catholic churches in Chicago. My family had been involved with the church going back generations. You could always find the Cullens in the third pew, left side. My mother, father, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, were all there now. Rose and Remmi were MIA for the moment. As expected, Tanya made a beeline for my mother.

"Esme!" Tanya called with a large smile on her face. One I would associate with a cat that had just eaten a canary. She kissed my mother on the cheek and then continued. "Edward and I have decided were going to have a baby. Isn't that wonderful news?" My mother's eyes darted my direction in surprise.

"Yes, that's wonderful news indeed!" My father chimed in. Traitor. He knew our marriage was straining, at best. Why on earth would he think a baby would be a good idea? Unless he thought this would help us. Would it?

"Yes," Esme agreed quietly. "Lovely." Tanya beamed at my mother's agreement. My mother turned to me. "You know I'm always looking for more grandchildren. Remmi's getting too much of my attention as it is. She's going to be so spoiled."

"Well you have Alice's baby to look forward to," I replied.

"Yes! We do!" My mother was happy to redirect the attention to Alice. It meant a lot to her that her own daughter was with child. "My beautiful Alice, you're going to make a wonderful mother." Tanya began to seethe by this point. Her announcement had fizzled out before she thought it would.

"So Eddie, I was thinking if we started tonight, then I could be pregnant by next month." I sighed.

"Tanya, please, not here," I replied coolly. Tanya gave me a cold stare then sat down in the pew. "So where is little Remmi?" I asked to avoid anything Tanya was about to dish out to me. Emmett's booming laugh saved me, for now.

"There was an accident," he began with a smile. "I might not have closed her sippy cup very well. Red Kool-Aid and a white dress don't go together, evidently. Rose is cleaning her up now." I laughed at my niece. She was always able to destroy her clothing. She was a very messy child, and it drove Rose crazy. One of the side doors opened, Rose and Remmi, now in a blue dress, joined us. Remmi's little arms stretched out to me and I took her from Rose happily. If anything could keep Tanya away from me, it was keeping Remmi on my lap for the duration of Mass.

"Mind if I hold her today?" I asked Rose. She shook her head and smiled. Rose always knew what I was up to. Emmett began to whisper to her, no doubt letting her know about Tanya's announcement. I sat down between Alice and Tanya, who shifted infinitesimally away from me, with Remmi on my lap. Alice noticed the slight change in Tanya's position and smirked.

"Edward," she whispered softly. "Does Tanya want a baby because I'm having a baby?" Leave it to Alice to think exactly like me. She was fighting hard to keep a wide grin from forming on her face. Tanya's jealousy was satisfying to her.

"Yes of course, somehow, within two days you've managed to make my marriage even more difficult, Alice Whitlock." I replied.

"So sorry," she replied with little sympathy. This was a change for Alice. I guess she had realized how much her pity affected me yesterday. "Well…she's not the one you should be with anyways." My eyes darted to Alice's. This was a change indeed. Yes, she and Tanya didn't get along now, but when it came to my relationship with Tanya, Alice, and the rest of my family, kept their mouths shut.

"I don't have much of a choice now," I answered, resigned to the fact. I bounced Remmi on my knee for a distraction. This path wasn't one I wanted to go down right now, especially with Tanya sitting so close to me.

"Pray about it, brother dear," she said softly. "Pray for help, for guidance…for a way out," the last part barely a whisper. My eyes met hers again and I was shocked by her conviction. Alice only wanted the best for me, as I did her. "Please, try." I nodded in agreement. Our conversation ended there, as the priest and deacon had entered.

"In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," Father Molony called out.

"Amen," echoed through the large sanctuary.

Concentrating on the service was a lost cause; my mind had retreated into itself. I still recited lines so as to not bring attention to myself. But I prayed. I prayed to a God that had already blessed me with so many wonderful things. It felt wrong to ask him for more. I had a loving family, money, security, but a wife I felt no love for. Why should He make it four out of four? Shouldn't I have challenges in my life? Is that what my marriage was? Still, my selfishness won out, I prayed for some relief to my depression, anything to make my life at home more tolerable.

What would a divorce mean for me? To be separated from Tanya would surely make me the happiest man alive, but what would my family think? I know Alice would be on my side, but I would lose my parents. I would lose my church, my communion, my sanctuary. Would I need that sanctuary anymore? Yes, I would, especially if I lost support of my parents. I had no one except my family. To lose any of them would be the worst outcome imaginable.

So again, I came to the conclusion that divorce is not an option. I was stuck with Tanya for the rest of my days. That was quite disheartening. I would never know what it's like to be truly in love. I wouldn't feel what Alice and Jasper or Rose and Emmett feel. I would never have children, because I couldn't live with myself bringing innocent children into a loveless marriage. Remmi, at this time, turned her head to me and handed me the toy which had been keeping her occupied. Her eyes met mine and I couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to make me feel better. If the child on my lap had some idea to my pain, certainly my wife couldn't be so oblivious?

Tanya hadn't looked my direction since she sat down. And this is what I was missing. Someone who really loved me would know I was in pain. They would feel it permeating the air. It should suffocate them, as it does me. I didn't want to wish pain on another being, but I wanted help. God please help me. Alice squeezed my hand as if she'd heard my cry.

"It's time for communion," she whispered to me. I glanced around to find everyone queuing up. "Judging from that lost expression on your face, you had no idea." I shook my head of my thoughts, telling myself I would devote the rest of my time actually paying attention to the service. It could provide me some peace.

"Come on, Remmi, let's get our communion," I said, and then went to join the line.

******

"Edward," my mother called after we had exited the church. "You're coming over for lunch, right?" She must always ask out of habit. We always came over for lunch. It was a Sunday tradition. I nodded in agreement, but then Tanya interrupted me.

"Eddie, I think I'm going to skip out on lunch today. Do you mind if you ride with your parents and I'll take the Volvo home?" Now that was odd. Tanya never skipped out on lunches at my mother's. They were social stepping stones. You never knew who would drop by. It could be anyone from doctors, political statesmen, the mayor of Chicago, or even Father Molony. Tanya never missed an opportunity to show off she was a Cullen. A lunch without her could be a dream come true, but there was no way I was letting her drive my car.

"I'll take you home first, so you can get your own car," I then turned to my mother. "I'll be over in a few minutes."

The ride home was silent. I found myself wishing I was able to read Tanya's thoughts. This was completely out of character for her. My nerves couldn't take many more surprises today. It was a deep struggle, wanting to know what she was up to, but fighting every urge to talk to her. The silence would be blissful, if not for my nerves. Tanya jumped out of the car as soon as we arrived home. I drove away so I wouldn't be tempted to stick around to figure out the mystery. Whatever she was up to, I would surely regret it later.

I arrived at my mother's ten minutes later to find Emmett and Remmi playing in a sandbox. It looked as if Emmett had built a city in the sand, complete with buildings and added little plastic figures for people.

"All right, Remmi, you ready?" Emmett asked the little girl. She just looked up at him in awe. He lifted her to her feet, poising her in front of the city. "It's the attack of the 50 foot baby!" Remmi squealed with laughter as her father forced her feet to kick over the mounds, burying the plastic figures deep into the sand.

"Hey Eddie," Emmett greeted, while watching Remmi plop into the sand. I scowled at the nickname. The only other person to use it freely was Emmett. "See my daughter's destruction?"

"I see your destruction when Rosalie gets a good look at her dress." I laughed. Rose was going to kill him. Remmi was covered from head to toe in sand.

"Eddie, you gotta have a baby. There's nothing more fun. It's like being a kid again." Emmett replied to my surprise. He was actually championing having a baby with Tanya.

"Unfortunately, I don't see myself getting to play the fun parent role if I were to have a baby with Tanya. She's not exactly maternal."

"Babies change everything. She'd change too. I bet she'd surprise you. She's a lot like Rose in some ways." If he was meaning the bitchy exterior, he was right about that. Rose did have a tough outer shell you had to break through.

"But Rose has a heart," I muttered. I had spent the better part of our first year of marriage trying to see if Tanya was just like Rose. That maybe I just had to break through the shell, but I didn't find anything gratifying. Only selfishness, materialism, and little hope for change.

"Emmett Cullen!" Rosalie yelled from an open window. "You had better not making a mess of our daughter."

"Uh-oh," Emmett muttered. "Mommy's mad at daddy, Remmi. Go in there looking cute." He said as he handed her to me. I started to shake my head.

"No way, I'm not taking her in there like this!"

"Just do it for me, Eddie. Rose'll calm down, eventually, and she won't take it out on you." Emmett laughed. I held Remmi at arms length keeping her sandy body away from mine. She just smiled and cooed, looking cute, just like her daddy told her. I walked into the house, holding her in the same position.

"I liked her better when she was clean," I announced. I chanced a look at Rosalie, who was undoubtedly fuming.

"I'm going to beat Emmett to a pulp," she said with so much venom it caused me to wince, and question my "Rose has a heart" statement.

"He'll just say it was an "accident." Just like the sippy cup," Alice replied with a laugh. Rose took Remmi from my hands and placed her in the kitchen sink, ridding her of her sandy clothes.

"Looks like it's bath time again, Remmi baby," Rose cooed. "So what's Tanya's deal with wanting a baby now, Edward?" I was shocked with the bluntness, but shouldn't have been. It was Rose after all.

"I just heard about it this morning," I answered. "My guess is she doesn't want to feel left out."

"Typical," Alice mumbled. "You're not going to do it, right?" Her tone was almost pleading. I didn't know what I was going to do. What Emmett said earlier was playing in my mind. Maybe it would change her.

"I don't know. I know I'm not ready," I replied honestly.

"Oh Edward," my mom intervened. "Don't be silly. You'd make a great father." I shook off her statement, not wanting to tell her the truth. It wasn't that I didn't want children. It's that I didn't want them with Tanya. We would forever be linked together if we created offspring. I would be admitting I had no way out, and I hadn't given up completely yet, though it was wavering. The easy way would be to give in; it was one of those rare times when the easy route was the right way, morally, to go.

Alice placed her hand on top of mine, "Don't give up just yet," she whispered in my ear.

"Can we please change the subject?" They did as I asked and went on to topics about Alice's baby, which wasn't much better but I could tune it out.

I left my mother's several hours later. It turned out to be just family, and it was refreshing once the baby talk died down. Lunch had turned into dinner time, so we ordered some take out, continuing to enjoy our rare time together. Darkness had settled by the time I reached my own home, and my nerves were on the attack again. Tanya hadn't called once while I was gone. I was beginning to think something must be wrong. The house was completely dark, but her car was in the drive.

"Tanya," I called, as I entered the foyer. I set my keys and jacket down on the table and glanced in the downstairs rooms to see if anything was out of the ordinary. I slowly ascended the stairs, noting the dim light coming from underneath our bedroom door. Maybe she wasn't feeling well. That could explain why she didn't want to go to lunch. I pushed the door open quietly, so as to not disturb her possible sleep, and was floored by what I found inside.

Tanya was perched on the bed, in pink lingerie. _Always pink. I would hate that color for the rest of my life. _There were candles and flower petals everywhere. I could smell her perfume from here. While I never thought it one of the best scents, the affect it was having on my body was overpowering. I tried to leave the room. I wanted to leave the room. Unfortunately, my body reacted the wrong way. It had been deprived too long, and there was a release in sight. My mind was screaming at me to run the opposite direction. _This isn't what you want._ No, it wasn't, but the power of some relief was stronger than me.

"Come to me," she said softly, and I obeyed, hating myself every step. She didn't waste any time. Her fingers went to my belt immediately. Soon, my pants and boxers were on the floor and I was being dragged by my tie on top of her. There was no foreplay, no buildup. Her hand guided me inside of her, the tightness almost causing me to cum. Looking in her eyes, I saw nothing but determination. If she were to look into mine, she would have seen my weakness, the agony this was causing me.

"Come for me," she panted. God, how I wanted to break free. I didn't want to give her what she wanted. I didn't want to be weak as I was now, to be ruled by the wrong head. My baser instincts had taken over completely. A million demons could appear threatening my life and I still wouldn't break away from this blessed release. Yes, I was powerless and broken. I had chosen the easy route. I did exactly what Alice asked me not to do. I had given up. And with that thought, I thrust my way into oblivion.

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**A/N: *Runs and hides* Don't hate me! Haha! Bella's coming in the next chapter, I promise! Give me a few days to work out the kinks, and you will be rewarded. **


	4. Answered Prayers?

**A/N: Hopefully this makes up for the last chapter. Not too many people were happy it and my star power at Twilighted suffered. Ah well, you win some, you lose some. You should at least enjoy this chapter! Remember to review, because otherwise, I don't know if I'm any good or not. **

**S. Meyer owns this…every little bit. I'm just causing havoc with her characters for fun. **

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**EPOV**

Oblivion was short-lived. It couldn't have been more than a few hours before the churning in my stomach shot my eyes open. I made a run for the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time to avoid vomiting all over the floor. It seemed my mind had finally caught up to my actions, and this is how it was repaying me. If only it could have done this before hand.

"Never again," I moaned to myself and hoping I was serious. Let this be my reminder. _What if she's pregnant now?_ That thought alone sent me back to the toilet even though I didn't think I had anything left to purge. I'd have to avoid those kinds of thoughts if I wanted to leave the bathroom tonight.

I allowed myself a few moments to recuperate before standing to brush my teeth. While brushing, I peeked into the bedroom to see if I disturbed Tanya at all. She was curled into a ball on her side of the bed, snoring softly. Again, she was completely ignorant to my problems. How can someone be so blind? How could I be so blind to marry her? Just another one of my many mistakes.

In that moment, I hated her. I hated her because I was weak and she used it to her advantage. It was cold, calculating, and selfish. The temptation to smother her while she slept was too strong, so I finished brushing and went downstairs to avoid yet another mistake. Sleep would be a foreign concept to me tonight unless I could find a way to still my mind.

Feeling my way through the dark, I stumbled into the kitchen and found the bottle of bourbon hidden in one of the cabinets. It was a wedding gift from someone I couldn't remember, and I hated bourbon, but it would do the trick. This would just be something else I'd have to atone for in confession. My list was growing long, cursing in the shower, murderous thoughts of my wife, and now, drinking. Father Molony would have a field day with me this week.

I brought the bottle and shot glass into the living room, so my pacing could commence, and if I collapsed from the alcohol, I'd hopefully land on the couch. I downed the first shot, instantly feeling the warmth spread throughout my body, but realizing how stupid I was to do this on an empty stomach. Ah well, I'd get to sleep faster this way. Pacing a trail in the carpet, I went through all the reasons Tanya wouldn't get pregnant with one attempt.

Birth control was one of the few areas where we went against the Catholic Church, and as far as I knew, up until yesterday, she was still taking it. I wasn't sure if she had stopped before yesterday, or if she had been more prepared and stopped a long time ago. However, if she had stopped taking it yesterday, the likeliness of her being pregnant was minute. That was enough hope for me to take another shot.

An additional item to consider is her extreme irregularity. It was one of two reasons she was on the pill. The pill would have made her regular, which could be how she came up with her ovulating now, but she probably didn't produce an egg this month. Please God let there be no egg! If only I can make it through this time unscathed, I wouldn't fall for it again. The third shot was poured.

The room was beginning to look hazy, and possibly spin a little. I couldn't be sure if I was making myself dizzy with the pacing, or if it was the bourbon. A fourth shot was drunk while I pondered. I picked up the phone and dialed my sister.

"Hello," a sleepy Jasper answered.

"Sis," was my one slurred word reply.

"It's for you," I heard Jasper mutter.

"Hello," Alice greeted, sleep heavy in her voice.

"Alice!" I said all too loudly.

"Edward, what's wrong? Why are you calling me at two in the morning?" It was two in the morning?

"I screwed up Alice. I think it'll be all right though."

"Are you drunk? Where are you? Do you need me to come get you from somewhere?"

"No, no," I began, while pouring a fifth shot. "I'm at home. The drinking is purely medicinal." Alice laughed.

"It's only medicinal if you're doing it in moderation, Edward. How many have you had?"

"I don't remember," I lied. I tipped up the fifth shot, half made it in my mouth, the other half covered me and the couch. Oops.

"I think you've had enough, Edward. Why don't you try sleeping some now?"

"Sure Alice, I'll try that."

"And you can tell me what you screwed up in…" I hung up the phone, drank one more shot and passed out on the couch.

******

"You reek of alcohol," I heard Tanya claim. I opened my eyes to see her standing at the foot of the couch in all her glorious fury. "Why are you down here?" she demanded. My tongue felt swollen in my mouth. I really needed some water before any discussion could take place. And I did smell the alcohol…hope she didn't notice the stain on the couch until later.

"I need some water." Tanya launched a bottle at me, which I narrowly caught before it smacked me in the face.

"Why are you down here?" Tanya repeated. "Answer me." I slowly took a drink. She was really pissed off, and for the life of me, I had no idea why it mattered I was down here.

"I couldn't sleep," I offered. "When did you stop taking your birth control?" I fired the question at her without pause. I wanted to catch her off guard. Her stunned silence told me I accomplished one good thing this morning.

"Um, a couple of months ago," she answered, with hesitation, I noted.

"You're lying to me." A touchdown celebration was being performed in my head. She didn't stop taking it until yesterday, when she decided she wanted a baby. Unless God hated me, she shouldn't be pregnant.

"What does it matter?" she answered, then changed the subject. "I'm going shopping. I'll be back soon and I'll want a repeat performance of last night."

"I have to work tonight, so there will be no repeat performances."

"I'll be back long before you have to go to the hospital, Eddie," she replied sweetly and I shuddered.

"Well I guess I'll have to make sure I'm gone before you come home," I retorted. Tanya sneered at me.

"You can't avoid me forever!" she yelled while grabbing her bag and headed for the door.

"No, but I'll sure try," I said with a grin. I heard the door slam after my comment. Yes, it was a good morning so far.

******

Hours later, I was wandering the streets of downtown Chicago to avoid home. I thought about going to Alice's, but I vaguely remembered calling her last night, and I wanted to prevent talking about what happened for now. Though my refusal of Tanya this morning had made me feel a little better, it was only a small step in the right direction. The shame, bitterness, and general weakness that overcame me, still had me depressed. I couldn't believe I gave in so easily.

It was a cold winter day in Chicago. The snow from the night before had turned to a gray slush. It was fitting, for my eyes only saw gray these days. The slush had effectively turned most of the sidewalks to ice, so walking took a lot of concentration. After walking for what seemed like hours, I decided I had better get out of this weather before I caught a cold. Raising my collar and lowered my head against the winds, I picked up my leisurely pace to find some shelter. With my eyes on my feet, I didn't notice anyone around me until a pair of feet appeared in my line of vision. The feet immediately lost their balance and started to fall backwards. My hands were out of my pockets before I knew it, catching the person before she hit the ground.

If I thought the surge of electricity I felt through my hands was enough to paralyze me, one look into her chocolate depths told me otherwise. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I didn't want to. For the first time in years, I felt life flowing through me, and I would be as reluctant as possible to give it up.

"I'm such a klutz," the angel whispered. I slowly put her back on her feet, but didn't release my hold. I didn't care how offensive I was being to this complete stranger. This felt natural.

"Are you ok?" I asked softly. My hands were acting on their own accord. One was holding her close against me; the other went to her cheek, where my fingers danced across her smooth, creamy skin. The surge was stronger against bare skin. Her eyes closed to my touch.

"Y-y-yes," she stammered, "so much better now." Elation rushed through me. _She felt this too! _Her right hand came up to place over mine, while her left rested on my arm. It was then that I saw the ring, offensive and garish, on her left ring finger. She was engaged. My angel must have realized what I was thinking because her fingers had also found my ring. The look in her eyes pained me to no end. I wanted to wash away her pain, make her forget, make her happy. She only deserved happiness.

"It doesn't matter," was my brilliant reply. What didn't matter? I had no idea. All my thoughts revolved around the beautiful vision in front of me and I didn't even know her name. I lowered my hand from her cheek but entwined it with her hand, unable to give up contact for even a brief moment.

"You're married," my angel said softly, crushed. I looked into her gorgeous eyes and saw tears. I wanted to kiss them away, so I did. I had no will power when it came to this woman. The feeling of my lips on her skin was pure heaven, reaffirming my angel theory.

"Who are you?" I asked, knowing full well the answer to that question. She was the answer to my prayer. My salvation. Alice had told me not to give up so soon. If I were stronger, I would have listened. What I wouldn't give to have known this would happen. This must be how it feels, how love feels.

"Bella," she answered. Bella. My Bella. My beautiful Bella. She was the one I should have waited on.

"I was too impatient, Bella," I replied, loving the sensation created by saying her name aloud.

"I don't know what's happening, this just feels…" a blush came across her cheeks at her sudden embarrassment.

"Natural," I supplied, hoping to ease her fears.

"Yes," she sighed. I held her tighter against me as the wind whipped around us, bringing forth her scent, her delicious scent. I had forgotten where we were. I had forgotten everything around me. Until a man's eyes met mine and I wondered why he looked familiar. He could have been a patient, a member of my church, anyone, really. It was then I noticed the stares of the many people passing by. I was a well known doctor from a prominent family and here I was holding a woman, so obviously not my wife. Honestly, I didn't care if Tanya found out; it would serve her right after last night's stunt. My family was a different matter. I wouldn't want them to find out from some spectator. Slowly, I relinquished my grasp on her, instantly regretting the feeling of loss, and the look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I…" I didn't know what to say. What could I do? I needed her like I needed air. How could I explain that to anyone without sounding crazy? My hands went through my hair in frustration. Bella stood silently for a moment, but then raised her small hand to my cheek. I calmed immediately at her touch, and was dumbfounded by the power she had over me.

"Let's just do what comes naturally," she replied with a smile that brought brightness to my world again. I felt her hand snake its way through my hair. While I was rejoicing at the feeling of her touch, I didn't notice she had pulled me down to her level. Her full lips were pressed against mine before I knew what was happening. This moment, was the most blissful experience of my life. Her lips parted slightly, becoming more demanding, and I happily obliged. I pressed her body against mine. Yes, I was being careless, but I wanted this woman more than anything. I knew this would undoubtedly get back to Tanya, even in a city as large as this. I hoped it would. The sooner I could get Tanya out of my life, the sooner I could be with Bella. _Where I belonged._

As our kiss intensified, I felt a vibration in my pocket. Anxiety washed over me quickly, proving once again my mind catches up to my baser instincts late. Didn't I have something similar to this happen to me just last night? I pulled away from Bella slightly, placing a few chaste kisses on her lips, nose, and cheeks while I fumbled with the phone in my pocket. Alice's name was on the screen.

"Hello," I answered as calmly as possible, my fingers lingering in Bella's long brown hair.

"Edward! Get to the hospital quick!" Alice's urgency sent terror down my spine.

"Alice, what is it? Are you ok? What happened?" Bella's fingers came up to my face, her eyes were worried.

"It's Tanya. There was an accident," my stomach dropped. "It's pretty bad, Edward."

"I'll be there right away," I answered and hung up the phone. Bella's eyes scrunched up in confusion. Even with all that was going through my mind right now, I couldn't help but admit how cute she looked.

"Do you have to go?" she asked innocently. I nodded. I didn't want to leave her. God, I was a monster. My wife, however unhappy I was with her, was just in a car accident, and I didn't want to leave the woman I had known all of five minutes. "When will I see you again?" How could this angel want to be with me?

"I don't know," I answered honestly. My fingers found her cheek again, relishing the sensation that flowed between us. "Soon, I hope. Goodbye." I turned towards my car, not wanting to look back, because I knew it would be impossible to leave her if I did.

"Wait!" I heard her cry. My body froze, as I discovered one more person I couldn't deny. I heard her footsteps hurry from behind me. The thought of her falling caused some dread to rise through me, but it was stilled when I felt her hand at the small of my back. I turned reluctantly, stunned by her beauty right away. "I don't even know your name. I need something to take with me to my dreams tonight," she stated boldly, holding the blush at bay. She was going to be the death of me.

"Edward," I answered. "Edward Cullen."

"Edward," she sighed, sending the familiar surge through me.

"Sleep well tonight, my Bella." _I'll be thinking of you as well._

I took off at a run, if I didn't, I wouldn't make it to the hospital anytime soon.

***

**A/N: Review please!!**


	5. Sex, Lies, and Chinese

**A/N: Wow! I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter! They keep doubling, so I expect that now, haha! Thanks so much to all of you! **

**So here's my first chapter from Bella's POV, and she's got a much filthier mouth than Edward. Also, it's my first lemon, you have been forewarned! Hope you enjoy, and of course, please review!!**

**This is all Stephenie Meyer's property. I'm just having fun. =)**

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**BPOV**

I stood there, unmoving, watching the figure sprint away until he was out of my sight. When that happened, it felt like the beginning stages of a panic attack. My chest constricted and breathing became shallow. The emptiness I felt in that moment was overwhelming. I leaned over to support myself, taking deep cleansing breaths, until the closest thing to normalcy had returned, leaving but a small twinge in my chest.

I missed him already. I missed the instant connection, the feeling of being complete. I had heard about love at first sight and always laughed at the ridiculous concept, knowing it doesn't happen to real people. Boy was I fooled. The force of love had just hit me like a fucking Mack truck. And who knew when I would see him again, or if I would see him again. This city was so big, chance encounters were rare. _I would see him again, _I pleaded to myself. Take that, pessimism.

A gust of wind whipped my hair around and I could smell him. I'd never wash these clothes again. I took in my surroundings, wanting to commit every detail to memory. North Avenue, block of my favorite bookstore, in fact, I was standing right in front of said bookstore. I knew this place was special in more ways than one! I had every intention of going in there before tripping. Never before in all of my life was I so grateful for not being able to walk on a flat surface.

It would be a struggle for me to leave this spot, even with darkness settling around me and the wind chilling my body to the bone. I didn't want to leave this unique spot that caused a life altering experience. At the forefront of my thoughts were brilliant green eyes, copper hair, and a touch that made my knees the consistency of Jello. Laughter escaped me, drawing confused stares from the people around me. They probably thought I was crazy, and I was. I was in love. In fucking love! And I hardly knew the man!

The blaring of my cell phone brought me back from my brief moment of mild hysteria. Taking out my phone, Jake's name was brightly lit on the screen. _Shit._

"Hello Jake, yes, I'll be there in a few," I answered, with more bite in my tone than usual.

"I was just getting worried about you, Bells," he replied sweetly. I sighed. He was always worried about me when I was alone.

"I'm fine. I just stopped at the bookstore after work." Ok, so it wasn't completely the truth. I was near my bookstore, but it was still a lie all the same. I never lied to Jake, for one reason only, I was a terrible liar. But I didn't think Jake would take too kindly to his fiancé making out with a complete stranger on the street as an answer instead.

"That's my girl, always got your nose in a book," Jake said with a laugh, while I inwardly cringed. Never had I minded Jake calling me his girl, that is, until now. Jake's girl was a thing of the past. It would be heartbreaking to end it, because we were such good friends. Maybe that's all we should have been in the first place. All I knew now was everything was different. I couldn't think of Jake the same as I did only an hour ago. _"My Bella,"_ Edward had said, and it was so true. I belonged to him. He had effectively turned my world upside down, and there was no going back to the way things used to be.

"Bells?" Jake interrupted my internal monologue.

"I'm on my way there," I repeated, then hung up the phone. Yes, everything was different now.

_What to do, what to do?_ This question rolled through my head like a skipping record the entire ride home. I couldn't end things with Jake tonight. Hell, I had no idea what I should expect from Edward. He was married after all. Would he end his marriage for me? He said it didn't matter, I could only hope he was serious. I couldn't imagine being without him. When did I become that girl? I was a spirited, free thinking, independent woman, who needed no man. My chest tightened again with that thought. Dammit, I needed _him._ In that short time frame, Edward had launched his status above my job, my fiancé, and my family. He was my alpha and omega. This could not be healthy by any means.

_Everything was different now._

Bringing me back to my original question, what do I do about Jake? It was hard to focus on him with Edward's green eyes piercing my memory. I shivered as I imagined his hand on my cheek. The power he had over me was tremendous. Oh to feel that electricity again. I had to fight every muscle in my mouth to keep it from shouting directions to the nearest hospital at the taxi driver. It would guarantee I'd see him again. I knew that's where he was, but it would probably take me all night to search all the hospitals. Plus, it was a little crazy, right?

_Stop thinking of Edward!_ I needed to figure out what to do about Jake. I would need the help of some super powerful acting gods in order to pull off normalcy when I arrived home. I'd be lucky if I went five minutes before calling Jake, Edward, by accident. Surely at some point, I would slip up.

"That'll be $8.50," I heard the taxi driver say. _Fuck!_ I had spent all this time in the car and had not one solid plan. I handed him some money and dragged my now, miserable ass out of the car.

_Just act natural, you can do this Bella. _Mental pep talk, check. Sure, I could do this. Acting was never at the top of my list of abilities, but it would have to be if I were going to make through tonight. Upon opening the door to my apartment, Jake immediately greeted me with a bear like hug.

"Jake, put me down," I demanded. His eyes scrunched up giving me that 'what the hell' look. Epic fail, Bella!

"Sorry Bells, I missed you," he replied simply and then kissed me deeply. I had to fight the urge to not gag or pull away. This was insane. Just yesterday I would have been stripping clothing and guiding the way to the bedroom. How can one man have this much an impression on me? Mentally, I tried to relax and go with the flow. "So what do you want for dinner?" he asked after the kiss had gratefully ended. "Because I was thinking we could order Chinese and have dinner in bed." Jake suggestively wiggled his eyebrows up and down. I laughed, because I had to. Hiding was I was truly feeling was imperative.

"Um, sure, Chinese sounds good," I said, grabbing the phone. While on the phone with the Chinese restaurant, I was devising a scheme to get out of sleeping with Jake. Easily, I could feign sickness after the food, but that would mean holding him from starting anything until after the food got here. "I'm going to take a shower and change before the food gets here," I told Jake. Brilliant!

"I could join you in the shower if you like," he replied with a smile. I held back my nervous laughter.

"No, I won't be long. Just need to release some stress from my hectic work day." I darted for the bedroom and locked the door. Well that was something I'd never done. There was never any need to lock the door, and Jake would know something was up if he tried to come in while it was locked. With that in mind, I reluctantly unlocked the door and prayed Jake wouldn't try anything.

I really didn't want to take a shower because then I would lose Edward's scent, but I figured this option was better than spending twenty minutes trying to lie to Jake. It turned out, the shower was what I needed. I felt calm, cool, and relaxed once I finished. I still had no idea what I was going to do, but my mind felt slightly clearer than before. I'd just have to play it by ear and hope those acting gods would shine down on me.

"Food's here, Bells," I heard Jake call out from the kitchen. I put on some comfy sweats and a t-shirt, and then went out help him. Jake was gathering containers to carry off to the bedroom. I internally implored he wouldn't insist on any foreplay before eating. One reason, I was starving, two, I refused to have him eat noodles off my stomach like last time. It was something I didn't plan on repeating. Jake, obviously, had other plans. He began stripping clothing before landing on the bed. _Fucking fantastic. _Not that I minded the view he was providing. Jake was tall, dark, and handsome. He was bulkier than I normally liked, but he was easy to be with, so that made up for it.

"C'mon, Bells, hop in. Clothing is optional."

"I think I'll stick with clothing for now. It's fucking cold in here." That was good Bella, it is winter. Use the weather to your advantage. You can do this acting crap. Jake nodded and started digging into the containers. I did likewise.

"So could you not find anything at the bookstore?" Jake asked. At the bookstore, no, outside the bookstore, hell yes. I found love, all consuming love. Who would have thought? "I don't think I've ever seen you come from that place without a bag full." Dammit, he was right. I never came out of there without a bag. Why didn't I just go in and buy something? It wouldn't have taken me long! This lying thing would be so much easier if there was an ounce of truth to it.

"Um, no, not really, it was more of a therapeutic trip this time," I replied. "I had a rough day at the office." There, small talk. I can do small talk. And my rough day at the office had nothing to do with meeting Edward, or why I was late, or well, anything for that matter. In fact, I had forgotten my shitty day as soon as I met Edward.

"That Lauren girl still giving you a hard time?" Jake asked. I nodded. I didn't want to get into it, because it no longer mattered. The girl was just jealous I got the promotion. I would be seeing less of her now. Edward was all that mattered. I needed to figure out how I would see him again. He didn't even have my last name! There was no way he could find me. Which meant, it would solely fall on my shoulders to seek him out. I really should have gone to the hospital. After tonight, I would have no idea where to look. Should I rely on fate to figure it all out? Fate had brought us together. Surely it wouldn't suck at making it a one time event.

"Earth to Bella…" I heard Jake say. _Fuck._ Damn you acting gods. I needed to not think of Edward! Or at least, give off the appearance that I wasn't thinking about him.

"Hmm," I responded.

"Where did you go?" Jake asked with a chuckle. "I asked you what she did."

"Sorry, I guess I'm just really tired." Goodness, I wasn't too bad at this acting/lying thing for on the spot jams.

"I'll let you get some sleep if you want," Jake began and I jumped at the chance.

"Okay," I interrupted quickly. I knew he didn't expect me to agree, but that wasn't stopping me. I moved the empty cartons to the floor and dove under the covers. "Goodnight, Jake." Jake looked confused, but laughed softly at my antics.

"Goodnight, Bells," he kissed my forehead. "I'm not tired yet, I'll be in later." A sigh escaped me as soon as he shut the bedroom door. How long I could keep this up, I had no idea. I would indefinitely, if necessary. I would do anything for Edward.

*****

A knock at the door startled me. I wasn't expecting anyone. I climbed out of bed to make my way towards the door. The knock was louder the second time, more demanding, more…impatient. Green eyes met mine as I opened the door. My breath caught in my throat. He was more beautiful than I remembered.

"Bella," he greeted simply, but his voice was husky, sultry. His voice washed over me like a tidal wave, causing my body to dissolve into a pile of goo. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before.

"Edward," I sighed, once I found my voice. "How did you find me? You didn't have much to work with." His arms went around me tightly, making me feel safe and comforted.

"I would stop at nothing until I found you," he answered while peppering my neck with slow kisses. My melting sensation was back with a vengeance. "Actually, it was pretty easy. You have quite the record on file at the hospital." How on earth did he know about that? How would he have access to something like that? "But I'd rather make it sound more difficult. I've searched this city endlessly, knocking on many doors with Isabella's residing inside, until I found yours. Am I impressing you any?" He smiled at me and all my questions were lost. I didn't care how he had found me, just that he had.

"Yes, of course," I replied back with a smile, while snaking my fingers through his unruly copper hair. It was so soft, heavenly even. The electric between us was intense, and our lips moved towards each other driven by a magnetic force. When they touched, I could swear I heard fireworks. Isn't this what movies and romance novels were made of? Reality was supposed to be harsh, brutal at times. Yet this…this was exquisite.

"I can't stop thinking about you," Edward said, running his hands all over my body. My mind screamed with pleasure at the sensations he created. I wanted fewer clothes between us. I wanted skin against skin. I wanted more friction, more electricity! I wasn't surprised when I saw the same wants in his eyes. Clothing was immediately shed, thrown every which way. Edward's hands rested on my bare breasts, squeezing firmly, I moaned in response.

"God, you are beautiful," he breathed against my skin, sending shivers up my spine. He took a taunt nipple between his pink lips. My head rolled back against the door in ecstasy. I felt his fingers trailing past my breasts, tickling my stomach, and stopping at my center, the wetness trickling down my legs. I'd never been so turned on before. His fingers teased my clit for a few moments and then stopped suddenly. I moaned at the loss of contact. Opening my eyes, I saw Edward licking his fingers. "You taste divine." Just watching him do that, nearly sent me toppling over my edge. I couldn't hold back any longer. My small hand reached out and encircled his enlarged cock. Edward's eyes widened, and I distinctly heard a growl emanate from him. Never anything sexier than that. Before I knew it, his arms were lifting me against the door, while I maneuvered his cock directly at my wetness.

"I want you so badly, Bella," he gasped into my neck.

"Then take me, Edward," I provided seductively, triggering another growl from him. He pressed his cock into me and there it was. The sheer force of the electricity was mind blowing. "Edward…harder!" I cried. He did as I said. I hit the door repeatedly with vigor, as his length drove into me deeper. Sweat was pouring off of us with each thrust. I buried my head against his sinewy neck, licking the sweat off his skin. I'd never tasted anything so delicious.

"Bella, love, I'm going to…" Edward began, but cut off, as he forced himself deeper inside me. He was going to make me cum harder than I'd ever before. The fire had built, coursing its way through my veins. I cried out his name over and over until there was a light in my eyes. Blissful light…blinding light….yellow light?

_What the hell?_

I woke up from my intense dream, covered in sweat, incredibly horny, and aching from my lack of release. The yellow light was filtering in from the hall, but it was now mostly covered by Jake standing at the doorway. How long had he been watching me? And worse, was I talking in my sleep again?

"Who's Edward?" Jake asked coldly.

***

**A/N: Review!!**


	6. Comatose

**A/N: Finally! An update! And it's a long one! Just over 5,000 words…woot!**

**Special thanks to sonyabrady1971 for reviewing this first for me. And thanks, as usual, to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. **

**Hope you enjoy…remember, reviews = love. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all this…**

*******

**APOV**

"Hi Sandy, could you page my father please?" I asked sweetly.

"Sure darlin'," she replied. I tapped my foot and drummed my fingers against the counter impatiently while I waited. The ER had a tendency to make me nervous, especially with it being a Chicago ER. Tragic car accidents, victims of gang violence, crying families, it was all too much to handle sometimes. Today was one of those days, even though it seemed to be a light day by most standards. I chalked it up to just being anxious to shop, but even my mind wasn't buying it. That all too familiar twinge had settled in my stomach.

"Alice!" my dad called. I turned to his direction with a winning smile, to mask my nervousness. "To what do I owe this occasion?"

"Mom sent me with your dinner." I held up the bag against my dad's scowl.

"I used to love your mother," he joked, "until she started to interfere with my diet, that is." I giggled. My mom had gone overboard with his diet. His cholesterol was a bit on the high side last time it was checked, and she had gone salad crazy ever since.

"I don't think she trusts you," I began. "I won't say a word if this hits the trash and you run off to get a hamburger."

"A man does have a right to eat meat, Alice," he said laughingly. "Promise me you won't do this to Jasper when he's my age."

"We'll see. I understand where mom is coming from. I wouldn't want to be a widow either." I quipped.

"And there's the guilt trip!" I feigned shock at his charge.

"I would never do such a thing," we both laughed. "There is some chicken in that salad, at least," I offered.

"Well that's a small improvement," dad mumbled. "So how are you feeling? Are you getting enough rest?"

"I'm strong as an ox," I answered with my brightest smile. Truth was, I was feeling run down, but it had more to do with nerves I had been fighting all day rather than my pregnancy. "It'll take more than some morning sickness to slow me down."

"I'm sure that is true, but I want you to rest more."

"I will," I replied, "just as soon as I'm done shopping."

"Well then you'll never rest," he said jokingly. "Now, I'll take my rabbit food and get back to work. I'm sure you're anxious to get out of this place." I nodded emphatically. "Just take it eas…" He was cut off from the loud echo of a gurney hitting the metal doors at the end of the long hall.

"Dr. Cullen!" one of the two paramedics yelled.

"Twenty-five year old, female, serious head trauma from single car crash," I heard the other one rattling off vitals of the poor woman.

"It's your daughter in law!" yelled the one that called for my father. My stomach felt as if it had filled with molten lead, weighing me down to the floor.

"Rose," I uttered, then suddenly my feet sprang to life. I chased after my father, tears already stinging my eyes and my heart pounding in my chest. Please God, not Rose. My plea was answered as soon as I reached the gurney. Relief washed over me, and in its place, tremendous guilt. Tanya's broken body lie unmoving, just inches from me. The stinging tears were now free flowing ones. I'd never felt as awful as I did in that moment. Was I glad it was her? Did I want her to die? Would that make my brother's life easier? Is _this_ the answer to my prayer for him?

The noises around me deadened, allowing me to only hear my own heartbeat, loud in my ears. My fingers reached out involuntarily to her. She did not react to my touch, but her body was still warm. I had to forcibly swallow bile back down my throat as I took in her bruised and bloody body. Vaguely, I heard one of the paramedics calling off more vitals. She had been unconscious ever since they had arrived, possible collapsed lung, broken left leg and arm. The extent of the head trauma was unknown. My fingers were stripped from her body as the gurney was pushed down the hall to a room unavailable to me.

A muffled resonance that hazily sounded like my name called out to me, but I was still rooted in my thoughts. I was barely registering Tanya's body being pushed away, because I still saw it clearly. I would see that image in my nightmares. _I asked for this_.

"Alice!" louder this time, and enough to clear the fog I was in. My eyes slowly shifted to my father, attempting to focus. "Call Edward, now," he commanded me. I watched him run back down the hallway to go where he could do the most good.

"Right….Edward," I replied softly, more to myself than anything. It took me a few more moments to gather my strength and snap out of my guilt induced trance, and then more moments before I found my phone at the bottom of my bag. I willed Edward to answer after it rang several times. The last thing I wanted to leave was a voicemail.

"Hello," his voice calmly reached me. I could only hope my voice would come off as smooth.

"Edward! Get to the hospital quick!" No, not smooth at all, I chided myself. Everything about my tone was anguished.

"Alice, what is it? Are you ok? What happened?" Of course he would ask this, and I really didn't want to go into the details over the phone. I wanted him here, so I could be comforting and sympathetic. And maybe, just maybe, it would relinquish some of the compunction.

"It's Tanya. There was an accident." I decided vague was the best option to start, but knowing his incessant questions would be flying at me soon. Edward didn't do vague. "It's pretty bad, Edward."

"I'll be there right away," he answered and hung up the phone. No questions about her condition? I exhaled a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I was grateful for not having to relive the last few minutes of my life for Edward's interrogation, but something wasn't right with his responses. He seemed distracted, it was subtle, but yes, distracted. Was that possible when you've been given information about your spouse being in a car accident? If it were Jasper…I collapsed to the floor, my legs crumbling beneath me. The weight of my body was too much to hold with that thought. I clumsily sent him a text message asking him to come to the hospital, hoping he wouldn't ask too many questions until he arrived either. His presence would make everything more bearable.

I hugged my legs up to my chest and rocked myself on the floor, waiting impatiently for news and company. My head would turn towards where my father rushed off to each time a noise came from that direction. In the moments of silence, I attempted to eradicate the bloody image of Tanya out of my head, each time to no avail. When I couldn't take it anymore, I prayed that she would be okay….that Edward would be okay. I had no idea if God would listen to me this time. After all, I had effectively gotten what I wanted, now like a petulant child, I wanted something different.

At some point during my wait, I began counting the gray tiles on the floor. When my eyes could no longer see where one ended and another began, I moved to the ceiling. It was then, I felt a comforting arm around my shoulder. Jasper's arms encircled me, raising me from the cold gray floor to his warm embrace. His scent surrounded me, calming my mind and breathing instantly.

"What happened, my petite?" his smooth voice whispered.

"Tanya was in an accident," I began, but then got choked up. I wanted to release everything I had been thinking, but thought better of myself. Now was not the time to have a crying jag. The look on Jasper's face told me he knew what I was feeling anyways. He held me tighter and his lips brushed my forehead softly. God, I loved this man, he was always just what I needed.

"Well, we just need to stay strong for Edward. He'll need a lot from us now," Jasper reflected after a few moments of silence.

"Edward?" I shot off Jasper's lap. "Where the hell is he?" I demanded. I went through my phone to see how long it had been since I had called him with the news. Forty five minutes. Why wasn't he here? My fingers dialed his number without a second thought.

"Yes Alice, I'm almost there," he answered, annoyance dripping from his tone.

"What on earth is taking you so long, Edward? I called you nearly an hour ago! Your wife is in the hospital!" I was enraged. I knew he and Tanya weren't getting along, but this was a bit ridiculous. When he spoke again, his voice had softened.

"I can't explain, Ally, at least not right now." _Ally. _Whatever anger I had mustered, it was quickly defused by that name. Edward had called me that since we were little. It had come about when he was just learning to talk; he couldn't say Alice, so my parents made it easier for him. I loved it, and wished he never stopped using it.

"Just get here as fast as you can. We'll talk then," I suggested, much calmer now. There was something going on with him and I'd get to the bottom of it quicker as soon as he walked through those metal doors.

"Where was he?" Jasper asked me, and I shrugged. I hadn't thought to ask, only hoped he would be here soon. A loud clang came from those metal doors, drew mine and Jasper's heads in that direction. I was greeted with the most dreadful feeling. Tanya's mother, Catherine Denali, came striding forth, worry etched on her features, with my own mother trailing behind.

"Where is my daughter? What's going on?" she demanded, forcefully. I had to grit my teeth and put myself in her situation. If something had happened to my child, I would be the same way, but she was such an intolerable woman.

"She's in surgery, I assume. Dad hasn't come back out since she arrived." The haughty expression on her face told me my answer wasn't good enough and she stormed the admittance desk. If there was one person I didn't get along with more than Tanya herself, it was her mother.

"Where's Edward?" my mother asked me quietly, attempting to not let Catherine know he wasn't there yet.

"He's on his way. I just got off the phone with him," I neglected to tell her it was my second call to him. I didn't want my mother to worry about him more than she needed to. This tragedy was enough for her to handle.

"He's not here?!" Catherine overheard. _Crap._ This wouldn't be good at all. "What do you mean he isn't here? My daughter…his wife…was just in a horrible accident and he's not here?!" Again, I bit my tongue.

"Maybe the traffic is bad where he's at," my mother sweetly offered. She's such a kind a soul. Catherine looked ready to go full on outburst, but luckily, we were saved by that horrible metal sound hitting the wall. My father was back.

"How is she?" Catherine pleaded. My father took a deep breath, and I held mine.

"She's alive, is the best news I have," he answered honestly. "She has several broken bones, a collapsed lung, and internal bleeding they're working on right now. We've also alleviated the swelling of the brain, but there's no way of knowing if she'll come out of unconsciousness until after they finish the surgery."

"Oh my God, my poor baby," Catherine uttered, while tears streamed from her eyes. I had a hard time disliking the woman in that moment. I hugged Jasper closer to me absorbing the news.

"Where's Edward?" Carlisle asked. _Double crap._ It was bad enough to deal with Catherine's rage with the absence of my brother. Her fury would pale in comparison to my father's.

"He's on his way," I answered, hoping Edward would march through the doors now so I wouldn't continue getting dad's icy glare. No such luck. He was going to owe me big time.

"It's been an hour Alice," my father continued. Esme tried to rectify the situation by simply taking my father's hand. His mood shifted infinitesimally. _Not enough._ "Call him again, and let me talk to him." I gulped. This was not going to be good at all. It would at the very least, cause quite the scene.

"Dr. Cullen!" a fellow doctor called. "We need you back in there." My savior! I'd have to send that man some flowers or chocolates, or something really nice.

"Call him again," my father commanded as he went back down the hall. With my father's glare absent, Catherine decided to give it to me instead. _Wonderful._

"Come on, Catherine," my mother chimed in. "Let's sit down for awhile. Edward should be here soon." Esme took her hand guiding her to the uncomfortable chairs, leaving me alone with Jasper once again. I exhaled a sigh of relief and made myself as comfortable as possible on the floor beside him. We could have moved to the chairs as well, but I was exhausted, and exchanging cold stares at Catherine was not going to help matters. Also, I wanted to be the first one to see Edward. I needed to see him before anyone else, otherwise, he'd put his mask up. It was vital to see him before Catherine did, that I was sure.

Fifteen minutes later, my eyes darted to the slow movement of the metal doors opening. It was quieter than the usual chaos I had associated with those doors. Edward's head poked through to sneak a peek at the hall. Our eyes met briefly, and then he went back outside.

"I'll be right back," I whispered to Jasper, who nodded knowingly.

**EPOV**

My eyes beckoned Alice to join me outside. I needed a few minutes with her before I met my doom. My father was going to tear into me for being so late, and I had no reasonable excuse for it. Not one I could tell him anyways. Alice was the only one who wouldn't judge me; at least I hoped she wouldn't.

"Where have you been?" I heard Alice scold from behind me. "Do you have any idea the crap I've been putting up with for the past hour?" Maybe my original assumption was wrong. She was really upset with me.

"I'm not sure I can explain it now. It's not the right time." And it wasn't, just my selfish nature getting in the way. I wanted to talk about her. I wanted Alice to know, and to be happy for me. Why I thought that could happen today, I'm not so sure.

"This'll probably be the only time we have alone for awhile, so best to tell me now." I expelled a sigh. She was right. I wouldn't have time with her without someone else getting in the way for a long while. I turned to face her for the first time, causing her to gasp. Was there really that much of a visible change? I knew I felt lighter, happier.

"Edward…please, do not tell me this…happiness…I'm seeing is because Tanya is in the hospital. Because I don't know how I would feel about that. I know I don't like her, but I've been struggling with my feelings the moment she was brought in."

"No, I promise it has nothing to do with that. This is extremely unfortunate timing, and I'm trying really hard to be upset about it, but it's impossible after the day I've had."

"Edward…you're not making sense."

"I met a girl," he blurted. Well so much for holding it back until another day.

"You…what?" Alice stuttered.

"I met someone," I explained. "I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was the most amazing experience I've ever had." Alice was still struggling with my answer, confusion lining every feature of her face.

"Is that why you seemed distracted on the phone when I called?" That Alice, she never misses a thing. I thought I had come off cool and collected. I never fooled her for one second.

"Probably," I answered. "I was with her then."

"When did this happen? Have you been seeing her for awhile?"

"No, I just met her today."

"And she's the reason you weren't here?" Alice's tone changed from one of confusion to anger.

"Not exactly," I hedged. I didn't want Alice to hold any anger toward Bella. Bella didn't deserve any unnecessary blame. "I left her quite awhile ago. I didn't want to leave her, but I forced myself. I needed some time to think, so I went home and got my stuff for my shift tonight, and then came back here. I'm sorry to put you through so much, forgive me, please Ally," I begged. Alice was the one person I knew I could count on to be on my side. I couldn't lose her because of my unwillingness to be here. Before she could answer, we were interrupted by Jasper opening the door.

"I think the jig is up, Alice," he told us quietly.

"Catherine is here," Alice told me. "She's been raising a holy fit because you weren't here, and I'm pretty sure dad is about to do the same." I internally groaned. That was just what I needed to bring me back to reality. Alice took my hand into hers. "I forgive you," she whispered. "And we'll try to talk more about this later." I couldn't hold back lifting her into my arms and hugging her. One person in my family, that's all I needed, for now.

The three of us walked down the long hall to the waiting room where we found Catherine pacing and my mother sitting calmly, watching. Esme's eyes met mine and she vacated her chair to bring me in her arms.

"What took you so long?" Catherine demanded. I had forgotten to ask Alice's help with coming up with an excuse in my haste to tell her about Bella, and therefore, had nothing to say to that question.

"Traffic was horrible," Alice answered for me, noting my blank expression.

"I'm going to go change for my shift and go back to see how the surgery is going," I suggested. It was the only thing I could think of to say that would get me away from my mother in law's penetrating stare. I always felt like the woman could see right through me.

"You're going to work?" Catherine inquired, with a snide tone. I nodded.

"It's best to keep occupied," my mother interrupted. "Come back once you know something." I grabbed my bag and escaped to the locker room. Once changed, I headed for the OR observation room. I prayed my father was actually helping with the surgery, but once I arrived, I found all my luck had been used up on Bella. He was standing there watching, with his keen eye, every move the surgeons made.

"Where have you been?" he demanded without turning my way, coldness radiating in his voice.

"Traffic," I provided, knowing it wouldn't be good enough for him.

"Edward," he began, while pinching the bridge of his nose, a habit I had picked up from him when I was frustrated. "That is your wife down there. She could die. Traffic doesn't keep a man from his wife when she's in danger, ever. So why don't you try to tell me the truth this time."

He was right; traffic wouldn't keep me from Bella if something happened to her. I would have moved heaven and earth to get to her. How did one woman change my outlook of everything so quickly? I didn't know how to answer my father's request. I couldn't tell him I'd found the woman I should be married to. I couldn't tell him I didn't love Tanya. There was nothing truthful I could tell him, so I just chose to not answer.

"How is she?" I asked instead. My father's stare was piercing, forcing me to look away from him. He knew I was ashamed, that should be enough. Eventually, I heard a sigh come from him.

"They've found the source of the internal bleeding. They should finish up in the next hour or so, barring no complications. She has a broken fibula, radius, and ulna on the left side. Her left lung collapsed, but that has been corrected in the surgery. The swelling in her brain is what has me worried."

"Was she ever conscious?" I asked. My father shook his head.

"The chance she'll be in a coma is great. We won't know the extent until after the surgery." I nodded my head absently. The thought of Tanya being in a coma was overtaking me. I shouldn't have thoughts of ending my marriage with her, but Bella's brown eyes had burned an image in my mind. Happiness was just beyond the horizon, but it was fleeting, because I was stuck here to misery. Had my prayers gone unanswered, or was this the result of them? Distress had lined my features thanks to my uncertainty, causing my father's hand to go to my shoulder. "You don't need to be in here," he said sympathetically. "Go back in the waiting room. I'll let you know when she's out of surgery." He was taking my actions all wrong, but I welcomed the change.

"No, I'm going to start my shift early. You can find me in the ER later," I answered.

"Do you think that is wise?" I nodded.

"It'll help more than anything." I answered honestly. I needed an escape, and the waiting room wouldn't offer me that.

"Very well," my father conceded. "At least give the family an update beforehand."

I made my way back to the waiting room, where not much had changed except Emmett now joined the ranks.

"Is she awake? Can I go see her?" Catherine inquired. Her voice was strained. I took a deep breath before relaying most of the information I had.

"No, she's still in surgery. They have found the source of the bleeding, and she should be out of surgery in the next hour or so. You'll be able to see her then." I purposefully left out the coma possibility for now. It may or may not happen after all. "Alice, can I talk to you for a minute?" She nodded. "Walk with me to the ER," I suggested.

"Are you sure you should go to work?" she asked sincerely.

"I need to," I replied. Once we were far enough away from prying ears, I sprung the question on her that had no doubt been on her mind as well. I hadn't missed her comment earlier of her struggling with her feelings. "Did we ask for this?" Her eyes darted to mine instantly, and I knew, she had been wondering the same thing.

"I don't know," she replied softly, guilt seeping through her voice. "I didn't ask for this specifically." The phrase God works in strange ways came to my mind. Two hours ago, I was sure he brought me Bella. Now, I didn't know what to think. She was out of my reach now. I couldn't leave Tanya while she lay in a hospital bed. Why would that chance encounter happen if I wouldn't be allowed to act on it? It felt spiteful. Here's the woman of your dreams, Edward, but you can't have her.

"Maybe it's a test," I said more to myself than anything.

"We don't know what this is," Alice supplied. "It's best to just wait and see."

"What do I do about Bella?" I asked.

"Bella?" she asked, puzzled. I realized then, I hadn't told Alice her name.

"The girl I met," I informed. "What do I do about Bella?"

"I know you're going to hate this answer," Alice began. "But I don't think she's important right now."

"You're wrong about that," I said icily. Alice was taken aback by my tone.

"Wow," she breathed. "She really did a number on you." It was more than that, it was love. Stupidly I fell in love with a girl I just met and knew nothing about. "Edward?"

"Yes Alice," I answered.

"How strong are your feelings for this Bella?" she asking leadingly. That glint that appeared in her eyes when she was excited was obvious. It was the same glint she had when there was a sale on designer shoes.

"Dr Cullen, thank goodness you're early," a nurse said at the desk of the ER. "We've been slammed for the past hour." I nodded her direction and took a chart from her hands.

"I have to work now," I told Alice, evading her question.

"Answer me first," she huffed, while following me towards an exam room.

"They're strong," I supplied. "Really strong."

"Like you can't breathe without her?"

"More like I don't want to breathe unless I'm with her," I admitted foolishly. Alice began grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"My God, you're in love," she said under her breath. "No wonder you've been having a hard time keeping a smile off your face." I gave her an exasperated look. "Right, we won't talk about this now. It's not the time, later though. I'll find you here if we hear any more news." I nodded and she went back to the waiting room.

I went through the motions of work, to keep my mind off the hundreds of questions swirling around my brain. If I thought about Bella, this stupid grin would appear on my face and people would question my good mood while my wife lay in surgery. If I thought about Tanya, the guilt became insurmountable. So I tried for a deadened state, one where I performed my job helping people to the best of my ability and checked my personal problems at the door.

After about an hour, I was officially in the doctor groove. The ER was busy, but surprisingly nothing too serious. Mainly sick children or sprained ankles and broken bones from falls on the ice took up my time. My father called to tell me Tanya's surgery was successful and they'd be moving her to the ICU soon. She had not awakened. He was certain she'd be comatose for awhile, as was I. Her brain needed time to heal, and time it would take. We had no way of knowing how long.

I made my way to her room about an hour after the call. I found Catherine sitting by her beside, holding her hand. My limbs felt heavy as I stood in the doorway watching her.

"It's about time you came by," Catherine sneered.

"I only have a few minutes, do you mind?" I knew it was the wrong thing to say to the mother of your wife. A few minutes of my time? It was shameful in the least.

"Wouldn't want to put you out any," she replied coldly, and I deserved every bit of it. Catherine left the room, leaving me alone with Tanya. She was bruised and swollen, barely resembling the woman I had known for the past two years.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing I could think to say. I hated this. I hated that I was feeling trapped by this. How despicable was I? I couldn't live with myself thinking this way. A decision needed to be made, and I couldn't wait to make it. I wouldn't seek out Bella. I would give her up because it was the right thing to do. My place was here. As much as I hated it, I couldn't see any other possibility. The guilt I would feel would be unbearable, especially now. If Tanya were healthy, maybe things could have been different. This was my test. I placed a kiss on her forehead then went back to the safety of my ER, avoiding the cold stare from Catherine as I left.

Back at my rounds, I felt torn. Yes, I made the decision to not seek her out, but she was far from leaving my thoughts. I saw chocolate eyes and soft brown hair in every patient I attended. Could I really ignore my feelings for this woman? Probably not, was my simple answer. But it was only ten minutes. Ten minutes versus two years with Tanya. How did the smaller outweigh the other by so much?

As I walked near a curtained off section, I felt that familiar crackle of electricity. Yes, the electricity. How could I forget about that sensation? It set every cell in my body on fire. _Magic soaking my spine._ I told myself I would be as reluctant as possible to give that up, and here I was, throwing it away. I took a few steps closer to the curtain, causing the electricity to surge. My mind raced. What was causing this?

"Has anyone been in to see this patient?" I asked a nurse, pointing to the curtain. She shook her head no. I had to find out what was causing the current. It felt comfortable, soothing…like home. I grabbed the chart and pulled the curtain back, immediately met with chocolate eyes. My feet steeled themselves to the floor while my heart pounded. It was her. _My Bella_.

The electricity was so thick you could cut it with a knife and then be shocked in the process. I wanted to go to her, but my feet wouldn't move. They seemed to remember the decision I had made only moments ago. However, my heart was crying out for her. It wouldn't be denied. You can't ignore love, no matter how irrational it was.

"Finally, a doctor," a man, which I didn't even notice, said from the chair. "We've been waiting forever. She thinks she's broke her wrist, doc."

It was then I realized I had just come face to face with Bella's fiancé.

***

**A/N – Review…please!!**

**As a side note, which I forgot to include earlier, the line "magic soaking my spine" comes from The Killers. Love them!!**


	7. The Sweetness of Destiny

**A/N: Woo! Two updates in one week! I'm hope you're all proud! **

**To all my reviewers, my many thanks. To all the lurkers…review already! I still love you all though. **

**Special thanks to sonyabrady1971 once again, for reviewing the first half of this chapter for me. I'm too impatient to get the second part reviewed, so hopefully, it doesn't suck and you will all enjoy.**

**Remember to review!**

**S. Meyer owns all of this…**

**BPOV**

"Who's Edward?" Jacob's menacing tone and sneering of Edward's name put me on offense. My brain wasn't firing all pistons just yet; therefore sagacity took a backseat to the anger that flowed easily. The temptation to attack Jacob for deriding such a beautiful name was immense. Instead, I took a moment to let thoughts process while Jacob leaned his large frame against the door, waiting impatiently for my answer. My body was still on edge, and was braced for an assault. _Deep breath, Bella._ My eyes darted to my nightstand where _Sense and Sensibility _sat. I picked the book up and threw it as hard as I could at Jacob. The book hit him square in the chest, causing me to marvel at my aim.

"Ow! What the hell, Bella!" I only regretted it not being a hardcover.

"Chapter three, jackass," I scolded, confidently. It was my way out of this for now, if he bought it. I wouldn't, if I were him. It'd be more likely I'd scream Mr. Darcy's name than Edward Ferrars'. Jacob picked the book off the floor and skimmed to what I assumed was chapter three, where Edward is introduced.

"You expect me to believe you were dreaming about a character in a book?" he inquired snidely.

"No, I expect you to believe that I know no other fucking Edwards." I countered, but knew it was useless. He read me like the book he was holding.

"You were acting weird today," he began. I'm such a shitty actress. Jake could see always see right through me. Why did I expect today to be any different? Completely cornered, I felt a knot in my stomach form and my anger rise. My chin jutted out, defiant. I knew it was unfair, but I was going to have to defend my actions and Edward. I'd do anything for him, even if it meant breaking up with my best friend.

"So," my clever, and callous, response.

"Who's Edward? And don't give me this shit about him being a character in a book."

"He's someone I met today." I could feel my body shake. My mind was screaming at me because I was doing this all wrong. Jake deserved better than this. I dragged him away from his comfort zone of Forks to this big city. Now I was dropping him on his ass as soon as I found a replacement. But Edward wasn't just a replacement. He was it. He was everything. Just thinking back to the dream that put me in this awkward position caused my heart to pound, my palms to sweat, and a tingling sensation to run up my spine. I could almost taste the sweetness of the sweat that ran down his neck. I had to refrain from licking my lips.

"Today? You met him today?" Jake questioned, appalled, yanking me from my little daydream. "And now what? You want to throw what we have away for some guy you met today?" _Yes._ That was my truthful answer. Jake needed something candy coated though.

"I don't know," my creamy centered solution, but my eye contact faltered when I said it.

"You're fucking lying to me, Bella! You know what you want, you're just afraid to tell me!" My eyes shot up to his, causing my heart to tear in two when I saw the tears brimming the edges. I was so shitty. Why did he love me? Why couldn't I love him the way I should? What was I doing?

"Yes," I replied, softer this time. If I was going to go through with this, I needed to do it where I'd feel no regret. Otherwise, I'd have no closure. Jake and I had been through a lot, and I was cruel to throw it away, but Jake and Bella didn't exist in my heart anymore.

"Yes, what?" he sounded defeated. I was doing this to him. Breaking him, the one person who was always there for me.

"I'm such a bitch," I muttered, eyes downcast.

"Yes, today you are," he agreed. "Explain to me why. Because I'm not going to give up on us because of some random asshole."

"Don't say that about him," I snapped.

"Jesus, Bella! You don't even know the guy and you're defending him to me?!" Jake yelled while striding closer to the bed. His large hands went to my face, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me why you're willing to throw us away," he demanded.

"I love him." I answered honestly to Jake's utter bewilderment. My eyes didn't stray from his. It was the most truthful statement I had made all night. My heart fluttered wildly at the admission. Butterflies were soaring in my stomach.

"You can't," Jake stuttered. "You love me." I was breaking his heart, tearing it into pieces and stomping on it. _I hate myself._

"I'm sorry. I can't explain what's happening. It's all so very confusing." Confusing wasn't a strong enough word for it. Whatever was happening, it was life altering. Jake would never understand no matter how I tried to explain it. The only thing that would make sense was that I was leaving him for someone better. I chanced a look at his face and saw the sadness had disappeared, leaving resentment in its wake.

"Did you ever love me?" he questioned grimly. Did I? If I did, it wasn't a good comparison for what I felt for Edward. Ugh! This didn't make any sense at all! There was just something magical about it. How could I explain magic without sounding like I needed a fucking mental institution?

"Yes, I love you…just not the same way," I admitted courageously, causing more anger to emanate from Jake. I was shocked when I glanced at his face once more and saw a smile form, then blatant laughter. _What the hell?_ Had I drove him mad? Maybe we both needed to be institutionalized.

"You know what?" he began, maniacal laughter spilling from his mouth. "Fuck you, Bella. Don't try coming back to me when this guy leaves your ass. I'm done. I'm going back home." Jake exited the room quickly, leaving me motionless to analyze his words. I knew nothing about Edward at all. Who's to say Jake wouldn't be right? _No, this is different._ I knew it was different. Edward felt it too, but would he leave his wife for me? What if he didn't? Would I rather be alone if I couldn't have Edward? Or would I rather be with Jake? Jake was easy, we got along, he was my best friend. Shouldn't I keep a backup plan? Ha! There's my rationalization catching up to me, a little too late, as usual.

"Jake!" I yelled, scrambling from the bed to catch up with him before he ran out. I had to at least salvage my friendship. In my haste, I didn't regard the sheets wrapped around my legs as obstacles. My klutziness won over and I toppled into the floor, trying to brace my fall with my left hand. _Big mistake._ The snapping noise immediately made me nauseous. Luckily I made enough racket from my fall that Jake came back.

"Jesus Bella, are you all right?" Jake asked sincerely, while I thanked God he still cared enough to check on me.

"Um, no," I answered with tears stinging my eyes. I braced my left arm with my right holding it up for him to look. It was already turning blue.

"It looks broken," he stated.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I retorted. "Could you call me a cab so I can go to the hospital?" Oh, the hospital! Where I might be able to find Edward! What were the chances that'd I pick the right one to go to?

"I'll take you," Jake said quietly. "You've got quite the bruise forming on your cheek too. I wouldn't want anyone to think this was an act of domestic violence," he said with a normal Jake-like grin. He always got a kick out of my clumsiness, and for now, I was happy to make him smile. Maybe I would be able to save the friendship, eventually.

"I wouldn't worry about that, Jake," my fingers lightly poking at the bruise on my cheek, wondering if the floor caused it. I bruised like a peach. "If anything, they could just contact home to get my medical records to see the slew of accidents I've had dating back to childhood."

"I'm still taking you," he muttered, and I conceded. It was better to have someone to talk to while I waited in the ER anyways.

We drove in silence, while I contemplated more about what Jake had said earlier. I knew I was taking a huge risk with Edward. There was no guarantee I would even see him again. Couple that with the fact he was married, and I was stacking the odds against me. Did I even compare to his wife? What if the more he thought about it, the more ridiculous it became? What if I wasn't dominating his thoughts like he was mine? Was it a risk worth taking? An audible sigh escaped me causing Jake to turn his head towards me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. I shook my head in return. I wasn't ready to voice my fears, not to him, not to anyone. Also, I was sure that Edward was the last person Jake would want to hear about, so I stayed silent, even if it meant it was a tense silence. "Fine, don't answer me," Jake muttered.

"I did answer you, I shook my head. I wasn't thinking anything."

"And you're lying to me again," Jake accused, and correctly if I might add. "When did this become a habit of yours? If you ask me, this guy you've met is a bad influence. It's like you're not even the same girl anymore." Oh, how right he was. I wasn't the same girl as yesterday. Hell, I wasn't even the same girl as six hours ago. If it weren't for my clumsiness, I wouldn't recognize me either.

"I'm not," I confessed under my breath, unsure if he heard or not.

Twenty minutes later, Jake pulled up to the ER entrance to let me out while he went in search of parking. My eyes scanned the ER to get an idea of the wait time. Meanwhile, my arm was throbbing. There was no mistake I had broken it. After signing my name at the admittance desk, I briefly pondered how quickly I could scope out the rest of the hospital before Jake joined me. My ineptness of walking quickly without falling sent me to a seat in the corner instead, one where I could see all exits and the entire waiting room, just in case he walked by.

Temptation was getting the best of me after fifteen minutes of waiting and no sign of Jake. Briefly, I considered reading a magazine, but that would take my eyes away from the doors. I chewed my nails, played with my hair with my good hand, and made rude internal observations about everyone in the room. I did everything in an attempt to occupy my thoughts from Edward, but it was proving to be futile. My obsession should cause me concern, but it only fueled my need for him more.

"Isabella Swan," the admittance clerk called. I ambled my way to the desk, pausing momentarily by the door to the ER to peak through the window, seeing nothing but a long stretch of gray tiled floor. "Just fill these forms out and we'll get you back there in a few minutes to have a look at that arm," the lady said handing me a clipboard. I nodded and walked back towards my corner post. I was compelled to take another gamble at the window. It seemed like an emergency when Edward was on the phone, if he were here, surely it'd be at the ER. Unless of course, whoever it was had been moved already. I took my time, watching through the window, still nothing but the gray floor. Were there even doctors back there? Discouraged, I turned my head, but caught a glimmer of bronze in my peripheral. My head spun so fast back to the window it gave me a slight headache. It was gone. Dammit. I probably imagined it, but I didn't want to move just in case I hadn't.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked from behind me. _I'm stalking someone, obviously._

"Nothing, just bored," I answered shyly, and he seemed to accept my answer. After all, what other possibility could there be? No need to air out my obsession and now stalker like qualities. I followed Jake to a seat, no longer in my corner, _dammit_. I couldn't watch anything from where we now sat. Jake, bless him, sat quietly, filling out my forms for me. I continuously snuck peaks back at the door each time it was opened, hoping to catch a glimpse of the bronze again, to prove I wasn't imagining things.

"Isabella Swan," a lady called, opening the door to my heart's desire. I rushed to follow her inside with Jake scrambling behind me to keep up. My eyes darted everywhere looking for bronze, only met with gray. Damn this floor. The nurse stopped in front of a curtain, gesturing us inside. "The doctor will be in shortly, please have a seat."

I scoffed at how cramped the area was and the poor excuse for a bed. As if being in here with Jake's silence wasn't bad enough, they had to add the discomfort of the bed. Jake took his place in the chair to my left, finishing up the forms, still silent. The hush caused my anxiousness to steadily grow within me. I was figuratively dying to pull back the curtain to watch everyone pass by, but didn't want the questions from Jake because of it. I yearned for bronze and green, not this wretchedly gray room.

"Why don't you try to get some rest?" Jake suggested. "You look all wound up." Again, he reads me like a book. He knows me so well, and I'm so willing to toss him out like last week's garbage. I'm such a horrid person. I sighed and took his advice, shutting my eyes and focusing on the noises outside the curtain. Mostly I heard footsteps and murmured voices, nothing significant, but it brought me a much needed respite.

"Has anyone been in to see this patient?" I had been almost asleep when I heard the voice drifting through the curtain. The voice was soothing, medicinal, heavenly, and struck a chord of familiarity deep within me. I felt the voice reverberating through my body, washing over me, leaving me tranquil. I was focused on the voice. I wanted to hear it again, for it was beautiful. The curtain was pushed to the side, revealing the man the voice belonged to, and my heart skipped a beat. _Edward. _He looked magnificent in his white lab coat and green scrubs that matched his eyes. The beauty of his eyes captured me. They looked tired, but there was an unmistakable brightness to them that I wondered existed before the curtain moved.

The electricity was palpable. How could no one else feel this? Edward hadn't moved an inch, still recovering from the initial shock, but his eyes never left mine. The connection was solid, impenetrable. I tried to will him to move closer to me. I needed to feel him, not just the electricity, but him. My dream, at the forefront of my thoughts, demanded it.

"Finally, a doctor," Jake said, breaking our trance. I watched as Edward's eyes moved slowly to notice Jake. "We've been waiting forever. She's thinks she's broken her wrist, doc." It was then that Edward's gorgeous green eyes flashed recognition, and then unambiguous rage. His head snapped back in my direction analyzing my wounds. I saw him look at the wrist first, then up to the bruise on my cheek and I knew what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry, I'm Dr. Cullen," he introduced, then turned back to Jake. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I wanted to say something to defend Jake, but no words would escape. The desire to be alone with Edward was exhilarating. Jake could take one for the team.

"What? Why?" Jake demanded.

"Jake," I interrupted. "Just go back to the waiting room. I'll explain everything."

"I didn't do anything," Jake muttered, but exited the small room, surprisingly, without anymore argument. Was it possible he knew this was the guy? Jake knew me like the back of his hand; would he have been able to interpret the connection between us? My train of thought was interrupted by the headiness of Edward's proximity.

"Bella," he said softly, my body recalled the goo feeling from my dream. I was melting. I couldn't speak just yet, but my eyes went to his to see all of his fury. Was he angry with me? What had I done? "Did he do this to you?" he demanded and his eyes flashed his malice. He was protecting me. My heart soared and my smile was as wide as possible for someone with a broken wrist.

**EPOV**

Bella's face lit up like a Christmas tree conquering all the anger I had mustered up. Just moments ago, I was plotting yet another murder. I really needed to get a grasp on these wayward thoughts. They were becoming alarmingly frequent.

"I'm a klutz, remember?" she replied, her voice sounding like the angel I had accustomed her to. "I fell off the bed," she added with another smile, and I laughed wholeheartedly. I hated to see her hurt, but her clumsiness was endearing. Even bruised, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

"Promise me you'll try to be more careful," I requested, while my fingers, unconsciously, made their way to her swollen cheek to release some of the energy around us. The slightest touch made my knees weak. I was insane to believe I could go on ignoring this. Her head tilted closer to my contact, both of us reveling in the electric.

"No, I won't," she refused to my dismay. "Every time I've fallen today, it's brought me to you." My angel made a good point, but I'd much rather meet her on better circumstances. I wouldn't always be around to catch her fall. Reluctantly, I pulled my hand away from her face, needing to attend to her wounds. I hated to do so; we were both enjoying it so much, and who knew when we'd be alone again.

"I need to look at your wrist," I explained when her eyes showed sadness. She nodded. I felt around the break as gently as possible.

"Fuuuck," she cried and a blush crept to her cheeks, "sorry, that really hurts." I grimaced at causing her misery.

"No need to apologize," I replied with a smile, hoping to ease her some. "Let's get you down to x-ray. Stay here for a moment, I'll be right back." I went outside to collect a wheelchair. I'd gladly carry her down to x-ray, but that would stupidly get me in a lot of trouble with my father.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking, Edward," Bella scolded when I rolled the chair in. I relished the sound of my name from her tongue. _Beautiful._

"Hmm, you have a funny way of proving that," I teased. "Besides, it's hospital policy. Now sit, love." I commanded, realizing the endearment left my mouth without a second thought. Was it possible she didn't catch it? Her quizzical look told me otherwise, but instead of saying whatever was going through that pretty head of hers, she just sat down.

I wheeled her down to x-ray in silence. I was afraid of my happiness in her company leaking out to my co-workers. It would just bring up questions I couldn't answer truthfully. The odd behavior of wheeling her down to x-ray was already turning some heads. _Crap._ I knew I should have had a nurse do this.

"Dr. Cullen," one of the nurses called from behind me. "Your sister is on the phone." I internally groaned. Alice was becoming an annoyance when it came to getting time with Bella. She was two for two with interruptions.

"Ok," I conceded. "Please take Miss Swan to x-ray and let me know when she's back." Bella's head tilted up to mine in panic. I could tell she wanted to reach out to me, keep me with her. I tried to convey an apology silently. I could only hope she understood. I watched the nurse wheel her away then went to see what Alice needed.

"Yes, Alice, what is it?" irritation seeping through my voice.

"Jeez, Edward, did I interrupt something?"

"Yes," I confessed. "You've successfully pulled me away from Bella a second time today."

"What? She's here? Why is she here?"

"She's quite accident prone," I replied with an easy laughter. Everything about Bella made things easy and carefree. It was refreshing.

"I want to meet her," Alice demanded to my surprise.

"No, absolutely not," I ordered. "I already have to deal with her fiancé; I can't have you enter the picture too and make things more troublesome."

"Edward," she whined. "I want to meet her."

"Another day," I compromised, and admitting to myself that I would see her again, disregarding my previous decisions. "Now what did you need?"

"I was just calling to check on you, and to give you an update on Tanya because dad asked me to." Tanya. I hadn't thought about her since my eyes landed on Bella.

"I was fine," I replied, now that pesky guilt was surmounting again. "What's the update?"

"She's scoring an eight on the Glasgow scale. I imagine that means something to you."

"It means she's in a severe coma," I elaborated, while more guilt coursed through me.

"Have you been to see her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "Alice?"

"Yes, Edward."

"What do I do?" I glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot. "She makes me so happy. I was going to forget about her, but then fate shoved her right back in my face. How do I ignore the sweetness of this destiny?"

"I can't answer that," she stated. "But I'll still love you no matter what you decide," she added cheerily, bringing a smile to my lips. At least I had Alice.

"Fair enough," I replied. "I need to get back to work."

"Okay, Jasper and I are going home for the night. They're all demanding I get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow."

"You do need to rest. I'd better not see you back before noon."

"Sure, sure," she replied then hung up the phone. I would expect her by six in the morning tomorrow.

I busied myself attending other patients while eagerly waiting for Bella's return. After a half hour, I nearly went charging down the hall to x-ray demanding to know the hold up. Before I went and made a fool of myself, a nurse handed me Bella's x-rays. Holding them to the light, I could see the break of the radius plainly. It was a clean break, and would need minimal adjusting before I put a cast on her. I found it odd that both women in my life had broken wrists.

"Do you want me to take care of the cast?" the nurse asked.

"No, I'll take care of it," I answered and rushed back to Bella.

"Hello again," she greeted with that wonderful smile, infectiously bringing a smile to my face as well.

"You're going to need a cast." I replied, rolling in a stool to sit by her side.

"Eh, that's nothing new," she joked. "I hardly go a year without one."

"And I'm going to have to position the bone slightly beforehand," I added nervously. This was going to hurt her, and I hated to be the one to inflict her pain. She bit her lip and steeled herself as I took her broken wrist in between my hands. "Bella, love, hold on to me and try not to move." Her right hand grasped my bicep, involuntarily sending shocks through me. It was an enchanting sensation, and I hoped I was doing the same for her to at least distract her from the pain. She gasped as I tried to quickly maneuver the bone into place. Her fingers were digging into my skin painfully, but I'd take it for her. She needed a release and I would provide whatever she needed. "There, don't move. I need to get the fiberglass to make your cast. What color would you like?"

"Green," she answered without hesitation. I nodded, wondering if I had discovered her favorite color. I retreated to get my materials; thankfully, a nurse had the gumption to have it ready for me, only waiting on which dye to use. She added the green dye at my discretion, and then I went back to Bella, supplies in hand.

I worked diligently, wrapping her arm with more care than anyone before. We remained in a comfortable silence while I worked. The fingertips of her right hand were lazily trailing up and down my arm, sending that familiar surge through me and creating a thickness to the air. The proximity of our bodies was starting to take affect. I could feel her warm breath tickling my skin, sending chills racing up my spine.

"All done," I whispered, then without thinking, lightly kissed her exposed fingers. I let my lips linger against her skin longer than I should have, because now I wanted to take a finger in my mouth to taste the sweetness of her. Bella's fingers that had been drawing patterns on my arm slowly made their way into my hair, drawing my head up to her. I vaguely remembered this move of hers from earlier today on the street. My eyes focused in on her lips, watching her tongue escape to lick them. It was a sheer magnetic force that enticed me closer. Her shallow breaths I now felt against my cheek, our noses nearly touching. We starred at each other in anticipation, waiting for the other to make the next move.

This time it would be me.

I pressed her full lips against mine, savoring her flavor. She tasted like sugar, and candy, and strawberries, and any other delightful combination my mind could come up with. Her tongue ran languidly across my lips, giving me the go ahead to intensify the kiss. My tongue swept inside her mouth, the taste almost too much to handle. I pinned her to the bed beneath me, where I could feel her every curve and astonished at how well she fit against me. My hands ran up and down those curves eliciting a delicious muffled moan from her.

"Shhh, my Bella," I said murmured against her skin, kissing my way down her exposed neck. She whimpered softly. Her taste was divine and addictive, my own personal drug. "Such a sweet destiny," I whispered. With one final, searing kiss against those lush lips of hers, I finally pulled away, my nose skating down her neck to take in her scent.

"Don't stop," she pleaded. I didn't want to, I just had to.

"It'd be dangerous if I continued," I said, my fingers weaving their way up her body once last circuit, reluctant to stop. "I have no will power and we'd most definitely get caught. Plus, I'm sure your fiancé is curious as to why you never asked for him to return."

"He's knows about us," she replied, shockingly. "Well," she hedged, after glimpsing my widened eyes, "he knows about you, but he isn't aware it's you. It's a long story, really."

"One I'd like to hear. I want to see you again." I admitted against my better judgment. It was more of a need than a want.

"When?" she asked without hesitancy.

"Five o'clock tomorrow, same place we first met?" She nodded happily. I would be forgoing sleep, but it'd be worth it. I took her hand, raising it to my lips briefly. "Try not to fall before then, love," I said with a smile.

"I know where to find you now," she laughed, beautiful musical laughter.

"Tomorrow?" I asked once again, struggling to leave her.

"Can't wait," she replied.

I heaved myself from her warmth, exited the room, and kept walking until I could no longer feel the pull. Try as I might, but there was nothing that would keep me from Bella Swan. She was my destiny.

**A/N: Review! Please! I'm not too proud to beg! **


	8. Complications

**A/N: So here's chapter eight, finally. Sorry for the wait. I'm not exactly thrilled with this chapter, but hopefully you all like it better than me. **

**Thanks to all who reviewed/alerted/favorite-ed! My numbers keep going up, so that is awesome. Please review though….I need encouragement.**

**Special thanks again goes out to sonyabrady1971 for her general awesomeness, and for convincing me that I didn't have to be entirely detailed in this chapter. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of this…and to which I am grateful, because we wouldn't have Edward with her. As a slightly unrelated note, it's Rob's b-day in three days…happy birthday Rob. I love you. =)**

**EPOV**

The obnoxious tick of the clock was taunting me. Had it really only been six hours since I dragged myself away from her warmth? It felt like days…years. _Tick, tick, tick. _How slow the seconds go. This shift had become a nightmare of endless minutes and thousands of glances at my watch, all which proved time moved too slowly. It was clear to me that I never anticipated anything like this before. Just ten more hours and I would be with her again. Nine hours, fifty seven minutes, to be exact.

I nearly growled audibly at my meticulousness. Breaking down the time remaining into minutes wasn't helping me concentrate on my tasks. Commonly, everything took a backseat to the hospital, but today the ER was failing wretchedly to hold my attention. My mind lost focus on patients, only seeing chocolate eyes and full lips. Only thinking about how my own lips still tingled from reveling in her creamy skin. Only concentrating on the smell of strawberries that still lingered on my clothes…

"Docta Cul-en," a patient mumbled, interrupting my train of thoughts. My eyes slowly moved to his. That would be when I realized I was still pressing a stick on his tongue. The patient's saliva was dripping down his chin. I had to fight hard to suppress my laughter. How long had I been doing that?

"Yes, sore throat, fever, you have strep. I'll have a test run to confirm." I replied and jetted out of the exam room, laughter spilling from me as soon as I was out of earshot.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked, her voice startling me. I knew the energetic pixie would be here early.

"Nothing," I answered, calming my laughter.

"Oh don't get all coy with me, Edward Cullen," she chided. "Tell me, I need a good laugh."

"It was nothing really. I just forgot where I was for a moment with a patient."

"Well that's not like you at all," she replied. "I think I like this new side of you. Now, when do I get to meet the girl responsible?"

"Never," I answered quickly. "Why are you here? Didn't I tell you to stay home and rest?"

"Pfft, I'm fine. Never?" I made the mistake of looking into her eyes after that question. She was giving me the doe-eyed sad look she used to give our father when she wanted his credit card for a sale.

"Can't I just keep her to myself for right now?" I was being selfish, but I wasn't ready to share her. We'd had so little time together as it was. Alice's lower lip jutted out. I was such a sucker for that move. "Soon, Alice, but give me some time. I'm still working all this out in my head. It's very confusing." Confusing, indeed. Should I introduce Bella to any of my family? How could I? As a friend? Would they see right through us?

"Well love has a tendency to be like that," she replied. "So what are you going to do?" I shrugged at this question. I had no idea what I was going to do. "An even better question would be what do you want to do?"

"Did you ask that specific question to get me to admit something I should be ashamed of?" Alice just looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to confess that I wanted Bella more than anything, and I gave in. "Yes, I want her. I want to be with her."

"You shouldn't be ashamed of that," Alice offered.

"When did you become the demon on my shoulder? Shouldn't you be telling me I need to go to confession, or better yet, to my wife's hospital room?"

"You're right, I should be. But I'm guessing you'll hear that from everyone else when they undoubtedly find out about all of this." I felt fear wash over me in waves at her words. When they undoubtedly find out? Was I that glaringly obvious? Yes, I had made the mistake of trying to take her to x-ray earlier and made her cast. Would that be enough gossip to make it back to the ears of my father? _Yes, it would._

"Oh I did something horrible," I groaned.

"Yes, our lovely father was already asking me about it when I got here this morning," Alice replied sweetly. How long was she planning on holding that information? "You made her cast? That was really sweet of you, Edward, not very covert though. You're very bad at this."

"He already knows?" Alice nodded emphatically, and another groan escaped. "Now what do I do?" I asked. I couldn't have Carlisle watching my every move. He would keep me away from Bella at all costs, with good reason. "I'm supposed to see her tonight. Will I be able to get away from father?" Alice closed her eyes for a moment.

"Yes," she answered, as if she knew the future. "But you'll need to lie."

"Again with the demon on my shoulder," I replied. "You're really starting to worry me. Maybe I should be telling you to go to confession."

"I've already planned to today," she announced with a smile. "Then I won't feel so guilty…maybe," she muttered the last word softly.

"I'm learning I'll have to live with it," I mumbled. I hadn't been to see Tanya since being with Bella. I couldn't help fearing Catherine smelling Bella on me. It was cowardly, and I knew this, but not even the oppressive guilt was enough to make me go.

"Oh!" Alice's eyes became animated once again. "Before I forget, I'll be breaking into your house later to get your tux to the cleaners for the benefit this weekend. Dad is insisting we all go."

"Are you serious? Wouldn't it be in poor taste for me to go?"

"That's what I thought, but he seems to think otherwise."

"Well, Tanya would want me to go. Maybe that's his rationale." I suggested.

"That's a possibility. The church is sponsoring the event, too. I'm sure that's another…"Alice trailed off, starring into the distance at nothing I could see. I looked behind me to see if I was missing something, but only saw the long stretch of gray floor and a few nurses running around.

"Alice," I said, trying to get her attention. "Is there something wrong?" After a moment, her eyes gradually came back to focus on mine, a slow smile creeping on her face.

"Yes, you definitely have to go to the benefit," she announced, confusing me thoroughly.

"I thought that was already established. Where did you go just now?"

"Don't worry about it. I've got to go. So much to do!" she exclaimed, and I frustratingly knew I wasn't going to get any answers from her. "Avoid dad if you can, but he'll find you before your shift is up. He doesn't know your behavior was for Bella only, he just thinks it was a random girl. So don't freak out too much. You can use lack of sleep as an excuse."

******

_Five, four, three, two, one._ I had been starring at a clock for the past fifteen minutes until…finally…the minute hand announced my release. It was two o'clock. I had three hours to fight the traffic home so I could shower, eat something, and make it back downtown in plenty of time to see my Bella. It had been too long. Her strawberry scent had long faded to my dismay.

There was spring in my step as I walked the long hall towards the exit, humming a tune I couldn't quite place. If I had felt this free before, it had been so long that I didn't remember what it was like. This is what Bella did for me. She didn't even have to be present, just an expectation. I tried to shove back the thought of this is how my life would be if I had been more patient. _Lesson learned_.

"Edward!" my father called, when my fingers were just inches from the door. _Damn._ I was so close to freedom. Alice's warning came back to me. It was difficult to avoid him when he was heading right for me. His stride was calm, leisurely, nothing that would provoke panic in me. Nothing that told me he was going to confide in my earlier behaviors. "Heading home, son?" I nodded.

"I need to get some rest," I explained, immediately using Alice's excuse.

"I would have thought you'd want to check up on Tanya before you left," he suggested. Yes, I probably should have done that, but I was a selfish creature who wanted his freedom and blithe. Seeing Tanya would have brought the gray storm cloud over my head and possibly ruined my evening with Bella. _Selfish, selfish, selfish._

"I'll be back later this evening," I lied. "I just really need to get some sleep. I'm not feeling like myself." My father nodded.

"Yes, I heard you were acting strange earlier," he added, causing my anxiety to flair up, but I kept my expression clear.

"Nothing sleep won't cure. It has been a particularly stressful eighteen hours."

"Yes, well, I'll be here all night tonight, so we _will_ talk then. Just come find me when you get back." _Great_. I should have just said I'd be back in the morning. Who knows how long I'll be with Bella and I really did need to get some sleep. I didn't miss his emphasis on the word _will_ either. He had every intention of grilling me about my behavior on shift. My father was still starring at me, like he was trying to read my thoughts, or waiting for my next move. I left him in with the latter option. I turned away and walked out the door, hoping my silence would be more confusing for him.

******

It was another cold March day in Chicago, a sense of déjà vu filling me as I walked along North Avenue. I was within a couple blocks of my destination and I'd never felt so happy and so nervous all at the same time. The conflicting emotions were not helping my confusion, but I was hoping that today would help clear some of it. Today would give me and Bella the opportunity to talk about what was between us. It was this reason alone that had me convinced I was doing the right thing by being here. There were too many questions for me to simply walk away.

It was possible that after we analyzed this strange connection and had rational thoughts about its consequences, we could walk away from it. We had yet to have an actual conversation. Maybe we had nothing in common except this physical connection. I tried to ignore the sharp pain in my heart, but it proved difficult. I wasn't convincing myself of that. Didn't I say only hours ago that nothing could keep me from her?

I stood now in the infamous spot where my life seemingly changed forever, and Bella was no where in sight. Had she forgotten? Did she not want to see me again? Would I try to find her if she didn't? A million questions of the same variety circled my mind while I kept turning every direction looking for her. If I didn't stop soon, I'd make myself dizzy, then she'd have to catch me for once.

"Psst," I heard to my left. Instantly, my eyes met hers, sheer elation cascading over me. She was here. She held open the door of the bookstore I stood in front of. "Come on, it's too cold outside," she stated obviously. I hurriedly joined her, her small hand entwining with mine the moment I was close to her, the customary spark traveling through my hand, up my arm, to my heart.

"I was starting to think you weren't coming," I said to begin the conversation.

"It was you that was late," she teased with a smile. "And why wouldn't I come? Did you miss my clear jubilance at your suggestion to see me again? I thought doctors were smarter than that," she teased again, but squeezed my hand to reassure me. I wanted her boldness, her certainty. Smiling, I kissed her on her forehead. It was minimal boldness, but it was a start.

"How is your arm?" I asked her softly, looking over her cast. "Are you in any pain?"

"Nope, not at all, especially now that you're here. I think you might have healing powers. Now, come help me find a book," she announced, and then proceeded to drag me down an abandon aisle. We stopped in front of the literature section, at the beginning of the alphabet. She let go of my hand to run her fingers across the spines of the books, looking at all them lovingly. _Bella loved to read._ One small thing to add to the list of many things I wanted to know about her. Just this small discovery made me ecstatic. I watched her intently, the way her eyes scrunched up when she read certain titles, or when a smile broke out when she reached the Jane Austen section.

"What are you looking for, love?" my hand placed itself on the small of her back, needing the connection.

"A new copy of _Sense and Sensibility_, preferably in hardback," she answered, without looking my direction. "I think I've worn out my old copy, and the cover flew off when I threw it the other night." I racked my brain thinking of a reason why she would throw _Sense and Sensibility, _nothing sensible came to mind.

"Okay," I began. "Did you get angry at Willoughby? I mean, he was a…"

"You've read _Sense and Sensibility_?" she interrupted with a laugh. I nodded in response.

"I've read it many times, so no, I wasn't angry with Willoughby, though he is a prick for leaving Marianne. No, I threw it at Jacob in a poor attempt to cover my ass." Now I was really baffled. Bella never said anything that didn't surprise me, yet another thing to add to my list. "Oh!" she exclaimed, her brightened chocolate eyes meeting mine for the first time since being in the aisle. I could feel the room melt away, sucking the two of us into oblivion. Why had I thought communication between us was necessary? I could stare into her eyes forever and be perfectly content. Her intelligence and wit were bonuses. My fingers found their way to her cheek, lightly tracing her features. "I didn't tell you about the dream," she whispered. I was immediately intrigued.

"No, what dream?" Had she dreamt about me already? I wished I could return the favor if she had. I had yet to sleep since meeting her. Maybe I feared if I went to sleep this would all be a dream.

"The dream I had about you…about us," she began, while I had unconsciously moved closer to her, pinning her between the bookshelf and myself. The electricity was crackling amid us, becoming more consuming by the moment. Her lips moved slowly to my ear. "I screamed your name," she whispered, her words and her warm breath across my skin caused my cock to twitch and then harden involuntarily. This wasn't the path I had intended to cross with her today, but it was impossible to deny the pull.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I repeated into her hair, taking in deep breaths of her intoxicating scent, drinking her up. She pressed herself into me harder, wrapping her one good arm around my neck and her fingers through my hair. _Bella loved my hair._ My hands rested lightly on her hips, while I willed them silently not to move. There were so many things I wanted to do to her in this moment, none of them moral or appropriate. Holding her this close to me was difficult enough, but when her lips found my neck, I could feel my will tumbling.

"I've missed you," she said against my skin, my grip on her tightening, kneading her hips roughly. "Did you miss me?" Chocolate eyes looked deep into mine, searching for the obvious answer. When I didn't answer right away, I could see the faint signs of worry across her brow. It was the first sign of insecurity I had seen from her, and I hated that it was caused by my inability to speak. She should never worry about the strength of my feelings for her.

"I can think of nothing else," I finally spurted out. She sighed happily at my confession, a ghost of a smile appearing on those full lips, drawing my attention to them. They seemed to have a habit of taunting me, pulling me towards them with a gravitational force. I acted quickly; my need for her had grown significantly. My mouth found hers, greedily, taking her bottom lip in between my own. Oxygen be damned, this was all I needed, all I wanted. I felt her tongue trace my upper lip, begging for entrance. I slid my tongue across hers with pleasure, always savoring her taste. My fingers stretched from her hips to grasp her bottom. I lifted her a few inches to set her down on the bookshelf so she would be level with me. To my surprise and delight, her legs wrapped tightly around my hips in response, shoving my arousal against her center. It caused delicious friction where we both needed it most. My hands tangled themselves in her hair, pulling her closer to me, leaving no space between.

I couldn't stop…I wouldn't stop. She was mine…I was hers. Bella elicited a delectable moan that drove me over the edge of reason. I grinded my hips against her with abandon all to hear that beautiful sound from her again. I was rewarded with something better.

"Edward," she moaned, once releasing my lips from hers. My name from her lips was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. I moved to her neck, marking her possessively, and then slowly kissing down to the collarbone that peeked out from her v-neck sweater. I could drown in her and it would never be enough.

"Ahem," a woman cleared her throat. Everything came back into focus, the bookshelves, the noises of other customers, the chiming when the door opened and closed, everything. Bella's eyes met mine with a smirk, but the blush was creeping into her cheeks. Did we really just make a spectacle of ourselves in the middle of a bookstore? How many people had seen us? I wasn't ready to turn around to face my fate just yet. I was afraid the woman behind me would be someone I knew off chance. I glanced above us and saw the hardback copy of _Sense and Sensibility_ Bella was wanting and grabbed it.

"Here's the book you were looking for, love," I announced. Bella looked at me incredulously, and then a smile appeared.

"Yes, we must have been looking on the wrong shelf," she teased, interlacing her fingers with my own. Curiously, I chanced the look over my shoulder to the woman. She was an employee and old enough to be my grandmother, causing me shame, but no regret.

"We'll be getting this," I told her, as I watched one of her eyebrows raise in scrutiny. Bella and I made our way to the cashier, giggling quietly at our indiscretion. The cashier gave us strange looks and I wondered if he too knew what just happened. I set the book on the counter.

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" he asked and I couldn't hold back a smirk. Yes, I'd found everything. Bella ignored the question while searching her purse for her wallet. I paid for the book before she ever found it. Now she would always have something that would remind her of me and this day. I grabbed the bag and led her out of the store before it dawned on her that I'd paid.

"Edward," she scolded. "You didn't have to buy my book."

"I wanted to," I replied. "You'll always think of me when you read it now."

"I already do that," she answered with a smile. I wrapped my left arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me as we walked the block. My right hand held hers up to my lips to kiss it softly. It was hopeless for me to stop touching her. "There's a coffee shop at the end of the block." I nodded. "It would be a good place for us to talk."

We needed to talk. I needed to know everything about her and it had to be in a public place otherwise I wouldn't avoid temptation. The rest of the walk was done in a comfortable silence, both of enjoying each other's touch and our time together.

The coffee shop was crowded, but only by the people standing in line, most of the seating remained empty. I led Bella to comfortable looking chaise lounge, asked what she wanted, then went to get in line. My eyes never left Bella while I waited. She had pulled the book I had just bought her out of the bag and began reading. I couldn't recall seeing a more beautiful sight. The last of today's light was shining through the window highlighting the subtle red shades in her hair. The dip of her v-neck sweater trained my eyes on her exposed porcelain skin. When she turned to the side, her sweater stretched slightly over her shoulder giving me the faint glimpse of her red bra, causing my fingers to twitch. I wanted to go over there badly…slide my fingers beneath her sweater…feel the material…see the red.

"What can I get for you sir?" I snapped my head from my Bella trance to focus on the employee impatiently waiting in front of me. I stuttered the orders of coffee like a moron and handed him some money. God, what was this woman doing to me?

Moments later, I returned to Bella's side bearing drinks. Her head was buried in chapter three of the book. I cleared my throat to get her attention. She looked up at me and smiled brightly, my breath catching in my throat just from her happiness. Bella took the coffee from my hand and scooted over in the chaise lounge, inviting me to sit beside her. I glanced at the opposite lounge across from her, deciding quickly it was too far away, and took her offer. My arm instantly went around her, while she snuggled into my side perfectly. It was a feeling of completeness I only felt when I was around her.

"So we should talk," I commented softly. Talking would take my mind off what my fingers were itching to do earlier. Bella just nodded and sipped her coffee.

"You look really tired," she said after a few moments of silence, her fingers trailing underneath my eyes, tracing what I could only imagine to be dark circles.

"I haven't slept in awhile. Not since before I met you."

"Why not?" she asked simply. The answer would lead to so many topics I would certainly have to discuss with her. I merely wasn't willing to ruin the good day yet.

"I haven't had time yet," not a lie, just not detailed. "I had a shift that night, as you know, which didn't end until two today."

"I could have waited until you got to sleep a little."

"But I couldn't," I answered honestly. "I wanted to see you again, as soon as possible." Bella smiled at this and put her head on my shoulder. I couldn't resist placing a kiss on top of her head and was treated by the wonderful strawberry scent of her hair.

"Jake left," she whispered. "We could go back to my place so you can rest if you want." I nearly laughed at her, but held it in. Resting would be the last thing I'd do with her if we were truly alone.

"I wouldn't get any rest," I told her, her eyes flickered up to mine in understanding.

"Maybe I was just using that as an excuse to get you to come home with me," Bella suggested seductively, and I had to thank God I had one arm pinned behind her and the other hand occupied holding my coffee. I squeezed her tightly to me, wanting to start again what was interrupted in the bookstore. Somewhere the rational part of my brain asked: why did Jake leave? I wanted to know the answer to that question, more so than taking Bella in the coffee shop.

"Why did he leave? Where did he go?" Bella sighed.

"He went back home. He's on a plane for Seattle as we speak probably, or hell, he might already be there. I don't know what time his plane left." She said all of this with little emotion displayed.

"You don't seem upset by this."

"I am, but then again, I'm not. Jake was my best friend, had been for ten years. We were getting married because it made sense, and yeah, I loved him, but it pales in comparison to what I feel for you. It's just not the same at all." I agreed with her. I understood and was overjoyed that she felt the same way I did about her. "I hate to lose our friendship, but I think we can get it back some day, once the wounds have healed."

"I'm envious of you," I said to her surprise. Her eyes met mine showing me her confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"It was all so simple for you. My choices seem so much more complicated." My anger was rising. She had thrown away her relationship for me. I wanted, no…needed to do the same for her, but didn't know if it was possible.

"Edward," she began, I immediately calmed by the sound of my name rolling off her tongue. Would any of these reactions ever get old? "Throwing away a ten year relationship is anything but fucking simple. I still hurt. It's just nothing seems to matter when I'm with you, other than being with you. Like I said before, you have healing powers." Her finger brushed against my cheek. "So tell me what's complicated. We'll figure it out." I hoped we could, and I hoped she wouldn't hate me.

"Well you know I'm married," I began.

"Divorce answers that easily," she interrupted and I blanched at her answer.

"It's not that easy. My wife is in a coma." Bella's eyes widened in shock.

"She was who you needed to go to hospital for?" I nodded. "Oh, that does make things bloody complicated. I'm so sorry. Is she going to be all right?"

"We don't know. She hasn't wakened. We'll know more as time goes by."

"Shouldn't you be with her?" Bella asked, and that was the question I feared would come. I didn't want her to think less of me, but that was difficult when I thought less of me.

"I should, yes," I answered, ashamed. "Again, Bella, it's more complicated. Tanya and I, well, we didn't get along. In fact, I spent most my days avoiding her. I was so frustrated and impatient when I met her. Both of my siblings had met the loves of their lives and gotten married, and I felt left out. I met Tanya and everything spiraled out of control. We got married in two months. I never knew her, and didn't find out who she really was until it was too late." While I always thought all of this, I never admitted it to anyone, until now. I had to explain to her that the relationship between Tanya and myself wasn't anything like what I had with her.

"Well it sounds like you should get a divorce," Bella said. "And you should still be with her, even if you hate her. I can't say that I'm upset that you're not though." A glimmer of hope rose in those words.

"I'm a selfish person, Bella," I admitted. "It's you I want to be with and so I will be here."

"I want you here too. Just file for a divorce after she's better."

"Again, it's not that simple. I can't get a divorce." Would she stay with me even if I could never truly be hers? She would have the most important part of me, would it be enough? I couldn't ask her to, but if she said she would, I wouldn't disagree with her. I was selfish after all.

"Now that's just fucking stupid, why not?" she asked, anger flashing in her eyes.

"I'm Catholic." There, I said it. It was the bane of my existence. What was truly keeping me from being happy with her.

"Oh, is that all?" she breathed a sigh of relief which I didn't understand. I'm sure the look on my face was utter bewilderment.

"How can you say, is that all?"

"How can you put fairy tales and nonsense before this?" she grabbed my hand, sending the electric current throbbing through my veins. The current was soothing, astonishing, and beautiful.

"Fairy tales?" was the only question my brain could put together while on my electric high. Bella nodded.

"And fucking nonsense," she added. "I would be one of those godless heathens they've warned you about. It's probably why I swear like I sailor, too." A part of me wanted to laugh at the irony, another wanted to kiss her. She wouldn't judge me and nothing gave me more relief.

"It's more than religion, it's my family, love. I was raised Catholic, it's all I've ever known. If I left the church, I would be leaving my family too." Bella's eyes softened at this, her fingers stroking my cheek again. "I just don't know what to do. I can't leave them, but I can't ignore what we have either. I'd fail miserably at staying away if I tried. I could never forget you." My head turned towards her to place a kiss on her forehead, but it wasn't enough. I needed more. Her lips softly brushed mine at first, then deepened. No, I couldn't forget her. I pulled, with great reluctance, from her persistent lips before we both got carried away again. I didn't want to make a scene in two public places today or my luck would surely catch up with me. I kissed her once more on her full lips, chastely, then on the tip of her nose, making her smile.

"I have another shift tomorrow at four, but would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?"

"I have a feeling you're ending our evening," Bella said sadly. I nodded. I had spent too much time with her as it was. I didn't want to go, but if I stayed I knew I'd be easily persuaded to follow her home, and I couldn't do that just yet. Tomorrow I would find out more about her. "I work over on North Michigan, we could meet somewhere around there. I'd call you, but I don't have your number."

"We can remedy that," we each pulled out our cell phones and exchanged numbers. "So, lunch tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'd like that," she answered.

"Okay, let's get you a cab home," I took her hand to help her off the chaise, but refused to let go after she was on her feet. We took two steps towards the door before I looked up to meet a man's eyes. He was starring at us intently, studying us. I pulled Bella closer to me to protect her out of instinct; it was clearly the wrong move. His eyebrow went up at the gesture. Recognition then dawned on me. This was the same man I saw yesterday when I met Bella. I knew him. Or better yet, I knew of him. He went to my church. I often saw him talking with…_Catherine Denali_.

I took a sharp intake of breath. Bella noticed, and her eyes shot up to mine, but my focus was on the man.

"What's wrong?" I heard her ask softly.

"Another complication."

**A/N: Uh-oh, busted! Well…maybe they're busted. We'll have to see. **

**Thanks for reading and please review. I need to know how I'm doing!**


	9. 64 Questions

**A/N: Wow…just want to say I'm completely floored by the number of reviews from the last chapter, plus from the newcomers to the story. Huzzah! Thanks so much! They mean the world to me!**

**I'm hoping to answer a bunch of questions with this chapter…it won't answer everything, but I'm hoping it'll please you.**

**Need to send out my special thanks to keepingupwiththekids for becoming my beta/supreme editor…she's fantastic, and keeps my grammar in check. **

**More news! My awesome beta started a forum for WCN over on Twilighted. The link is on my profile…so go play and such. **

**S. Meyer owns all of this…every little bit. **

**Hope you all enjoy! Please review!!!**

**EPOV**

Sleep to dream.

Yeah, right. Sleep wasn't happening. I tossed and turned on the living room couch, frustrated my mind wouldn't shut down. Hundreds of questions swirled around keeping me alert and panicked. How had he found us? Was he specifically there to watch us? Had he talked to Catherine? Would my father know by the time I saw him tomorrow? Was there anything I could do to salvage this?

Then there was Bella. The worried expression across her brow was etched into my memory. Protectiveness took over and I all but shoved her in the cab to get her away from the man. I hated not giving her a proper goodbye, but the fear of him following her was more pressing at the time. His problem, if he had one, was with me. Bella didn't need to be involved.

As soon as I was sure she was safely away, I went back to the store to question the man, of course, he had bolted. I searched a couple of blocks to no avail. He was gone. Gone, and taking the best thing that ever happened to me with him, straight to the dragon's lair. Our secret hadn't been kept safe for a day. Alice was right; I was really bad at this.

Aggravated, I leapt off the couch to pace, pulling my fingers through my hair roughly. The bourbon in the kitchen called to me. It said it would calm me down, help me sleep. I stopped pacing for a moment to think if I should use that vice again. Yes, I would sleep, but it would be fitful, and tomorrow I would be groggy and unclear. I needed to be on my A-game tomorrow. I'd have to gear up for a fight with the wolves the minute I walked into the hospital doors. I was under no disillusion that the man hadn't gone immediately to Catherine. I refused to let them catch me off guard.

My pacing continued…fingers pulling hair mercilessly. There wouldn't be any hair left if I kept this up.

_Bella._ I needed Bella. The invitation was presented on a silver platter and I denied her. She could be curled against my side sleeping peacefully right now. _Damn._ It would have been heaven.

Starring at my phone on the coffee table, I felt my fingers twitch. Her number was in there and her voice would be all I needed to find serenity. I no longer controlled my extremities, for they were searching for her number and hitting the talk button. In the back of my mind, I hoped it wasn't too late to call.

"Hello," Bella's soothing voice went through my ear, spreading peace throughout my tired mind.

"Bella," I sighed.

"Edward," so beautiful…how could this be wrong? "I was hoping you would call."

"I just wanted…" There were so many ways I could finish this sentence. I just wanted to hear your voice. I just wanted to ask you if the invitation was still open. I just wanted to sleep with you in my arms.

"What do you want?" she whispered, with subtle seductive undertones. How did she took a simple question and make it sexy? I wasn't sure, but now I had the pressing problem of more than my mind being awake. _You can't go down that route._

"I just needed to make sure you got home okay," I chickened out.

"Yes, I'm home safe and sound. Lonely though," she added.

"Me too," I confided.

"There's an easy way to resolve that." I laughed. My girl was all about the easy way.

"I know," I replied softly, knowing though, I couldn't succumb.

"But…you need your sleep. If you have darker circles under your eyes when I see you tomorrow, I'll never forgive myself. You have lives to save and such tomorrow."

"Yes, among other things." I could feel my body beginning to relax on the couch. "Keep talking, love. You, too, have healing powers."

"I'll do better than that, I'll read to you," she suggested.

"I don't believe there's anything that would put me to sleep faster than Jane Austen," I joked.

"Lucky for you, that is the goal, and of course, I'm still reading _Sense and Sensibility_. Chapter 20…"

"You're already on Chapter 20?" I interrupted.

"I would be much further if a certain someone wasn't dominating all of my thoughts."

"Hmm…I like that," I mumbled, my eyelids becoming heavier.

"I'm glad, now sleep, Edward," she whispered. "Chapter 20. _As the Miss Dashwoods entered the drawing room of the park the next day at one door, Mrs. Palmer came running in at the other, looking as good-humoured and merry as before. She took them all most affectionately by the hand and expressed great delight in seeing them again. "I'm so glad to see you!" said she, seating herself between Elinor and Marianne…"_

******

The muffled noise of my father's ring tone abruptly ended my slumber. My fingers didn't unbury it from the depth of the pillows in time before it stopped ringing. Peaking one eye open, I was met with the intense light of what felt like a thousand suns. A groan escaped me as I stretched. I felt more rested than I had in ages, if the sun hadn't been so bright however, I could have dozed another hour or two. The voicemail chime sounded on my phone, reminding me that I had missed a call. Or seven calls, I realized once looking at the screen. I had to bite my tongue to keep from swearing.

Carlisle, Catherine, Carlisle, Alice, Mom, Carlisle, and Carlisle again.

Carlisle calling that many times is never good news, so I avoided calling him back. He could wait until I got to the hospital later. I called Alice instead.

"Edward, where are you?" she answered.

"Um, home, I was sleeping. What's going on?"

"You need to come to the hospital, now. Dad is freaking out here. He said you were supposed to come by last night but you never showed. Why didn't you come? You could have called."

"Again…I was sleeping." I responded becoming more agitated.

"Are you alone?" Alice inquired.

"She's not with me, Alice," I answered coldly, knowing what she really wanted to ask. Waking up to a game of 20 questions was really getting on my nerves.

"Oh, that's good. Because I think I heard dad say he was coming to find you if you didn't show up within the hour."

_Dammit._

"I'll be there in 30 minutes."

I made it to the hospital in 45 minutes, because I had the good sense to remember packing my bag for my shift. I found Alice pacing outside, waiting for me, I could only presume.

"You're late," she scolded.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I had no intention of being here before my shift began; consider yourself lucky I'm even here." I was still angry for being here, mostly because I feared something would keep me from seeing Bella.

"Whoa, where is this hostility coming from? I've been covering for you ever since these crazy events have gone down! You can at least appreciate that!" Alice's anger was now flaring, which meant I needed to step back. She may be small, but she was a force to be reckoned with when provoked.

"You're right," I repented. "I'm just on edge. I'm supposed to meet Bella for lunch and I'm pretty sure we got caught last night."

"What?"

"Father hasn't said anything to you about it?" Alice shook her head dumbfounded.

"How…? Why…? What happened?" she stuttered questions out, all of which I ignored.

"Are you sure he's not suspicious?"

"Stop asking me questions and expecting answers if you aren't answering mine!" Alice exclaimed. "And of course he's suspicious! It's hard not to be when you won't even visit to your comatose wife!" Alice's hand flew over her mouth in shock, her eyes immediately apologizing….too late, the damage had been done.

It was below the belt….but damn if I didn't deserve it.

And she was right.

There you are gray storm cloud. I didn't miss you at all, but you're back regardless.

"Edward…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," she tried to apologize verbally. I knew she didn't mean to, but maybe it needed to be said. I shook my head at her, hopefully conveying it was unnecessary to apologize.

"I need to find Carlisle."

"I promise you he doesn't know. He would have said something to me. I know he would have." I shrugged.

"If he knows, it's my own fault. I've made my bed…" I turned to meet today's fate, gray storm cloud in tow.

Before finding Carlisle, my mood was unexpectedly brightened by the chime of a text message from Bella.

_There's a great deli on the corner of Michigan and Illinois, near Tribune Tower. Be there at 12. Can't wait to see you ~ B_

I hurriedly replied back…_Will be the highlight of my day ~ E_

"Edward," my father greeted, my head shot up from my phone with what I was sure a goofy grin on my face that I tried to hide. Success rate must have been minimal due to the odd expression my father wore upon meeting his eyes. _More things to lie about._

"Good morning, father," I greeted calmly. "I'm sorry I didn't make it back last night. I fell asleep, quite deeply. I didn't expect it to happen." My father just nodded his head solemnly, while I followed him down the hall.

"Catherine has been asking about you," Carlisle replied. My stomach began to tie itself into knots. "She doesn't understand what's going on with you…and quite frankly, neither do I. It's not like you to shirk your responsibilities like this." I remained quiet, not really knowing what I could say to improve the situation. "I have to admit I'm very disappointed with how you've been acting. I know you're a grown man, but I'm telling you as your father, to stop."

This was a new low. Chastised by my father at the age of 25. What was worse, all I could think about was how there was no way I could get away to see Bella now.

I still hadn't said a word as we stopped in front of Tanya's hospital door. I knew what was waiting for me on the other side of this door…darkened clouds and lightning quick tempers. Was I ready? My sweaty palms and quickened heart rate told me, _not a chance_.

Carlisle opened the door to revel Tanya lying still in her bed, unchanged, and Catherine hovering over her. Catherine's head turned to us both, but it was her eyes that, knowingly, focused on me. Thunder rumbled in my ears as panic engulfed me. _She can smell fear, Edward._ I forced my terror down, and hoped it was replaced with some form of composure.

"Good to see you again, Catherine," I replied. "How is she?"

"You would know if you'd check up on her every once and awhile," she criticized.

"She's doing better," Carlisle interjected, trying to keep everyone's tone light around my comatose wife. "I'm positive she'll awaken soon. Now Catherine, I think you need to go home and get some rest. Edward will stay with Tanya until you get back. I'll see to it myself," he muttered the last part, but I caught every word. I had to bite my tongue in order to not make a fool of myself. I should want to stay with her. If I didn't, it would only bring more suspicion.

"Good. I hardly know of anywhere else he should be." Catherine commented, starring straight at me, as if challenging me to say anything to prove her wrong. I struggled not to, tasting the blood that escaped my tongue.

"I agree," Carlisle replied. "I'll come by later, Edward, to check on you," he concluded and guided Catherine out of the room. I almost objected to her being alone with him, but what grounds did I have to interrupt them? None at all, unless I wanted to confess I was having an affair.

I groaned loudly the moment the door shut. All of my choices had been stripped away because I apparently couldn't be trusted to make good ones anymore. My hands flew through my hair in frustration. I felt like a child that had just been grounded for sneaking out at night. In fact, I was quite positive my father would have staked someone out by the door to make sure I didn't leave. I was trapped.

Just as I was about to throw in the towel and text Bella about not being able to make it, a better plan came to mind. Or at least I hoped it was better as I texted.

_Corner of Illinois and Michigan, near Tribune Tower, there's a deli. Be there by noon. Find the girl with the green cast and explain how I can't be there, please ~ E._

Seconds later a reply came back.

_You've just made me the happiest girl ever. Consider it done! ~ A._

******

**APOV**

Punctuality was never my strong suit. I realized this as I was running several blocks of North Michigan Street in four and half inch Louboutin's. I had made the mistake of telling the cab driver to let me out six blocks before my original destination. At the time, I was early. What can I say? The word 'sale' is magical and time stops when I see it. Unfortunately, time only stops for me and not for the woman I'm supposed to be meeting for lunch, unknowingly to her.

If she left before I got there, Edward would never forgive me.

Gasping for air, I arrived at the deli across from Tribune Tower. It was packed with people trying to scarf food before going back to their busy lives. Even with my heels I couldn't see over the masses of people attempting to find someone I've never met before. All I knew was to look for a green cast. If she had the smart sense to cover it with a coat or a sweater for this cold day, I would be out of luck.

My eyes scanned everyone I could see while I shoved my way through the throngs of people. Edward would suffer my wrath for not giving me more to work with here. I didn't even know what color hair she had! Just as I was about to call him for more information, there was a parting in the crowd. There was a girl sitting at a table alone, checking her watch, which I noted was on her right hand because of the cast peaking out from her opposite arm, then checking her phone, then glancing out the window. Even I could feel her anxiety, Jasper would be proud.

The girl was strikingly beautiful; I could immediately see what drew Edward to her. Her beauty was inviting, unlike Tanya's, which gave her the feeling of superiority. I stood back and observed now that I knew she hadn't left. I wanted this time to gather what I could about her. As much as Edward was obsessed with her, he hadn't told me much and I was beginning to believe he didn't know much about her either.

She had food in front of her, but seemed too nervous to touch it. Her fingers went through her hair in frustration, reminding me a lot of someone I knew. I wouldn't be able to watch too much longer, the poor girl was miserable. Bella then repeated what I saw her do earlier, checked her watch, then her phone, then the window. She was clearly anticipating my brother's arrival. That was obvious. The anguish in her eyes is what stabbed at my heart though. Worry, apprehension, and sadness, they were all visible, before she started beating her head against the table.

_Time to swoop in. _

"Bella," I called, causing her head to shoot up from the table, eyes fixated on me.

"Yes," she stuttered ultimately confused as I sat down across from her. I clearly shocked her by my audacity. She had better get used to it. "I'm sorry, I was waiting for someone," she replied, pointing to the seat I now filled.

"Yes, I know. He can't come." I studied her body language to my response.

"W…w…why not? Is he all right?" Worry. I should've been able to guess that one, but the sincerity of it bowled me over. She was really concerned about him, as much as I would have been if he hadn't shown up where he was supposed to be, such as last night. This…I was taking as a good sign.

"Yes, he's fine, I promise," she sighed in relief, but then pulled her fingers through her hair in distress once again.

"He's wised up," she muttered, as I slowly grasped what she was upset about. "He doesn't want to see me anymore," her eyes looked to me pleading for an answer opposite to what she was believed now.

"No!" I exclaimed, surprising myself with my fervor. "Quite the contrary, actually," I replied, calming my enthusiasm slightly. "He sent me because he couldn't escape. I'm Alice, by the way. Edward's sister." Bella's eyes narrowed in what I could only perceive as confusion. I would be confused if I were her.

"He sent you? His sister?" I nodded. "So you know about us?" I nodded once again.

"Yes, you've made quite the impact on him," I elaborated.

"And you're okay with that?" she asked, appalled.

"It's…" what would be the best word for this situation? "Complicated," I provided.

"Yes, so I've heard. I hate that fucking word," she muttered the last part under her breath, but it wasn't lacking any venom. We were both silent for a moment, not really knowing what to say to each other. What do you say to your brother's mistress?

"So…um," I began. "Tell me about yourself," I suggested. I would ask anyone this question if I just met them, so it seemed like a good one.

"What would you like to know?" she asked. Everything. I want to know everything. I need to know what is causing my brother to be so taken by you so I can defend it properly.

"Are you from here?"

"No, I'm from a small town in Washington called Forks."

"What's it like there? What brings you here?" Questions were becoming easier. I had a lot of them. These were things Edward hadn't thought twice to ask for some unknown reason.

"It rains…a lot. There's not really much to say about Forks. I'm glad I'm out, actually. I didn't belong there. Too small, too confined. I'm here because I impressed a great professor and he landed me a job."

"Where do you work? Where did you go to school? What did you study?"

"Are you really this interested in me?" Bella asked, laughingly. She had a beautiful laugh, very engaging, once she started to relax. "I don't understand the appeal."

"I just need to know, Bella. I don't know how to explain this, but I feel we can become really good friends, and I'd like to think I can help with the situation."

"You mean the situation with me being in love with your married Catholic brother," she stated brazenly. She wasn't lying. I could see it in her eyes. They brightened with the mere mention of Edward and she had that grin I saw him wear most of the day yesterday.

"Yes, that would be the one. Now answer my questions."

"No follow up question about my admission just now. I'm shocked," she teased.

"We'll come back to that," I answered with a smile. I really did like Bella Swan.

"I work across the street," she answered, pointing at Tribune Tower.

"You work for the Chicago Tribune?" she nodded. "That's fascinating."

"I hardly see why. I'm not real fond of what I'm doing right now, but I like to think I'm on the right path. I went to school at the University of Washington, double majoring in English and Comparative Literature, so I could stay close to my dad. As much as I hated Forks, I hated leaving him alone more. Seattle was close enough to where I could go home on the weekends to make him dinner and keep him company. Lucky for me, he met Sue my senior year and is now married giving me free reign to be here without guilt." I couldn't keep myself from smiling. She was intelligent, selfless, and there was something about her that was just mesmerizing. If I was feeling this way, there was no wonder why Edward couldn't string together sentences forming questions around her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.

"Sorry," I apologized. "Just wishing we had met you two years ago and we wouldn't be in this mess."

"I'm sorry," she now apologized. "I don't understand this any better than you. I've never felt the way about anyone as I do Edward."

"He mentioned a fiancé. What happened to him?" Bella groaned.

"I feel really bad about what I did to Jake, but I don't regret it at all. It's quite embarrassing actually. I talk in my sleep and Edward's name might have come out," she answered with a slight blush creeping into her cheeks. I laughed openly. "Don't laugh, Alice. It was really awkward!"

"I can't help it!" I said, still continuing to laugh. "I'm sorry, I know it must have been horrible, but it's hilarious." A smile crept onto Bella's face as she nodded, fighting off laughter.

"I think the only real thing that was horrible at the time was the fact I was rudely awakened from the fabulous dream I was having."

"Say no more," I scolded. "He is my brother, and I don't like to think of things like that," I said with a laugh.

"I just…I just can't believe the connection between us, Alice. It's like we were made for each other," she informed. I understood that feeling. It was the feeling I had from the moment my eyes landed on Jasper. How I wished, wholeheartedly, this would be as easy for them as it was for us. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, I know the religion thing is a factor."

"Religion thing?" Bella nodded.

"He didn't tell you my response to that?" she asked with a smile. "I imagine it'll be a problem, but it's probably been pushed to the side ever since that man showed up."

"What man? Edward mentioned possibly getting caught, but he didn't have time to tell me what had happened."

"I don't know who he was. I just know he knew Edward. Edward rushed me into a cab so fast we barely had time to say goodbye."

"I see his over protectiveness hasn't calmed any," I replied.

"I suppose," she answered. "It was sweet though. I'm not used to someone protecting me like that."

"Get used to it. It's kind of his thing, and it'll get annoying real fast. You wouldn't believe how many times I had to ask to meet you. He was trying to keep you all to himself."

"Well that kind of makes sense Alice. Who do you know that would willingly offer a mistress to his family? A highly religious family at that!"

"I'm different," was my only reply. "Do you really love him? You haven't known him but a couple of days."

"Yes," she answered emphatically. "I know, it's stupid and illogical," she groaned. "I can't believe I'm about to admit this. This is so fucking embarrassing."

"What? Tell me."

"I read to him last night so he could sleep." I could feel my brow scrunch up.

"What's embarrassing about that?" I asked.

"That's not the embarrassing part," her hands covered her face as she continued. "I listened to him breathe for at least an hour after he had clearly fallen asleep. Only my extreme embarrassment that would ensue if he happen to wake up and realize I was still on the phone got me to hit the end call button. Even then, it was hard. I didn't want to lose the connection." I could only smile at her admission. It was beautiful, really. "Alice…where is he now? Can I go see him?"

"He's at the hospital, and no, it wouldn't be wise to let you go there. Our father is suspicious, and I have a feeling that man you saw knows either him or Tanya's witch of a mother." Bella expelled a deep sigh.

"I miss him. I researched everything I could think of that would get him out of his marriage. Would an annulment be a possibility?"

_Annulment? _

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I mean, yes, it's a possibility. But there are so many rules. I think he'd have to have Tanya's consent, and then there would be counseling for the priest to determine if an annulment is necessary or possible. Plus, there's my father to consider. I'm not sure he'd be on board for it."

"Why not? Wouldn't he want his son's happiness?"

"Yes and no. My father is…well, he's complicated too. He likes Tanya, always has. I'm pretty sure he's the only member of my family that does. I believe that if she is against the idea, he would side with her and think that Edward remain faithful and loyal to her and work on his marriage. Also, it avoids the scandal of an annulment."

"And the scandal of an affair would be better?" she retorted.

"He doesn't know about that…at least not right now."

"I can't stay away from him, Alice. If this man stays quiet, we'll be caught again by someone else." I nodded, knowing everything she just said was completely true. There would be no way to keep Edward from her either, though my father was trying his best already, unintentionally.

"I'll dig up some info on the annulment. I'll even talk to Father Molony if need be. We can't do anything until Tanya comes out of her coma though. It'll be best to lie low for awhile."

"Easier said than done," she muttered, then groaned. "Ugh, I guess I could spend the rest of my day looking for a dress for the weekend." I instantly perked up for this. "I took the rest of the day off in hopes of seeing Edward longer."

"What's this about looking for a dress?" I asked excitedly, unable to keep myself from bouncing. Her eyes watched me with fear. "I would love very much to go help."

"I have a feeling this is bad idea, from the looks of your uncontrollable excitement. You look like a fat kid in a candy store."

"Bella, make no mistake about it, shopping is my true love. Don't tell my husband," I replied with a smirk. "Now what's the dress for?" She groaned again.

"I'm being forced to cover a benefit Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it. If anything, Edward has at least told you about my clumsiness. Me in heels, never a good thing. Plus I hate calling this shit news. Why do people care about what the rich and well connected of Chicago are flaunting their money at this week?"

"The benefit for the hospital?" she nodded absentmindedly. I nearly squealed, her widened eyes told me she noticed me holding back.

"What the hell are you so excited about?" she demanded.

"We're going to be there," I answered. "So will Edward."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes brightening.

"Yes, now let's go find you a dress that will stun him senseless!"

"I don't think that will be a good idea, if we want to stick to the lying low plan." She was probably right, but I was too excited. I wanted to see them together, so I could witness it. If I could see the love in their eyes when they're apart, it would obvious to everyone when they're together. Yes, this could potentially be bad. I had just had a good feeling that I could cross at least one more person to our side.

And that one person would be the softest of us all when it came to love, my mother.

**A/N: Review!!**


	10. Mother F cking Doubts

**A/N: Welcome back for yet another installment of WCN. This is a short chapter, but a necessary one, before the much anticipated benefit, and from Bella's POV, woo! Sorry if I offend anyone with my chapter title, it just seemed appropriate for my foul mouthed Bella. Hope you all enjoy!**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews, alerts, and favorites! Please keep them coming!**

**No love for the WCN forum yet…that makes me a sad panda. Get the link on my profile. And if you like this story…spread the word!! **

**Also on the profile is a link to the dress for Bella…just imagine it blue. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all of this…we're just too stubborn to let go of the characters. Now…read on, and remember to review!!**

**BPOV**

_What you're doing is wrong, Bella Swan. _

Wide brown eyes stared back quizzically through the looking glass, questioning my heart's motives. I had been staring at my reflection for a good while in my underwear waiting for Alice to come back with yet another dress. The longer I looked, the more guilt consumed me at my actions. Here I was, with my lover's sister, plotting on how to break his will and his loyalty to his family…and to his comatose wife. _Are you even in there, Bella?_ _I don't recognize you._

"Yes, brain, I hear you," I muttered under my breath, hopefully low enough for no one else to hear. "I doubt I'll listen though," I added softly, resigned to the fact that I couldn't live without him. This could only lead to heartbreak….whether it is mine or Edward's, his wife's, his family's…or all of us.

"Try this one!" Alice called excitedly, warning me to duck at the oncoming dress. She heaved it over the door and I narrowly caught it before it hit the ground. I had let a few hit the ground before and was immediately scolded by Alice to the point of fear. She was a tiny thing, but she was quite menacing when need be. "I think this might be the one." Alice's voice tinkled like bells. She had been saying that about the last ten or so dresses I had tried. After parading me through the dressing rooms and studying every angle with the help of many mirrors, she always managed to find a flaw. When the number of dresses I tried on reached higher than the number of fingers and toes I had, I was resigned to call it quits. I was completely exhausted, not that Alice cared.

"Yeah, we'll see, you maniacal sprite," I muttered.

"I heard that, Bella!"

"You're fucking insane, Alice. No one should ever be subjected to this." I was teasing with her, but there was more than an ounce of truth to it.

"It'll all be worth it on Saturday. Now put on the dress and get out here."

Staring at my reflection, I could see the doubt etching my features at her claim. Sure, it was worth seeing Edward. That alone, was enough to make me continue this with Alice. I was finally excited for the benefit I had been dreading for weeks. Would just being in the same room with him be enough on Saturday? I couldn't touch him. I couldn't be with him as I have been. We wouldn't be in our bubble. We would be scrutinized, watched by every eye in the room if we let our walls come down. Did we have enough will power to survive the night?

I tried to stifle the groan that escaped me, but was unsuccessful. _Stupid brain…coming up with good questions._

"What's wrong, Bella? Does the dress not fit right?"

"It has nothing to do with the dress," I groaned. "Saturday is going to be torturous. I'm not going to be able to touch him, Alice."

"Bella, you just leave that to me. I promise you and Edward will have some time…"she was interrupted by her phone ringing. I heard her digging through her purse frantically. "Crap, speak of the devil. Don't mention what we're doing or where you'll be on Saturday." I was confused by the secrecy.

"Why not? Shouldn't he be prepared?"

"And spoil the fun and surprise? No, I don't think so Bella, dear. Hello, Edward," she greeted after hitting the talk button. I hated only being able to hear Alice's side of the conversation. I wanted to talk to him, dreadfully. I needed reassurance I was doing the right thing.

"Alice, let me talk to him," I pleaded, and tried to open the dressing room door but was met with resistance. _Fuck._ She was blocking the door! I fought against her unbelievable strength to no avail. How could a woman who weighed no more than 95 pounds be this strong? I really needed to hit the gym.

"I'm with Bella; we're shopping, of course," she answered, with little effort at holding me back. _Absolutely ludicrous! _"What else would I be doing with my day?" I thought I could make out muffled screams through the phone. "Edward, she's perfectly fine. We're having a great time and you're interrupting it. I'll call you later." I watched through the slats in the door as she hung up the phone.

"Alice! What the hell?!" I was beyond pissed. My one chance to talk to him and the vicious little pixie took it away. She moved away from the door finally so I could push it open. Standing in front of her, I could feel my cheeks flush with rage.

"I was afraid you'd tell him what we were doing," she answered with a smile that drained my anger slightly.

"Call him back; I won't say a word about this. I just need to hear his voice," I pleaded. Alice's eyes softened a bit.

"As soon as you try on the dress," she bargained. "I really do think it's the one." I sighed. My heart would just have to hold on a little while longer. Dejected, my fingers ran through the luxurious smooth silk of the midnight blue dress. "Feels nice, doesn't it?" Alice inquired with an uplifted eyebrow while I nodded. "Put it on, then we'll call Edward."

I stepped into the dress while Alice zipped and hooked the back. It felt wonderful, but Alice was blocking my view of the mirrors.

"Oh Bella, this is it!" she announced while bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. I couldn't help but chuckle at her excitement. Alice grabbed my good arm and led me out of the dressing room to get a good look at the dress. "What do you think?"

I stared at my reflection in the mirror yet again. The dress was strapless and crisscrossed at the bodice, and then flowed elegantly to my feet. It was beautiful.

"I love it," I said to Alice, causing her to bounce more. "What are we going to do about this?" I asked, shoving my cast in her face. The bright green of the cast did not look too pleasing against the blue. Alice scowled at it.

"What on earth possessed you to get a bright green cast?" I refused to answer that question. My answer was pathetic. Alice stepped behind me and started pulling my hair off my neck. "A silk wrap will have to do. It won't hide it completely but…oh my god, what is that?" Alice's finger poked me in the neck.

"Ow, damn Alice, you've got sharp nails!"

"Did my brother do that?" she asked, ignoring my complaint. I looked in the mirror at where she had poked me and sure enough, there was a visible red mark. While it was embarrassing that Alice had seen it, I couldn't find it in me to care too much. My knees became weak thinking about how it came to be. It was hard to be upset over something that made me feel so good. And knowing that he had so much passion for me, made it all the better.

"Yes," I answered. "That would be his work." I smiled back at Alice.

"Well let's hope it's gone by Saturday. Just in case, maybe we'll stick with keeping your hair down." She draped it over one shoulder and admired the look, nodding. "Yes, that's it. We'll add some curls, a little makeup, and you'll be golden."

"Alice," I turned to her, once her appraisal was finished. "Your phone, please."

"Let me call, in case he's not alone." I nodded and watched while she dialed his number. "Where are you?" she asked, I assumed once he answered his phone. "You're alone?" I bit my bottom lip waiting for his answer. _Please let him be alone. _"Okay." Alice handed the phone towards me and I expelled the breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

"Edward," I sighed.

"Bella," he said much the same way as I did his name. "How are you, love?"

"Tired, but better now."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to warn you about Alice," he said with his musical laugh.

"Yeah, I'm not sure I forgive you. She's a terror!" I retorted, smiling. "And she seems to have disappeared, should I be worried?"

"Yes, she's probably buying you half the store." My eyes widened, frantically looking for the crazy pixie.

"You're not serious…are you?" Edward laughed again.

"Have you learned nothing from her today?"

"Come save me," I replied, half jokingly, half serious. I wanted nothing more than to see him, even if it was only for a minute.

"I would love to…"

"But you can't, I know." I interrupted. I didn't want to hear he was being kept from me; this only fueled the doubts more.

"We'll figure out something, love. They can't keep me here forever," his voiced strained at the last comment. I wasn't the only one with worries…and I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. My heart was more than willing to give my brain a swift kick in the ass. I would fight for us. Would he?

"You'll see me again, faster than you think," I replied, my mood lightened. I didn't want him thinking too hard about those fucking doubts.

"I do hope so. I…" his voice was cracking slightly, making my heart pound at what he might say. I loved him, I was ready to shout it, but only if he was. Would he say it? My heart burned with anticipation and want. "I…I miss you, Bella," he sighed. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but damn if it didn't make me feel on top of the world.

"I miss you, Edward. We'll see each other soon. Will you call me tonight?"

"I can't, love. I'm on shift, with my father watching my every move. I may have to contact you through Alice for a little while. Is that okay?" I nodded; I would take whatever I could get. "Bella? If it isn't okay…"

"I'm nodding," I replied. "It's okay."

"I have to go, love," every time he used that endearment I struggled not to cry out my love for him. My heart was aching as it was, maybe those three little words would ease some of the ache. It would be better than saying goodbye, knowing it would probably be Saturday before I talked to him again.

"Does your father know about us?" I asked, chickening out and changing the subject from my heart's desires.

"No, I don't think so. Catherine knows something, though. I think she's mentioned keeping an eye on me, but has kept it vague as to why."

"Alice said she was a witch, why would she keep it from anyone?" Edward laughed softly.

"She's not my favorite person either, and I have no idea why, but I doubt it's because of the goodness in her heart. She's planning something. We'll just have to be careful."

"Bella!" Alice called, holding up a shoe with the highest heel I had ever seen.

"Oh my god, Edward, you will not believe the contraption Alice is holding up for me! There is no way I can walk in those!"

"I would never let you fall," he replied, sweetly. I loved he was so protective of me, but my bitterness of the situation almost retorted with "you're not around me most times." I held it back. He didn't deserve that.

"I know," I answered instead. "I have to go reign in Alice."

"Okay," he sighed. "Have a good night, love."

"You too, Edward," I replied back. Good night was much better than goodbye. I hung up the phone, reluctantly, and shot daggers at Alice and her bouncy self.

"Try these on," Alice shoved the heels in my hands roughly.

"Alice, I can't walk in these. Didn't I mention the clumsiness?"

"Oh you'll be fine," she declared. "And they'll look great!" I put the shoes on carefully, and then stood up, immediately almost losing my balance. The shoes made me five inches taller than I was used to being.

"I hope that when I fall Saturday you are behind me and my cast smacks you right in the teeth," I retorted. Alice's eyes narrowed at me, but then she smiled brightly.

"But," she began, turning me towards the mirror, "see how great you'll look." I glanced in the mirror, thoroughly stunned with my appearance. "Edward isn't going to know what hit him."

"You really should warn him," I chided.

"Pfft, and not get to see the expression on his face when you enter the ballroom? I don't think so." She wasn't going to concede. I only hoped Edward wouldn't make a fool out of both of us.

A saleswoman appeared in the corner of one of the mirrors, nodding appreciatively.

"You look wonderful," she replied.

"We'll take it, all of it. Plus an extra long silk wrap in the same color," Alice announced and handed her a black credit card.

"Alice!" I yelled. "I can pay for my stuff!"

"Bella," she began, sweetly, much too sweet for my liking. "This is a Carmen Marc Valvo gown."

"I don't know what that means." I all but shouted.

"Oh honey, I know," she laughed. "Don't worry about it. It's totally worth it."

"Alice, let me buy the dress."

"You can buy the shoes, if you must." That was probably the best deal I would get out of her.

"Okay, how much are they?"

"$400," she answered casually, like it was nothing to spend that much money on shoes I would wear once.

"Four hun..." I couldn't bring myself to repeat the amount, it was appalling. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Alice just laughed and shook her head.

"Fashion has a price, my dear Bella." I didn't even want to think how much the dress was now.

"Fine…here," I shoved my debit card in her hand. "Go pay for my death traps." Alice sauntered off in the direction the saleswoman went with her card.

I stared at my reflection for the hundredth time today. Alice was right; Edward wouldn't know what to do with himself. A tiny twinge in my heart told me I should feel sorry for that. Saturday was going to difficult even without me looking fabulous.

_This is a mistake...you need to end it._

Yes…yes, I know. Easier said than done. Tears were beginning to sting my eyes as the full realization of how badly this all could turn out infiltrated my heart. _I can't live without him, _my heart pleaded, _not after knowing what it's like._ My arms wrapped around my chest in hopes of holding in my impending break down. Results were futile as the tears poured from my eyes.

It wasn't long before I felt tiny arms encircling me as well.

"Shhh, Bella, everything is going to be fine," Alice whispered. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that I deserved a happily ever after with the man I loved. I shook my head repeatedly. I could fight all I wanted and the outcome would still be bad. Edward would lose something of value no matter what happened. Alice grabbed a hold of my face with both hands, forcing me to focus on her.

"Never bet against me, Bella," she said emphatically. "Only then, would you lose." I nodded, sniffling a little, and hoped with everything I had, that she was right.

**A/N: Review if you're excited for the benefit! I know I am! It's coming next chapter!**


	11. The Benefit, Part I

**A/N: So sorry this took longer than I anticipated, and it's not even the full benefit! I had to break it up or it would have taken even longer! **

**To my beta, keepingupwiththekids, I forgot to mention your awesomeness on the last chapter, and for that I'm totally ashamed and unworthy of your editing greatness. If not for you, this story would be riddled with prepositional phrases and be downright terrible. Thanks so much for your help and guidance. You rock. **

**Shout out to my girls over at the DSFBWG. You ladies are the best and you keep me in the know with the happenings of Rob. Who doesn't love that? Speaking of Rob...I'm sure you've all seen the pics that came out yesterday. I get chills just thinking about them...so glad he worked on those abs. Makes me think naughty things. Good job, Rob, I'm mighty proud! **

**Thanks to all of those that alerted, fav-ed, or reviewed. I try to message you all, and I think I'm getting better at it. If I missed someone I'm sorry! **

**Now...on with the update already...enjoy! And don't forget to review!**

**S. Meyer owns all of this...**

**EPOV**

This is what Heaven was.

My arms tightly wrapped around Bella, pressing her close to me, her delicious strawberry scent drifting through the air. She was dressed in an all white gown, an angel before my eyes. The electricity hummed between us as my fingers danced across the bareness of her shoulders, burying themselves in her silky hair. I tilted down to rest my forehead against hers so I could stare in those brown eyes and lose myself to her.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered against her lips. She didn't have to say it back, but the hope that she would was manifesting. I stared into her eyes, waiting for a response, my stomach clinching at the thought of moving too fast for her. She let out a sigh, her warm breath tickling my skin, causing me to tremble slightly. I felt her fingers travel across my shoulders, to my neck, and up through my hair. I was ready for the kiss I knew was coming; this was her signature move. I pressed my lips to hers, met with the immediate and magnificent jolt of electricity, but Heaven was wrenched away by Bella's fingers, tugging my hair, painfully, away from her.

"You have to let me go," she stated simply, resolve defining her features.

"What….no!" my grip on her tightened more so. Let her go? How could I? Confusion laced my features as I watched Bella writhe against my hold.

"You have to, Edward." I could only shake my head at her, stricken completely speechless at this turn of events. Heaven quickly became Hell as she tried to push herself away from me. Slowly, I raised my eyes from hers to focus on the building looming behind her. _A church?_ "Let me go," she whispered once more.

"Are you going in there?" I asked, my tone darkening, nodding my head in direction of the church.

"Yes, I'm getting married. Please let me go." Her admission brought panic surging through every limb in my body.

"I…I can't," I stuttered, my voice cracking. "I can't lose you. Please don't go," I pleaded, still holding on to her as if my life depended on it…and it did. I placed my head into the crook between her neck and shoulder, breathing her in deeply, my lips lingering against her skin. The ties drew me in closer. _Taste her._ My tongue responded to this demand, relishing the unique taste that was all Bella. She shivered upon the contact, provoking the response I wanted from her. "How can you ignore this feeling?"

"I didn't," she stated. I raised myself from the comfort of her skin, confused by her response. "It was you that ignored it," she finished, with a trace of anger flashing across her eyes. I was stunned. I ignored it? I didn't understand. What had I done? "Now, let me go." I shook my head again, though my arms didn't obey this time. They dropped from her sides in defeat. The fire in my chest was unbearable as I watched her turn and run towards the church.

"Bella!" I cried, falling to my knees in agony. I watched her hand pull the door open, but she turned towards me one last time.

"I've found happiness without you," she said softly, then disappeared into the church.

"Bella!" I cried louder. "Come back! Bella!" I kept screaming her name, desperation lacing each scream as I physically shook from the loss of her. I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay as my hands went viciously through my hair. _What had I done?_ I couldn't go on without her.

"Edward," someone distantly mumbled.

"Bella," I sighed. Had she come back? I opened my eyes slowly, hoping to see brown ones staring back at me, but was met with quizzical green ones instead. My mother was standing over me with her hands on my shoulders. I shook loose of her grasp, flying out of the chair to take in my surroundings. _Tanya's hospital room?_ I focused on many things at once, the steady beep of the machines hooked to my wife, her labored breathing, and my mother, openly gawking at me like I'd grown a third eyeball. Had she heard me cry for Bella?

"You…you were having a nightmare," she replied. "I was trying to wake you. You seemed to be in such…pain," the last word lingered through the air. Yes, intense pain. I took a couple of cleansing breaths, trying to release the tightness still evident in my chest. "Who…?"

"What are you doing here, mother?" I asked, interrupting her train of thought. I couldn't tell her the truth about Bella if I wanted to, and I didn't want to lie to my mother. My eyes fell onto Tanya's still body to my left, guilt slapping me in the face as I realized I had called out Bella's name in front of her.

"I'm here to take you home. When was the last time you left the hospital?"

"What day is it?" I had lost track. Between my shifts and my father insisting on me never leaving Tanya's side, time lost its relevance. I measured days by how long it had been since I'd talked to Bella, and with every moment away feeling like an eternity, I just didn't know anymore.

"It's Saturday morning," she answered. Three days. Three days and I'm having dreams where I'm losing her. I couldn't take much more of this. An audible groan escaped me. "Come on, you need to sleep in a real bed," my mother commented, misinterpreting my actions. She grasped my hand and pulled me along with her. "Catherine is outside, she'll watch over Tanya while you're gone." I nodded my consent, reigning in my pleasure of finally escaping this dreadful room.

The weight of the dream was still heavy on my shoulders as I sank into the comforting leather passenger seat of my Volvo. I was too exhausted to argue with my mother about driving. It was proving impossible to focus on anything but the dream, driving was out of the question. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was prophetic. What had I done to force Bella away from me? Would I be able to stop myself from making such a horrendous mistake? The pain of losing her was still in my chest and was proving to be more agonizing than the guilt.

I had to stop it from happening.

I couldn't lose her.

"Edward, we're here," my mother said softly, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Why did you bring me here?" I demanded, once looking out the window to see we were sitting in front of our family's home.

"You need some rest before the benefit, and I'll make you something to eat. Alice has your tuxedo waiting on you upstairs in your old room." I just stared at her, appalled. My father had to be behind this. He didn't want me left alone. How long would I be controlled by him? I lowered my head squeezing the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm myself.

"This is fucking ridiculous," I muttered, regretting the slip of my tongue almost immediately.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" my mother screamed. "Don't you dare use that language in front of me!" My eyes widened as they met hers once again, stunned into silence at her outrage and my lack of respect.

"I'm sorry, mother. You're right, I need some rest," I apologized, hoping all was forgiven when her eyes softened.

"Go on into the kitchen and I'll make you something some breakfast, then you can sleep until the ball tonight."

"Do you really think I should go?" I asked, following her up to the house.

"No, but your father thinks so. He must have his reasons." Yes, I knew his reasons. I wondered what Catherine must have told him to keep such a strict presence in my life. He didn't know about Bella. He knew something, but it wasn't our relationship. If he'd known that, I would have been dragged kicking and screaming to confession, not kept at the hospital for the past 72 hours. I groaned when I realized I'd have to be at church tomorrow, under my father's watchful glare.

"You have such dark circles under your eyes," Esme commented.

"There isn't much rest to be had at the hospital," I replied, settling onto a barstool in the kitchen. Truthfully, I hadn't been able to sleep well without hearing Bella's voice as I had Tuesday night. Utter exhaustion must have caught up for me to have fallen asleep at all in Tanya's room. Should I chance trying to call Bella when I made it upstairs? It was the only way to guarantee good sleep. _If only I had Alice's phone!_ "Mom, is Ally here?"

"No, I haven't seen her in a few days," she answered, while turning some bacon. My stomach growled at the scent, not remembering the last time it had food. "Your father asked her to help with decorating for tonight, and well, you know Alice, she doesn't take anything lightly."

"She should be resting," I muttered. And I needed her here. Carlisle had cleverly taken Alice out of my equation as well, whether it was intentional or not.

"Yes, I agree," my mother responded, placing a plate of food in front of me. "Eat, and then you do the same." She sat across from me, watching me shovel food into my mouth, ravenously. It really had been days since I'd eaten. "Who is Bella?" The question came so quickly, I had no time to compose. The fork that was positioned just outside of my mouth dropped from my hand, clattering against the plate below. _Real smooth, Edward._

"I…I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled lamely, no longer hungry for the food in front of me. I just needed to escape. I couldn't tolerate my mother's disappointment, too. "I think I'll go upstairs now, I'm really tired." I couldn't even look her in the eye. Surely her lie radar was functioning well again since the last slip up.

"Okay," she agreed, not bringing up the question again, but I knew the subject wasn't closed, just postponed.

I stumbled my way up the three flights of stairs to my old bedroom, cursing every step of the way. I needed to talk to Alice, she could do damage control. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed her number.

"Hello Edward," she greeted sweetly.

"Ally, I need help."

"Why…what happened?"

"I said Bella's name in front of mom." I explained the situation with the dream quickly.

"Edward, chill out, this good news," she informed me. I had been stricken speechless so many times today and here was one more.

"H…h…how?" I finally asked once my voice was operational again, but in a higher octave.

"Just relax, it'll be fine. I've got to go."

"Ally, wait. Have you talked to her? I just…I just haven't talked to her in days, and I'm going a little crazy here."

"Yes, she's fine, Edward. She knows you can't call her. Now get some sleep and I'll see you tonight." The silence on the other end let me know she had hung up on me.

I collapsed on my old bed, burying my head into a pillow to let out a muffled scream. It was therapeutic if only for a minute. God, I needed her. It wasn't fair my only access to her now was through Alice. If I really thought about it, none of this was fair to anyone. I didn't really want to think about it that way though. I just needed her with me. I was selfish and desperate for her.

I covered my eyes with one arm in a sorry attempt to force sleep. The image of Bella turning away from me was burned into my brain. I saw it over and over again, each time more heart achingly painful. I was too late. I hadn't told her how I felt about her until it was too late. That could be easily remedied. I just needed to see her again!

But how?

Alice's name popped in my head, emitting another groan. I was becoming too dependent upon my sister for this situation. The guilt would start eating her alive if I didn't find my own way. There no other option until I saw Bella again. Then we could figure out something. I'd get us Secret Society decoder pins if that's what it took.

Laying my head flat on the pillow, I was taunted by my cell phone on the nightstand. My fingers were itching for it. I knew I couldn't call her with the possibility of my mother's ears leaning against my door, or the even worse possibility of my father somehow getting a hold of my phone records. I wasn't putting anything past him these days. Would a text message hurt? I could immediately delete it…

My phone beeped suddenly, notifying me of a text. I flipped open my phone with haste.

_Don't even think about it! Go to sleep, I'll wake you later ~ A_

What the…? How did she…?

A string of swears left my lips as I hurled the phone against the wall. It shattered in several pieces causing yet more curses to spew from my mouth. That would be one way to keep me from contacting Bella. This feeling of being under constant surveillance was getting to me. Throwing my phone was just the tip of the iceberg. It was only a matter of time before I went off the deep end, taking Bella, Alice, and the rest of my family down with me, into the icy waters below.

******

"Edward!" Alice's cry rang out, springing me up from my bed. "What on earth did you do?" My palms rubbed my eyes before opening them to see Alice holding pieces of my phone.

"You told me I couldn't contact her, I reacted." Alice sighed.

"You look like hell. Did you sleep at all?"

"An hour at the most," I answered. "Nice to see Bella's rubbing off on both of us. I don't believe I've heard you mention hell as slang since your rebellious youth," I added with a smirk. She plopped down on the bed beside me, dressed to impress, as always.

"I really do like her, Edward."

"I'm glad. At least I have you on my side."

"I'll see if I can add to the ranks," she replied, causing my eyes to widen. Was that what she meant by it being a good thing my mother knows Bella's name? I wasn't ready to invite more to this situation, but knew it was the right step to take if I really wanted to be with Bella. "Get in the shower, you smell foul. We'll be late if you don't hurry."

"Alice, this isn't my tux," I called from my bedroom twenty minutes later. I pulled the suit out of the garment bag that had been hanging over the door since this morning.

"It's Valentino," she replied from my doorway, even though I didn't care about the designer. That was only important to her. "I thought it would be a nice change. I know you hate bowties anyway. Now hurry up already! At this rate you're taking longer than me!" An obnoxious laugh escaped me.

"It's been twenty minutes! I'm sure it took you hours to look like that!" Alice huffed then snapped her fingers at me. Her anxiousness was puzzling. Yes, Alice loved these kinds of events, but she was never so adamant about my arrival. She was up to something. I shot her a curious look causing her to rush out of my sight before I fired questions at her.

An hour later, I was standing in the gloriously lit main ballroom of the Intercontinental Chicago Hotel. The room was quickly filling with the well dressed elite of the city, and I tried to avoid them all. It was embarrassing that I was even here, almost like Carlisle was punishing me, which would not at all be shocking. I decided to make the best of it, downing a glass of champagne every time a server came by with a tray, while tucked away in a private corner. I'd had my third glass before being discovered by Mike Newton and bunch of his buddies. Mike and I had gone to high school together and had what he liked to call a rivalry. I never thought him to be on my level to even call it that. He was downright annoying and not my favorite person.

"Hey Cullen, sorry about your wife, man," he greeted, while his buddies nodded in unison.

"Thanks," I muttered, tipping my glass back, wondering if a server had anything stronger available. I would need it if I had to deal with this company all night.

"It's a shame, being alone at one of these parties and not being able to take a girl home. Bet you wish you were a free man tonight. Just look at all these lovely ladies."

"Not the first thing on my mind right now, Newton," I replied, coldly.

"Of course, of course," he muttered, while scoping out the room. I was busy flagging down a server who had a tray of something other than champagne. Bourbon…it would have to do. It was quickly becoming a favorite of mine, always there when I needed it. The minute the bourbon touched my lips, two things happened simultaneously. I heard Mike mutter, "holy shit," while smacking one of his buddies in the chest and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I could feel the electricity in the air, snapping at me, pulling me in the direction Mike was facing. "Look at what just walked in the room."

I turned slowly, expecting a miracle, praying I wouldn't be let down. There was only one person that could send such a raging current through me.

"Bella," I whispered, once my eyes landed on her. Her beauty lit up the room, blinding me by the intensity of her presence. The electricity increased tenfold and I could feel the ties between us begin to pull. Gorgeous chocolate eyes focused on mine causing my breathing to stop. Then this brilliant smile appeared on her face that sent a jolt to my heart. My knees felt weak, I was sure I was trembling and breathing had become difficult, but damn if I wasn't the happiest man on earth. Bella was here and I could go to her.

"Whoa there, Cullen," Mike called as I took a step towards Bella, his hand landing roughly on my shoulder. I bit back a growl. "You can't have all the ladies. You already have a hottie wife, this one is mine." The sudden need to punch him was overwhelming. It would be the release I had been looking for, something I'd have control over. I was left, positively seething, watching him saunter up to _my_ Bella. My hands pulled at my hair while I was forced to observe him with her, and when I heard her laugh, it felt like I'd been stabbed in the stomach. She couldn't really be enjoying time with Newton, could she?

"Calm down," Alice whispered from behind me. "And stop staring daggers into Newton's scalp; you need to be less obvious." I decided to shoot her daggers instead. What was she thinking bringing Bella here, feeding her to the wolves?

"I don't know if I can take watching men approach her all night and not being able to do anything about it, especially one being Newton."

"You'll have to manage, brother dear. And I'll make sure you get some time with her. You can always ask her to dance." I nodded. That option entered my head the moment she walked in the room. It would give me a perfectly acceptable reason to wrap my arms around her, keeping her close to me, and everyone else far away.

"Why is she here, Alice? Not that I'm not entirely grateful because I figure you had something to do with that dress." Bella's dress was something magnificent. The dark blue contrasted with her creamy skin, flawlessly, making it pop. I longed to touch it, both her dress and her skin. More of it was visible to me than ever before. My fingers were twitching to trace the lines of her exposed neckline and shoulders, sending the powerful surge through us both.

"The dress is my doing. Her being here is not. She's here on assignment." My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "She writes for the Tribune. You know, Edward, you should try talking to her instead of groping her all the time," Alice teased. "She's really fascinating."

"I don't grope her all the time," I muttered in defense.

"Don't think I didn't see the mark you left on her neck. Really, Edward, how very junior high of you." I smiled sheepishly.

"She's hard to resist," I explained. "Like a siren that calls to me." I cringed as I watched Newton take a hold of her hand, spinning her around. "Get her away from Newton, Alice, please. I really can't stand by and watch this."

"I'll try, but she could be interviewing him or something. Go get some food and no more bourbon! How many have you had, you look tipsy!" She sighed when I ignored her comment while downing the last of my drink. "You being drunk isn't going to help things tonight. Now go mingle a bit and be on the balcony in about a half-hour." Alice ran off before I had time to question her more, but not in the direction of Bella to my dismay. I guess that would be too obvious if she had directly after speaking with me. At least one of us was thinking with their head tonight.

Once Alice had left, my time was passed continuously watching Bella with Newton while sipping on a newly acquired glass of bourbon. I tried my best to be subtle, but knew with every drink I took it was becoming more and more apparent. Her eyes would drift to mine every now and then, cunningly, unlike my obvious stakeout. She would smile brightly these times and I knew it was all for me, much to Newton's complete ignorance. After enough of Newton monopolizing her time, she excused herself from his company and walked out of my line of sight, presumably to work. At least I could breathe easier now that she wasn't with him.

"Wow, that is one beautiful piece of ass," Newton said to a friend as they started to walk by me. Without a second thought, my foot was outstretched in front of his path, tripping him. Newton landed hard on the floor while I walked the other direction, smirking. "What the fuck, Cullen!" Raising my glass to him as I turned, I flashed him a devious smile and continued my stroll_. That's what you get for messing with my girl_. I caught a glimpse of Alice's upturned eyebrow causing me to raise my glass to her, too. She mouthed the words "calm down" again to me. I knew the alcohol running laps through my veins was making me careless. I knew I should heed to her advice. I nodded and smiled towards her. Message received, Alice.

Alice turned her attention back to a member of our church who was clearly in the middle of a monotonous story by the appearances of the others in the group, but the fingers wrapped around her glass seemed to be pointing at something. I, evidently, wasn't processing it fast enough because Alice threw her head back in roaring laughter in the same direction, giving Emmett's booming laugh a run for his money. Her antics drew the attention of everyone in the group and all of the people on that half of the room, most of them astonished. I wanted to laugh at her lack of subtlety, especially when she had chastised me about that earlier. Finally, looking at the direction of Alice's blatancy, I saw the door to the balcony. Had it been a half-hour already? Bella was waiting on me.

The pull became more palpable the moment I reached the door. She stood alone, facing the railing, shivering in the cold. Immediately I was taking off my jacket and gliding towards her. She jumped slightly at the contact of my fingers on her skin, but relaxed almost instantaneously at my touch. I slid the jacket over her shoulders slowly, dragging my fingers across her bare skin for as long as it could be found acceptable. There weren't many people out on the balcony so I took a chance, placing my nose just behind her ear breathing in her intoxicating scent. Her breathing hitched and she stiffened against me in surprise. Lightly, I kissed the soft skin there, then reluctantly pulled away, standing close beside her. My left hand came to rest on the balcony's railing beside her right one. Our fingers brushed up against each other gently, before our pinky fingers entangled themselves. I sighed at the calming effect of the electric current flowing between us.

"You look beautiful tonight," I whispered, fearing we would be overheard. Even in the dark, I could see the blush rise in her cheeks.

"You can thank Alice for this," she replied with a smile.

"I already did, love," We were silent for awhile, watching the downtown traffic and reveling in the company of each other.

"I've missed you," she whispered, tilting her head up to look at me from underneath her lashes. I gripped the railing tightly to keep from kissing her. But she called to me, and the alcohol was making my already weak control slip. I took a deep breath before replying.

"God, I've missed you, Bella. The past three days have been torture." She nodded in agreement.

"We can't go that long without seeing each other again," she replied, looking back down at the street. This time I nodded.

"I don't know when I'll be able to get away," I confessed. "Carlisle is watching me closely."

"I'm supposed to interview him. If he knows something, I'll figure it out then."

"I'm not sure that'll be a good idea," I hedged. "The cast might give you away."

"What do you mean?" Bella's eyes met mine with an intensity that took my breath away. Would she ever know the effect she had over me?

"He…" I started, trying to collect my thoughts again, but my focus was on her lips and if I leaned over enough, I could brush mine against them. Consciously, I leaned in closer, in an attempt to make her thoughts as hazy as my own. "He knows about me putting a cast on a girl. And the rumor mills were working overtime after you left the hospital that night. It seems I have trouble behaving around you and I'm not as crafty as I like to think I am."

"No, you're terribly obvious," she replied with a soft laugh. "That was a nice job with Mr. Newton back there." Bella shifted slightly to come closer to me, her eyes focusing on mine.

"What can I say? You bring out my possessive nature," I replied, complete with my crooked grin that made her breathing catch. "I can't watch other men stake out what is mine," I added softly, my words making her tremble. We were so close, her beautiful full lips an inch away from mine. My mind clouded when her warm breath swept across my face, contrasting the cold air around us. The ties were there, pulling mercilessly, they would not be denied. I was ready and willing to take that plunge into the icy water.

"Ahem," Alice cleared her throat from behind us, sending us both in opposite directions, but our fingers stayed intertwined. Alice's cold stare caused me to shrink back. "What do you think you're doing?" Her question was directed completely at me, but I had a hard time believing I was the only one that caused what almost happened. A hand went through my hair, bashfully.

"Sorry Alice," both Bella and I muttered at the same time, then looked at each other and smiled. It became harder to feel bad about it when it caused her face to light up like that.

Alice let out an exaggerated sigh.

"You two are pathetic. Bella, go back inside and get your work done. You," she pointed at me fiercely, "stay out here and sober up! It's messing with your control issues. I'm sure Bella doesn't want to deal with your bourbon breath." _Way to kill the mood, Alice_, but my girl just giggled.

"Not true, it's very sexy," she commented with a sly smile. And just like that, she brought it right back.

"Well then, I need more bourbon. Anything to make my girl happy." Bella's smile grew wider and I felt her pinky finger squeeze mine.

"No!" Alice scolded. "Seriously, you need to control yourself. You know dad is watching your every move tonight!"

"She's right, Edward. In moderation though, it's very fucking sexy." I didn't know if it was the bourbon or just her general proximity to me, but her swearing just became a huge turn on. My eyes filled with lust while staring into Bella's.

"Okay, okay, stop Bella. You're going to drive him crazy," Ally interrupted, kicking me out of my lust induced haze. "Go back inside." Bella sighed and took a step towards the ballroom before I grabbed her hand.

"Dance with me later," I nearly commanded.

"Looking forward to it," she replied after handing my jacket back to me. I was unable to pull my eyes away from her until she had fully disappeared in to the ballroom. The pull was fainter now, but still present, tempting me to follow her inside. Alice's tug on my jacket snapped me from that thought.

"It's really cold out here," she whined, when I didn't relinquish my grasp on it.

"It'll smell like you instead of her." I quickly put the jacket back on and relished in the scent of Bella.

"My God, you're like a junkie. You're going to ruin everything tonight," she sighed. "You do realize how much is at stake here, right?" If there was one question that could sober me up, it was that one. "We're already risking a lot by having you two together here. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can figure out you're both madly in love."

"I'm going to tell her tonight," I blurted out, the bourbon destroying my filter.

"Edward," Alice began, "don't do it tonight. It's not the right time. Don't you want it to be perfect when you do tell her?"

"You don't know the dream I had, Ally. It was too late. I can't wait for it to be too late. I can't lose her." My words were causing panic to rise, bringing forth the visual of the dream with Bella running away from me. Alice grabbed both of my hands, holding them tightly between hers.

"Edward, calm down. It was just a dream. It won't hurt to wait a day or two. Bella isn't going anywhere." I nodded slowly, Alice was making sense, and I did want it to be perfect for Bella. "Goodness, lack of sleep and alcohol are not your best friends."

"I know," I agreed softly.

"Promise me you'll sleep tonight. I'll even stay at your place if you want. You can use my phone to talk to Bella."

"Thanks Ally, I'd really like that."

"Yes, I know. I'm such an awesome sister," she complimented herself with a bright infectious smile. "Now go back in there and stay out of trouble, which translates to stay away from Bella, until you get a cue from me."

**A/N: Review already! I know there are lurkers out there, c'mon, give in! I need encouragement!**

**Part II will go up next week…**


	12. The Benefit, Part II

**A/N: I'll keep this short. My many apologies for this taking longer than I anticipated. Real life and writer's block…both terrible and distracting, *sigh***

**Thanks to keepingupwiththekids for being a fantastic beta and for her editing prowess. I know many authors say this about their betas, but mine truly is the best, hands down. **

**Also thanks to my readers/reviewers! You guys are awesome! I reached triple digits with the reviews last chapter! Absolutely amazing! **

**Don't forget about the WCN forum (link on profile). Go there for comments, updates and future teasers. **

**Enough said…let's get on with part II!**

**I don't own any of this….dammit!**

*********

**APOV**

Standing on the balcony, the wind was like ice against my bare skin, but yet I didn't move. I watched solemnly as Edward staggered back into the ballroom, clearly unsteady on his own two feet. The bourbon was quickly becoming his vice and his comfort when he couldn't have what he truly wanted. It only reaffirmed what I already knew. He was going to ruin everything tonight. A waiter passed by him with a silver tray full of drinks and his hand darted out, bringing the glass to his lips without delay. It was obvious he couldn't handle the pressure of the situation.

_Why did I think this was a good idea?_

Bella was right all along, he needed to be warned. I would have to listen to her more often when it came to Edward.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move from my vantage point. I couldn't tear my eyes away from watching Edward go into self-destruction mode. Anyone else would see him as a brooding, angry man, hell bent on drinking the night away to forget about the wife who lay comatose in the hospital. I guess he was playing that part well, and it was generally being accepted by the crowd. No one had made the mistake of approaching him since the Newton incident. They had all been fooled.

My heart went out to him. Even though I said I was upset about the lack of barriers he had with Bella when they were close together, I couldn't deny the beauty of it all. His glare from the corner he took root in was intensely focused on Bella. While she was out of my sight, there was no question she was in the spotlight. Even from my distance, I could see the pain and conflict. He longed to go to her, protect her, shout to the world that she was his, and yet, he could do nothing.

I expelled a deep sigh, knowing I could do little to alleviate the torture, and knowing even more that the bourbon would do a worse job than me.

"What's wrong, chéri?" Jasper whispered, startling me, while slipping his jacket over my numb arms. The jacket and his arms wrapped around my waist enveloped me in the warmth I craved as I settled my back against his chest.

"It's nothing," I lied.

"Alice," his tone was low and scolding, "you keep watching your brother like you're waiting for him to explode."

"That's because he is about to explode," I muttered.

"I can see that," Jasper countered. I must have been crazy to think I could keep this from him. He always seemed to be in tune to people's emotions. It was shocking he waited this long to confront me. "What are the two of you hiding? I have a feeling the brunette he can't keep his eyes away from has something to do with it." I gasped and turned my body to face his, searching his eyes to see what he was thinking. It was hard to tell in the darkness of the night, but the judgment was there. "Is he pissed that you called him out on it? His behavior is inexcusable." _No, no, no! He was reading the signs all wrong!_

I nearly slapped him. He sounded too much like my father in this moment. He must have seen the anger brewing in my eyes because his expression softened into a confused state.

"And here I thought you had half a brain, Jasper," I seethed.

"No need to angry with me, chéri, I was just followed what he's been watching all night."

I huffed and turned my back on him, but was unwilling to move away from his warmth. I was just starting to get the feeling back in my arms.

"He's not supposed to be so obvious," I muttered, blaming the alcohol for the discrepancy. I heard a gasp escape Jasper as he spun me back around in his arms.

"You're condoning his behavior?" his eyes felt like they were drilling into my skull. "Alice! His wife is in the hospital! She could die!" Each of his accusations increased in volume, to the point where I was afraid everyone on the balcony would overhear us. I didn't need anymore attention to be focused on Edward right now.

"Shhh!" I interrupted, placing my hand over his mouth. "You need not remind me of that fact. We both know Edward doesn't belong with Tanya. Their entire marriage is ridiculous." I spoke in harsh, but quiet tones.

"That doesn't matter now. He's married Alice! He took vows before God! The same way you and I did. I can't believe you're okay with this!" Yes, thank you, Jasper, for reminding me of the obligation to the church and God…a_nd how I'm going straight to Hell for all of this._ "The way he's staring at the brunette," he paused, looking for the right words to say. "Well, it's damn near possessive. It's just inappropriate and only a matter of time before everyone else notices."

"You don't know the entire story," I retorted, trying to keep my anger in check. I needed him on my side, and blowing up at him wouldn't help my case or Edward's, for that matter.

"You're right. I don't know what's going on because you haven't let me in, Alice." His words struck hard, causing me to blanch. He slowly brought his palm to my cheek, stroking it lovingly. "You've been avoiding me." Tears went from forming in my eyes to spilling over in a matter of seconds. I hadn't meant to avoid him or push him away, or anything that would cause him unnecessary pain.

"I didn't want you to feel the way I do. It's painful and guilt-inducing, I assure you." The tears continued to pour from my eyes, while Jasper did well to keep up with them. He wiped each one away with the pads of his thumbs, comforting me the best way he knew.

"Alice," he began, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, "let me help you." I stared into his eyes, looking for the judgment that was there earlier. It was still apparent, but maybe I could wipe it away by showing him what to look for. I needed to let him know because I couldn't allow this to tear us apart.

"He's in love," I replied softly, watching the immediate uncertainty appear on my husband's features. It was clearly not what he was expecting me to say.

"Come again?" he asked, stunned.

"They both are, actually," I smiled brightly at the admission. Watching them on the balcony earlier was beautiful, and I had never seen Edward so happy in all my life. He was finally complete in her presence. Jasper still wasn't catching on from the look on his face. I placed my fingers under his chin and tilted it towards the entrance of the ballroom. Edward was still in our view, brooding and drinking in his corner, eyes never leaving Bella. Nothing had changed since Jasper had joined me.

"Watch him," I said. "Yes, right now, he looks cranky and belligerent, but wait until his eyes meet hers, and they will, a lot. She can't keep her eyes off him anymore than he can hers."

Jasper and I focused on Edward for only a few moments before the change in him was evident. "There, it must have just happened." Edward's eyes brightened, giving him a look of clarity he was lacking before, and a smile on his face that lit him from the inside. The moment never lasted long, but the effect was unmistakable.

"When did this happen?" Jasper asked, unable to remove his eyes from Edward, much like I hadn't been able to earlier.

"The day of the accident," I whispered, truly fearful of eavesdroppers now. "It's why he was late, they had just met."

"I've…I've never seen him look that way before. He looks…happy?" Jasper slowly turned his head back towards me and was met with the onslaught of my lips on his. I couldn't have been happier than I was right now. Even if he didn't agree, at least he could see the happiness that came from it. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, while he adjusted to the shock of my attack.

"Thank you, thank you," I repeated in between kisses. His arms wrapped around my waist securing me close to his body and warmth.

"For what, chéri?" he asked.

"For seeing what I see," I replied with a wide grin on my face. Jasper's brow furrowed, notifying me he was going to bust my bubble.

"Don't get me wrong here, Alice. I'm not sure I approve of it, as you seem to be. It's still wrong, even if Tanya wasn't in a coma, I'd still feel that way."

"I know," I replied softly. "Why do you think I didn't want to tell you about it? The guilt has been shredding me apart. I don't know what to do most days. I can't ignore how they feel about each other. I have to help them make this work. My little brother's happiness means so much to me." Jasper nodded, somberly.

"So what's the plan?" he asked, after a moment of silence.

"Are you saying you're going to help?"

"I'll do whatever makes you happy," he answered. "I'm here for you." I smiled and kissed him again.

"The plan," I began, "is simple in theory. We need to slowly get everyone in the family on Edward's side. This means they need to realize how much he and Bella are in love." Jasper nodded, following along with my increasing excitement. "Naturally, my mother was next on my list, she being the softest, next to me. You would have been next, followed by Rose and Emmett, and finally, father."

"Alice, you know Carlisle will never get on board with something like this…"

"If mom is okay with it…" I interrupted, but Jasper cut off my reasoning.

"No, Alice," he said, harshly. "If you're going to go through with this, you need to know what will happen realistically and see if you're still okay with it."

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly. I admit that my father would be the largest of the hurdles, next to the church, but with mom's help, I had high hopes for success. Call me the eternal optimist.

"This has the potential to break your family in two," Jasper forewarned darkly. I shook my head violently.

"No, you're wrong. We're stronger than that." His hands went to my face to still my movements.

"Alice, listen to me," the intensity of his eyes paralyzed me. "I'm with you, no matter what. I just want you to know the consequences. I'm not saying it will happen, but I don't want you to be blind-sided by the possibility." I nodded bleakly. What Jasper spoke of wasn't something I allowed myself to think. Imagining my family torn apart by this was absurd! Edward's happiness should mean as much to them as my happiness, or Emmett's or even my father's. "Come on, chéri, you're shaking. Let's get you back inside. You need to sit down for a little while." His arm wrapped around my waist and he slowly guided me back to the ballroom.

Jasper had just coaxed me into sitting down as my beast of an older brother approached us.

"Alice, dance with me," Emmett demanded. There was a particular glint in his eyes that made me nervous. Most times I neglected to give him credit, but he was quite perceptive when it came to Edward and me. I feared this would be one of those times.

"Emmett," Jasper began, "she needs to rest. She's been out on her feet for too long."

"Don't give me that crap, Jasper. She's got more energy than the two of us combined, she can handle a dance." Normally, he was right, but I was still digesting Jasper's statement earlier. It had jarred me to my core and drained my energy. Plus, Emmett's persistence had me on edge.

"Emmett," using my sweet tone that usually got me out of anything I didn't want to do. "Maybe later, okay? I really am tired."

"I don't have later. Dance with me now," Emmett held his hand out for me to grab. I stared at his hand warily, wondering if there was anything I could do to postpone this moment. Emmett didn't give me time to think of an excuse, he grabbed my hand and pulled, launching me off the chair and into his arms. "There, that wasn't so hard," he replied with a grin, carrying me to the dance floor.

"Put me down you big oaf!" I squirmed in his arms until he finally released me.

"You're not going to leave me stranded on the dance floor, are you?" Emmett inquired, playfully. "It would break my poor heart, little sis." I rolled my eyes and sighed in defeat. Emmett took my hand and placed his other on my waist, leading me in a waltz.

"So why was this so important?" I asked impatiently, after a minute of silence.

"You did a good job on the place. It looks really nice," Emmett replied, ignoring my question. _Good?_ I didn't _do_ good. I did fantastic, extravagant! I gave him a cold stare, resulting in his booming laughter that turned quite a few heads.

"I did better than good," I muttered.

"Yes, but you should have been resting." _Oh, the audacity!_

"I was trying to rest before someone relentlessly carried me on to the dance floor!" The nerve of my brother! Was this what was so important? "If chastising me about not resting was what you wanted to talk about you're a few people late. I've already gotten it from mom, dad, Jasper, and Edward. I don't need it from you too!" Emmett didn't reply to my outburst, which fueled my anger more. He just led me around in the waltz, looking about the room in wonder, while I stewed, waiting for him to make a point. When his eyes landed on Edward's corner, I felt my stomach tie into knots. I knew it was coming, the question I was dreading. Edward was the reason for this dance. He had noticed.

"Tell me what's going on with you and Edward."

_When in doubt, lie, quickly._

"Nothing," I replied, smoothly.

"I hope you confess for that lie," Emmett retorted. _Ugh, more guilt!_

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about, brother dear," keeping with my sweet tone. Inside I was frantic. I wasn't ready to tackle Emmett or Rose for that matter. I needed more recruits before it was even plausible.

"Alice, just tell me what's going on with him. I know you know. He'd always go to you if he was in trouble." With the music beginning to wind down, I knew I only had to hold out a moment or two longer before I could escape the inquisition. It was becoming more and more difficult to refuse, as Emmett's large puppy dog eyes filled with worry.

"I…" a lie tried to form, but it was cut off by Emmett.

"Don't tell me you know nothing. I saw the two of you on the balcony earlier; his mood has turned a complete 180 since then." My eyes registered the shock. I felt them grow wider, certainly Emmett could see it. _He saw us on the balcony?_ What about Bella? "And now look at him, all gloomy in the corner, drinking. He looks like he's about to punch Mike Newton in the face. I mean, I know Tanya's condition is upsetting…"

My head turned sharply to Edward's corner, oblivious to how Emmett finished his sentence. Sure enough, there stood Mike Newton, running his trap. Edward's eyes were threatening, even from this distance. I could see his hand curling around his drink forcefully. If he gripped it any harder, it was going to break. I almost wished it would. Maybe that would distract him from what ever Newton was saying. While I didn't know exactly what it was, I knew it had to be about Bella. Combine that with the amount of bourbon he had consumed, Edward was quickly losing control.

"No, no, no…" I murmured. Tonight was about to take a dreadful turn.

******

**EPOV**

This was a nightmare.

It hadn't been twenty minutes since we separated and I felt like I was going to go crazy…or I was already crazy. The bourbon made it hard to tell the difference.

I couldn't take my eyes off her.

Occasionally, I'd remember she had said I was too obvious, then I would lower my eyes, pretending to be mesmerized by the tinkling sound the ice made as I twirled the glass in my hand. In order to keep up this farce, I had to keep my ice and bourbon well stocked.

Tinkling glass could only hold my attention for so long when I felt the pull. I'd feel it when she would wander closer to me, trying to get another quick interview, or when her eyes glanced toward my lonely corner. It was always strongest then. There was no competition for my attention, she had it all, and I'd have to fight the energy beneath my feet drawing me towards her.

The bourbon was making that more difficult, too.

As if I needed any help making this more difficult. She was picturesque tonight. Absolutely alluring. Temptation singing to me, wrapped in blue silk with the scent of strawberries. No man could resist her and I was no exception to the rule.

_Head down, Edward._

I had to force myself with internal scolding, but I obeyed. Swirling the brown liquid in my glass, I got lost to the whirlpool I had created. It was making me dizzy. _God, I was drunk._

_Must stop drinking._

My hand brought the glass to my lips, drinking greedily, without a second thought. Apparently, I had a limit when listening to myself. Now I needed a refill.

The servers must have their eyes on my glass because one magically appeared with a tray full of bourbons. I swapped out my empty glass for a full one, not meeting the eye of the man with the tray. I didn't need his pity…or anyone else's for that matter. If everyone in this room thought I was drinking the pain of my wife being in a coma away, then I was pulling off a well-crafted façade. For someone who couldn't stand up straight without the support of the wall to my left, that was saying something. That someone didn't deserve the pity bestowed upon him.

Carlisle's laughter from across the room caught my attention, raising my head in curiosity to see what was causing him such joy. There standing in front of him, my beautiful Bella, making him happy, as she easily did me.

I wanted to go over there. It was the perfect opportunity to keep up the pretense of not knowing her but getting to be with her. I could have my father introduce us. That would be wonderfully ironic!

_Okay, Edward. You can do this. One foot in front of the other._

I made it two steps and faltered, clinging to the sanctuary of the wall.

"Cullen!" my eyes rolled at the sound of Newton's voice.

_Oh, not now. I can't handle him now._

"Looks like you're pretty hammered," he replied with a smirk, slapping his hand on my shoulder, presumably to hold me steady. I, sadly, needed the support.

"I'm fine, Newton," I responded, but my tongue felt thick in my mouth, causing my words to slur together.

"Whatev, Cullen. So, have you had the chance of meeting my girl yet?" he asked, tilting his head in the direction of Bella.

"Your girl?" I inquired, with an obvious hatred in my tone that was impossible for me to hide. The glass in my hand gave a little as my fingers squeezed it tightly, trying to focus my energy there instead of throwing a fist in Newton's face. In all likelihood, I would miss and fall flat on my face, ensuring I made a fool of myself in front of Bella. Newton would enjoy that too much.

This was rational thinking coming from a drunk. Maybe he was the force I needed to get sober.

"Of course she's my girl. I'm staking claim on her now. That girl is amazing, Cullen, and I'm making sure she goes home with me tonight. I'll show her the time of her life."

Red haze enveloped my vision.

"Oh it looks like she's done talking to your dad! I'm going to ask her to dance."

One solid, connecting punch. That's all I needed. I drew back my arm and pushed it forward, meeting nothing but open air, due to a very slow reaction time on my part. Newton had already taken off towards Bella, completely oblivious to my attempt. The force of my arm nearly grounded me, but my other arm luckily found the wall in time to save myself from the unnecessary attention I would have received from either falling or hitting Newton. Unfortunately, the noise from my glass breaking on the floor drew it instead.

I guess it wasn't possible to hold onto the bourbon and catch myself….at least not drunk.

All eyes from at least a 20 foot radius met mine. _Fantastic._

Alice's hand was covering her eyes. The simple gesture was chastising me. Newton never once turned back. His focus was on Bella. Bella's focus was on me. Her chocolate brown sympathy laced eyes were piercing into mine. The connection was solid and in that moment, I felt I could read her mind.

_Was I all right?_

Not really, but I slightly nodded my head to calm her worries. She gave me a slight smile that told me she wasn't buying my answer. Before I could insist I was fine, Newton blocked our view.

"Would you like another drink, sir?" a server asked, a tray of enticing drinks held before me. I noticed my broken glass had already been cleaned up and disposed.

"That'll be unnecessary, thank you," my father responded from behind the server. My widened eyes shot to my father's unforgiving stare. "You've had enough," he stated clearly, then walked off in another direction.

"I shouldn't even be here," I called out to his escaping hazy double figure. If he heard me, he made no attempt to show so.

With no drink, and no other company, my attention was diverted solely to Bella, who was being coaxed into a dance by Newton. The expressions on her face were reluctant, but she gave in, and I had to stand by and watch as Newton wrapped an arm around her waist, spinning her to the dance floor.

_Torture_…that's what this was.

I couldn't watch, yet I couldn't turn away.

His hand rested on her waist, fingers curled to the curvature of her body, playing in the bounty of dark blue silk. My focus was on that hand, as he minutely pulled her closer to him.

I took a deep breath and leaned myself against my wall, trying to relax. Bella in no way, shape, or form, looked to be enjoying this dance. Newton was a terrible lead, and my girl was clumsy in her heels. If anything, I needed to be able to save her from this atrocity.

I could barely stand without the support of this wall. _Pathetic._

Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the wall. The spinning was more pronounced that way and not at all helping matters. I tried to focus on a spot on the floor to ground myself, but my eyes strayed back to Newton and Bella within seconds.

She was closer to him now, and Newton was smiling.

His arm was completely around her waist, inches separated them.

"_I'm going to make sure she goes home with me."_

No way would I let that happen. If it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest with a simple dance, I wouldn't survive the night thinking she'd gone home with him.

I pushed myself from my wall, putting all the concentration I could muster into putting one foot in front of the other, without falling. It was a difficult task, considering I couldn't take my eyes of Bella.

She was my drive. She was my focus. She was my reward.

_Bourbon be damned._

My progress was slow, and I stumbled slightly every now and then, but I made it just as the classical piece played by the string quartet was winding down. Taking a deep breath, calming my nerves, I tapped Newton on the shoulder.

"Cullen," he sneered.

"Mind if I cut in?" I replied with a smile for Bella. Newton opened his mouth to most likely refuse, but Bella interrupted him.

"I don't mind," she answered, then turned her eyes toward Newton, "if you don't mind."

"'Cause I don't shine, if you don't shine," spilled from my lips, causing Newton to glare at me, confused. Bella's smile lit up the room at my response.

"Can you read my mind, Mr. Cullen?" Newton's expression was incredulous.

"I'd like to think so, Ms. Swan," I replied, staring into her eyes, forgetting Newton was still standing there.

"The Killers, Mike," Bella said to him, rolling her eyes. Apparently, she still noticed his bewilderment. I no longer cared, but his perplexity was amusing.

"Dance with me," I held my hand out for Bella to accept, as the string quartet began playing _Fascination _by Nat King Cole. It was oddly appropriate for my dance with Bella and made me wonder if Alice had managed to work her magic.

Newton faded into the background as Bella's hand grasped mine. Everything faded into the background. All that mattered was her cast resting on my shoulder, her other hand in mine, and my left hand reveling in the smooth silk of her dress. I sighed in relief.

She was safe in my arms.

"Fan of the Killers?" she asked softly, as we danced effortlessly. I nodded in response.

"I was going to crazy over there," I replied, nodding my head back in the direction of my corner.

"I'm surprised I didn't get lyrics from Mr. Brightside then."

"Those would have been fitting," I answered, with a dark laugh. "If I watched you with Newton any longer I would have needed to rope Alice in as my alibi. He thinks he's taking you home tonight." I instinctively pulled her closer to me, claiming her as mine. The electricity was snapping at both of us, drawing us under its hypnotic spell.

"Mike apparently has a wild imagination," Bella replied with a smile. "And if you needed an alibi, Alice would be the one to ask. I'm beginning to think there's nothing she can't do."

"I was supposed to wait for her cue before being with you. Hopefully she'll forgive me, I couldn't wait anymore."

"I'm glad you didn't." Bella stepped still closer to me, the crook of her elbow rested on my shoulder. I needed to concentrate on my drunken self not tripping on her dress, but merely her presence was intoxicating me on an entirely different level.

"Bella," I whispered, breathing in her scent, ravenously. I took her hand I was holding and placed it on my shoulder. Slowly, I ran my fingers from her hand, up her arm, marveling at the chills I caused to leave in my wake. My eyes followed my fingers as they reached the curve of her bare shoulder, then disappeared along her back and taking refuge in the silk. Bella gazed up at me, seemingly lost in my eyes. I brought her closer still, our chests touching.

In the back of my mind, there was a little man, drowning in bourbon, trying to scream at me how wrong this was. I ignored him, the electric charge proved otherwise. We were in our bubble.

"I can't let you go," there was a pleading tone in my voice that was not lost to Bella. Her eyes scrunched up, unaware of why I said just that. We had stopped dancing; only swayed slightly to the faded music. I rested my forehead against hers.

"I never said you had to," she whispered.

"You deserve so much better than me," I replied, ignoring her response. I was drunk and losing control. Too much bourbon…too much Bella.

"But I only want you," she cried softly, tears were gathering in her eyes.

"Don't cry, my love," I brought a hand to her cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "I only want you, too." We held each other close, lost to the sensation of being together. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead when a gasp from outside our bubble reached my ears.

_When had the music had stopped?_

"Edward," I heard Bella whisper, panic in her eyes.

Dread immediately washed over me.

Looking around, I saw Alice and my mother together. There was a mix in Alice's emotions. Anger at my lack of control was easily seen, but it was her disappointment and sadness that really struck a chord within me. My mother stared openly at Bella and myself, her jaw slightly agape, this expression was not original, as it was found throughout the room.

But none of the stares and shocked expressions affected me as much as Carlisle storming towards us. It was a terrifying and sobering sight. _What had I done?_

"I'm sorry," I heard Bella say. The apology confounded me. _Why was she apologizing?_ My attention diverted away from Carlisle closing in on us and turned to Bella. I felt her fingers tighten in my hair as she pulled me down to her level.

Her lips met mine in a searing, urgent, passionate kiss. My body melted against hers.

And once again, I was lost.

****

**A/N: Who can tell I'm a huge fan of the Killers?! They rock my socks almost as much as Rob. **

**Now…go review! Please…pretty please!! **

**I'll update as soon as I can.**


	13. The Benefit, Part III

**A/N: Wow. That's all I can say to the massive amount of reviews I got from the last chapter. They were truly...wow. The most reviews I've ever received for a chapter, by far! Thank you all so much! And I'm sorry I left you on a cliffie, I have a tendency to do that. **

**Couple of things to mention. First off, the Indie TwiFic Awards nominations are open, and I would love to see WCN nominated (link on my profile). Since it would be wrong and completely arrogant of me to nominate it myself, I humbly ask you. If you like the story, that is. =)**

**Shout out to RoseArcadia, mom2kandg, and Eidelweiss for their forum and teaser love. And to the DSFBWG...always keeping me in the know for all things Rob. **

**And of course, thanks to my friend and beta, keepingupwiththekids...who I made cry with this chapter...so you might want to grab a tissue. **

**Enough already....Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and The Killers own Mr. Brightside...and all other song lyrics I use. **

**Don't forget to review...and check the forum for teasers!**

**APOV**

_(Minutes before the dance)_

Jasper had sequestered me to a group of old ladies from the church with strict instructions to not move for at least thirty minutes. I had apparently gotten a little too worked up over Newton antagonizing my brother. Depositing me in a seat with this group was just the thing to calm me down. You could only stay awake for so long listening to old women harp about joint pain caused by the cold weather.

Edward's corner wasn't visible to me from this seat either. I had nothing to do but sit and rest, even if my mind was going crazy with worry.

"It's a chore just to get out of bed in the morning," one of the ladies whined. I closed my eyes to keep my need to roll them undetected. _Really? This is what they choose to discuss?_ Maybe these ladies should consider relocating South so they wouldn't have to complain so much.

_They'd just find something else to complain about then._

How could Jasper do this to me? Didn't he love me? I turned my head around the room looking for him so I could shoot him my evilest glare. He stood on the opposite side of the room saying goodbye to Emmett and Rose. When I met their eyes, all three of them just smiled at me. Emmett and Rose both waved goodbye, not daring to save me from the boredom caused by my company. _Traitors._ After they left, Jasper stood alone watching me. He mouthed "stay, chéri," and I growled in frustration, throwing my hands in the air and turning back to my sentence.

"I heard you were expecting, dear," the lady closest to me, patted my knee. "When are you due?"

"September," I replied as sweetly as possible. This was at least a topic I could follow. All of the ladies offered their congratulations, well wishes, excitement, and then they started firing questions at me.

"Are you getting enough rest?"

"Are you eating enough for two? You know you don't have to worry about your figure now."

"Are you taking prenatal vitamins?"

I sighed audibly, rolled my eyes, and did anything else I could think of to express my displeasure. My father and brother were doctors for crying out loud! They knew that!

"Yes, of course," I retorted, my sweetness vanishing. "I have a family full of doctors." None of them noticed the spite in my tone for they all giggled at my response.

"Such a shame what happened to your sister," I heard one of them say, causing me to internally cringe. "She's such a sweet girl and we're all praying for her." This was a topic I had tried to avoid all night. If someone mentioned Tanya or my brother, I calmly made my excuses and went the opposite direction. As much as I wanted to do that now, I knew Jasper was still watching me.

"Thank you," I said quietly, unable to make eye contact with whomever made the comment, begging silently for the subject to be dropped.

"And your poor brother, too!" another chimed in. "He looks absolutely miserable tonight. I just want to give him a hug, but he's unapproachable." That must be the nice way of saying he's cantankerous and plastered. For the first time tonight, I thanked God he was drunk. I was afraid what he would say to people if they attempted to show their remorse for Tanya. I could only imagine it wouldn't be a pleasant experience.

"I positively can't understand why he's here tonight. He should be at her bedside." This lady's tone was bitter and scolding. The others were nodding and my mouth was flying open faster than I realized in an effort to protect my brother.

"It was my father's wish for him to be here," I announced.

"Oh, well," she backtracked, "if the good doctor wanted him here, he must have had his reasons." All of them changed their tune, murmuring agreements. My father carried tremendous weight in our church. He could do no wrong, and it terrified me. If I couldn't get him on Edward's side, we'd have hell to pay.

The ladies took up another topic, thankfully, while I tried to retreat inside my head for solace. I felt more exhausted by their exposure than I had been all night. Just a few moments of nothing, that's all I needed. Tilting my head back slightly, I closed my eyes and took deep relaxing breaths, feeling the effects almost instantly.

"Oh my word," a lady to my left gasped and my eyes shot open. There was a shock factor in her voice that sent my stomach in those tight knots it was accustomed to being. Glancing in the direction of her sight, I saw the cause of my knots. Edward was stumbling his way across the ballroom floor, barely staying on his feet. The sheer look of determination on his face had to be the only reason he remained upright. While the ladies all focused their attention on Edward, I shifted to his focus. Bella, of course…dancing with Newton?

_When did that happen?_

I wasn't ready. I hadn't given him the cue. I didn't expect Bella to dance with Newton! This had disaster written all over it. I was going to kill Jasper if he ruined this by demanding I rest!

"Child, sit down," one of them scolded me as I clamored to my feet. "We were given orders to…" I didn't stay to listen to the rest. I had a job to do, the most difficult task of the night. Make Edward's dance with Bella perfect and introduce them to my mother, albeit from a safe distance.

My legs carried me as fast as four inch heels and a ball gown would allow them. I pushed people rudely out of my way as I made it in the direction of the string quartet. The conductor already knew of my request, he was only waiting on my cue, which wouldn't be the subtle cue we had discussed.

"Next song!" I exclaimed, slapping him roughly on the shoulder continuing my barreling path towards my mother. I would tip him well to make up for my insolence later.

Esme stood in a circle of women all around her age, chatting effortlessly and charming them with the smile all her children inherited. Every one of them seemed enraptured by her; it was hard not to be. She exuded a lightness and easiness of demeanor that always made her popular at these events. She was simply enchanting. It was because of this I thought if I could get her to believe in Edward and Bella, my father would soon follow. He rarely could say no to Esme.

"I haven't seen you all night, mom," I announced, slightly out of breath and throwing my manners to the wayside as I took her arm, nonchalantly drawing her away from her circle.

"Alice, dear, are you all right? You look flushed." Her expression showed her worry as she placed her cool palm on my cheek. "Excuse me ladies," she said to her group, ever so polite, relinquishing to my pull. The first few notes of _Fascination _began to play as my eyes searched the crowded dance floor. Edward and Bella were about twenty feet away giving us a perfect view. "Oh, I love this song," Esme exclaimed, giving me a bright smile. "It was the song Carlisle and I danced to when he first told me he loved me."

"Yes, I know," I added silently. I knew the story well as it was the love I aspired to have. I chose it for this purpose. I needed my mother to be in the right frame of mind for witnessing the beauty that had struck me dumb in that moment.

I thought I was well prepared from seeing them together on the balcony. How naïve I was. There was nothing that could prepare me for this. It was quite possibly the most romantic and hypnotic thing I had ever seen.

I grasped my mother's hand tightly, unable to tear my eyes away from the couple.

"Alice," she began, calling for my attention and I turned slightly towards her. She hadn't seen what I was watching yet. "What's wrong? Are you feeling all right? Do you need me to take you home?"

"No mom, I'm fine, absolutely fine," I assured, turning back to watch Edward and Bella, dancing closer now. Finally mom followed my gaze, and I could swear I heard the breath catch in her throat. I took a deep breath and let a smile appear on my face when she said nothing, but watched closely. She had to see it. Their love emanated through the whole room, it was so obvious. _Please God, let her see it. Let her see how beautiful this is._ Edward was her baby; she would only want his happiness, right?

"Who is the girl dancing with Edward?" my mother asked softly, still unable to turn away. I was silent for a moment, debating internally whether or not to tell her the truth. She knew of Bella's name already. A simple name drop could blow this thing wide open, but I had no idea of the consequences.

"Her name is Bella Swan," I replied, throwing caution to the wind. My mother's silence told me she hadn't made the connection yet. I stole a quick glance at her to judge her reaction, but it wasn't helpful. She just seemed to be in awe. When I looked back to Edward and Bella the knots began to tie themselves once again. Edward had just placed Bella's arm on his shoulder and his fingers slowly trailed the length of her arm. _Too much._ It was obscenely too much. He was rapidly losing control all while our mother looked on curiously.

"Bella," I heard my mother whisper. The dots finally connected and she tore her eyes away from the scene and focused them on me. I was thankful she chose that moment to do so. Edward's next move was even more obscene for a married man. He held Bella tighter against him and the look in his eyes tore at your very own heart.

"Yes, mom…Bella," I encouraged. I didn't know what else to say to her. If there was a magical word I could use to convince her, I'd be shouting it right now. Instead, I just squeezed her hand assuring her what side of the fence I was on, and hoped she would join me.

When mom and I turned our heads back to watch the couple, the song was closing out and their foreheads were resting against each other. _It was so much to take in and oh so obvious._

"What are you two...?" my father's voice asked from behind us, but cut off his own question when his sight landed on Edward and Bella. I forced back the bile in my throat while simultaneously trying to take a deep cleansing breath. This was bad, this was really bad. Even Bella had begun to cry, though I'm sure it was for something else entirely. We watched in stunned silence of the ballroom as Edward's fingers wiped away Bella's tears. They were completely oblivious to anyone else in the room. I thought I was about to faint when my mother squeezed my hand tensely watching Edward place a soft kiss on Bella's forehead.

She knew. She understood. Would she approve? _God, please don't let her condemn this. _It was all too beautiful to ignore. I chanced a look at her while the crowd gasped. She had tears in her eyes, but those tears could mean anything! Was she sad, happy, angry, or disappointed? I had no clue. If it weren't for the many onlookers I would have shaken her to get her to speak.

Bright, dumbfounded, green eyes caught my attention. Edward was staring at us, finally outside of the bubble they thought they created. I tried to send him an angry glare for his loss of control, but it faltered immediately as I watched my father push his way towards them. I felt only fear and sadness, disappointment and failure. I still couldn't gauge how my mother felt about any of this.

I couldn't look at Edward any longer, he only intensified my fear. Carlisle was storming towards them and Edward looked like a deer caught in headlights. I turned my focus on Bella instead, who was much more interesting. She didn't stare straight at her doom as Edward was doing. She only watched Edward and seemed to be having an internal debate with herself. Words that looked distinctly like "fuck it" left her mouth and I got the sensation that I wouldn't like what was about to happen.

Bella said something to Edward that was enough to make his brow furrow and turn his attention away from Carlisle. I could see her fingers threading through his hair as she pulled him down to her level.

"No, no, no," I repeated like a mantra. Like it would reach her, like it would keep her from doing anything so foolish. I couldn't bear to watch the destruction before me as Bella's lips met Edward's in front of high society and hungry for gossip Chicago, along with many fellow churchgoers. All this time, I had thought Edward with his never ending supply of bourbon would be the one to cause a scene. Never did I think it would be Bella that would do something so blatant….so desperate.

"Alice," my mother's teary eyes met mine, and I took another deep breath. "Are they…?" I couldn't bring myself to speak so I only nodded, hoping I had assumed the right question. She sharply turned back to the scene playing out before us. Carlisle tugging on Edward's arm mercilessly, while Edward and Bella shared a passionate kiss. I was about to ask mother what she thought, but my father's booming voice filled my gut full of fear to where speaking would have to come later, for I was petrified.

****

**EPOV**

_God…yes._

The need for this was a burning intensity that had been building the moment she had walked in the room. Her full lips worked against mine pulling me deeper into her. Holding her tight and returning all the hungry passion she was expressing, nothing else existed, only us.

But I felt her slipping. I was slipping.

"Edward!" the loud scolding of my father to my immediate left pierced through our bubble, ending my minute of heaven. It was then I noticed him tugging on my arm, pulling me from Bella. "You've had too much to drink!" Carlisle exclaimed this loudly, obviously, to let the people in the room know that I was not in the right state of mind. How wrong he was. This had been my obsession all night. This woman, whom I still held in my arms, was everything.

I wanted to shout at my father for ruining such a beautiful moment, but when my gaze turned to him I cowered. His face was an open book. Intense rage, embarrassment, and shame were all screaming at me, but it was the pleading in his eyes that broke me down. He was pleading for me to follow his lead, let him sweep this indiscretion under the rug and no one would question what I had done in my drunken stupor. Could I go along with it? Could I call Bella a simple indiscretion…a mistake?

My head shook from side to side slightly. I couldn't do it. And the anger surmounted in my father tenfold. Bella anticipated this, grabbing my face with both hands, turning my focus on her instead of my father. I looked deep into her chocolate eyes and found a little relief. She was a calming force, made just for me.

"I love you," she declared with fervor. My breath caught and my heart pounded in my chest at those three brilliant words.

"How dare you throw yourself at my son when he's vulnerable?" Carlisle's strong voice made me wince and some of the light in Bella's eyes dimmed. She knew his reasons, but they were still painful to accept. "The audacity of reporters these days! You'll do anything for a story!" With that statement, the damage was done. My father carried too much weight to be questioned. Bella's credibility was trash and I was the grief stricken son who couldn't resist the temptation she put forth. The Cullen's were a great family with strong Catholic beliefs and Bella was just a reporter looking for a scoop using whatever assets she had to get it.

The tears were welling up in her eyes, causing my chest to ache and my heart to shatter. The one hand that wasn't being pulled mercilessly by Carlisle spread before her cheek, trying to soothe away her pain.

"I love you," I whispered. This was not the time or the best place, but she needed to hear it from me. Her eyes closed as the words washed over her and I could see her features calm slightly. My fingers caught an escaped tear. To see her tears brought tears to my own eyes. I could feel them stinging as I tried to hold them back. I sucked in a deep breath as her eyes opened to meet mine once more. _See my pain, Bella. Know you're not alone in this._

Carlisle tugged my arm forcefully and with my unsteady feet, I could no longer hold my ground. I was, unwillingly, taken away from my angel, left her standing like a pariah among the whispering and shocked high society.

One such person stood out, grinning like a fool who had just won the lottery. _Newton._ He was on the prowl, about to sweep in and rescue Bella from the shame. What would she do? Would she let him take her home to get her away from these vultures ready to eat her alive with their gossip?

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his chest now_

_He takes off her dress now…_

The lyrics Bella asked for earlier went through my head driving me to the point of near insanity. _No! _I wouldn't survive the night thinking she went home with him. All reason and good sense of a proper son of a great family left me.

"You stay away from her!" I screamed, pointing at Newton. Bella looked at me with shock, as did everyone else in the room. Newton only smirked, knowing I could only threaten him now. I was at the mercy of my father. Alice came into my view as we passed her and my mother. "Ally," I pleaded, "please get her home safely." Alice was in midst of a nod, but my father's booming voice brought her up short.

"You will do no such thing, Alice. You're coming with us." Panic engulfed me as I watched Newton quickly approach Bella. Alice took my other hand, trying to calm me.

"Jasper," I heard her whisper, and he was at her side at a moment's notice. "Take Bella home, please, and then meet us at the house." Jasper agreed with a nod and gave me a knowing look. "Yes, he knows," Alice confided quietly as we were drug towards the exit.

My eyes met Bella's one last time before she was out of my sight.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, hoping she could read my lips. She nodded slightly and let Jasper lead her away from Newton's slimy grasp. Though she accepted my apology, the sadness and longing in her eyes would haunt me until I could see her again.

The sharp contrast of the cold air of the night from the stuffy air of the ballroom took my breath away. The pain in my chest was already crippling me. Adding to it, the weight of the ramifications of tonight's stunt was heavy upon my shoulders. If my father's pull wasn't constant, I would have fallen to my knees, undoubtedly causing another scene to fuel the gossip.

This trek was exhausting and I wanted to break free. I wanted to run back to Bella and assure her everything would be all right. _Everything will be alright_. I would make sure of it, somehow. I wouldn't forget about her. There was nothing Carlisle could do to make that happen. Steely resolve washed over me as I made my decision to stand my ground. I would fight for her.

Alice's hand tightened around mine, as she seemed to take in my silent resolution. It was difficult to tell if her hand was providing me support or clinching around mine in fear for what was to come.

"Get in and wait while I go after your mother," Carlisle commanded after we reached a black limo. I held onto Alice's hand guiding her in while staring down my father. My jaw tightened as I determinedly focused on his hard eyes. Difficult as it was to remain so with all the bourbon swimming through my veins. I knew I couldn't back down though. It was too important…Bella was too important.

"Come on, Edward," Alice said softly from inside the limo. My father turned away, walking briskly back to the hotel and I exhaled a sigh of relief, letting the hundred different emotions wash over me once he was gone.

Taking a seat beside Alice, I rested my elbows on my legs and pinched the bridge of my nose in effort to calm myself. Every limb in my body was tingling, whether it was from the alcohol or the anxiety of my father's return, I wasn't sure. Alice's silence wasn't helping matters.

"Ally, please say something. Tell me this is fixable. Tell me you have an ace up your sleeve." I was pleading for an Alice saves the day moment. She was always full of them. I never doubted my sister.

"Oh Edward," she cried. Her cry brought my face up to meet hers witnessing the tears in her eyes for the first time. "I don't know how to fix this. It was all too fast." I stared at her blankly, slowly registering what she said. There was never a time I could recall where Alice didn't have a plan.

If she was lost…then I was lost.

The searing pain in my chest increased, flooding my veins with fire. My hands dragged through my hair excruciatingly, as if I wanted to inflict as much pain as possible in myself. I had screwed up. My earlier optimism of assuring everything would be all right was failing. Alice was speaking but I couldn't understand her words. Whatever hope I had for Bella and I being together in harmony was gone if this couldn't be fixed.

There was no hope of walking away with everything. The question was…what would I lose?

"….Bella will lose her job…" I heard Alice mumble. My outraged eyes met hers. She was right and I hated myself for not thinking how tonight would affect Bella outside the realm of us. My father would place a call to the Tribune first thing Monday morning.

"Can we do anything to stop that from happening?" I asked softly. My strength was quickly depleting. This was all too much to handle after tonight, and I had so much more to confront. Carlisle wasn't going to allow this to wait until morning. We had pushed him too far.

"I doubt it," Alice answered solemnly. The three words were a crushing blow. There had to be something I could do to protect her, and Alice was telling me no?

"Ally…" I began, but didn't know what to say. The fire in my veins burned away leaving numbness in its wake. I felt so helpless….so out of control. Wetness trailed down my left cheek and I heard Alice's breathing catch. The dim lighting of the interior was just enough to where I couldn't hide my tears. Alice's arm went around my shoulder pulling my head down to her lap.

"I can't stand to watch you cry," she sniffed, while running a few fingers through my hair, trying to soothe me. I appreciated her effort, but there was only one who could take my pain away. She knew that, but she tried all the same.

I closed my eyes when the car door opened and I assumed my parents joined us in the limo. No one said a word, and I didn't dare open my eyes. It was the only way I could keep the fear of Carlisle's wrath at bay. Ally continued to stroke my hair, almost lulling me into a welcome sleep. Sleep where I could dream of Bella and draw strength from her. Those beautiful chocolate eyes staring back at me when I told her I loved her made my heart sing. I could feel the blood pumping in my veins again. She heals me…makes me whole.

"Bella," the whisper left my lips before I was fully aware and in the silence of the car, I knew it was heard by all. Without opening my eyes, I could feel the anger rolling off my father in waves. He was gearing up for the showdown. _Bring it, old man_. I wasn't going down without a fight. We were all taking the plunge tonight.

**A/N: Hmm…think all hell's about to break loose at the Cullen residence? Why don't you review and tell me about it. I love hearing from you all. **


	14. Showdown!

**A/N: Announcement time! WCN has been nominated for TWO Indie Twific Awards, Best AU Human-WIP and Most Romantic Moment- WIP (which moment? I'm guessing chapter 4, but it could be anything!) Thanks to all that nominated this story! Voting for the first round starts tomorrow(7/8), and there are a ton of stories in all categories...so please, go vote...ahem..for WCN. =)**

**Thanks to my awesome beta, keepingupwiththekids, as always. And to all who have put this story on alert or fav-ed, or reviewed (I love reading each and every one) and to all that comment on the forum! A teaser for this chapter did get posted...hope you all enjoy the rest!**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight....The Killers own what I hope are cleverly placed lyrics to All These Things That I've Done...Rob and Brandon both own me, though they may not know it. I sadly, own nothing. **

**APOV**

The car had been enveloped with an ominous silence ever since Edward had stupidly muttered Bella's name. It was the kind of silence that weighed heavily in your gut, tightening those knots to the point of sickness. I had to fight to keep from screaming to release the tension. Just one Alice-style temper tantrum to call out the insanity of my parent's reactions, or lack of reaction in my mother's case. Stealing a glance at her, I noticed her eyes hadn't moved from her feet the moment she stepped into the car, and it irritated me to no end. She had the power to make all of this better, tolerable, at least, yet she was choosing to approach the whole situation passively. I wanted to throw my shoe at her…_and I didn't abuse Louboutin's_….but we were hopeless without her.

When I first learned Bella would be at the benefit, this was not how I pictured tonight ending. The situation was too perfect, puppies and unicorns perfect! The stars must have all aligned for that moment. Fate came up to bat and hit a grand slam, bound and determined to have Edward and Bella meet, if they had missed their chance on the street that day. To have it ruined by lack of control, whispering gossip hounds, and my father, should be a criminal offense! The moment was beautiful, and I know _she_ saw it. The question was whether she would stand beside my father and his rage or would she stand up for her child's happiness. I liked to think I knew the answer would fall in our favor, but her silence terrified me.

Suppressing a groan, I tried to will my mother to look at me. I needed to plead in silence for her help, but I couldn't do that if she wouldn't look up from the floor. The thought of nudging her foot with mine crossed my mind momentarily. However, with father directly across from me, should I risk it? It was tempting, provoking my father, just to get him to release some pent up steam. I could deflect some of it; turn his focus on me, instead of Edward…anything to make this easier. Bella tried to warn me not to surprise Edward, but the surprise was more important than logic at the time. I felt I was owed some of my father's hostility for that decision.

A sigh escaped me, drawing my father's glare. I lowered my eyes instantly, feeling heat in my cheeks from the fear that washed over me. My father was a good man, so long as you were on his good side. It was all new territory for me to be on his bad side, and I couldn't help the anxiety I felt for Edward and myself because of it. My focus turned to my fingers making patterns in my brother's hair, contemplating strategies for attacking my mother while my father undoubtedly pulled Edward aside to discuss the events of the night. Edward seemed very still beneath me and I wondered if I had lulled him into sleep. I hoped I had given him the little comfort sleep could afford. Maybe father would have mercy and leave him be for the night.

The car finally slowed to a stop and my wishes were instantaneously unfulfilled. Father's glare lowered to the head in my lap.

"My study in ten minutes," his strong, commanding voice filled the car, shocking our eardrums after so long a silence. I felt Edward's body stiffen as he was jolted awake by our father's command. He slowly, rose from my lap, met eyes with father, then nodded once, resolutely. Father exited the car quickly, leaving the three of us in the silent dark. I was about to open my mouth to help diffuse the pressure, but mother made the first move. She placed the palm of her hand against Edward's cheek, much the same as she did for me earlier this evening when she was worried about me. She remained silent, but her love for him was unmistakable. I squeezed Edward's hand, hoping to convey the same message.

Mother was lingering in the car too long. Her mouth opened to speak, but then snapped back shut again. She was wavering, edging toward the abyss, we only needed to say something brilliant to make her jump, but nothing escaped our lips. We both just stared at her, foolishly. Part of me wanted to cry for help. Let us hide behind her skirts and take on the battle for us. It would be the Alice-style temper tantrum I had thought about earlier. The more grown up and dare I say it, logical part of me was reminded of what Jasper had said. I had to realize this could tear our family apart. My father's reaction was proof of it. I could not with good conscience coax my mother to our side. It could, at the very least, strain her marriage, at worst, ruin it completely. If she wanted to come to our side, she would have to do so without our influence. There was only so more much guilt I could take.

She wasn't ready to decide, but the struggle in her eyes was evident. I tilted my head slightly toward the door of the car, releasing her for now. It was an odd sensation, giving my own mother permission to escape, and even stranger, having her listen. Maybe my maternal instincts were kicking in gear. I knew I was definitely in full protective mode over Edward, so I couldn't be far off base. I feared leading him to the lion's den alone. I helped make this happen. If I had told him Bella was going to be there, we could have prevented this…somehow.

"Let me go in there with you," I suggested, finally breaking the silence, and expressing my need to help him at the same time.

"No Alice," he began, "you've done too much for me as it is. I've become too dependent upon you."

"But…"

"No," he interrupted. "This is my fight. If I want to be with Bella, then I need to be the one fighting for her, starting now." Edward rose and exited the car as quickly as Carlisle had earlier, but then had to stop and regain his footing after taking a few steps. Sure, now he decides to be valiant, with the bourbon still swimming through his system. I caught up to him and placed my arm around his waist to steady him.

"You're still drunk," I commented.

"I'm fine," he snapped. He was anything but fine. He couldn't walk a straight line without help and I couldn't remember the last time he ate or had a decent night's sleep.

"Ask to hold this all important discussion until morning. You're in dire need of rest," I pleaded, knowing I was grasping at straws. Edward, trying to put on this brave front, would never admit he was weak and needed a few hours to recollect nor would father grant him the notion. Edward laughed darkly, seemingly coming up with the same conclusion as he stopped his path towards the house.

"You think I could sleep after tonight?" his tone surprisingly cold while he stared at me with a crazy glint in his eyes. He shook his head and replied when I had no answer, too stunned by the tone. "No, there's too much at stake. I've made a fool of myself and of Bella. I've quite possibly ruined her career and I have no earthly idea how she could still love me after that, which is a thought I cannot tolerate…"

"She will love you no matter what," I interrupted. I had to say something to make him feel better, what better way than by telling him the truth. His eyes turned toward the ground, but he nodded in admission.

"I know," he whispered. "I don't deserve it, but I'll do whatever I can to be deserving of it, one day."

"We could argue back and forth all day about whether you deserve it or not, Edward, so I'm not going there. I wouldn't be standing here with you if I didn't think you deserved to be happy, and Bella makes you happy." He smiled slightly just at the mention of her name.

"She does," he admitted shyly, while running his hand through his hair. "You'll make sure she got home safe, right?"

"Of course I will," I replied. Edward nodded, and then continued his path to the house. "Wait a second," I called, stopping him in his tracks. "What's your game plan?"

"I don't really have one," he replied, turning back to face me.

"Have you thought about an annulment?" His head tilted to the side as he processed my question. "You seem confused," I replied with a smile, after a few moments of silence.

"I hadn't thought…I mean, I didn't think I would be able to get one," he confessed, softly.

"Bella mentioned the possibility, and I've been researching ever since." Edward's head snapped upright.

"Bella mentioned it?"

"Yes, when we met for lunch. I promised her I'd look into it."

"And?" he asked impatiently.

"I think you have grounds for one. You and Tanya rushed into marriage when you hardly knew each other. She's someone entirely different than what you thought she was…and you can honestly say you don't love her, never had…especially now that you know what true love feels like."

"It can't be that easy."

"It's not, by any means. I'm just saying it can be done. It's a rigorous process that will be dragged out for months by the church. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, will be called in as witnesses to discuss your marriage. You can bet that father will be less than enthused by the attention it will bring to the family."

"But it _is_ an option," Edward replied with the first genuine smile I'd seen on him since our time with Bella on the balcony, which pretty much assured me he didn't hear a word I said past "it can be done."

"Yes," I nodded, giving him hope, rather than tearing him down again. I watched from the porch as he flew into the house and up the stairs, slightly unsteady, but on a mission to convince my father this would be the right thing to do. "Good luck, brother dear, it's an option you will have to fight hard for."

"Alice!" my mother called from what sounded like the kitchen. I sighed, resigning to the long night ahead of me. I may have decided to not persuade mother to our side, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to pepper me with questions all night about Edward and Bella. In all honesty, I needed to force the conversation. I found her hovering over a tea kettle, drumming her fingers impatiently on the granite countertop. She smiled sweetly when I appeared. "Have some tea with me, dear." I nodded, plopping on a barstool in front of two mugs with teabags already in them. "One cup, then I'm sending you to bed. You can sleep here tonight."

"That won't be necessary mom, Jasper will be here soon, and he can take me home."

"Nonsense, you can both stay here and we'll all go to Mass together in the morning. You need to rest," she ordered, but then her brow furrowed. "Where is Jasper?"

_Hmm…truth or lie, which would be better? _

"He took Bella home," I replied easily, the cat was out of the proverbial bag, why bother hiding it? Her body stilled, only for a moment, after my response. The tea kettle chose that instant to whistle, distracting her from the reaction I was attempting to goad from her. She poured the hot water quietly, either formulating something to say about Bella or ignoring my reply all together.

"When is your next appointment with Dr. Bradshaw?"

_Those of you that chose door number two; here is your prize, an eight hundred pound gorilla to ignore. _I was seriously weighing the pros and cons of throwing my shoes now.

"Not until next month," I replied with a sigh. "We're really not going to talk about what happened tonight?"

"Did you get to talk to Emmett or Rose any tonight?" Mother quickly asked, ignoring my question and avoiding my eyes. "Rose is hard pressed to leave Remmi with a babysitter more than an hour." _Jasper could always buy me new shoes_.

"Yes, I danced with Emmett for a little while," I replied, getting an idea, that didn't involve my shoes. I couldn't push her over to our side, but I refused to let her ignore this. She needed to know the whole story before she was subjected to father's biased opinions. "He wanted to ask me about Edward's behavior." I studied her while she slowly took a drink of her tea.

"And what was his behavior?" she asked quietly. _Small victory!_ At least she didn't change the subject again.

"He had noticed him on the balcony earlier, happy," I paused, briefly glancing over my teacup at her, "and then saw him in the corner drowning his sorrows moments later. To say he was confused would be an understatement."

_Come on mom, ask me the question._ _Ask me why he was happy._

"He must have kept to himself most of the night, I didn't really see him until…" her words trailed off as she almost approached the topic of Bella on her own. "I probably should have been watching him closer," she mumbled, hastily finishing off the rest of her tea, then stepping away from the counter where I sat. If her conscience was bothering her, the moment passed quickly. "Well let's get you to bed. You're due for a full night's sleep and we have to be up early tomorrow…"

"Don't you want to know why he was happy?!" I shouted, losing my patience and toppling over the barstool as I clamored to my feet. The crash from the stool hitting the tile floor coincided with a loud noise from upstairs. I didn't have time to think about what it was; I had to focus on mother who seemed too stunned by my outburst to speak.

"No, Alice, I'm not sure I want to know," she confessed, after a moment or two of silence.

"Living in denial will only get you so far," I retorted. "He's in love with her, mother. She was out on the balcony with us when Emmett saw him. _She_ makes him happy." My mother just gaped at me, speechless. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept talking. "They met the day Tanya was in the accident and they just…sparked. It's totally cliché, but it was love at first sight for them. Not just on his side either; she's just as crazy about him as he is her! I've met her for lunch and I really like her. She's good for…"

"Alice!" her severe tone shut my mouth instantly. Her shoulders were shaking and her fingers gripped the countertop for support. "Stop, please stop."

"No," I replied, defiantly. "I told myself I wouldn't force you to pick sides, but you need to know you're going to have to eventually. This isn't something that will go away. He wants to annul his marriage to Tanya, and he has the ability to do so." I stopped, only because I saw tears running down my mother's cheeks. She was such a gentle soul, and I hated making her cry. I stepped around the counter to put my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder. "He's going to need you…you gotta help him out," I whispered.

"How can you be so resolved?" she asked, sniffling and still holding on to me. "This goes against everything we've taught you." Lifting my chin from her shoulder, I looked her in the eye while I gave her the answer she deserved to know. I had kept my reaction at their wedding to myself for too long.

"You remember when I got sick at their wedding, and I said I was pregnant," mother nodded. "Obviously, I wasn't pregnant, but during the ceremony, I kept getting flashes of how wrong it all was. Nothing felt right and it just got worse and worse until I found myself wrapped around a garbage can with Rose stroking my back. Call me psychic or call me crazy, but I knew he should have never married Tanya. It just wasn't something I could just announce at the reception, so I lied."

"Oh Alice," my mother sighed but with a slight smile, placing both her palms on either side of my face. "You've always had a bit of a knack for foreseeing the future." I wasn't sure if this statement should give me hope, but it did…even if she was just joking. Another noise and muffled voices from upstairs turned both of our heads to the ceiling and that ever-present knot resided in my stomach. I feared for Edward up there, and hoped he was staying strong.

"It's time for bed, chéri," Jasper's voice startled me from the doorway. Knowing there would be no way he'd let me stay downstairs to wait for Edward, I released my grasp on my mother, telling her good night, and followed Jasper quietly up the stairs to my old bedroom. The moment he closed the door, I turned to face him, ready to fire questions.

"How's Bella?"

"I'll answer everything you want to know as soon as you get out of that dress and into bed," Jasper bargained. I happily complied, rushing toward the connecting bathroom to shed my clothes and wash off my makeup in record time. As soon as I ran water in the sink, the loudest crash I had heard thus far came from the study. I wasn't sure if it was louder because I was on the same level now or if something truly serious had just happened. While I was dying to go in there and check on them, I knew that would only further hamper the progress. Still hearing muffled yelling, I could only assume they were okay, physically.

Fifteen minutes later, I bounced into bed beside Jasper, determined to discover some good news from any of this to distract Edward from his showdown with father.

"Spill it, mister, how is she?"

"She's okay, or at least she wanted me to believe she was okay," he answered, wrapping his arms around me. I breathed his scent in deeply, letting it comfort me, once resting my head on his chest. "She's a tough one, I'll give her that. She never let her head drop when I led her out of the ballroom, meeting every eye that looked ready to stone her." His voice was a mix of awe and pride, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You like her," I sighed.

"I can see why you and Edward are so taken with her," he hedged, still reluctant to give his full approval. I'd take what I could get. "I thought I was going to have to club her over the head and carry her caveman style to my car. She threw a fit when I told her I was to make sure she got home."

"I've learned that Bella doesn't like people to do things for her. She didn't like me buying her dress either. How did you get her to agree?"

"I threw out Edward's name, naturally." I laughed.

"If someone told her to jump off a cliff for Edward, I don't think she'd hesitate."

"I'm not sure that's healthy, chéri," I shrugged my free shoulder.

"I'd do it for you," I replied, nonchalantly. Jasper tightened his grip on me and kissed the top of my head, silently telling me he'd do the same. "Tell me more."

"She was pretty quiet in the car. At one point she started to beat her head against the window, muttering about her stupidity, only she used more colorful words." I couldn't suppress giggling when thinking about Bella's potty mouth. "She's worried about him and whether she ruined everything."

"She hasn't…she's just sped everything up, which is probably good for them. They're quite an impatient pair."

"You should go see her soon," Jasper said, surprisingly, after a moment of silence. "I don't imagine Edward will be able to see her for awhile, and she'll need someone to talk to."

"Showing concern over Edward's mistress, tut-tut. I think you're fully in our corner now," I teased.

"I'm not crazy about this turn of events, but I'm not blind. She loves him, and I'm in whatever corner you're in. Now sleep, chéri." Jasper stroked my arm, soothingly.

"Easier said than done," I mumbled, but my eyes were feeling very heavy.

Sleep came easier than expected, but was brief. I had no idea how long I had slept, it was definitely the loud crash of a door slam that roused me, but it was the yelling that transpired that had me stumbling over top Jasper and racing for my bedroom door.

**EPOV**

Walking slowly, and more in a straight line than I had all night, I took note of the slightly ajar door with soft light filtering into the hall, behind which I would find my father. More than anything, I wanted to bust open the door and defend Bella's reputation that he had hopelessly squandered in a matter of five minutes. She deserved an apology from him, and she would get it, eventually. One thing at a time, though, and right now, the focus needed to be on convincing him an annulment would be a good idea. His permission was unnecessary, but he was still my father and I wanted to keep my family in tact. At least I hoped that was still a possibility.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open, walking in with my head held high. I refused to cower in shame, because I felt none. What I did may have been wrong, but I would do it again if given the opportunity. I stood quietly in front of his desk, waiting to be acknowledged by the man bent over a letter he was writing. The fingers wrapped around the silver pen were white with strain. Silently, I worried what he was writing and how it pertained to Bella or me.

"Sit," he finally commanded, eyes not lifting from his flowing script.

"I'd prefer to stand," I countered, my tone edgy and defiant. It wasn't exactly how I wanted to start the conversation, but I feared he would ignore my presence for an indeterminable amount of time if I obeyed and sat. I could still feel the bourbon's effects, add the soothing heat from the fire, the stillness of the room, the comfortable wingback chairs to either side of me, and I would fall asleep in no time. It didn't matter how riled up I was over the situation with Bella, I hadn't slept more than two hours at a time in days.

"Very well," he muttered, continuing his writing, still not meeting my eyes, and I was too stubborn to call him on it.

Roughly ten minutes and nothing but the sounds of the fire, the ticking clock on the mantle, and the scratch of his pen across the paper had filled the room. I could feel my anxiety building with each passing moment of silence as I wondered how far had I truly pushed my father tonight. His glare at the paper appeared murderous, or maybe it was only my paranoia. The ticking clock became louder, deafening all other sounds, as I was counting down the seconds until my executioner would be called. A black hood would go over my head and I'd be led blindly to the guillotine so my father could dispose of his black sheep.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts, trying to reign in the tightness I felt in my chest and stomach. Closing my eyes and breathing deep, a vision of brown hair and eyes and blue silk formed. My mind quickly sifted through the memories I had of Bella. Everything from when fate shined down on me and I kept her from falling to the blissful feeling of her willingly in my arms tonight when she said she loved me. The sweet electricity that generated every time we were near each other and the jolt it sent through me when her lips met mine. The sensation never got old, and I couldn't imagine there was anyone out there like her for me. I swayed slightly on my feet and couldn't keep the smile off my face when I thought about my Bella.

_Death by guillotine was better than life without her. _

My father's fist slammed powerfully into his desk, rattling the contents, and startling me from my daydream. This time, his glare met mine, and I felt no fear, no anxiety. I was tired of waiting for him to act. He was the one that taught me to fight hard for the best things in life. No better time than now to prove him right.

"If you're waiting for an apology for my actions tonight, then you'll be sorely disappointed." A heavy sigh escaped my father.

"Maybe it was wrong of me to think we could have this discussion now," he replied. "You're still obviously drunk and not thinking clearly."

"Don't put me on the back burner!" I snapped, gripping a glass paperweight from the table beside me. It was something sturdy that I could squeeze when I felt my temper rise. "Just because I don't agree with you, doesn't mean I'm not able to speak intelligently."

"Do you have an idea what you're saying? Am I to understand that the events of tonight are perfectly acceptable to you?"

"I never said they were acceptable," I seethed. "I'm saying I'm not sorry for them, and I would do it again if I had the opportunity. I will not feel guilty for any time I'm granted with Bella."

"Need I remind you you're a married man, with a wife in the hospital?" he inquired, while standing from his chair, gripping the edge of his desk. "That you have responsibilities to that woman and what you've done tonight not only compromises your marriage, but your standing in the church, and your good name." I opened my mouth to retort, but was silenced by my father's continuation. "Now, I can make all of this go away. You will go to Mass tomorrow, with the entire family, to show solidarity, and you will stay for confession afterwards. Your actions will be seen a grief driven, completely understandable and forgivable. As for Ms. Isabella Swan," he started, lifting up the letter he had been writing, "I have a recommendation letter for an editing job at the New York Times, which I'm sure she'll gladly accept once her future with the Tribune is dissolved. There will be no need to hear from her again." I stared at the letter blankly, until rage bubbled up inside me. _He wanted to send her away! _My grip tightened on the glass ball as I tried to keep myself in check. I still hadn't got to mention my initial purpose.

"If you believe you can send her away and that will solve everything, then you're blinder than I realized."

"She's not worth the destruction of my family, Edward! The sooner she's out of this city, the better we'll all be! Now let me fix this so we can move past this nonsense!"

"The better you'll be, maybe. I'll be on a plane to New York," I smirked, my father's icy glare meeting mine.

"Your life is here!" my father exclaimed, vehemently pounding his fist on the desk for emphasis.

"I have no life without Bella!" I shouted, much to his disgust. "She's not just some random girl! She's everything! Didn't you notice the cast on her arm? Who do you think put that on her? You heard the rumors! I thought you would have put two and two together by now!" He stared at me for a long silent moment after my admission that this had been going on longer than tonight.

"Man does not live on bread alone," my father muttered under his breath, quoting scripture on a lesson about temptation. I knew what he was getting at, and I narrowed my eyes shooting him a warning glare hoping to keep him from continuing.

"I came in here to speak to you about getting my marriage to Tanya annulled." I announced, to distract him from his way of thinking. The look on his face was sheer horror.

"There will be no such thing!" he roared. "How dare you even suggest such abhorrence when she is unable to defend herself? What kind of man have you become?" his last question hit a nerve. It was unfair of me to suggest this while she was in a coma, but it was also unfair that I'd been living in misery for two years hindered to a loveless marriage. I simply couldn't take it anymore.

"My marriage to Tanya has been a farce all along and everyone knows it! I married her because it was convenient for me at the time. No, I'm not proud of that fact, but I won't hide it. She's not the victim in this either, she took advantage of the situation because she wanted to be a Cullen. We never loved each other, we might have said the words, but we couldn't have meant them. Why should I continue my life in misery just so your good name is upheld?"

"I raised you better than this," he countered, ignoring my explanation. "The church instilled better morals in you than this. I never…never did I expect the first time you met true temptation you would become so weak and cowardly to throw everything you were taught away," his tone was cold and dejected, and I tried my best to not let his words affect me.

"I'm staying true to my faith and morals by expressing my need for an annulment," I retorted. "I do not need your permission, or your approval, though I had hoped for it. I only wanted to extend you the courtesy of knowing my intentions." With that, I was finished. He knew my plans and I knew his opinions, we had nothing left to say to each other. I wasn't going to get the approval I hoped for…not tonight. Maybe after he thought about it for awhile, he'd change his mind. I wasn't optimistic for it to happen without some help from Alice, or maybe even my mother. I turned on my heel, ready to leave the house I felt I would not be welcome to stay in tonight.

"Resist the devil and he will flee from you," my father quoted from behind me, with conviction, implying not only that Bella was temptation, but the devil herself. My jaw clinched at his words, anger and adrenaline rushed through me. I had tried to warn him not to go there, but he neither cared nor heeded the warning. If he was going to be careless, so would I. I turned quickly, launching the paperweight at him with immense force. Thanks to my lack of sleep and intake of alcohol, my aim was off and it sailed over his ducked head, slamming into the wall. The paperweight hit the floor with a thud along with pieces of drywall where the wall cracked. My father gaped at me in shock.

"Don't ever talk about her that way!" I shouted. "You don't know her and you have no right to talk about her that way!"

"She's the devil's temptation, Edward. I'm ashamed you don't see it."

"We're in love!" I snapped.

"It's only been five days!" he retorted back.

"It doesn't matter!" I yelled, but then paused, my brow furrowing. "How do you know it's only been five days?"

"I've known about this since the day you met. Catherine warned me to keep an eye on you. I was going to let you work this out on your own, but obviously you're too immature to make the right decisions." I scoffed at his remark.

"This is the first time I've felt I'm making the right decision in a long time. You have to know how depressed I've been. I just go through the motions of life, never really doing anything except work and sleep. There was nothing for me until I met her. I can't understand why my own father would rather me be miserable."

"It's not a matter of your moods; it's a matter of your morals! You took vows before God when you married Tanya, until death do you part! I can't remember a single part in those vows that said you can break these if you meet someone else. Yes, annulments are granted through the Church, but this family is better than that. We do not fail. We work through our problems and we come out on top. Once Tanya has awakened, she will need you and when she is better you will go to counseling."

Through my father's rant about my morals and our family's upstanding, it was becoming clear to me what I would be losing if I pursued Bella. He was holding this family on a pedestal I couldn't match. I had soul, but I was no soldier. These expectations were impossible, not after meeting Bella. I had tried to forget her. It lasted all of two minutes when she showed up at the hospital broken and bruised. Fate kept throwing us together and tonight was even further proof of it. I gave up on fighting it, somewhere in the past week a destiny claimed me.

"I'm sorry," I replied, a look of relief washed over my father's features.

"That's good to…"

"I won't be living up to the Cullen name," I interrupted. "I'll be speaking to Father Molony as soon as possible. You can do what you please with that information, but if I'm no longer welcome here then tell me now." My father's stunned silence penetrated the room. I stood for a moment waiting, but then grew impatient. I went to the door and swung it open, revealing my mother with tears running down her cheeks. My heart wrenched in my chest at the sight.

"I forbid you…!" Father shouted. What he was forbidding me, it wasn't clear. It could have been a number of things. I forbid you to ask for an annulment. I forbid you to leave the family. I forbid you to see her. I didn't care. I wasn't listening to him anymore.

"It's not your place to forbid anything," I replied, turning my head toward him. "I'm not a child and can make my own decisions, whether they are good or bad ones, that's to be determined." I stepped into the hall, closing the distance to my mother. "I'm sorry mother, I can't stay here." She sobbed and threw her arms around me. I held her close for as long as I could stand before breaking down and pleading for her help. The door to the study was slammed shut, causing her to jump in my arms.

"Will you be at Mass in the morning?" I nodded, unable to tell her no. I released my grasp on her and flew down the stairs. Before I made it out the front door, I heard shouting coming from my parents. My mother was screaming at my father through her sobs, while father tried to defend himself to her.

I escaped into the cold outside, where the air stung my eyes as I fled to my car. There were two places I wanted to be right now, both of them were a form of home more pleasant than the home I just left. I'd never heard my mother scream that way before and it hurt to know I caused that pain. Shoving the key in the ignition, I rolled all the windows down and took off for downtown. The wind in my face and hair kept me alert and distracted me from thinking too much.

The lights of the city came into view about twenty minutes later, and I continued to drive like a man possessed until I reached my destination. I parked the Volvo on the curb and ran to the side entrance. While my desire to see Bella was intense, this is where I needed to be. Mercilessly, I pounded on the door for at least five minutes, before I heard someone unlatching the locks from the opposite side. Sister Madeline poked her head around the opening door, fuming at the late night disruption, but once her eyes landed on me, they softened. I must have been a bloody mess to cause such a swing in reactions. Her hand reached toward me.

"Come child," she greeted, and I gladly followed.

**A/N: Review!! They make me feel warm and fuzzy....just like pics of Rob on the Remember Me set.**


	15. Find Him

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait...I'll try to not let it happen again. The chapter is extra long to make up for it.**

**A few quick thank yous: To keepingupwiththekids for her awesome beta skills, to mom2kandg for previewing the chapter for me, to Kassiah for passing out recs and twittering. I'm not on Twitter, so I have to take her word for it. And finally to RoseArcadia for making a fantastic animated gif thingy! The code is on the forum if you want to add it to your profiles! =)**

**And of course, thanks to all that reviewed and posted on the forum, or put this story in their favs or alerts...you guys rock! **

**Now, let's get on with this update....none of this is mine. **

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**APOV**

"What are you doing, chéri?" Jasper's voice muttered sleepily, after using the mattress as my springboard to launch over his body to get to the bedroom door. While I knew I should have feigned sleep, listened through the walls while my parents duked it out in private, my curiosity got the better of me. I opened the door quietly, the bright light from the hall seeped into the bedroom causing my eyes to squint until they adjusted to the new setting. Rather than answer Jasper, I let the voices of my parents carry into the room, doing the talking for me.

"What have you done?!" my mother screamed, using tones I'd never heard her use with my father. The harshness of her voice made me flinch and I wasn't even in the same room.

"Don't go out there," Jasper warned. One day, I would take his advice, but today wasn't one of those days. I took a step away from him. "Alice!" he called, his tone hushed, in hopes of his voice not carrying down the hall.

"I have to find out where Edward is," I whispered, shutting the bedroom door behind me, without chancing a glance at my husband. The look on his face would only serve to draw me back to bed.

"What do you mean what have I done? Did you not see what your son was doing tonight?!"

"It doesn't matter! He's still our son!"

The soft carpet padded each silent step closer to my father's study. I crept along the wall, for reasons unknown, it's not like I was hidden any better, but when eavesdropping, I felt the need to be covert.

"Yes it matters! He's lost every ounce of morality with his actions tonight!"

"You think that letting him leave will help solve the problem? You were silent! I need to know right now, Carlisle, did you…?"

I cursed myself for moving too slow. Mother's voice faded the last words of her question to where I could only hear mumbling and sobs. Now I was rushing, reaching the outside of the study door just as my father answered her.

"What if I have?" his voice boomed, startling me. It was difficult to tell from my previous distance if his voice had already reached that level or if her question caused it. My mother didn't answer immediately, disrupted by breaking into loud gasping sobs. She needed comfort and without thinking, my arm slowly pushed the door open completely. Two sets of eyes darted to me, drying my throat and tightening that damned knot. I was going to have ulcers before this was all said and done.

"Go back to bed, Alice," my father commanded.

"Difficult to do with this entertainment," I joked. _Holy Mother of Jesus why was I trying to joke in this situation? _It may have at least helped mother's sobbing. She seemed to become more controlled, I could only assume it was her poor attempt to pretend the fight she was having with father was not indeed, a fight. My parents were a silly sort. We knew they fought before, but it was always behind closed doors and never in front of us. It was a smart way of doing things while we were growing up, but we were all adults now, and this wasn't something only they could solve. "I want to help." I said softly.

"This doesn't concern you, now go back to bed!" his voice louder, trying to put the fear of authority in me so I would flee from the room. It didn't work.

"Where is Edward?" I asked. I needed to know before father slammed the door in my face. I wouldn't sleep tonight without knowing where he was and if I should I go find him. If only I were prepared for what that question would cause. My mother's shoulders curved inward, her hair falling to each side of her face to hide her tears. She could not however, hide the loud, excruciating, sobs escaping her. I had heard them from the hall, but to witness it was something different entirely. The pain in my chest was as if someone had squeezed my heart dry of the blood it was pumping. To my surprise, even in my father's fury, he couldn't hide the agony on his face at her obvious grief. He longed to take it away, but when he reached out his palm, brushing it against her arm, she recoiled.

"Don't touch me!" she barked, my father pulling his hand back quickly, as if her skin was fire to his touch. There was a look of shock on his face when her head snapped up to meet his. Her hair still hid her features from me, but sheer wrath radiated from her. "Fix this Carlisle, or you will lose more than a son."

Her words froze me, I was paralyzed at the doorway, jaw permanently unhinged. Father was a mirror image of me. Neither one of us had ever seen Esme this angry, her words playing over and over in both our minds. She stared at him for a moment, waiting for a response he was either incapable of giving or had none to give. When it became unlikely he would speak, she stormed toward me. I tried to still the shaking my body had begun involuntarily. Terrified of my father many times, but never my mother until now.

"Find him," she said softly as her body brushed past mine. I expelled a sigh of relief moments after I heard her bedroom door slam shut. Why I was so terrified in this moment, I was unsure. I knew I had done nothing wrong, but everything felt so volatile. We all needed breathing space, so I began edging away from my father's cold, but blank, stare, and shutting the door as I went.

"_This has the potential to break your family in two."_

Jasper's dreadful words played in my head the moment my eyes landed on him standing at the door of our bedroom in pajama bottoms with his arms crossed over his bare chest. He was waiting on me, standing at attention in case I needed his help. Oh, did I ever need his help, but I didn't know if there was truly anything he could do. I wanted both of my parents to understand my brother's plight. I wanted them to support whatever decision he may make. But what I wanted more than anything was to believe what Jasper said earlier tonight were just words to scare me and not words that could come true.

Jasper scooped me up in his arms the second tears began rolling down my cheeks. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, burying my face into the comforting crook.

"Shhh, chéri," he crooned, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"Lie to me, Jazz." It was an odd request, but I needed words of comfort, whether they held truth or not.

"Everything will be alright," he sighed. He gave me what I wanted, but a sob escaped me at the lie he chose. "I tried to get you to stay with me."

"I never listen," I replied through my tears, then softly kissed the salty skin of his neck, my silent apology. "What do we do now?"

"Do you know where Edward went?" he asked. I shook my head no.

"I need to find him. No one answered me when I asked where he went." One of Jasper's hands left my back and dove into his pocket. I slowly relinquished my grasp on his neck to see him pull out my cell phone. He always knew exactly what to do to make me feel better.

"Call him…maybe he'll answer your call."

"I love you, Jasper Whitlock." I said with a bright smile on my face.

"And I, you, chéri," he replied easily, placing the phone in my hand. I hit number three and the talk button. The phone rang once and went straight to voice mail. I hung up quickly, the memory of Edward's phone in pieces coming to mind.

"No answer, of course. I forgot he broke his phone," I said to Jasper. "What time is it? Do you think it's too late to call Bella?"

"Yes it's too late, but I don't see that stopping you." I was already searching through my contacts for her name and hitting the talk button before Jasper even finished his sentence.

"Please answer, please answer…" I pleaded to no one but the ringing phone and Jasper. Two rings…three….four…

"Hello," a muffled, sleepy sounding Bella answered.

"Bella!" I nearly squealed. Jasper's hand went over my mouth to contain my enthusiasm. He grabbed my hand, dragging me to our bedroom before I could say anything else.

"Alice?" her voice more alert. "What's wrong?" I waited for the bedroom door to shut before I spoke again.

"Is Edward there?" I asked.

"Edward….no, why would he be here? Alice, what the fuck happened? Do you not know where he is?"

"Well I was hoping he was there with you! If he isn't, then no, I have no clue where he is."

"I don't think he is…." she began. "I fell asleep, I don't know if I would have heard anyone knocking. Hang on a sec," I could hear her stumbling through her apartment. "Ow...fuck a duck!"

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked, containing my giggles at her expletive phrase.

"I'm fine, just my coordination is less than zero when I'm sleepy," she muttered. I heard her open a door. "Nope, he's not outside in the hall," she replied, with a slight note of sadness.

"He's not there," I told Jasper.

"Do you think he'd go to the hospital?" he asked. I shook my head, figuring that would be the last place he'd go.

"Maybe he went home, Alice," Bella suggested.

"Maybe," I replied, not really believing that option either.

"Or…" Bella started. "I have an idea, I'll find him!"

"Where do you think…?" I stopped talking when I heard nothing but dead air in my ear. She hung up on me. "She hung up!" I yelled.

"What?" Jasper asked, surprised.

"She said she had an idea, and then hung up on me! What the f..."

"Alice! I love your sweet mouth as it is, I don't need Bella's colorful words to infiltrate it," he scolded, but with a smile.

"I can't help it! It's like she taunts me with those four letter words, and I just want to use them too! Where does she get off not telling me where he is?" Jasper laughed softly.

"Well, maybe she believes it's best. She knows you'd be tracking him down if she gave the slightly inkling of her thoughts."

"But…"

"She'll call you, chéri, 'til then, you'll have to be patient."

I had told myself to allow Bella to make some decisions when it concerned my brother. I screwed up tonight and while it wasn't completely my fault, I had a hand in creating this mess. But dammit, it was difficult to just let her go and know nothing. I'd never felt so helpless.

"Come on, let's get some sleep. I imagine tomorrow's Mass will be quite eventful."

**BPOV**

Alice and Jasper were carrying on a conversation of where Edward could be amongst them when the clichéd light bulb appeared over my head. _The church_…he had to be at the church. Why hadn't that possibility occurred to Alice yet? Or maybe she was afraid I'd do exactly what I planned on doing. I exclaimed to Alice I had an idea and I would find him. She promptly demanded to know what I was thinking, but the resounding click of my cell phone cut her off mid sentence, surprising myself by the action.

I just fucking hung up on her. What made me do that? She called me in a tizzy worrying where her brother disappeared to and I hung up on her after I got an idea I knew would be right. I stared at my phone for a moment wondering if I should call her back and explain, but then the voice I was referring to as 'logical Bella' told me I was losing time. Dropping the phone on my bed, I hurriedly ran a brush through what had become the haystack known as my hair after my fitful hour of sleep.

Deciding the clothes I slept in would do for my late night trek to find Edward, I threw on some Chucks and my winter coat, bolting out the door five minutes later. My feet had just hit the landing above the first floor of my apartment building before I realized if I wanted to get to Edward faster than walking, I'd need monetary influence. Sighing heavily, I ran back upstairs to my door, barging in chaotically, completely disregarding the cluster fuck of shoes piled at the entrance. I was horizontal on the carpeted floor gazing up at my ceiling before I aware what had even happened.

The tears prickling my eyes came from nowhere. I was frustrated and impatient and now I was crying to boot.

"Fuck!" I screamed in release, pounding my plastered and non-plastered arms on the floor. I glared at my purse sitting on a table right above me, taunting me, simply forgotten in my rush because all I could think of was Edward. "Stupid fucking purse," I muttered. That's right, Bella, get all these f-bombs out of your system before you go storming into a church looking for your lover. "Oh Holy fuck!" I cried, throwing my hands over my face. What were they going to think of me? What would they think of Edward? Maybe that would explain why Alice didn't mention the church?

These were questions I would file away for later. Right now they were just blights on my conscience and I could force them down into the dark crevices of my mind so they didn't obscure what I was trying to do. I just needed to get to Edward and I'd worry about everything else when I had time to think.

The bitter winds cut through my thin yoga pants the moment I stepped outside the apartment building. Hopelessly, I flailed my arms around desperate for the warmth of a cab and to be in pursuit of Edward. Luck or fate must have been smiling down on me when a cab pulled up not a minute before my legs were making the slow transition to icicles. It smelled a mixture of cheap cologne and stale beer, but my limbs lapped up the warm air the heater was spilling forth, welcoming it.

"Where to Miss?" Simple question, but I stared at the cab driver blankly.

"Uhhh…" I had no clue where to start.

"C'mon, I don't have all night, lady," the cabbie barked.

"Catholic churches," I replied, realizing, instantly, how stupid I sounded.

"Which one?" he asked, impatiently. Another simple question, but my inability to answer them drove my annoyance level through the roof.

"Any fucking one, just drive!" I demanded, growing impatient with our lack of progress sitting by the curb playing twenty questions.

"It's your dime," he replied, finally stepping on the gas. Oh Jesus jumped up Christ! Did I even have any cash? I scrambled through the purse that caused me such a hassle earlier finding randomly placed bills amounting to forty-two dollars and some change. It wasn't very much when I had a need to search every Catholic Church within a twenty-mile radius. Why the fuck did I hang up on Alice before asking her which church?

_Because you wanted him to yourself._

Damn my internal monologue. Why was 'logical Bella' sounding more like 'selfish Bella'? Was I really that selfish?

_Yes._

Yes, apparently I was. Selfish enough to where I had the locations of at least five ATM locations memorized for when the meter closed in on the forty dollar mark, all to avoid calling Alice back. 'Selfish Bella' had done some subconscious homework. Real alone time with Edward had become nonexistent since we had met at the bookstore. I must be desperate for it if I was willing to break down the door at his place of worship and spend my life's savings, if necessary, to get there. All to see him, all to make sure, with my own eyes, he was okay….and to be alone with him.

I could only hope he wouldn't hate me when I crashed in on the serenity he was seeking.

The cab pulled to a stop before I could delve into my mind and worries further.

"Holy Name Cathedral," the cabbie announced as I peered out the glass of the window. I recognized the building as one relatively close to my apartment that I had ventured by on walks. There were evidences of construction surrounding the dark building. "There was a fire a couple years ago, but I think they still have services in other parts of the church."

"I don't think this is it," I replied, not really knowing for sure one way or another, only the strange feeling in my gut that told me he wasn't here. I heard a sigh escape the driver as he pressed his foot on the gas pedal once again, seemingly anxious to be rid of me. He asked no questions and we drove in silence while I stared out the window at nothing and everything. My fingers were itching to call Alice back, regardless with how late it was. I knew she'd answer. I was also sure she wasn't downtown, but in a suburb somewhere, so even with her priceless information, I could still get to Edward before her.

Unless…the church was in said suburb. Groaning loudly, I dragged my fingers through my hair, much like I watched Edward do at the benefit tonight countless times. Finding him could be damn near impossible.

I allowed my thoughts to stray to the benefit, for their calming effects, the first hour or so, at least. Seeing Edward in his tux, the familiar warmth that spread through me when his eyes landed on mine, the intense jealousy that shone in his appropriately green eyes, the feel of the almost kiss on the balcony, the butterflies in my stomach lifting me in flight wanting me to meet the magnetic draw of his lips, how beautiful those moments were, and they were nothing compared to the dance.

I was Bella of the ball in his arms, floating effortlessly, when I usually stumbled. The feel of his fingers on my skin raised goose bumps then and made me shudder now just by thinking about it. His stare was so intense, but his eyes were glassy. I had seen him knocking back drinks left and right, even seen him fall when attempting to take a swing at Mike Newton, but I underestimated still, in that moment, how drunk he really was. I let him consume me, because I wanted to consume him. I wanted to feel him everywhere and worry about the fucking consequences later. 'Selfish Bella' was really out of control.

'Selfish Bella' took a backseat for a second when the music stopped, in her place, mother fucking terrified Bella. I hated myself for the terror piercing my heart while standing there, Edward's arms still around me, but fearing he would leave me now forever because we were discovered. He had expressed the importance of his family at the bookstore, not in detail, but I knew they were the most important people in his life. How could I measure up when placed against them?

"Assumption," the driver mused.

"I guess I did assume the worst," I replied, oddly wondering if I had been talking aloud this whole time. I could feel heat rising in my cheeks and thanked goodness it was dark inside the cab.

"No, Assumption Catholic," he exclaimed.

"Oh!" I cried, glancing out the window of the dark building before me. The steeple was so high I couldn't see the top from my vantage point. I craned my neck against the window to take in as much as possible. Was it a sign? Was this the place? Would the Cullens go to church here?

"The Cullens?" the driver inquired.

"How often have I been fucking speaking aloud?" I shouted, exasperated by my lack of a filter or my failure to realize when I was speaking or thinking. I could see the driver's eyes in the rearview studying me with obvious mirth, which only pissed me off further.

"You want to go to Old St. Pats," he replied, ignoring my question.

"Old St. Pats? It sounds like a name of an Irish pub, not a church." The driver shrugged his shoulders at my comment. "How do you know the Cullens go there?"

"It's Old St. Patrick's Church and who doesn't know that about the Cullens?" he inquired. Apparently, me…and I am a reporter for the Chicago Tribune society column. Ridiculous. It only reminded me how much I was not made for that job.

"Take me to Old St. Pats, please," I replied, peaking at the meter. "Will my forty dollars be enough or should I stop at an ATM first?"

"It'll be enough," the driver responded and once again, we were on our way.

"How much further?" I asked.

"About twenty blocks."

Twenty blocks. My heart pounding in my chest and my nerves lit afire the moment I knew I was going to find him.

_Take deep cleansing breaths, Bella. _

I felt more like a normal person once we crossed the Chicago River, but couldn't keep myself from counting each traffic light we passed. As the numbers got higher, the more I forgot to breathe. There was virtually no traffic to slow us down, completely unheard of for a late Saturday night in the city, and when I realized we were meeting green after green light, panic had spread throughout my chest.

I lowered my head between my legs, attempting to breathe regularly and think of something other than the possible rejection I could be rushing towards.

The kiss. The kiss I apologized for because I wanted to make a scene. It was the last kiss I would ever have from him and I wanted to savor everything about it. Edward's lips greedily overwhelming my own, his tongue grazing mine leaving the taste of toasted oak, I lapped it up hungrily. I committed everything to memory, the feel of his arms pressing me tightly against him, the consistency of his full lips, the electric charge that buzzed in my ears making me deaf to all those around us, the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, and that beautiful and delicious taste.

My breaths were now ragged and shallow. Thinking about the kiss of a lifetime helped my panic, but not my breathing. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted any man in my life and I knew I would do anything to get even the smallest piece of him. I would accept whatever he could give me and cherish it more than my own life.

"_I love you," he whispered. His large hand enveloped my cheek, sending electric shocks to my body and warmth to my heart. _

It was impossible to keep the smile off my face as I remembered. It was the best fucking moment ever in my sad, pathetic, little life…hands down.

"Here we are, crazy lady," the driver announced. Finally raising my head from my knees, my eyes had to adjust from the spotlights on the massive stone structure. The building was beautiful and intimidating. I tried to not linger on the actual church for long, fearing I'd lose my nerve. There was a silver Volvo parked haphazardly half on the sidewalk, half in the street, and I knew, without a doubt, it was Edward's car. Throwing what money I had toward the front seat, rudely not even acknowledging the driver's help, I scrambled out of the car and ran towards the large main doors.

There I stood, in front of the dark and ominous doors, using every ounce of energy I had to mercilessly beat the fuck out of them. My right hand was sore in a matter of seconds and my sides were burning from the exertion. Using my cast made more noise, but I could only use it for so long before the pain reached my broken wrist. I would gladly take the pain and it would be worth it if only someone would open this fucking door. I continued pounding, generally making as much noise as possible to attract attention, with little luck. Surely, someone would see this pathetic display and think I was insane, or possibly call the cops for trying to desecrate Holy property. Just as I was wondering where I could find a chainsaw or if full body slam would be loud enough, the door finally swung open.

"Goodness child," an old lady in a flannel nightgown greeted, immediately making me feel terrible for making such a racket.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I'm looking for Edward…Edward Cullen." She looked at me quizzically, but then motioned for me to follow her. My nerves made me hesitative, I never felt comfortable in churches, always sensing eyes of judgment and feelings of unworthiness. My steps faltered, and I had to bite my tongue to keep the swearing silent as I tripped over the threshold. I somehow managed to right myself before falling flat on my face once again tonight.

"Don't be nervous, child," she replied with a slight smile.

"Easier said than done," I snapped. "I'm sorry," I apologized hurriedly, "I'm just on edge." She nodded, seemingly thinking nothing at all of my remark. She turned walking toward the back of the sparsely lit room and I followed, my eyes trained on my feet in hopes to prevent any more embarrassment. I focused on my feet so much I nearly ran into the lady when she stopped abruptly in front of a set of closed doors. A bowl of water surrounded by candles sat elegantly upon a table. I watched in interest and slight amusement at her dipping her fingers in the water then crossing herself, until the air around me seemed to buzz and crackle, distracting me from her display.

My feet involuntarily moved in the direction of closed doors, my heart felt as if it were being pulled from my chest with each step. There was an undeniable charge, snapping at my skin, pleasantly tugging me toward the other side. I flattened myself against the doors, sighing at the feeling, until I heard the lady beside me clear her throat.

_So much for keeping embarrassing moments in check._

Blushing and unable to make eye contact with the lady again, I stepped aside for her take back the lead, desperately urging her to open the door.

I waited impatiently while the lady shuffled her feet slowly. My heart pounding against my ribcage so hard, the noise flooded my ears as she wrenched the door open, faint light pouring into the dark hall where we stood. I was on her heels as we entered the sanctuary, giving way to the solid ties pulling me towards him. My eyes landed on copper hair almost instantaneously, third row from the front, right side.

"Edward!" I cried out, unthinkingly. The lady leading me in shot me a stern look, but it was well worth it to see Edward and an elderly woman beside him both turn toward me. Edward looked shocked at my arrival, sending my nerves into overdrive worrying he didn't want to see me, but his crooked smile assured me otherwise.

"Young lady, this is a House of God!" the woman beside Edward scolded, but he only smiled more. Her admonishment went in one ear and out the other as I bounded down the aisle, stopping in front of their pew. It was then I allowed myself to take in Edward's appearance. He was deliciously disheveled, still in his tux from the benefit, though the tie had been loosened and the top couple buttons undone. Hopelessly, I gawked at the sliver of bare skin exposed from those undone buttons, the tiniest amount of hair from his chest revealed, begging me to run my tongue over it….

"Bella," Edward's voice broke me from my revelry. I gazed up to his stunning face, noticing the dark purple circles under his eyes. He looked tired, but tired was an understatement. He looked…defeated. What on earth happened at the Cullen house tonight? "What are you doing here?" He didn't sound angry, merely curious.

"I…" I stuttered, not really planning much further than finding him. He reached his hand out and I placed mine in his without a second thought, allowing the electric current to calm my mind and body. "Alice called me," I finally replied, sitting beside him. "She was worried about you and didn't know where you could have gone."

"And she told you to come here?" Edward asked.

"No, I just thought this is where I could find you. If not for a very informed cab driver I'm sure I'd still be searching various churches."

"You didn't know which church?" he asked, surprised, and dare I say, amazed at my tenacity. I shook my head in reply, completely content with the calm of being beside him. Everything I had gone through tonight was merited by this moment. Edward relaxed holding my hand, the electric creating a serene aura around us. His green eyes gazed into my brown ones so intensely it was as if we were having a silent conversation or lost in our own little world. My fingers were itching for more contact, dying to smooth Edward's unruly hair that desperately needed a break from his attempts of becoming bald early in life.

"Edward, child, I'm going to watch for Father Molony to return. I'll let you know the moment he arrives so you may meet with him," the woman who scolded me announced, rising from the pew.

"Thank you, Sister Madeline," Edward replied earnestly, grasping her hand in his free one. "I really appreciate the support you've offered me tonight." She nodded once to him then disappeared through a side door. So many questions I wanted to ask from the simple statements of Sister Madeline, it was difficult to know where to begin.

"How are you?" Edward asked, rubbing his thumb softly against the skin of my hand.

"I was going to ask you that," I replied. "You look terrible." Edward laughed quietly.

"Thanks, I feel pretty terrible, but better now that you're here. It gives me strength to do what needs to be done. I can't believe you found me."

"What needs to be done?" I inquired, nervously, and not sure I wanted to know the answer to that question. I spouted off another one instead. "What happened when you left the benefit? Alice didn't tell me anything." Edward sighed deeply.

"Tell me how you are first. I'm not sure I'm ready to dive into what happened just yet." I frowned at his lack of answers. "Just humor me, love. I need a minute of lightness."

"I fell in my apartment…again." I offered, wanting to give him whatever he needed. Edward's brow furrowed in a poor attempt to keep a smile off his face, but it broke through, followed by a soft laugh.

"Oh my beautiful, clumsy, Bella," he kissed my forehead, spreading fiery warmth across my face, surely signifying my blush. "How did you fall this time?"

"Tripped over my shoes," I muttered, embarrassed, but loving the laughter spilling from his lips because of it. "The next thing I knew I was lying on the floor. I didn't break anything this time, at least."

"Well there is that," Edward replied, giving me the crooked smile that made my body tingle. The things I wanted to do to him…I would surely be smite by God, if he did exist, for thinking them here.

"There's your moment of lightness, now answer my questions." Edward's smile faded, his eyes dropping to our joined hands. His thumb made soothing patterns against my skin, while he seemed to examine my hand with interest, turning it every which way.

"Bella!" his eyes shooting up to mine, "what did you do to your hand?" He held it up to get a closer look, using his fingers to pull down the sleeve of my coat.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked, clueless, and a little upset he was able to avoid answering me, yet again. Master of evasion he seemed to be.

"It's black and blue all over," he exclaimed, tilting my hand for my view. Sure enough, darkening bruises covered my hand from pinkie to wrist.

"Apparently, that's what it takes for someone to answer the door in a church at two in the morning," I teased. "Now quit avoiding my questions, Edward. Tell me what happened." Another sigh escaped him and before he said anything, he placed a couple soft kisses over my bruised hand. "It doesn't hurt," I offered, hoping to ease the strain of his eyes. "Please tell me what happened."

"Nothing good, Bella," he finally stated. Obviously, I knew that already, I needed more specifics. "My father was livid and unreasonable. He wanted me to atone for my very public sins…"

"Is that why you're here?" I interrupted.

"No…" he answered, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm here to speak to Father Molony on a different, but related, matter. My father wanted me to atone for my sins tomorrow after Mass so he could clean up my mess. Even though I'm not following his wishes, he's still doing as much as possible to tilt my hand. I'm afraid he's more powerful than I like to admit, a letter will be hand delivered to your boss Monday morning requesting your employment with the Chicago Tribune will be terminated…"

"What?!" I cried, triggering Edward to grip my hand tightly anchoring me beside him. "He's going to have me fired?!"

"Please Bella…listen," he pleaded, but the panic of this unexpected circumstance had already spread. The tightness in my chest had expanded and my blood poorly circulated causing my limbs to feel cold. "Bella," Edward's whispered cry washed over my face, his free hand weaving into my hair, pulling me close to him. "Calm down, please let me finish." Weakly, I nodded. "To only have you fired would do my father no good. It honestly would only mean you'd have more time to spend with me," he continued with a slight chuckle. "He wants you out of the city."

"He thinks I'll go back home if I'm fired?" Edward shook his head.

"No, I think he realizes the deal would have to be quite lucrative for you to accept. He's attempting to secure you a position as an editor for The New York Times."

_Whoa. _

"The New York Times?" I squeaked. "An editor?" A real job! One I could excel at and grow! The excitement was threatening to take over, but one look at Edward and my heart broke with the understanding of what it would mean for us.

"I want you to take it, Bella."

_Wait? What?_

My mind wasn't processing everything fast enough and I was struggling to ask the necessary questions of why he would want me to do such a thing. Reason number one why I was a terrible reporter.

"I couldn't take it," I replied, trying to get all my thoughts in order. "The price is too high. It would mean…we wouldn't be together." I grasped his hand impossibly tighter. He would have to use a crowbar to pry my hand from his. I wasn't giving up on us that easily. "Up until I met you last Monday, I thought what I wanted more than anything in the world was a better job, but then…I ran into you, quite literally. Edward, I would wait tables to pay my rent in order to live in this city so long as you're here. Fuck your father's offer." As soon as the f-bomb left my lips I threw my hand over my mouth, giving Edward death glares while he tried to stifle his laughter.

"I never thought I'd say this about a woman, but I love your dirty mouth," he said, with that damn crooked grin. "We'd make it work, Bella. I really do want you to take the job. It's too great of an opportunity to pass, even if my father created it. There's another thing I need to talk to you about."

"I still don't want to take the job," I added.

"I told my father I would be on the first plane to New York if that's where you were. Now take the job when it's presented to you." I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came. Edward gently placed a finger on my chin, closing the gap of my lips.

"How could you leave? Your life is here. Your family is here."

"Funny, he said almost the exact same thing. My life is where you are, love. I meant what I said tonight, while the conditions they were said in were not ideal, I do love you and I will go wherever you go." The beautiful words he was saying melted my heart, but my brain was either too slow or too stubborn to play along.

"But what about your wife?" dreading the question the moment it spilled from my lips. Where the fuck was my filter tonight? I hated to bust anyone's bubble, especially my own.

"That's why I'm here. I'm waiting for Father Molony to return so I can speak to him about an annulment." Magic word….annulment. Edward would be free….Edward would be mine…nothing to hold us back. Except…

"Did you tell your father that's what you wanted?" Edward nodded solemnly. "And what did he say?"

"He'll come around," Edward sidestepped.

"He said he'll come around, or you say he'll come around?" I didn't like where this was going one bit. If his father didn't approve of an annulment, that would be an enormous strain on their family, especially one that appeared to be so close knit.

"I say he'll come around," he whispered.

"What did he really say, Edward?" He sighed, causing warning bells to go off in my head.

"He forbids it," his answer barely a whisper. "I do not need his approval though. I merely extended him the courtesy of knowing what I was planning. Bella, say you're in this with me."

"Edward…I…" This was bad…this was really bad. I couldn't allow him to do this and destroy his family….could I? "Are you really willing to go against the wishes of your family?"

"Yes," he answered adamantly, but I caught the flicker of doubt flashing in his eyes. He was nervous about the decision, and rightfully so. This was terrifying. "We have Alice on our side. I would never lose Alice. And I think mother will eventually agree, maybe even sway father…"

"But you don't know that for sure. I can't let you risk ruining relationships with the people you've known all your life for a girl you've met only a week ago. It's just…it's just not practical."

"Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" Edward asked, his tone darkening.

"Absolutely not!" I exclaimed, letting go of his hand to place it on his face, which leaned into my touch. "I can barely breathe when I'm not with you. There just has to be a better way, Edward. Maybe you should wait for them to come around rather than rushing into this?"

"Bella…"he began, "I told you once I'm a selfish man, waiting would be excruciating, and what if my parents never understood? Should I go back to my life as it was before you?" His eyes burned into mine, the painful expression almost too much to bear. What could I do to make this easier?

"I could be your Kate Hepburn," I suggested, before thinking it through. Clichéd light bulb number two of the night. I was on fire! It was the only solution where everyone won. Edward stared at me blankly, possibly in shock, but then I could see the wheels turning in his mind. He was contemplating it, weighing the risks, the likelihood of it being what we'd need, until something changed, or if nothing changed. At least we wouldn't be wasting time we could be spending together.

"Edward," Sister Madeline softly called from the side door she has exited earlier. We both turned our heads to her, Edward seemingly glad for the interruption, and I, a bit annoyed. I really wished I could read his mind. "Father Molony is requesting you meet with him tomorrow after Mass. He insists on waiting until then."

"It's a sign," I whispered. "If we do this, there will be no need to talk to him." Edward turned sharply back to me, his eyes wide.

_Please say yes. It's the best way._

"Thank you, Sister Madeline," Edward replied softly. "And thank you for letting me stay here, I'll be taking Bella home now."

"Very well, I'll see you tomorrow morning," she said, disappearing again behind the door.

"Edward…" I began, but was cut off by him pulling me to my feet and leading me down the long hall toward the exit, saying nothing.

The winds were ridiculously colder as we stepped outside, biting into my thinly covered legs, a harsh shiver went through me. Edward still hadn't said a word, but wrapped a warm arm around my shoulders, holding me close to him, attempting to shield me from some of the wind. We walked briskly, but quietly, to his car. Words were threatening to explode from my lips at the anticipation. Edward opened the passenger side door and I clamored inside to get away from the wind. I watched Edward's every move as he walked to the other side of the car, looking for clues etched in his face or eyes for what he could be thinking. I found none.

We remained silent as he started his car and scowled when the bottom of it scraped the curb of the sidewalk. Was my idea truly that awful to where he would never speak to me again? Of course, it wasn't perfect. In a perfect world, he wouldn't be married or if he was, his family wouldn't be devoutly religious, or they wouldn't be so anti-annulment or divorce. Maybe we should just wait to see what happened to his wife. Would it be terrible if I wished her to die?

I felt immediately terrible the moment the thought passed through my head and groaned aloud. Edward turned his head toward me, but made no comment.

"Where do you live?" Edward asked a few minutes later.

"East Delaware," I responded, wanting very much to say more, but he didn't appear to be ready. I kept glancing at him every few seconds, watching his brow furrow or his hand run through his hair. He was thinking way too much. Hadn't I told him that was a problem of his? "You're thinking too much," I finally broke the silence, giving him a slight smile of encouragement. I needed him to talk to me. The silent treatment I was getting didn't suit me well.

"It isn't fair to you....I don't…"

"I don't care, Edward, I don't care." I interrupted. "Life isn't fair, and I don't want to ruin your relationship with your family but I won't give you up either. This is the only way it'll work…for now."

"But…if we do this, we're forfeiting the annulment option completely. I can't…I don't know if I could live with myself confining you to that kind of life. You would never be truly be mine." He abruptly brought the car to a halt, slamming the gearshift into park. Confused, I looked around noticing we were parked in front of my building.

"How did…?"

"I didn't really even need to ask which street. I've had your address since you were at the hospital last week."

"Why did you ask for my street then?" I asked, stalling. I wasn't ready to end our conversation and I was refusing to accept no as an answer unless he had a better idea.

"I figured you'd think I was a stalker or something if I just pulled up to your place without any point of reference."

"Shame…I would have found it more impressive," I teased, drawing a smile out of him at last. The mood was considerably lighter, so I took a deep breath and rolled the dice. "Would you like to come inside?" I bit my lip, regretting asking the question when I saw his smile falter.

"You know I would, love, but…." he started, but by then I had already unfastened my seatbelt and climbed on top of him. I had to convince him to see things my way. I couldn't let him leave without coming to some sort of an agreement and I couldn't let him leave until I had my way with him, a little. His lips had been taunting me all night. The second I straddled him, his arms were around me, holding me tight against him. I nestled my face against his neck, placing a few soft kisses along his skin, relishing the electric pop each time.

"Let me be your Kate," I whispered. "She and Spencer were happy, they made it work somehow. Why can't we?" I shifted my hips, pressing against his sudden arousal, educing a wonderful moan from him and ruined panties for me.

"You would never have all of me and I would never have all of you," he groaned, raising his hips to meet mine.

"What wouldn't I have of you? Your ring finger? So insignificant when weighed against every other part of you." My lips ran a trail up his neck, along his fucking sexy jaw where his stubble tickled my skin, to the corner of his mouth. Our breath became jagged and frantic. "I'd have your heart, body and soul. I can't imagine what else I would need." I stared into his green eyes, waiting for him to fight me or submit.

He submitted.

His hands went to my hair and swiftly, he pulled my lips to meet his. We kissed with the recklessness of teenagers, trying to consume one another, tongues constantly connected and fighting for dominance. He could swallow me, but I still wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted…no, needed to feel him inside me. My fingers, though one hand hampered by a cast, shoved aside his tuxedo jacket, then went for his tie.

"Bella," Edward mumbled, stilling my hands with his, continuing to place sweet, but slower, kisses on my lips in between words. "Our first time together will not be in the driver seat of my car, and you can only expect me to have so much control."

"Are you saying yes to my offer?" I asked with a smile, ignoring the rejection now, focusing on the possibility of later. Edward sighed, placing a quick kiss on my fingers.

"Let me think about it tonight, please." I frowned, pouting my lower lip. "Oh, that face is hard to resist," he teased, kissing me lightly on the lips again. "Please give me until tomorrow. I want to see what happened with my family. It's possible, though unlikely, he's changed his mind. Maybe my mother stood up to him for once…or Alice. I have to know we've tried everything before…"

"I become your mistress," I added, not exactly loving the word as it rolled off my tongue. Mistress was dirty, I liked Kate much better. I would do this for him though…_anything to have the smallest piece of him. _

"Yes," he sighed. "Will you meet me tomorrow night?" I nodded.

"Anywhere, anytime," I replied.

"I'll pick you up at six. I'll try to get a new phone before then, too."

"What happened to your phone?"

"Broken in a moment of intense frustration," he supplied. "Please don't call Alice's phone. If we end up doing this, we can't involve her. Just us, okay?"

"Of course," I kissed him one more time then reluctantly climbed off his lap. He grabbed at my right hand to keep contact.

"I really don't want to let you go," he whispered.

"You need to get some rest." I released my hand from his to run my fingers across the bruises under his eyes. "Where will you go?"

"I don't know. Probably go to my house, crash on the couch for a couple hours."

"Be careful driving home, okay?" For some reason, tears were stinging my eyes. I pushed them back with a deep breath. God, I hated leaving him.

_You'll see him tomorrow._

"I will," he said softly. "Go on, sleep well, my love." I leaned toward the door to exit…_nope, not ready yet._ Throwing my weight the opposite direction, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and firmly kissed his mouth. Relishing his tongue across mine, I sighed, relaxing in his arms.

"I love you," I murmured, leaning my forehead against his. Then, knowing my exit would have to be quick like tearing off a band-aid, I heaved myself into the cold.

"Dream only of me," he said, with the smile I adored. I nodded, smiling back at him and then closed the door. Five steps. That's how many steps I made it before I felt the pull, tugging me back in his direction. I endured each painful step away from him, refusing to look back at him, knowing if I did I was a goner. Once I got inside my apartment building, I peeked at Edward giving him a slight wave as I shut the door. Thankfully, his car peeled away as I leaned against the door taking a deep breath. If he hadn't left soon, I would have gone back out there, begging for him to come inside with me.

Another deep sigh escaped my lungs. This was one exhausting night.

Just as I was about to drag my ass up the stairs, my eyes caught my reflection in a small mirror on the wall. Much to my dismay, my feet went towards the mirror instead of the stairs. My eyes looked wild, almost unrecognizable, and my cheeks were flushed from either kissing Edward or the cold winds.

It wasn't long ago I was staring in a mirror, much more grandiose than this one, wondering what the hell I was doing.

_And now…_

I just offered to be Edward's mistress.

Why hello there 'selfish Bella', I see you have struck again.

And I couldn't help but wonder…just when were these impulses of mine going to catch up with me?

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	16. The Importance of Commitment

**A/N: Yes, I know, long time no see. A ton of announcements to make, but I'll make them at the end, because I know some of you have been patiently waiting for over a month for this.**

**Thanks to keepingupwiththekids...my most awesome beta machine. And to mom2kandg and Eidelweiss for previewing.**

**Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer...the plot, I like to think is mine, so don't steal it. It's just not nice. **

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**EPOV**

It began with the lawnmowers. The ceaseless noise of their motors ricocheted off the houses, amplifying the sound tenfold to my ears as they moved across lawns chewing up grass. It couldn't have been more than two, but it sounded like twenty had fired up on my previously quiet street. Each of them evenly positioned, so when one distanced itself from my living room, another closed in, providing continuous noise that caused my head to pound with the force of jackhammers. _Lots of jackhammers. _Enough to match or surpass the number of lawnmowers. I buried my head into the couch pillows for refuge, a poor and lazy attempt to deaden the noise to my ears. The racket subsided…slightly. Enough to calm the jackhammers to say, a normal single hammer…enough to where I could sleep more.

At least until the car alarm.

"Son of a…!" The expletive silenced by my hands thrown against my head to still the pain, all while my Volvo cried incessantly out to me. The jackhammers were back out for vengeance, multiplying in number in defiance to my brain waving a huge white flag, begging me to silence the noise. The alternative was it fleeing its encasing to retreat to a darker and much more silent room for an eternity. Moving from the couch seemed too difficult to accomplish. I may have wanted silence but my body wanted to zero movement to achieve it.

_Must get up…must get up._

Talking aloud obviously didn't work well for me earlier, so all mantras of motivation had to be conducted internally and even those felt painful. The room was bright. I could feel the sunlight piercing my sealed off eyelids as I rolled away from my pillows, torturing me with the thought of the agony to follow if I dared open them. An image of my staggering frame from last night flooded my mind, reminding me of the genius idea I had to leave the curtains drawn back allowing the sunlight to infiltrate the east facing window, waking me in time for Mass. My genius plan forgot to factor in the massive quantity of bourbon I had consumed.

_Just get up…and do it fast. Don't even think about it._

Refusing to drag this out longer, I jumped off the couch. Eyes still sealed shut and hands over my ears, body popping and cracking in dispute to the movement. I imagined I was quite the sight if anyone peered through the large window, but I was on my feet. My stomach, however, presumably never left the couch. Slow to catch up, it lurched back, then forward, back again, and then…

Eyes wide open, sunlight and Volvo alarm forgotten as I was running toward the kitchen. Expecting to empty the contents of my stomach, I leaned forward in the sink, gripping the edge of the counter to remain upright as my legs felt wobbly under my weight. My sides convulsed agonizingly as I anticlimactically dry heaved. The length of time this took appeared endless, my strength depleted rapidly as I was given small breaks to rest my face against the cool countertop in between dry heave sessions. During a brief moment of rest while my sides and throat ached, I recalled last night, recklessly pulling my car over on the side of the road and vomiting as soon as I managed to open the door. The memory of my bourbon spilled on the asphalt churned my stomach instantly. Groaning, I rolled my head back over the sink succumbing to another session.

I truly had no concept of time at this point, but I thought my rest on the counter top had been at a longer interval than previous pauses, and my stomach had possibly slowed its continuous roll. Testing the theory, I edged away from the counter, slowly raising my body to an upright position. My legs were still unsteady and tired, but I didn't have a need to rush back to the sink, just yet. It was then I knew I needed to deal with the obnoxious cries of my Volvo, which surprisingly didn't have my neighbors in an uproar. Maybe the lawnmowers had something to do with that.

Gradually, I stumbled toward the front door where my keys had been thrown at the small table by the entrance. I found them in the floor about a foot away from the table. Pointing the keyless entry toward where my car should be, I hit the button that usually silenced the alarm but it stubbornly kept going. Carelessly, I swung my front door open, immediately treated to the sun's merciless rays burning my irises and erupting shock waves of pain through my head. Squinting and shielding my eyes as best as I could, I managed to deactivate the alarm on the Volvo.

_Blessed silence…_.except for the lawnmowers, but I could handle those now.

I had turned back inside to return to darkness when a flash of silver caught my eye. Taking one step over the threshold of the door, the nose of my Volvo was brought into my view. Stunned, I ventured a few more steps to fully capture what I was seeing. My car, the back tires rested in the drive, but the remainder was on my lawn, and had demolished a few plants in its wake.

"How on earth…."I muttered to myself, in complete awe, fingers roughly pulling at my hair. It was a miracle I even made it home last night if I had parked like that. I remembered being completely hammered at the benefit, but I had thought the fight with my father had a sobering effect on me. Perhaps I was wrong. The sun, not only intense in brightness, brought a heat I wasn't expecting as I slowly shuffled my way to the car. I shed the black jacket of my tuxedo I was wearing from last night just as a breeze hit, tickling my nose with a slight strawberry scent that awakened a few of my senses. I took a deep breath trying to savor it, but it was gone as quick as it had come. Continuing my path to the car, I racked my brain for more memories of last night, wondering if I had indeed drank more after the showdown with father. It took all of two seconds once in the driver's seat for the barrage of her scent to accost me.

She was everywhere.

The scent I tried to savor moments before enveloped me completely, plummeted me into vivid memories of her writhing in my arms and her lips wet over my skin, leaving trails of fire. I breathed in her sweetness deeply, like a junkie desperate for his fix. My body went into overdrive with need simply on recollection. Reclining the seat, I prolonged my torture envisioning her on top of me, imagining her biting that bottom lip of hers while my hands traveled over her curves, imagining my thrust meeting hers…her begging for me.

She wanted to be my mistress. My Kate, she called it.

There was a time, only days ago, though it seemed like ages, when I thought that was all I could give her. That I could never ask it of her, but if she offered…well, I was a selfish man after all. She would be mine, but not truly. At any point in time where the arrangement became no longer suitable for her, she could leave me and I would be able to do nothing about it. All the power would rest in her hands, I preferred it that way, but I would always be wondering when the other shoe would drop. When would she find someone that would give her everything I couldn't? How much time would I have with her, a few months…a year, before she tired of me? I could feel panic rising in my chest, a memory of a dream I wanted so very much to avoid rushed my mind.

Bella said she wanted to be my mistress, said it would give her everything she wanted from me, but did she know the pressure that would come from it? She had the promise of forever with Jake and that wasn't enough once she met me. How could a secretive relationship where we would never be free satiate her? I knew it felt like we were destined to be together. Fate had its way with us numerous times, our paths continuously colliding, maybe that was enough proof for her to make this kind of deal. Maybe it should be enough for me, but I knew deep down, it wasn't. I had to have her, all of her. Every little piece of her, and it had to be forever with every string attached, or I would go crazy. I could see myself a few months from now, always looking over my shoulder, drilling Bella with questions after not seeing her for a long period of time, always curious if she was seeing someone else while we were apart. Someone who wouldn't have to hide her…someone that would be easier.

I had delayed an answer for her last night. Maybe I had managed to have this same sort of logical thought then, though it seemed unlikely. Remembering her retreating quickly from my car only hours ago, I had felt the distinctive pull that always showed up when she was around, and became almost painful as I had watched her distance herself from me. I leaned toward the passenger side of the car just to close the gap slightly, physically aching to jump out of the car and follow her up the stairs. She gave me a little wave goodbye when she reached the door and my heart leapt in my chest, crying out to go to her. Rational thought couldn't have entered my brain until she was out of sight. It was then I floored the gas pedal, nearly hitting an oncoming car in my rush to get away before I gave in to her. Distance was imperative and my manic driving provided it. I had taken turns at precarious speeds, narrowly avoided numerous accidents, threw up along side of the road and parked in my lawn because of it. All to escape…

A loud rapping at my driver's side window startled me.

"Dr. Cullen? Are you okay?" an elderly neighbor in a tracksuit peered at me through the glass quizzically. Muttering curses under my breath in embarrassment, I brought my seat to an upright position wondering what I could say to this man without becoming neighborhood gossip.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you," I replied after the window was rolled down, hoping my curt reply would be enough for the old man.

"I was on my morning walk," began the old man, much to my dismay, "and well, your car here was a bit out of place. I couldn't just go on without making sure no one was hurt. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, yes…just a rough night," I offhandedly commented while roughly turning the key in the ignition as if the Volvo would start sooner with abuse. "Good day to you," I dismissively called out, backing the car away from the gaping old man, turning up grass and dirt in my haste to escape to the privacy of my garage. The garage door closed behind me with a clamor, sealing me in, the soft green glow of the dash lighting my features and guided my eyes to the clock.

_Nine o'clock._

I had to be at Mass in two hours. I had to face my family in two hours. I had to face a large part of the community that saw me with Bella last night in two hours. A large part of me just didn't want to move from the car. I could still smell her here, in the car, on my clothes. The rest of my day could be spent in fantasy until this evening when I said I would meet her again. It would at least allow me more time to think, without the pressures of my family, with the exception of Alice, and the church pushing me a direction that wasn't even an option on the table. There was no way I could stop seeing Bella.

Annulment ultimately, was my only choice. Bella's offer, as much as I hated to admit it, probably wouldn't work. Hiding her in this city would prove difficult as I would always long to see her. If I stayed away too long, to keep up with appearances, I could see myself going mad with need, raging jealousy to the point of insanity, and becoming careless in the process. It wouldn't work. We would undeniably be caught within a matter of weeks. The more obvious point, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. It would be denying us something that had every right to be magnificent.

_But Bella will be in New York._

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I gasped for air when I remembered my father's threat to get her out of the city. More than a threat, it was probably already done. Why would he wait for actual business hours? She could be gone by the end of the week. Where would we be then? I wasn't bluffing, though my father might have thought otherwise, when I said I would be on the first flight to New York, but if I did that, I couldn't hide her. Would there even be a need to hide her if I sought the annulment? Would the fact that I had a woman waiting on me to be free, hamper my ability to obtain said annulment?

So many questions I would have to ask Father Molony in order to fully explore this option. It was though, our only option, and with that realization, I could feel the weight in my shoulders lift. Whether Bella would be happy with my decision, I couldn't say. We would both have to be patient, something I always struggled with in the past, but for her, I believed I could do anything.

With a new resolve and another deep breath of Bella air, I heaved myself from the personal paradise of the Volvo. If I wanted any part of my fantasies to come true, first, I would need to make it to Mass.

******

A little over an hour later, I was back in the Volvo with the heat cranked full blast. The air from the vents swirling Bella's fading scent around, giving it new life. It was unbelievable at what lengths I was going to just feel her near me. It was oppressively hot for the drive downtown, but I wanted her scent to cling to the chocolate brown suit, I chose because it reminded me of her, just as it was attached to the tuxedo, assuming heat would do a better job of that than cool air.

It was nearly eleven when I was navigating through a sea of parked cars, struggling to find a place to park. With my late arrival, it was apparent that I would not have the ability to slip by most people unnoticed. The lot was fuller than normal, which kicked my paranoia up a few notches wondering how fast news has spread to the congregation. There were five separate Masses held on Sunday mornings, and while 11:15am was a desired time slot, also known for when my family would be there, I couldn't help but wonder if the other morning Masses were as packed as this one.

Wearily, after finding a parking spot, I left the comfort of my car, unfortunately leaving the scent of Bella behind as I made my way to the front entrance of the stone building. Tension crept into my shoulders and back with each step forward, feeling eyes of fellow parishioners tracking my movements. I could hear the whispers the closer I came to the doors. Ladies, with their hands covering their mouths, leaned towards others passing news, boldly not even having the decency to stop staring as I passed. It sickened me to the point of wanting to turn back to my car. Two weeks in a row now, I no longer felt comfortable here.

My optimism or naiveté, wanted to assure me this all would pass, but if I went through with the plan of speaking to Father Molony about an annulment, I knew they would never look at me the same. How could they? Highly-esteemed son of important family leaves his wife through a clause available by the Catholic Church while she's comatose to chase after a new girl. It wouldn't matter to them if it was for love, it never would. They would never understand. It pained me to think that my own father was among them. It pained me to think that I could disavow the church and disappear with Bella and the amount of chaos could be the same. The courage to go forward was strained, as all I wanted to do was turn and run to Bella. She would make me forget this scrutiny. None of it mattered to her.

Sadly, what I wanted and needed to do were two separate entities. No, that wasn't entirely true. I wanted and needed Bella, there was no denying that, but this had to come first. The decision had been made, now I just had to follow through. Everything I did here had the ultimate goal in mind of being with her. I would make her proud to be with me. There would be no hiding and we would be happy. With a genuine smile on my face, I raised my head to meet the eyes of the volunteer holding open the doors of the church, refusing to look away in shame. The man gave me a slight nervous smile in return, shifting his eyes quickly to someone behind me as I walked past.

No relief was to be found inside the doors of the church where I quickly stopped to cross myself with the Holy Water. The whispers were fervent and made me wish I didn't have to walk into the sanctuary alone. Alice would have been helpful, unfortunately I had no phone to call her, nor had I even spoken to her since last night. A spasm of terror seized me the moment my feet crossed the threshold as the sanctuary was packed and felt as if every set of eyes stared back at me. Briefly I wondered if someone had been fetched to retrieve stones to cast in my direction. I hope they realized their silent stares brought me enough humiliation, stones would only add physical injury that could heal and be forgotten later. This would last a lifetime.

Was this how Bella felt last night while my father dragged me away? All these people, watching…judging her harshly based on the five minutes she was brought to their attention. She didn't mention anything about it, as if she dealt with this kind of thing frequently or it just didn't faze her at all. I would have to make a mental note to ask her about it tonight, because I wanted to be able to tell her that I, even though I rushed, held my head high.

The rushing pace down the aisle quickly came to a halt when I realized I might not be welcome at the family pew. I had suggested that last night I was done, that I couldn't live up to my father's high expectations. Would he turn me away in front of all these people?

Bright blue eyes caught my gaze, rescuing me from my plight. Alice, in her Sunday best, including an ostentatious hat, jumped from her seat in the pew clamoring over Jasper and my mother, seemingly chastising them in the process. I stayed still hoping to be hidden by the crowds of people conversing and working their ways to their seats so none of my family would see what Alice was rushing towards.

"Where have you been?" Alice's voice much louder than I wished, as she grabbed my arm hauling me down to a nearby empty pew.

"Alice!" I said sharply, "a little more covert, please. I already have the entire congregation staring at me." Her eyes lit up with a fury that often scared me when it happened.

"Edward, just answer the question!" she snapped. "I've been worried sick," she added, her voice softening, making me feel guilty for not calling her this morning to at least tell her I was okay. "We're getting you a new cell phone the minute we're out of Mass." I nodded, already a plan of mine, but didn't include Alice joining me. She was angry enough that I could omit that information for now.

"I came here," finally answering her, "After I left the house last night, and then went home to sleep for a few hours."

"Father Molony didn't mention you being here last night."

"I didn't see him…wait, when were you speaking to Father Molony?"

"He came to our pew about ten minutes ago, requesting to see all of us after the service in his office."

"Why?" Alice shrugged.

"I have no idea. All I do know is it's incredibly tense down there. I'm thrilled you gave me a reason to escape."

"How did father react to the request?" I asked, bitterness lacing my tone. I was avoiding the necessary question of the reasoning behind the tension, though I knew it had to do with last night.

"Nervous would be the best way to describe it. He keeps squirming in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. Mom's avoiding him. I even found him asleep on the couch in the family room." My eyes darted to Alice's in shock. "I think he had hoped to wake up before anyone noticed," she added. Unable to contain my curiosity for long, our family pew sat about eight rows away.

"What happened when I left last night?" I asked, taking in the order of seating of my family. My father sat on the far end near the wall, between him sat Rose, Emmett, a place where Alice had vacated, Jasper and then on the opposite end sat my mother. If I thought seeing my car parked in my lawn was a bit surreal, this was utterly bizarre. I'd never seen my mother and father sit separately while at church. They were so disgustingly in love, I often wondered how my father even survived going to work without her by his side. To see them like this, because of my exploits, was heartbreaking.

"It was a little scary after you left," Alice whispered. "Mom defended you more valiantly than I ever would have imagined. I'd make you say thank you for that because I like to think I provoked her to it, but when she said…"

"What did she say, Ally?" I prodded, when her voice faded.

"Well you don't have to thank me for it because it was terrifying to witness. She said if he didn't fix this…then he would lose more than a son."

"No," I gasped, eyes studying her to see if there was any chance she could be embellishing, looking for anything that might make this more bearable. The magnitude of weight that once again fell upon my shoulders filled me with doubt about what I should do now.

"I didn't want that to happen," I muttered, shaking my head back and forth as it drooped toward my lap. "I didn't want that to happen, Ally," I repeated, pleadingly. Alice grabbed my hand, holding it tight within her grasp. She leaned her head on my shoulder for comfort, causing her hat to jab me in the neck, but I welcomed her closeness nevertheless. As much as I wanted to keep her out of this mess, she was in it with me regardless.

"I know," Alice soothed, patting our clasped hands with her free one. "I didn't either, but now what do we do? Oh!" Her head rose from my shoulder, brightened eyes meeting mine. "Did you see Bella last night? Did she find you?"

"Yes," I sighed, "she found me here."

"She found you here? By herself?"

"With the help of a very informed cab driver, she said," I chuckled, thinking back to Bella's small adventure of tracking me down at the right church.

"She's quite the stubborn one. You know she thought of that all on her own." I gave Alice a genuine smile. "I would have never thought you'd come here. I thought you would go to…" Alice's voice caught in her throat as she looked beyond me. I could feel my throat constricting as I thought the worst, my father behind me ready for round two. Slowly, I turned to accept my fate, shocked at what I saw was indeed worse than what I had imagined.

"May I join you?" my mother asked politely. I gaped at her, flabbergasted. Alice tugged at my arm roughly, instead of my moving further down the pew to allow mother to sit, it pulled me off balance and I was splayed over her lap.

"Edward," Ally chastised, as I attempted to right myself. I thought I might have seen a ghost of a smile on my mother's face during our antics, but it was wiped clean before I could really focus. She sat without making a noise, very stiff and now oddly stoic, her eyes facing the pulpit where Father Molony was now standing. It made me nervous. I wasn't sure if she was trying to support me or make an example out of me. When her hand grasped mine, I sighed at her touch, relieved she was with me, but devastated all the same.

"This can't be happening," I whispered to Alice.

"She's on your side, that's a good thing, right?" she replied.

"No, not at all," I muttered, scared to death I would be the end of my parent's previously healthy relationship because I had made the terrible decision to get married two years ago. Alice blankly stared at me, as if she were trying to come up with the magical answer that would solve everyone's problems. Her downcast eyes when she shrugged moments later silently told me of her failure. She rest her head back upon my shoulder with our hands together as we hopelessly tried to shelve our problems to concentrate on the service.

I failed. Every word from Father Molony's mouth sounded like any figure of authority in the world of Charlie Brown. A time when I should be listening, seeking the comfort from the church I had found in the past, I couldn't concentrate on anything but the fact that my mother was sitting beside me and my father kept casting longing glances in her direction. It was my fault. Wasn't it just last week I had prayed to God for relief with my marriage? He granted me with an angel, quickly followed by a comatose wife. How was I supposed to interpret those events? Which was God's doing? Or was any of it?

Shaking my head, I tried to not focus on that question too long or I would have to consider my father's cruel words. Bella was far from angelic, but she still saved me. She gave me happiness and hope where there was none to be had. If I hadn't met her and Tanya had still been in the accident, I could only imagine how different this week would have been. Consumed by guilt, I would have spent every minute either in the church or at the hospital. I would have been the person…my father expected me to be. My family would be together right now instead of separated by eight pews. Which was more important to me? The love of my family or the love of my life?

While my heart ached with new questions filling my thoughts with doubt, I noticed Alice and my mother had both stood. They pulled me up by their hands still joined with mine, knowing I was lost in my own little world. I mumbled incantations half-heartedly, but stopped when a flash of blonde hair caught my attention followed by sharp blue eyes piercing mine. Somehow, the sea of people between us parted just so Rose could give me a death glare all while holding the cooing Remmi in her arms, a total contrast of expressions when compared to her mother.

"What is going on?" Rose mouthed to me clearly. I didn't remember seeing Rose and Emmett much last night, especially after I was being pulled away from Bella. They must have missed our grand gesture, but I would have thought Alice would have told her. I opted just for a shake of my head to Rose as I sat back down in the pew.

"Rose doesn't know what happened?" I whispered to Alice. She shook her head in response, eyes remaining downcast.

Guilt was surmounting both of us. This was too much to tolerate and much too frustrating. It was Alice's plan to get mother on our side, now that she had succeeded, I wondered if she regretted it as I did. Witnessing the past hour had definitely planted seeds of doubt for me to rethink my original plan, as it would only makes matters worse for my family. My father had expressed his antipathy towards it and I just assumed my mother would fall in line behind him just as she always did. But here she was, sitting beside me with her hand intertwined with mine, solid as a rock, never once glancing at the rest of the family. I admired her now more than ever, but I, oddly, couldn't bear the weight of her support. I had divided the family in two. It would have been so much easier had she just went along with father. Yes, I would lose my family in my pursuit for Bella, but I would be comforted by the fact they'd have each other. I could accept that. Now…now I threatened to make their lives miserable in order for me to find happiness.

I didn't know if I was that selfish and terrified that I could be. I never thought it would come to this. Alice suddenly squeezed my hand, attracting my attention, her eyes wild as she studied my face.

"Are you okay?" she urgently whispered, though I had no idea what I had done outwardly to trigger her reaction. "You look like you're ready to pass out."

"What have I done, Ally?" I replied feeling overwhelmed and suddenly very hot. A line of sweat broke out across my forehead, the room beginning to tilt from its axis. Alice pushed my back forward so that I had my head between my knees.

"Was it the Homily?" Alice had leaned forward and whispered while rubbing soothing circles on my back. We kept answering each other with questions and I was becoming steadily more confused.

"No…" I started, turning my head to see her mirroring my position, her head resting on her left arm so her hat wouldn't fall, while her right hand still held my left. It was then I realized I wasn't holding mother's hand anymore, as she was the one rubbing my back. "What is Father Molony saying? I had to ask because it still wasn't registering with me at all. Alice's eyes closed briefly, as she contemplated how to answer me.

"He's interpreting it as the importance of commitment," she responded dryly.

******

**A/N: Announcements!**

**First, what you want to hear, Chapter 17 is with my beta right now. I meant to post it all together, but it needed to be separated. After some tweaking, it should post in the next day or two...so no crazy long time wait.**

**Second, I need to throw out some massive thanks to Kassiah for not only rec-ing WCN on The Little Known Ficster, but also on Fictionators, like a month ago. Welcome newbies! I know I got some readers after that!**

**Third, possibly you've heard of The Sandbox, if not, check them out in FFn communities and facebook. You'll find some awesome authors and stories there.**

**If you're desperate for a WCN update, I've always recommended the forum, but now you can follow me on Twitter, playitagainsam9. **

**Lastly, I just heard yesterday the Killers are going to be on the New Moon Soundtrack...seriously! Totally smiling like I mean it...and I could only be happier if Rob showed up naked at my door...well maybe if Brandon showed up that way too. :)**

**Chapter 17 very soon...**


	17. Feel My Bones

**A/N: Happy Sunday to you all. I'm super nervous about this chapter…so don't forget to review! **

**The song is Bones…by The Killers. Who else do you expect from me? Btw…have you seen the NM soundtrack details…new song by The Killers on there! Yes…super excited, I am indeed.**

**Thanks to my super mega fantastically awesome beta, keepingupwiththekids. **

**Follow me on twitter: playitagainsam9 **

**Not mine…but that doesn't mean you can take it. **

*******

**EPOV**

With my head in my hands, I sat alone in the pew, burdened by the guilt, overcome by the shame, and retracting the urge to run while no one was looking. Alice had begged me to come take Communion with her, it was mother who persistently pulled her away, as if she understood why I couldn't make myself go. How did I deserve it? I've done nothing this week but cause the people I love sorrow and shame, and until I felt I was doing something right again, I wouldn't allow myself the relief or comfort of accepting Communion. It wouldn't be fair.

"It would have made you feel better," Alice commented, once taking her place beside me again. Our hands entwined immediately, a distant second to the comfort the Communion would have given me, but I'd take what I could get. I would always have Alice fighting in my corner, even if I didn't want her there. Once I felt another hand working its way into my empty right hand, I found I had my mother as well. Her help coming with a much greater price, one I knew I couldn't live with, but I couldn't live without my family either.

"No, Ally, it wouldn't," I responded softly, despair lacing my tone as I clinched my mother's clammy hand, holding back the scream begging her to go back where she belonged. Realizing I should have run when I had the chance, it would have at least granted me absolution to witnessing the separation of my family, because I couldn't scream for my mother to leave me. If I couldn't have the comfort of my church, I needed, at least, the comfort of my mother.

"Thanks be to God," I heard the congregation reply from the depths of my mind, concluding the service. I glanced longingly through the crowd at the door. _Escape…must get out before…_

"Father Molony wants to speak to us…all of us," Rose's voice filtered through the crowd of exiting people, snapping my eyes away from where they yearned to go, flinching when I met her sharp blue ones. She stood tall and forceful, noticeably irritable with the task of messenger rather than inquisitor. She resisted backing down from the stare to prove her frustration since she knew she couldn't ask questions now, too many people would be just as curious.

"Lead the way, Rosalie," my mother replied, rising to her feet pulling myself and Alice up with her, our hands still joined like a united front prepared to do battle. My limbs felt weak and convulsed as we followed Rose into the depths of the church. The air was cool on the back of my damp neck, causing me to shiver and Alice's eyes jumped to mine, silently asking if I was all right. The answer was no, I was terrified. My stomach clinched in anticipation of the berating I was to receive once out of the public's eye and in the presence of my family and my priest.

Slowly, we filtered into a large, but highly cluttered, office one by one. Attempting to avoid everyone's eyes, I took in the space of Father Molony's office. The room was chaotically arranged with various non-matching chairs and towering bookcases on each of the four walls. Stacks of papers littered the floor, appearing to have some sort of organizational purpose, but only looked like utter chaos to an outsider. A large oak desk that resembled my father's sat messily covered with more papers and books on the far end of the room. My throat went dry and the disorder of the room melted away when I realized how much this felt like a repeat of last night in my father's study, only with a larger audience. Soon, Father Molony would take a seat behind that desk and I would feel very much like a child in need of punishment. A feeling made all the more real when my mother released her hand from mine. Any sense of protection I had seemed to vanish, leaving me vulnerable to the eyes set upon me.

It was my father's eyes I saw first, I expected to see anger, sheer rage at my actions, and it was there for a fleeting second, but passed to uneasiness, almost apprehensive as he broke my glare and sought out mother. Mother, the lone of us who chose to sit and make herself comfortable while we waited, had chosen a high wingback chair facing the opposite direction of father. The agony was clear in his eyes when she never once turned to look his direction.

Whatever fury was short-lived with my father, it was building within Rose. She had managed to find a small open path where she could pace. Three steps one direction, then she'd turn, three steps, turn, going faster with each pass, her head down at the floor mumbling under her breath. Emmett stood, helplessly, watching her in horror, wondering if there was anything he could do to get her to stop. Alice squeezed my hand, drawing my attention, but she too, was focused on watching Rose, probably regretting not telling her sooner.

"I demand to know what's going on here!" Rosalie announced mid-stride, her rage finally bubbling to the surface. Anyone in the room who wasn't watching her already, had her attention now, but no one said a word. If they had been thinking about it, they were interrupted by Father Molony's entrance.

"Hello everyone!" he greeted jovially, confusion coursing deep through me at his lax attitude. "I do hope everyone is having a delightful Sunday morning. It's shaping up to be the first fine spring day we've had so far."

_Seriously? He was going to talk about the weather? _

Nervously, I glanced toward Alice, her hand still tightly grasping mine, our palms becoming slick under the pressure. Her stance was as rigid as mine as we waited for the strike we knew was coming.

"Father," my mother began, perched on her chair, outwardly looking the most calm and relaxed in the room. "Please pardon my rudeness but perhaps you could cut to the chase and tell us why you asked for our company." Alice and I exchanged quick glances, both of us silently wondering where this bold version of our mother came from and for me, slightly relieved I had her in my corner, even though I'd had contrary thoughts in the sanctuary.

"Of course, my dear Esme," Father Molony relented. "I only thought you would want to discuss the grand news Dr. Cullen shared with me this morning," he added with a sincere smile.

If I were a cartoon, my eyes would have enlarged and retreated from their sockets. Now the chaos of his office seemed to make sense, Father Molony had gone insane. Grand news? Had my father slipped him a Valium? Had I just crossed over into the Twilight Zone? Had Father Molony even been paying attention to where we had sat during Mass? The Cullens always sat in the third pew. If we ever sat separate before I was either too young to remember or didn't exist yet. He had to know we weren't on the best of terms right now. There was no way he didn't know what happened last night, he quite possibly based his homily around it, and the congregation could speak of nothing else!

"Edward," Alice whispered, her hand slipping from mine leaving the dampness of sweat. "I forgot…"

"Yes," my father announced loudly, interrupting whatever Alice was about to tell me. "The news about Tanya is unexpectedly good." Immediately, I was coughing, managing to choke on my own saliva upon hearing my wife's name. Alice slapped me a couple times on the back.

"Are you okay," she whispered, leaning towards me. Shaking my head, I cast a look begging for quiet answers. "I'm so sorry it slipped my mind," she started, getting a cold stare from me in response, ushering her to get past the apologies and to the explanation. "She woke up last night, briefly, but then went back to sleep." If only I weren't in my priest's office right now, I'd be swearing enough to make even Bella blush. How on earth had she forgotten to tell me that my wife woke up from nearly a week's sleep? A quiet voice in the back of my head said I would have known had I been there. I had chosen to be with Bella instead. Disgusted with myself, overwhelmed with guilt to where I could feel it in my bones, aching as it traveled through the marrow, clinging to every facet. I longed to bolt from the room, away from the eyes that knew I was finding out about my wife's possible recovery only now.

"Well Edward," Father Molony began, sensing my quandary. "I'm sure you'd like to leave here and get to the hospital. She was asking for you, no doubt," he added, as if he needed to beat an already broken man down more. "I'm confident that your beautiful wife will be just fine. Love and prayers is all she needs." I nodded, unable to find my voice or meet his eyes. "There will be no more need of the despair and foolishness I witnessed last night. All will be forgiven, my child." Tears stung my eyes as I raised my head to meet his penetrating glare, feeling as small as a child punished for having their hand caught in the cookie jar. From the corner of my eye, I could see Alice's stunned expression quickly fading to concentrated wrath.

Speech was difficult, my tongue felt thick in my mouth as it was slow to recover from the shock, but I knew I had to say something before Alice did. If I wanted to go through with the annulment, now would be the time to announce it. Everyone that needed to know with the exception of my wife was in this room. But, was it the right path?

"Father, I…"the words were low and caught in my throat as I received the full attention of everyone in the room. My gaze passed by each of them, trying to figure out from their expressions how well my request would be received. It was a ridiculous attempt, as they were not mind readers and had no clue what I was about to ask. Only my parents and Alice knew what I was thinking. Father, still in the corner, looked impossibly smug as he waited patiently to see if I had the courage I professed I had last night. Had he talked with Father Molony beforehand? Made him believe I was a foolish drunk last night stricken by grief? He had cleaned up my mess for me, though I had requested otherwise, causing my hatred for him to grow each time he went against my wishes.

Alice squeezed my hand, prodding me forward, snapping my gaze from my father, but before it could land on her, it fell upon my mother. Mother, having been quiet since her first interruption, sat still as a porcelain doll, her posture no longer relaxed was rigid and uncomfortable. Glistening on her pale face were wet trails where tears had fallen without notice.

_Run…just run away._

My feet shifted unconsciously as my brain pushed the flight button. With a tightened grip of my hand, Alice's outraged expression caught the corner of my eye.

"What is it, Edward?" Father Molony asked, waiting tolerantly for me to continue.

"I'd like to meet with you in private in a couple days, if that's all right," sighing a bit in relief at delaying the inevitable. Alice was in full death grip mode of my hand once my words were delivered, my fingers beginning to tingle with lack of blood flow. Desperately, I looked towards her, begging for a little patience. I needed more time, and I just couldn't do it in front of mother's tear stained face.

"I don't see that as a problem," he replied, a quick glance shot towards my father triggering my curiosity. "How's Tuesday?" he asked, distracting me momentarily as I tried to remember my shift schedule at the hospital.

"I could come by after my shift around two," I responded, then tugged on Alice's hand, to have her follow me out of the room, anxious to be out of the lion's den.

"Wait just a second!" Rosalie shouted, freezing us in our tracks. "You must think I'm a moron if you expect me to believe we were called in here to talk about Tanya's miraculous development. Esme and Carlisle aren't speaking, we didn't sit together, and everyone has looked at Edward like he's…"

"Rosalie," my mother cut her off sharply, snapping Rose's mouth shut. "Now is not the time. Let's go home for lunch and we'll talk there," she added, her voice resembling more of the smoothness we were normally accustomed.

"But Esme…" Rose began, earning a glare from my mother, silencing her once more. She huffed in annoyance but let the issue drop. "I need to get Remmi," she muttered to Emmett standing beside her. "I'll meet you all outside." As Rose worked her way out of the room, I ventured over to my mother to say goodbye, having no desire to meet them for lunch today.

"I won't be coming by today," I said softly to her, kissing her cheek. She nodded, tears being held at bay with great difficulty as she pulled in a shaky breath.

"I figured as much," she replied, trying her very best to smile. Squeezing her hand, I offered her a strained smile and hoped I conveyed my gratitude for her support today with the gesture. Alice, distracted, was having a hushed conversation with Jasper, as I made toward the exit, almost home free until a clammy hand grabbed mine. "Edward," my mother called, halting my escape as she pulled me into a strong, but comforting, embrace. She held on to me as if when she let go, she'd never see me again, and that was terrifying. "Please promise to talk to me before you decide anything," she whispered in my ear. I pulled away slightly to study her expression.

"What makes you think I haven't already decided?"

"I know you have decided to be with her, but you haven't decided how."

"How did…"I stuttered, amazed and a bit angry she could see me so clearly.

"Just don't shut me out, I can help," she pleaded, urging me to listen. A familiar glint in her eyes puzzled me, it was the look she often gave me when she proved she knew more than I did, but I didn't trust that now. What could she know about this? There was nothing more I wanted, aside from Bella, than my mother's help. Belief that she could help, without endangering her relationship with my father, was something I chalked up to a fantasy. Nodding in agreement, just to satisfy her, I then exited the office where Alice now stood waiting for me.

"Come on," Alice started brightly, taking my hand to lead me down the vacant hallway. "Let's blow off the family lunch and get you a new phone."

"Ally," I sighed, "go to the lunch." Her bright blue eyes dimmed at my request. "Mother will need you," I explained, "and I can handle getting a new phone on my own."

"Are you going to see Bella?" she asked excitedly, her distress short lived. Sometimes I wondered if she remembered I was a married man as excited as she got when Bella's name was mentioned. I knew she loved her, and I was grateful for it, but I'd appreciate it if she remembered where we were right now. I tugged her arm, ushering her further away from Father Molony's office door and hopefully out of earshot.

"Ally, don't take this the wrong way," I began, thinking it was now or never if I were to ever cut her out of my lies. The annulment option was losing pros after seeing the possible devastation of my family happen before my eyes this morning. With that, Bella's offer became more and more sound.

"Nothing good ever comes from saying that," she interrupted.

"I don't want to tell you if I'm meeting Bella or not."

"And just why not?" she asked, rightfully offended. I had dragged her in this far, now I was dropping her as if she had done nothing for me. "After all the help I…"

"Ally! It's not like that!" I shouted, ending her potential rant. "I don't want to shut you out, I just need some time to think about things. There are other options on the table I need to consider that I may not want to involve you with."

"What do you mean? You're going through with the annulment, right? I mean, that's what you're meeting Father Molony about….right?" Her words losing strength as I could only imagine what thoughts were going through her head. Suddenly, she picked up her pace to step in front of me, grabbing hold of my arms to still my forward pace. "Edward, what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Way too much to even think clearly," I retorted with a smirk, in effort to avoid indulging too much.

"Don't give me that," she snapped. "You're thinking of something very clearly if it's knocking annulment off the table."

"It's nothing, Ally," I muttered, eyes intent on counting the stitches on my shoes. "And annulment isn't off the table."

"Edward! Look at me!" the urgency in her voice and her fingers underneath my chin brought me back to eye level. "Don't do anything stupid. There are only two other options I know of other than getting an annulment. One…would imply you're breaking it off with Bella completely, the other…well, don't even consider it! This isn't the fairy tale romance we'd like it to be where you'll live happily ever after. It wouldn't work out! It would drive you mad with guilt and jealousy."

"So you'd rather I tear apart the family? Have that added to my guilty conscience?

"We'd have a chance at healing, Edward. But if you lost Bella to someone else because you couldn't truly be with her, I'm not sure you'd heal from that."

"Ally, just let me think!" I pleaded, knowing she was right and pissed off she thought of the same reasons against an affair with Bella as I had. Where was my hope and optimism? I wasn't ready for all my options to fall through, there had to be a way I could have everything. Alice glared at me intensely, trying to pierce my soul with the shame of what I was considering. Successful she was, but I stormed out of the church and away from her before she was able to realize it.

******

After much internal debate throughout the afternoon, I found myself exactly where I said I would be, a few blocks away from Bella's apartment at almost six o'clock. Foolishly, a half-hour ago, I had considered not coming, quitting her cold turkey and never speaking to her again. The thought lasted maybe two seconds before I felt the crippling pain of my chest igniting in revolt, pain subsiding as soon as my feet carried me to my car, and ultimately, to Bella. Quitting Bella hadn't been an option before and my heart told me it wouldn't be an option now either. Had I not felt it, it would have never occurred to me that such physical pain could exist from letting go of someone I loved. It made me desperate to find a way to make this work, but I still had not come to any solid conclusions. Only that I needed Bella and I didn't want my family to suffer because of that.

Realizing I was two blocks away, I quickly typed a text message from my newly acquired phone while sitting at a red light.

_I'm two lights away, are you ready? ~E_

Nervously, I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of a song playing on my iPod, while waiting for her to reply. I chose the song for its soft chords, hoping in vain it would calm me, but it did nothing to ease my nerves. I had gone all day without speaking to her and more than once I feared she would have forgotten I was coming by at six without my calling to confirm our plans. My need for quiet trumped my need to call her, knowing that if I gave in, I would have talked to her all day rather than trying to decide what I should do. Doubts had etched their way into my mind making every possibility foggy. The only option where I knew clearly what would happen was the non-option of ceasing to see Bella. Everything would go back to the way it was before I met her, only I'd be even more miserable because I would know that love was out there for me, I just couldn't have it. That was a terrible existence even without factoring in the crippling pain.

The red light changed to green just as my phone chimed, signaling a text message.

_I'll meet you outside in 5. I missed you today. ~B_

Nine words and it was enough to make me forget everything that had happened today. She hadn't forgotten me, she was waiting for me. Heart hammering in my chest, I gunned the gas to get to her faster, only to be stopped by the second traffic light. Scowling at the misfortune of having to wait longer, I sent her another reply.

_I missed you, too. ~E_

The scowl left my face leaving a grinning idiot in its wake when I hit the send button. Seeing her would change everything, make me remember what I needed to fight for, replacing the weakness I felt earlier with power and maybe even replenish some of the pride I had lost.

_Green light._

Hitting the gas so hard I made the tires spin only to travel half the distance of the block before stopping in front of her building with my hazard lights blinking. Angry drivers, with their horns blaring were trapped until I moved or the opposite lane was free of traffic so they could go around me. I didn't care. My focus was on the front door of Bella's building, anxiously waiting for her to open it. Fifteen seconds later, my anticipation was rewarded.

Bella skipped down the few stairs after closing the front door, her long brown hair whipping behind her as she rushed. A bright smile lit her face once her eyes had landed on my car waiting for her.

_I made her that happy._

Scrambling across the console as she closed in, I opened the door for her. It was the best I could do while sitting in traffic and with the worry of who could be watching in the back of my mind. I knew we'd have to be more careful after the coffee shop incident and even more so after the benefit. If my paranoia didn't get the best of me, today could turn into one of the better days of my life, even with the horrible start. Bella slid into the leather seat with ease, her strawberry scent overwhelming the interior until I could taste it on my tongue. Her lips were full and glossy pink, beckoning me towards them, begging for me to sink my teeth into them. The electric she brought with her, nipped at me, drew me in closer, until I felt I had no control. _Just a little taste…_

The blaring car horn made us both jump.

"Move it already!" the irate driver shouted through his window, causing Bella to laugh, breaking the spell for now.

"Hi," she greeted sweetly, as I put the car in first gear and took off down the narrow street.

"Hey," I replied, glancing over at her smiling face, which in turn made me smile as well. I could be happy just like this for the rest of my life. Just allow myself to get lost in her smile. We could drive until we ran out of road and start a new life together. It was then when a fourth option tickled my mind, but I shoved it back for now. Her hand snaked its way to mine resting on top of the gearshift. Cool fingers danced across my skin, sending those electric pulses through my arm and down my spine. "I keep waiting for this feeling to go away, but it only seems to strengthen." Bella's smile faltered.

"Do you want it to go away?" her eyes shying away from mine and her tone sullen.

"No," I answered quickly, realizing how she had misinterpreted my words. "It's just a shock to me every time…quite literally," I smiled to lighten the mood.

"Me too," she said, smiling once more. "How was your day?"

"Better now," I evaded. The last thing I wanted to do was tell her how horribly my day had gone up until this point. It was my goal to keep tonight as light as possible. Somewhere in my demented and confused mind, I had the desire to treat her to a first date. Our public options were limited unless we wanted to travel out of the city. The next best thing I could think of was taking advantage of the spring-like weather with a walk along the shore. I felt that it could be interpreted as friendly to outsiders and romantic to Bella. The wind had turned a bit cooler so there was the added possibility of very few people with the same idea.

"So your day wasn't peachy before?"

"Peachy?" I asked with a half smile. "No, not at all. How was yours?" I could feel her eyes burning my face as I avoided eye contact, chanting internally for her to drop it for now. She must have taken the hint.

"Well I slept until two," she started. "Someone kept me up half the night, even after he went home."

"What a jerk," I teased.

"I know, right?" she replied laughingly, leaning closer to me, her fingers trailing a fiery path up my arm. "The jackass didn't even have the decency to come upstairs to tuck me in but I dreamed about him all night anyway," she purred low in my ear causing my breath to catch in my throat. God, how I wanted her and her persistence wasn't helping my control.

"So how did those dreams turn out for you?" I asked, unwilling to stop the torture.

"Hmm…very well, perhaps you could turn around and I could show you?" My body tensing as I gripped the steering wheel, fantastical pictures running through my head of all the ways I wanted her to show me. Bella laughed at my posture. "You're so very easy to work up," she added playfully, leaning back against the door to give me some much needed breathing space.

"You're such a tease," I replied in kind.

"Only with you." I loved the possessive nature of those three words that spilled from her mouth easily. She was mine, was a part of me I would feel lost without now that I knew it existed. I had to find a way, there just had to be one. Fate had delivered her to me and I refused to believe she was meant for me to throw away, as if she were a test to overcome. What could possibly be my reward for doing so? Happiness would cease to exist. "I was worried about you."

"Why?" I asked, confused by the change of topic.

"You just seemed a little out of it after I got out of the car. I would have felt better if you had come upstairs, even if it was just to sleep on the couch. Next time, call me. I know you're worried about your dad tracking that sort of thing, but maybe we can come up with some kind of a code. Like let it ring three times and then hang up, or something." She traced invisible lines on my hand and arm while she rambled nervously. It was seriously the cutest thing I had ever witnessed. My bold Bella had this mysterious shy streak in her at the most perplexing times.

"Already a step ahead of you, love," I replied, easing her nerves. One of the main reasons I didn't want Alice tagging along with me to get a new phone was because I had the alternate plan of buying two phones. The first was to replace my broken one, the second, a prepaid phone to be used only to contact Bella that I didn't want Alice knowing about if it was deemed necessary to use. "I've got a new phone number. I'll make sure to give it to you before we call it a night."

"Sounds like a plan." She was silent for a second while she examined where we were. "Where are we going?"

"Right here," I answered, pulling into one of the many parking lots for the beach. "You up for a walk?"

"On the beach?"

"Yeah…I mean, if that's all right. We can do something else if you don't…"

"No, it's perfect," she interrupted with her trademark bright smile.

"All right," I parked the car in the half-vacant lot. "Don't move." Bella's brow scrunched up as I bolted from the car, rushing over to her side, opening the door for her the right way this time.

"You know," she began, when I took her hand, unnecessarily helping her out of the car, but using any excuse to touch her. "I've lived here for a year and have never walked the beach."

"It isn't the white sands of the Caribbean, but it's a nice alternative to the mundane grays of the cityscape." We walked with our hands firmly clasped together to just where the water lapped at the shore. The beach was thankfully under populated, as the cool winds whipping in from the lake must have sent most people packing.

"I do enjoy the view," Bella commented, her eyes not taking in the sandy beach or the choppy lake, but rested on me.

"As do I," smiling, I agreed, leaning over to kiss her forehead, unable to resist her when she was being adorable.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we walked down the beach with the setting sun at our backs, four feet leaving a trail of prints as they sank into the wet sand. Head down, I allowed myself to be mesmerized by how our feet had a starting point but then inched closer with each step, the electricity snapping and crackling, drawing us together like magnets. The longer our silence held out, the more intense the electricity became. I squeezed her hand, hoping to quell some of the energy, unprepared for it to take over before I had stumbled upon a solution to our problem.

I knew she was waiting on an answer, and the truth was I was leaning more towards her proposition than I had been in the early morning. Seeing my family as they were at church was more than I could handle. If I could have her _and_ have them as they should be, then that had to be the best solution. However, that decision didn't loosen any of the tension or weight from my shoulders as the previously decided annulment had. The weight actually felt heavier, as if my consciousness was already spinning ahead into the future to show me how I would feel if I went this direction. Knowing in my heart it would never be enough and my possessiveness of Bella would be our downfall. Alice was right, it wouldn't work. Bella didn't know that side of me so she couldn't know what that kind of arrangement would mean for her.

Darkening clouds were building across the wide expanse of open sky, mounting a charge against the setting sun and striking out the colors of the beach leaving gray shadows in their place. The winds changed slightly, bringing with them dampness in the air and the promise of rain in a developing storm just off shore. I cursed myself for not checking the weather before bringing Bella out here. Chicago weather was finicky this time of year, you never knew what to expect. A distant low rumble of thunder piqued my ears. We'd have to turn back soon or chance getting soaked by the cold rain. Bella's thumb brushed against the skin of my hand, heightening the electric buzzing in the air and sending chills up my spine that had nothing to do with the cooler winds. Her head was turned up towards mine, brow scrunched in silent wonder, as if she was trying to read my mind.

"Dance with me," she suggested softly, so soft I wasn't sure I heard her right. "Edward?" she prompted, when I just stared at her in response.

"There's no music," I mumbled, concentrating on the speed of the clouds, spreading their dark blanket over us at a quickened pace. Another rumble of thunder, this time louder and closer to us. Yes, definitely time for us to head back. We were probably a half-mile or so from where I parked the Volvo. As fast as this storm was moving, it was unlikely we'd make it back before a sudden downpour was on us. I should have thought of something better. This wasn't how I wanted to end our night and who knew when I'd be able to see her again.

"Without an answer, the thunder speaks for the sky," Bella's voice singing turned my head sharply to her, my feet stilling in the sand. Her sweet smile added a particular glint to her eyes that filled my stomach with dread. I'd give anything to be inside her head for just a minute, because whatever she was thinking, I was sure it was going to push limits. Had her patience been exhausted? Was she going to demand an answer from me? "And on the cold, wet dirt I cry."

Bella stepped in front of me, propping her cast on my shoulder, those cool fingers latching to the hair at the nape of my neck. My forehead dropped to hers with a sigh of contentment, taking pleasure from her closeness, the warmth of her body against mine.

"Dance with me," she repeated. "I'll sing." A flash of lightening emphasized her words, followed by the rumble of thunder overhead. Fat raindrops fell randomly from the sky as my arm wrapped tightly around her waist, relenting to her, unable to deny her anything. Her voice continued singing her chosen lyrics as the dread I felt earlier hardened into something heavy and dense, like lead.

"Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones, on your bones? It's only natural."

"Bella," my whisper strained under the pressure of the lyrics she was singing. A vixen of temptation, she was, luring me in and I was helpless to stop it. I wanted it as badly as she suggested she did.

"Relax Edward," she chided. "Just dance with me," she added, as we swayed against each other, smiling brightly, completely infectious. I took a deep breath, sucking in the sweet strawberry scent of her hair, allowing it to relax me as she requested. Her happiness permeated me and I laughed outright at her joy.

"A cinematic vision…ensued," she took a step back from me. I spun her around only to bring her back against me, missing her warmth as soon as she was away. "Like the Holiest dream. It's someone calling, an angel whispers my name…" she stopped singing for a moment only to lean into my ear. "Edward," she whispered.

"Hmm…" I sighed, eyes closing as her warm breath tickled my ear.

"Listen to the lyrics, my love," I was familiar with the song, but hadn't heard it in a long while. Bella resumed her singing, aligning her body to mine where it was difficult for me to concentrate on anything but the way her body moved against mine, with closed eyes, I managed. "But the message relayed is the same: "Wait till tomorrow, you'll be fine," but it's gone to the dogs in my mind. I always hear them, when the dead of night comes calling to save me from this fight." Bella went quiet, my eyes fluttering open to meet her deep stare. "But they can never wrong this right."

_They can never wrong this right._

Our movement ceased as my mind slowly processed the information. Bella gave me a moment, but pressed forward sooner than I would have liked. I knew what she was trying to say, and god did I want to agree with her. It was us against everyone else and no one would understand how we felt…except us. There just had to be a better way, except I couldn't come up with arguments to fight off her methods. Not with her so close, not with her singing a song that oozed sex, not with wanting her so bad that all thoughts had been detoured south of my brain.

"Don't you wanna come with me?" she sang with more vigor. "Don't you wanna feel my bones, on your bones? It's only natural." Oh, I wanted to feel every inch of her, watching through hooded eyes as she writhed in my arms, much like I had fantasized about in the car this morning. My body responded exactly as it had then, only more desperate for her touch. "Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin…on your skin," she whispered the last three words, causing a shudder to rip violently through me. She felt it and smiled victoriously. "It's only natural."

Yes, it was only natural, and I began to do what came naturally. The one hand I had wrapped around her began exploring, hastily shoving her coat away from her body so it could travel underneath unhindered. I was dying to feel her skin, to feel the electric pop when contact was made. My fingers were cold from the winds causing her to jump when they pressed against the warmth of her side. It was a delicious sensation and I instantly craved more. I freed my other hand from hers so it too could revel in the smooth expanse of her skin, not even bothering to apologize when the coldness made her jump again. Slowly, I traveled upwards, my fingers grazing the skin of her back until they reached her bra and I felt myself harden exponentially. I slipped a single finger underneath the lace, testing the softness of her smooth skin, running it along the bra line, towards her side and around to the front, ever so slowly. Her breathing hitched as she stared into my eyes with her arms resting on my shoulders. Briefly, I wondered if I should stop. There were red flags of warning waving all over my brain, but it was too late. I was too far gone, in completely over my head.

"Never had a lover," Bella sang. "I never had a lover," I studied her lips as she sang the lyrics that fit uncannily well with this situation. I wanted to hate her for pushing me, but I loved her more for it. If she hadn't, I would still be raging my internal war, forgetting to live and enjoy her while I had her. We still needed to talk more, because she didn't know everything, but right now, all I could focus on was my lone index finger coming around her side underneath her, God what I hoped to be, red bra, until it met her firm, perfectly round breast. A switch flipped in an instant, and one tiny finger wasn't enough to satisfy. Removing my hands from her skin, producing a suddenly pouting Bella, I swept her legs out from underneath her, holding her in my arms only to place her down in the cold wet sand.

"Never had a soul…no, I never had a soul," she continued looking up at me, but my lips assaulted hers from above as lightening flashed all around us. The rain came down in cold sheets, but it couldn't damper my desire for the woman below me. My tongue forced its way in her mouth meeting hers with pleasure that sent electric shocks to my toes. My body engulfed hers, forcing her deep into the forgiving sand. I couldn't get enough, my hands…everywhere, groping, pushing, and pulling. I ripped open her jacket, letting the rain soak her thoroughly just so I could touch her more. Always more. Always needing more.

More lightening flashes lit her beneath me, but no thunder followed. Bella's fingers constricted around my hair, pulling me deeper into her, as my fingers trailed a path down to her jeans.

_More, more, more._

She was my drug, but what she had given me was no longer enough for my fix. Her jeans gave way under the strain of my fingers, pulling them apart, the zipper sliding down by my force. Breaking my lips with hers, she gasped for air as I licked a trail from her jaw to her neck, lapping at the water that collected there, all while my hands were on her hips, tugging down the offensive clothing.

"My place," she panted and I growled in response, continuing to nip at the skin on her neck with my teeth. "Please, Edward."

I sighed, dropping my head into the crook of her neck, breathing in her sweetness deeply, knowing the calming effect it usually had, but now it just turned me on more.

"I want you now," I implored, hating the desperation in my voice, but unable to contain it.

"Trust me…" she was still panting, "it was hard to stop you." There was a smile in her voice I could hear.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I mumbled into her sandy hair. Now that the action had died down, I could feel my reason and logic creeping back into the picture. I could feel her nodding, but I needed her words. Raising my head from her neck, I looked her solidly in the eyes.

"Yes," she answered aloud. "It's the only way everyone will be happy."

"But will we be happy? I'm madly in love with you Bella and with that comes my insane possessiveness. Are you sure you can handle me?" I asked, smiling, but totally serious.

"I'll have you, that's all that will matter," she responded. If there was any doubt in her eyes, I blinked and missed it. My girl was fearless. I took her lips with mine, kissing her as soundly and passionately as I could while refastening her jeans, my fingers lingering across the cold skin of her flat stomach. We both sighed when the kiss slowed and ended.

"Let's go, love," I announced, anticipation lacing my words, longing to get her back to her apartment where I could continue my explorations of her without the hamper of rain or sand or the public eye. Pulling myself to my feet, I then helped her out of the wet sand. We were covered from head to toe in it, the rain helping cake it to our skin and clothes rather than wash it away. Bella attempted to knock some of it off her, but to little avail. I grabbed her hand, tugging her along so she'd give up the effort. A little sand never hurt anyone and she looked beautiful regardless. We took off at a run down the beach, toward the warmth and safety of the Volvo, smiling and laughing through the rain that enveloped us, eagerly looking forward to what the night had in store for us.

**********

**AlternatePOV**

He couldn't have asked for a better night. The sun had set and clouds darkened the sky, giving him the thunder and lightening show he would need to remain hidden. The couple he was targeting were only about twenty feet away, but they were so wrapped up in each other they didn't notice him. Even from this distance, he could observe the intensity of their relationship. He only needed to wait for them to crack.

The lightening was off shore, but the clouds moved quickly, encasing the sky, allowing for even more cover. The couple was dancing, and after timing the striking lightening with a stopwatch, he was able to snap a few pictures perfectly in sync concealing his flash.

He waited patiently with abated breath, watching, knowing it was just a matter of time. Through the zoom of his camera, he could see their faces perfectly. Quite a stunning couple actually, he mused, while witnessing the man's hand had disappear underneath the woman's jacket…just a few moments more.

He poised his camera to his eye when the man picked up the woman, both bodies dropping to the sand. His finger hit the button repeatedly, catching every frame of the kiss that followed.

The money shot.

He had what he came for, but could not tear his eyes from the couple. He continued taking pictures of the man ripping the woman's clothing from her body. These pictures would be worth their weight in gold to his customer. No longer caring for matching the timing of the lightening strikes, he took frame after frame, at liberty, until the couple broke their embrace.

By the time the couple raced up the beach, he was long gone.

**A/N: Please review!**

**Announcement! – a group of my sandbox friends are about to host a one-shot contest: Things That Go Bump in the Night. Details can be found if you check my FFn profile and click 'communities.' Contest opens 10/1/09, so get to work on those entries. **

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	18. The Ace

**A/N: Yes, long time, no see. I know. My apologies for my slowness, I'll make this a short note. **

**Thanks to keepingupwiththekids for the beta work. She's the best! Also thanks to mom2kandg, Eidelweiss, and Kassiah for reading in advance. I greatly appreciate the feedback. **

**Follow me on Twitter for updates and possible teaser announcements – playitagainsam9**

**Enjoy…and don't forget to review! **

**And this isn't mine…unfortunately.**

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**APOV**

"We let him down back there," Mother's voice floated over the soft clatter of her Prada heels as she strode toward me. Yes, obviously, we had. I knew the first thing out of my mouth when I saw him this morning should have been, "Tanya woke up," but I was distracted by the fact that I hadn't seen him since last night, and Father Molony's request to see us, and just how alone Edward looked amongst the crowd of fellow churchgoers, like he no longer belonged there. I had screwed up again, and I was trying to rectify it, by throwing reason and possibly some shame at him, but I didn't think he was listening to me anymore.

"Well he's about to return the favor," I tersely added, the words tasting sour in my mouth as a chill ran down my spine at everything that will go horribly wrong if he follows through with his cowardice. After all the support, all the plotting, all the hell that has been this week…had he always wanted the easy route? The feeling that began as the knot in my stomach, a knot of nerves and anxiousness, had knotted and re-knotted itself multiple times, was now festering and growing into something larger that couldn't be contained. The weight was heavy and begged for sweet release. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, throw whatever was breakable, stomp my feet against the floor until the sound satisfied me, and more importantly, I wanted to shake the calmness from my Mother. Because no one should be this calm, not after seeing the defeat in Edward's eyes.

"Edward will make the right decision when the time comes, Alice. I'm sure of it," she placed emphasis on her last four words, but her entire statement was delivered with a cool, collected tone that plummeted me over the edge. Spinning on my heels to come face to face with her, not even Jasper, helplessly lurking around the corner, and his soothing affect, could stop me.

"Mother!" I screamed, much louder than I anticipated, the weight thanking me for its escape. "You have seen the two of them together, right?! They don't think…they act! Do you know what he's thinking about doing right now? It's so stupid and irresponsible…and spineless! He's going to ruin everything and he's taking everyone with him on his freefall to Hell!"

"Alice!" Mother's sharp interruption silenced me much like she had Rose earlier. It was then I realized how shrill my voice sounded in comparison to hers, and that my arms were flailing around like one of those wacky inflatable flailing arm men you found at used car dealerships. I took a deep breath, while Mother stared hard at me with wide eyes and Jasper closed in a few steps, silent, but obviously worried about my stress level.

"The time is now, Mother. It's now. He has to do the right thing now. He has to stop dragging this out and wavering back and forth. It's so frustrating for me, so I can hardly contemplate what it's like for them. And it could be so simple. All he had to do was ask a question back there. Just a question about the process, advice on what to do perhaps, but he was too scared!" My throat was tightening as words became harder to push through and there was wetness on my cheeks I hadn't noticed moments ago. "I just…" my voice faded giving way to the overwhelming and embarrassing sob that erupted from my chest. "I just don't know how much more I can take," I managed to cry out in between gasps of air. Mother's arms enveloped me, holding me close to her chest as I tearstained her blouse. Her embrace was warm and the sweet smell of Chanel comforted me. "I just want everything to go back to normal, only I want Edward happy…and he isn't happy, Momma," I cried, sounding much like a child.

"I know he isn't, baby," Mother crooned, patting me softly on the back. "It's up to us to make it better. And we will make it better, I promise." It was very hard to hold back the 'pfft' from escaping my lips at her optimism. She had only just gotten in this mess and I had tried and tried to turn this situation around with a success rate at near zero. But she seemed so positive, like she had an ace up her sleeve. Gripping her arms, I pulled back suddenly to catch her eyes; maybe there was something…something I had missed. If there was, I had missed it again, for she gave me nothing, only her warm fingers wiping my face clean of tears.

"Ladies," Jasper called softly, interrupting our moment, we turned toward his drawling voice. "We should get home, if I'm not mistaken, Emmett and Rose have already left and we all know how Emmett is when he's hungry," he added with a smile to lighten the mood. Mother took the bait, smiling brightly back at him.

"Yes, of course," she agreed. "Can't have my babies go hungry," smiling again as Jasper wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders leading us to our car. I could only shake my head at her mysterious happiness, or her excellent acting skills, which ever it was, it was impressive.

"Are you okay?" Jasper leaned down to my ear whispering after Mother had shut herself inside the backseat. I nodded and tried my best to give him a bright smile, but I didn't fool him. He could always see right through me, and didn't need me to voice my problems aloud. He knew them….and knew that I didn't want to think about them anymore than I already had. His question was only to serve the purpose of giving me the opportunity to speak and to voice his concern, naturally. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for any of this. Quickly, I escaped his grasp and slid into the passenger seat, avoiding more discussion and hoping the lightness from moments earlier would carry over to the car ride.

It was ruined the moment all the car doors were closed, as if the lightness never existed. It was simply a means to get us going in the direction I didn't want to go. Anxiety and tightly wound nerves had me bouncing impatiently in my seat, tension rolling off me in waves warning everyone into a deep silence. Jasper drove one-handed, as he maneuvered deftly through midday downtown traffic. His free hand clung to mine, desperately trying to transfer his calmness over to me and hopelessly failing. I appreciated the attempt and was thankful that he never once let go, even though our palms were uncomfortably damp from the pressure. Jasper was my lifeline….my rock. He would make sure I made it through this afternoon unscathed. He'd keep me calm…keep me tethered to the ground…he'd keep me…

"Jasper, darling," Mother interrupted my internal thoughts. "We'll need to pick up some pizzas for lunch. I never had time to prepare anything after the benefit last night." Sharply, I spun to face her. The smell of pizzas in the car with all this tension tying my stomach in knots…oh, I was about to make Jazz pull over just by thinking it.

"We can't put pizzas in the car, not with me in here," my voice registered high on the shrill factor, causing Jasper to wince. Morning sickness hadn't been an issue for me before this week, now it seemed to be a regular occurrence. I had managed to hold down my light breakfast this morning. There would be no way I could contain it with pungent food in an enclosed space, especially when Emmett would require some hideous combination of every meat possible, plus pineapple. The bile was just itching to rise up my throat if I didn't stop imagining it!

"Alice, are you okay?" Jasper asked, his eyes quickly darting to my scrunched up face. "No pizzas in the car, we got it," he added reassuringly, his thumb tracing patterns on my skin of my hand. "I'll drop you both off at the house and then pick them up. How does that sound?"

"That's perfect," Mother chimed, all while terror engulfed me. Jasper would drop us off and then leave? But he was supposed to keep me calm, keep me sane! Now all hell was going to break out and he had a free pass! Curse this morning sickness and Emmett's pizzas! I could have at least delayed the inevitable a little longer if I could handle the smell.

"Is that all right with you, chéri?" I sat quietly, staring at him with large, wide eyes. Slowly, I nodded.

"Yeah…sure. That'll be fine." I whispered then turned my head toward the window to see the quickly fading Chicago skyline. He was driving much too fast to our destination. He would arrive in minutes and I wasn't prepared. I felt the fear much like last night while sitting with Edward's head in my lap in the shadow of our Father, only this time it felt worse. Last night, I knew my Father would be full of rage, though it wasn't propelled toward me. Today, I had no idea what to expect. Mother was so calm; you'd think there was nothing wrong. Would she just walk into the house and act as nothing ever happened? Everyone knew now…there would be so many questions. How would we even begin to answer them all without Edward there? Without us knowing what road he planned to take?

Was Edward with Bella right now? Alone? Without any physical barriers? After witnessing their reactions last night, I shuddered to think how little control they would have if no one told them to stop. Edward couldn't hide his caveman tendencies and that was just with Newton on the prowl. How could he think he and Bella would be able to maintain a hidden relationship? I knew he was trying to keep me distanced from his problems, but I had to plant that seed of doubt. He wouldn't be able to handle the pressure. It would destroy him. Did my words break through his wall? He left so quickly, I couldn't tell if I had made any impact.

Jasper squeezed my hand as the car rolled to a stop, intensifying the ache my fingers felt from being separated by his large fingers for so long.

"Come on, Alice," Mother said when I didn't move. I watched as she pushed the door open, exiting the car with an aura of strength and courage I envied. Sighing, I pushed open my own car door, only to have Jasper's hand still cling to mine.

"Don't worry, chéri. Esme has something up her sleeve. You've noticed it, right?" So he had seen it, too. I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up for some miracle to happen.

"I noticed something…" I began. "I just…I don't want to think that I could have ended this all sooner by telling Mom about it last week. Too much damage has been done, right? And I'm not even adding in the damage done on the Denali side of things."

"Maybe this will turn out better than I predicted, have a little hope. It's not like you to be pessimistic."

"It's your fault," I teased, causing Jasper to laugh softly.

"I only wanted to prepare you, but I didn't want to see the light sucked out of your eyes. Whatever happens, we'll work through it, okay?" I nodded. "And remember this," he added, placing a hand on my stomach, "is most important of all."

"Jazz, stop or I'll start crying," I said, only half-jokingly. Tears would be on their way again, I would have to accept that fact eventually.

"Don't cry, I'll be back soon." I nodded again, and then exited the car to join Mother standing by the front door waiting on me. I didn't know if the waiting was for her or for me, but I was grateful she didn't leave me to walk in there alone. My legs were shaking as they struggled to carry me to the door. Mother, anticipating my slowness and unease, met me at the stairs to help steady me. Each stair felt like a mountain, my legs protesting every inch of movement, my body threatening to go into lock down if I didn't stop.

"Breathe, Alice," Mother smoothly suggested. Air filled my lungs, expanding in pleasure after I had apparently denied them their necessity. Steps became easier to take, our heels making that satisfying sound as they met the tile below them. I concentrated on the sound, allowing it to lull me into a state of relax. If only I could draw on my Mother's strength right now. _Just an ounce, God, even though I don't deserve it._

We stood before the two great black doors when Mother's hand entwined with mine. I wondered, briefly, if we should make the grand gesture, pushing both the doors open with great gusto, the wind from our entrance extinguishing the fires that blazed behind them. It was a nice thought. To have the battle be over before we even began. With a heavy sigh of defeat, because I knew this wasn't going to be the easy process I longed for, my free sweaty palm reached for the brass doorknob.

The door swung open with ease, not even a slight creak to alert anyone of our presence. Muted voices heard from the kitchen upon our entrance, silenced as soon as the resonating click from the closing door. The tightness, a constant companion in my chest now, grew beyond uncomfortable as I followed Mother toward where the voices now lie quiet. They were waiting for us, finalizing the details of their attacks with subtle gestures to maintain a surprise. Who would strike first? Rose? Father?

_I'm becoming as paranoid as Edward. _

I was as much to blame for all of this as him. All the choices lie with him, but I never discouraged any of this. I pushed him toward it. His happiness being most important, therefore, all the guilt and pain of this situation had projected itself on to me to where I felt responsible. They would attack, and because he wasn't here, I would accept it. If it were possible, I would defend it. It was the only thing I could think to do to offer help the divide. Where I faltered, I hoped Mother would pick up the pieces, because I had no idea how successful I would be as persuading this family to accept Edward with Bella.

"Food!" Emmett yelled, delightfully, as we entered the kitchen, knocking me completely off my tactic. His nose rose to sniff the air and his brow lifted into a scrunch. "I don't smell anything," he partially whined, causing Rose to crack a slight smile, much to my relief. Rose hadn't turned our way to greet us, instead she was focused on airplaning food into Remmi's firmly closed mouth. The baby had green peas dribbling down her chin where she had refused previous attempts.

It looked like a normal Sunday. At least everyone was playing the part of a normal Sunday. If anyone walked in this room, or was a fly on the wall, they wouldn't have detected anything abnormal, with the exception of the distance between Father and Mother.

"I don't blame you, Remmster," Emmett said, laughing at his daughter. "That stuff smells foul. Why do insist on feeding it to her?" he turned his question toward Rose. Her eyes narrowed at Emmett, dangerously.

"I insist," she began sharply, "because she needs to eat her vegetables. It isn't my fault this is what you packed for her today…which means you get diaper duty in about a half hour."

"You said a green jar. I picked up the first one I saw….and you bought the stuff." Emmett teased, prodding Rose's agitation level further. I began to see what he was doing. It was either brilliant or dangerous….or neither and he was just being Emmett. I could have been reading into it much more than necessary, but my brother was obviously more observant than I gave him credit. He had to know he was playing Russian roulette with five bullets instead of one. It was a long shot to distract Rose with something as petty as baby food. Remmi squealed suddenly, as if she were in on the charade, banging her arms down on the highchair and opened her mouth wide. Rose landed some food in her mouth before she snapped it shut again.

"See Remmi baby, that wasn't so bad," Rose cooed, now completely distracted, her eyes never moving from the baby to see if the food would make an immediate comeback. I breathed a sigh of relief for the moment. The first attack wouldn't come from Rose, at least not yet.

The silence grew heavy for the next few moments as I surveyed the room. Rose and Emmett sat at the oak breakfast table, each watching Remmi alternately spit or swallow the green mush. Mother had taken to watching Remmi as well, smiling at how her little face resembled an alien from all the green covering it. She stood silently behind the bar, but furthest away from my Father who was sitting at it, staring at his cell phone. The longer the silence went on, the more he shifted from side to side in his seat. He stared at the phone constantly, as if he were sending it psychic signals to ring so he could escape.

"So when will the food be here?" Emmett asked and when no one immediately answered, "There will be food, right?" followed.

"Jazz is getting it. I couldn't be in the car with the pizza smell," my voice sounded so small it was borderline ridiculous. There was no way I would be any good to Edward like this. Emmett looked like he was about to ask if I were okay, but thought better of it. His eyes met mine and he mouthed, "cheer up, half pint."

"I have to go to the hospital soon," Father said out of nowhere, but when I looked toward him, his eyes were on Mother. I could feel his anxiousness rise as he waited for her to do anything to acknowledge him. This wasn't well-treaded territory for him. I had never in my twenty-seven years known her to be this angry with him. Just as her mouth opened to possibly say something, it was Rose's voice we heard instead, who had been obilivous to the scene behind her.

"Is Edward with Jasper?" she asked, her eyes snapping toward mine.

"No," I answered, trying to add a hint of steel in my voice, but in my opinion, I failed. I sounded just as soft as I had previously. If God had granted me my ounce of strength, I must have used it up just walking into this room. I cursed myself for not asking for more, but it always seemed I wanted more. Was I ever satisified?

"Edward no longer feels welcome here," Mother's voice laced with venom as her eyes finally landed on the wide eyes of my Father. I wasn't sure where I should look. I wanted to watch my Father's expression. See him squirm in his chair and wither before her hard gaze. I would have had that tone been turned on me, he did neither. To the contrary, his posture tensed in his seat and the grip on the bar tightened.

"That was not my intention," he growled.

"Then please, Carlisle, tell me what your intention was!"

"Could someone tell us what's going on?" Rose interrupted. "What the hell happened last night?"

"Edward made out with the girl in the blue dress in front of everyone at the benefit, Rosie. Don't you listen to the gossip?" Emmett chimed.

"It's true??!!!" she screamed. "I nearly punched a girl in the church bathroom while changing Remmi for spreading such filth."

"You didn't notice him watching her all night?" Emmett asked, much to everyone's surprise. "When she was talking with Newton, I thought for sure he was going to have a coronary."

"How did…" I started, utterly surprised by my older brother once again.

"I have eyes, half pint. And he was obvious…in fact, so was she. I tried to get it out of you, but you're just as stubborn…"

"Enough!" Father interrupted. "She'll be gone soon enough and we can go back to our normal lives."

"What do you mean?" I asked him, his eyes refusing to settle on mine. They went back down to his phone instead, as if slightly ashamed of himself. "Where will she go? She won't go anywhere without Edward."

"Alice!" Rose exclaimed. "Do you support this?"

"Of course I do, Rose," my voice, thankfully, was becoming stronger by the moment. "He's happy with Bella. I've met her and she's quite…colorful. She's good for him…brings a side out of him I've never seen before."

"Bella? Oh my God…" Rose muttered. "This is insane! You've met…" her words trailed off as confusion lined her face.

"This is insane," my Father seconded. "We shouldn't even be talking about it. It will all be over by next week."

"I love how you think this will be over just by moving Bella to another city," Mother laughed coldly, sending a chill up my own spine. Moving Bella? What had my Father done? Was this why Edward was becoming so desperate?

"He'll forget about her. Tanya will wake soon and he'll go back where he belongs." Mother started to cackle the moment Tanya's name was mentioned. The startling change of her tone was terrifying everyone in the room. Even Emmett was taken aback.

"What makes you think Tanya will want him when she wakes? There are so many unknowns for you, Carlisle, and you don't even realize it."

I desperately wanted in on whatever my Mother was referring to, so I wouldn't feel as confused as my Father. She was on my side, but I felt like where I had measly bullets to fire, she had a flippin' bazooka along with a stash hand grenades to launch. She was completely holding out on me. The certain something up her sleeve as Jasper had said.

"Of course she'll want to be with Edward when she wakes!" Father exclaimed, pounding his fist on the bar for emphasis, as he usually did when he wanted to make a point. I felt his hands were probably bruised from the many attempted points with Edward last night. Now he was up against a much more formidable opponent and he seemed to lack the vigor of anger he had only hours ago.

"It'll take a lot more than your fists pounding on the table to get me to back down, love," she snidely added. "I'm just waiting on you to see reason in this situation. There is nothing to keep you from giving Edward your blessing to end his marriage with Tanya. You know as well as I do that the church will grant them an annulment with little or no problems after a divorce is finalized. They wouldn't have it as an option if they didn't approve. It wouldn't be a slight on our family as it would have been in the past. At some point you're going to have to join the twenty-first century."

"Tanya won't have it. Someone has to speak for…!"

"Don't you dare use that as your excuse! You don't know what Tanya wants! She's just as unhappy with Edward as he is with her!" Mother cut him off with her fury. I gulped audibly, firmly rooted to the tile floor as I watched a completely different spectacle than last night. Last night, my Mother was tearful and upset. Today she was a goddess of wrath aimed directly at Father, who was beginning to falter. "You…" she said, her finger jabbing toward Father, "only know what Catherine wants!" Father sat speechless. The proverbial nail had been driven in the coffin.

"How do you know what Tanya wants?" I asked, tired of being quiet. I had to know. Was it possible that all of this…could have been avoided? That Tanya wanted out of the marriage just as much as Edward did? How was that even possible? How had she hidden her feelings for that long? Mother took a deep breath, releasing a relaxing sigh.

"It's not my place, dear, but I'm sure we'll all find out very soon what it will be. But I assure you, Carlisle," her voice turning hard once again, shocking us all at how easily she shifted her anger. "It will not be what you think it will. This is where you are wrong. And I'm asking you…to take a step back and see what's in front of you. See your son's plight and empathize. What if you hadn't found me first?"

Apparently, Mother was not satisfied with her proverbial nail...nails could be pried apart. She straight up super glued that coffin and added an anvil on it for good measure. Father's mouth slacked, comically. I had to bite the inside of my cheek in order to keep from laughing, afraid it would ruin the whole affect. Emmett didn't see the need. He laughed openly and outright.

"She's got you there, Dad," he said jovially, under Rose's unwavering glare. Before I could laugh along, a dozen things happened at once. Jasper entered with the pizzas causing Emmett to launch himself out of his chair, nearly flipping it to the ground. The pizzas were quickly taken out of Jasper's hands and tossed onto the table, Emmett digging through the boxes before finding what he wanted. Father's phone rang, loud and piercing, but before he answered, before it even rang…I witnessed a slight smile exchanged between my parents. It was quick, but affectionate, and sent my own heart in hyper drive. She had him. She did the impossible. I wasn't willing to say he was okay with everything, but I was willing to admit that he wasn't against everything either.

And that was a success. More than I could have ever hoped for.

Jasper's hand squeezed mine.

"An ace up her sleeve," I muttered under my breath. He nodded in agreement, also seeing the smile pass between the two of them. "She's amazing."

"You're amazing," Jasper whispered. "She's on Edward's side because of you, chéri."

A quiet laugh escaped my lips. It felt so good to laugh again, so relieving.

"I'm adding all of this to his tab, trust me."

"I have to get to the hospital," Father announced.

"Is she awake?" Mother asked, her voice surprisingly soft and pleasant once again.

"Not completely, she's in and out, much like earlier this morning. Catherine is requesting either me or Edward to come check on her. I'll call you as soon as I know more." Father took a step toward her, hesitating before coming closer. They always kissed goodbye, it was something we had grown used to over the years. It was customary and habitual. Now he seemed so unsure.

"Be careful," she said sweetly, offering her cheek to him. Not a complete peace offering, but at least something he could take with him as progress. He accepted it with gratitude, and followed it with a kiss on Remmi's, Rose's and my own forehead, before leaving for the hospital.

"All right everybody…eat," Mother commanded with her bright as the sun smile. She looked as if a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Before Emmett eats everything," she added, as Emmett shoved another slice of pizza halfway into his mouth.

"You're going to choke if you keep inhaling your food like that," Rose snapped. Emmett broke into a wide grin.

"Been doing it for years, baby….it's a gift I've been graced with."

"Pfft, more like an effort to keep Edward and I starving to death," I added.

"That's right, half pint, I wanted to make sure you and Eddie would keep your girlish figures," he said with a laugh. "Speaking of Eddie, when will he bring Bella around so I can meet her?" This time I laughed and snagged a slice of cheese pizza from Emmett's lurking hand.

"I'm sure that was high on his priority list today, right up there with clearing his guilty conscience, facing the gauntlet at church this morning, and oh yeah…facing Dad who had apparently all but kicked him out last night. Speaking of which…"I turned to Mother slowing my rant. "What is this about Bella moving?" She sighed heavily, tapping her fingernails on the marble countertop.

"Something your Father did early this morning that I have yet to forgive him for."

"Which was…?" Emmett prodded, just as curious as I was.

"He got her fired from the Tribune," she replied.

"I warned Edward he would do that, but I didn't think it would happen until Monday. He already called them?!" I screamed in protest.

"Yes, and she's already got another job with the New York Times. He wanted to get her out of the city, thinking stupidly that Edward would, as he said, forget about her."

"Can't he reverse it?"

"I'm sure he could, but I doubt he will. Your Father hasn't agreed to anything yet, we just finally have his eyes open so he can take in other options, Alice. This is still a work in progress." I nodded in agreement, knowing that this was just a step in the right direction. A large step…one I wished to share with Edward immediately. Too bad I knew he didn't have a new phone yet.

"You're being quiet," Emmett said suddenly. I looked up to see his eyes piercing Rose's.

"I'm going to go clean up the baby," Rose announced, quickly gathering Remmi out of her highchair. Our eyes followed her movement, but she was out of the room before we could say another word.

"She'll come around," Emmett suggested with a shrug. "You know she's just as protective as dad is over this family." I nodded along once again, wondering if Rose would be my next obstacle, or worse, would she go over my head straight to Edward?

I wouldn't let myself worry about that now. We had a big win today and I was going to revel in for the short while it would last before something new came up to nip at our heels. For a brief moment…I was content.

* * * * * *

"Edward, what the hell? I've been calling for the past half hour and nothing!" I paused, momentarily listening to the dead silence of his voicemail, hoping to hear a beep in my ear to announce he was on the other line. Small victory, at least his phone was operable again. The first time I called it had rang the customary four times before going to voicemail. He was just ignoring me._ Lovely_. "Seriously Edward, listen to your messages. I'm walking in the hospital now. Tanya's awake, and you need to be here. Plus…good news has happened that I'd prefer to tell you and be able to hear your reaction! Call me back!"

I snapped the phone shut violently, furious he wasn't returning my calls, and terrified of why he wasn't. If he was with Bella…well, I didn't want to think of what might be happening between them. Not when we were so close to making everything right for a change. He just didn't know how close we were because he wasn't returning my calls! Maybe, just maybe, he was already here. That he had received my messages and rushed here without calling me first. I walked into the hospital lobby and worked my way to the elevators to get to Tanya's room.

_Please God, let him be here. Please God, let him be here._

The elevator doors slid open and I stepped into the hall, anxiously looking around for the copper hair of my brother. Nothing copper-esque in sight, but I didn't lose hope yet. He could be in her room. That was always a possibility. Tanya was awake, surely she'd be asking for him first thing.

_Unless Mother was right. _

Was there something else that Tanya wanted? Could we have been so blind as to not see it? I looked for faults in this woman constantly because well, I couldn't stand her. But never, had I once thought she was cheating on Edward. It never crossed my mind. She was always harsh to him, and he took it, for some unknown reason, but I just accepted that to be her nature. I never thought back to when they first began seeing each other…I hadn't completely hated her back then. She wasn't right for Edward, but I didn't hate her. They were happy once. So long ago, I could barely recall it.

Briskly, I carried myself in front of Tanya's room and stopped. The door was ajar and I could hear Catherine and my Father inside, but no Edward. I bit my tongue to hold back a curse. He had to be with Bella…there was no other explanation.

"You can't be serious, Carlisle," Catherine's sharp tone brought my ears closer to the door. When father responded, his voice was too low for me to register his words. Tanya must be asleep again if he was speaking that softly. Quietly, I stepped away from the door, before I was caught eavesdropping.

"Excuse me," a man's voice said from behind me, startling me. I spun quickly to see him sitting in a lone chair, which he had possibly dragged from the lounge down the hall. "Do you know how she is doing? They won't tell me anything."

Silently, I stood taking in his appearance, while his eyes pleaded with me for an answer. The man was handsome, but ragged. He possibly hadn't showered or shaved in a week and the dark circles under his eyes told me he hadn't slept in that long either. The poor man looked like a zombie.

And then something clicked, my head leaning to the side in wonder. This was the first time I had been at the hospital since the accident. How long had this man been sitting outside of Tanya's door? Had my mother met him or seen him? Was he the ace?

"She's awake," I told him, and his shoulders immediately relaxed from their tense state.

"Oh, thank God," he sighed. I couldn't help but smile at his relief. It felt good to give someone such anticipated news. This should be how Edward felt, and on some level of course he was thankful that Tanya was going to be okay, with therapy, but he didn't feel like this man felt. If it were Bella behind this door, well, things would be different entirely.

I knelt down in front of the mystery man, placing my hands on top of his. He grasped them in appreciation.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met," I said. "My name is Alice Whitlock, and Tanya is my sister-in-law." I immediately felt regretful for adding that last part when the sheer horror reached his eyes.

***

**A/N: Don't forget to review. Chapter 19 is in the works right now and will continue with Edward and Bella on the beach. Hopefully it won't take nearly as long!**

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	19. Close to the Edge

**A/N: Another two months have gone by, hence, an update! I could run on and on about my excuses, but who wants to hear those when you're probably not going to read this anyway. I'm naturally a slow updater, there, I said it.**

**Review response fail occurred on the last chapter, but thank you all for reviewing. I appreciate each and every one of them. All of you are amazing. **

**Thanks to keepingupwiththekids for being the kick ass beta that she is. **

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**Characters are not mine…the plot is, so don't steal it. **

**BPOV**

The devil incarnate.

That was what I had become as I pushed and prodded my lover over the edge of reason until he was falling, following me into the darkness. He tried to resist, but I wouldn't relent. I felt none of the guilt that surely engrossed him. I wanted to make him forget about everything except what was right in front of him. If that made me a horrible person, so be it, we would be blissfully happy…or blissfully delusional. Which ever, it didn't matter. He was here with me, holding my hand so tight it would be painful to break free, running along side of me in the pouring rain I no longer felt…and he was smiling.

The smile was beautiful and lit his whole face with joy. It was because of me he felt this way, and that was empowering and magnificent. His eyes danced when they landed on me, setting me on fire with the intensity of their gaze, exposing every facet of my being. The blush I was usually able to beat down and hide crept through my barriers, heating my cheeks. It only made him smile brighter.

It gave me the appearance of innocence. There was nothing innocent about what I was doing or what I was planning to do later.

There were plenty of reasons to fight the chemistry between us, but I had scorned them all. This was natural, beautiful, a once in a lifetime. Why should we fight? Why should we resist?

_Because he's married…because he's not yours._

Oh, I pitied the small voice of logical and reasonable Bella, trying to break free of shackles Selfish Bella had her restrained. The voice pleaded softly for me to just stop and think for just a moment. Laughter rang out at its poor attempt, expressing the sheer ecstasy I had right now. There wasn't anything that could convince me to stop. I wanted the happiness I would feel in Edward's arms. I wanted to once again feel his hard body on top of mine, every nerve attuned to his touch. Never in my life did I feel so…wanted….and I wanted more, to be so out of control with love and lust.

Everything was so perfect, and because I was ever so the pessimist, panic rapidly overwhelmed me. This was all _too_ perfect. What if all this went away before we even reached my apartment? What could I do to make sure that didn't happen? I wanted the impulsiveness and craziness that happened on the beach to be repeated behind closed doors, but feared if I just went with the flow that he would start thinking too much. Because after all, I had been warned that he truly over analyzes everything. If he starting worrying about our actions now, it would be a repeat of awkwardness on the beach before I had pushed him.

It didn't occur to me then that I was indeed over thinking.

My feet stopped suddenly, digging my shoes deep in the wet sand. Edward nearly pulled my shoulder out of its socket rather than letting go of my hand. If there was pain, I was still in my blissful state that it didn't register.

"Bella?" his beautiful sharp green eyes scrunching up in question to my abrupt stop. "Is something wrong, baby?" His large hands consumed my face with warmth and I could swear my heart was melting in my chest at the concern etching his expression when I didn't immediately answer.

Shaking my head, I finally strung some words together, "I just needed you closer." There were never more clichéd, but truer words. I needed him with me, and he needed to know that. If this ended, what ever this was, I would be devastated. It didn't matter that he had only existed in my life for a week. "Please don't forget how this feels," I added, pleading with his subconscious. _Don't slip back into moral Edward._ I knew it was wrong, I just didn't care. My fingers grasping around his jacket I pulled him down to my level. I could feel his smile against my lips before they gave in to the hunger of being connected. Our tongues slid together in harmony and slick warmth, enjoying the taste of each other. This would be the only Heaven I would ever know.

"Impossible," he mumbled, once the kiss slowed, and the rain pelting our skin became more obvious. "Now, let's get to the car before we catch pneumonia."

_Impossible, he says. _I wanted to believe him. That I can make him forget there was a woman lying in a hospital bed that shared his name. A woman until a week ago most likely shared his bed, and still lived in the same house…and exchanged vows of forever in front of their families and their God. Vows that would never grace his lips as he stood before me, because he was taken. He would always be taken.

_Fucking reasonable Bella_.

I never even wanted to be married before….I was only engaged to Jake because it made sense. It was the next step…and it seemed to make Charlie happy that I wouldn't be alone.

But now…what did I want? Did I want the life of a Kate? Truly?

Yes...of course I would, if that was the only way I'd have him. Could there be another option? His father was so angry last night. The images were still scarred into my brain. He would never accept us.

My feet weren't moving anymore as my overworked brain was slow to catch up to what was happening before me. We had reached the Volvo, but rather than open my passenger door for me, my back was pressed between the cold metal and glass and Edward's warm body, his lips eagerly sought mine. The surprise attack caught me off guard and subsequently made my knees weak, I had to grip his jacket to remain upright. The kiss was forceful…needy. I liked it, very much so, but it was so different from the kiss we had just shared. It was like he was trying to lose himself inside of me. Was he thinking exactly what I had been thinking? His fingers wrapped around my wet hair and pulled, tilting my neck back, deepening a kiss that I couldn't imagine could be more intense.

Air…I was shaking with need for it, but unwilling to let his assault on my lips come to a close. If he needed a distraction from his thoughts, I would give it to him willingly. It should have scared me that my mind had essentially said that if I needed to suffocate for him, that was okay.

"I thought you were worried about pneumonia," I gasped, once his lips had left mine in order to trail down my neck, my flesh erupting with heat as his tongue performed wonders.

"You needed a distraction," he breathed, his voice caressing my skin causing my body to vibrate like a string on a guitar that had just been plucked. Deafening static seemed to envelop my ears and my vision clouded over with a haze. Couldn't he just take me right now? Up against the car, in the middle of the parking lot, the storm had vacated the streets. _Once here, again in the car, and multiple times at my place._ His tongue lazily stroked just underneath my ear…I was completely losing any sense of control over my actions. Humming with pleasure, any filter I might have had over my words fell away.

"Hmm…here I thought I had become yours." It was meant to say we were thinking the same thing and that's why we fit so well together. We had known each other for a week and were already thinking alike. His lips immediately halted their pleasurable wonders, slowly he backed away. I blinked, urging my brain to catch up with his sudden tenseness, and he was standing with the passenger door open, waiting for me to climb inside the car. "Edward…" I started, but he only tilted his head toward the opening, ushering me inside.

As soon as the door was pressed shut I realized I had fucking called him out and he apparently didn't take well to that. He was using me. I was okay with that. I wanted him to forget, by whatever means necessary. He had to know that it was okay. I needed damage control, and fast. When he joined me in the driver's seat and shut the door, I immediately climbed on to his lap, straddling my legs to either side.

"I'm so sorry," I pleaded, grasping his face in my hands, trying not to press my cast too hard against his skin. "Please say I didn't fuck this up." I kissed his reluctant lips, once, twice, three times before he complied. "You can use me however you want," I stupidly said, biting my lip the instant the words left my mouth, as if it would bring them back. The words were true, but not what he needed to hear as his eyes grew wide with shock.

"Bella! Don't you see that's part of the problem?!" His fingers wrapped around mine to hold me still against him, in case I fled from his outburst. "Why would you say such a thing?" he asked, his voice softer, more strained as he pleaded for an answer.

"I don't know," I cried, our foreheads pressing against each other, the very nearness of him intoxicating me. "Because it's true…and I'll say anything to keep you with me." Surely there was something sick and twisted about the words flying out of my mouth. They were honest, but I'm sure I sounded absolutely fucking crazy. It was amazing he didn't bolt from the car and take off running the opposite direction.

The electricity would just bring him back. It was snapping at us right now…threatening to consume us as it always did when we were too close.

"Who said I was going anywhere, baby? I'm pretty sure I couldn't even if I tried."

"But you seemed..." I stuttered, trying to make sure my words came out correctly for once. I didn't want to upset him anymore than I already had. "Your demeanor changed. I was afraid you doubted your decision." His eyes closed and he took a deep breath, his fingers slipped from mine only to drum at my sides as if he were deep in thought. I counted the taps against my skin, to keep myself from going crazy waiting for the answer that he indeed, doubted his decision.

"I have trouble thinking when I'm this close to you," he said after a few silent moments. "It's torturous to resist you." Selfish Bella was doing a touchdown dance while he skirted the issue of doubt. Reasonable Bella knew there would be much more we needed to talk about before he allowed himself to go further.

"Then don't," I whispered, drop-kicking Reasonable Bella in the chest. I kissed him soundly on the lips, threading my fingers through his hair. "Take me home and follow me upstairs."

His fingers slid to my thighs and tightened, stopping just short of painful, eyes focused on watching the motions of his hands as he stalled for time. When he finally looked up at me and nodded his assent, my heart plummeted into my stomach at the look of defeat he couldn't mask.

The devil incarnate, indeed. I was poison to his soul, corroding the very foundation built by his parents and church. As I slid off his lap and back to the passenger seat I imagined his soul blackened by my persistence, his family devastated, his faith destroyed, and resentment toward me for ruining his life. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad…but for a second, Reasonable Bella took over my line of thought and threw me as hard as she could into the future.

Within a week, I'll be banished to another city, unable to influence him or reassure him. We would go days, possibly weeks, without communication at all. It would be months before he could visit without speculation….and just what would his reasoning be for coming if his family knew I was there? They would keep him from getting on a plane. His father would keep him in Chicago. The loneliness would consume us both, adding paranoia of what the other was doing while we were separated. Would he stay with his wife? Would he think I would find someone else? Would it be better that way?

_No, absolutely not._

On the flip side, I continue what I'm doing. I push to remind him how beautiful and natural we are together. But what if I push him too hard and he develops the resentment toward me? Where I'm to blame for everything that went wrong with his life. How easy it would have been if those sidewalks weren't icy that Monday afternoon and I hadn't fallen into his arms.

_What would I do in a world where Edward Cullen hated my very existence?_

It was as if my chest collapsed, just caved in, crushing internal organs and denying air that needed to get to my lungs. Melodramatic, yes, that was exactly what I was being. What the fuck was wrong with me? Reasonable Bella could go straight to hell for making me think this shit.

"Bella?" Edward's voice had a sense of urgency, slipping into doctor mode, as I gasped for shallow breaths. I felt the car shift to the right harshly, gravity hurling me against him as he slammed the car into park. So lost in my thought, I hadn't put on my seatbelt or even noticed we were going anywhere. "Are you okay?" he asked, his hands gripping my face so he could study my reactions. I sighed at the current flowing between his skin and mine, immediately better. Internally, I was chiding myself for being a needy bitch. If I reacted this way to mere thoughts, how the hell would I handle leaving him at an airport….and that was if he would even be able to see me off.

"I'm fine…sorry," I apologized. "Just panicked a little," I added when his eyes scrunched up in disbelief.

"Tell me what you were thinking," he insisted. "It was more than a little panic. I thought you were having an asthma attack." I rolled my eyes at him trying to diagnose me.

"I don't have asthma, Edward…and I'm fine."

"Tell me what you were thinking then. I need to know what made you do that."

Did he need to know? No good would come of it if I told him about the train wreck that just rolled through my head. The con side of possible outcomes filled up much faster than the pro side.

"I was thinking…" His eyes bore into mine; waiting for my response, so intense, I thought for sure he'd know if I attempted to lie. "I'd rather talk about it without the constraints of a car." Oh, that was a terrible ploy. Did I think he would forget by the time we arrived at my apartment? At the very least, it assured me he would go upstairs if he did take the bait.

Slowly, he nodded, and then tilted his head to point at something behind me.

My apartment. Of course we were here. He had managed to swing his car into a parking spot right in front of my building. How this man avoids the traffic of downtown Chicago, I'd never understand. So much for stalling.

Darkness had fallen, I noticed as I exited the car without another word. I refused to ask him upstairs again. I didn't want to deal with the possible rejection of giving him the opportunity. If he followed, he followed on his own will. Or at least I was letting him think that. I knew he wouldn't leave me without saying goodbye, nor would he make a scene and draw attention to us while on the open streets. It was dark, but with the streetlights, we were easily visible to anyone paying attention.

I walked quickly, with purpose, to my front step, noting his steps roughly a few paces behind me. His fingers lightly brushed the small of my back as I fiddled with my keys. The touches were both surprising and enticing, and managed to fill my previously riddled brain with the need of more. He was too close, his scent too overpowering. I leaned back into the touch as the door swung open before us. There was nothing but the brightly lit stairs to greet us. My heartbeat accelerated with my first step across the threshold, he followed, swinging the door shut and locking out the world behind us.

There was no one here. No one watching and complete silence.

Whatever doubts were lingering in our heads, they dissipated. At least mine had. I could only concentrate that we were truly alone. Our eyes were locked, but we stood unmoving a couple paces apart. I longed for him to close the gap, my imagination going wild with what I wanted to happen next. Thoughts of the dream I had the first day I met Edward came rushing to the forefront. Pressed up against the door, screaming his name as he pounded into me, both of us gasping for our release that never came. I licked my lips in anticipation, inching my way toward him. His eyes dropped to my lips, watching my tongue dart out, circling. I wanted to feel his release. This week had been nothing but pent up frustrations. It was time we moved past that, and leave our doubts outside with the world. We could collect them again tomorrow.

"Bella," Edward's voice called to me, silky smooth. Our hands reached out, connecting, electricity flowing.

"Follow me," I whispered, then standing on the tips of my toes, my lips innocently found his, wrapping around the bottom one. "Forget everything, just for tonight." My free hand brushed against his chest, slowly working its way up to his hair, finger kneading through the copper locks. "Just be with me," I insisted…Selfish Bella was pushing once again.

I didn't allow him to answer, and rather than attempting to make him forget everything in the cold entryway, my bed sounded more reasonable, with even less ways for us to get caught. I pulled him away from the door and quietly, we made our way up the three flights of stairs. I granted him silence, so he could think. Even though I knew in doing so, allowed him the chance to leave me at my doorstep.

"This is me," I said, pausing in front of my door. I dug my keys back out of my bag without letting go of his hand, feeling like if I let go now, he'd bolt for the stairs. I could feel his grip diminish by the second. He would look toward the stairs then at me, then back at the stairs. He was leaving. I knew it to be true. His hand worked free of my grip just as I slid the key into the lock. Tears were threatening to escape my eyes; I closed them tightly to keep them at bay. I wouldn't cry in front of him. I didn't need to add anything more to his guilt.

Taking a deep breath and holding those tears until the moment my door closed with him on the opposite side, I turned to face him.

"Thank you for walking me to my door," I began, noting the odd expression on his face at my words. I had completely caught him off guard. "I understand," I added, hoping to help him along. He stood silently, mouth slightly agape, annoyance flowing through me as I just wanted him to make a decision already. "Has anyone ever told you to either shit or get off the pot? I mean, really Edward. This indecisiveness is fucking irritating."

His green eyes stared at me in wonder and after a few moments of astonishment, he laughed. But it wasn't the kind of laughter I would take joy in, there were hints of despair and tragedy laced in the tones.

"You're right, Love," his voice, so cold, held such distaste for himself, it caused my chest to hurt. There was so much self-loathing evident that I wasn't expecting. "How could you ever want someone like me? Someone who's never made a decision for himself! I've been carried by my name and my family for so long. I'm not sure if I could stand on my own. It terrifies me to even think about it."

"That makes absolutely no sense, Edward." I opened my door and walked inside; hopeful he would follow me and argue. Plus I needed to get him out of the hall. His voice was threatening to get louder and we didn't need the neighbors' attention.

"How does it not make sense, Bella? You barely know me!" As expected, his voice had grown louder. Luckily, he slammed the door shut behind him to emphasize his point. And a point well made it was. He was right, I didn't know him. I hardly knew anything of his past, of his family he often referred to, or of his wife that he apparently made the decision to marry. If he could easily make the decision to marry her, didn't that mean something? That she was more special that I was to him? That possibly I would be a fleeting moment of his life that would be easily forgotten after she had awakened?

"Yes, you're right. I know very little about you." I admitted, giving him something to calm him. "But if what you're saying is true and with what little I do know of you without the blanks filled in, can't you see how hard this is for me as well?"

"No," he answered simply. "I can't, because I have no idea what you're thinking. You didn't tell me in the car, and you're not telling me now."

Ah, crap. Reasonable Bella had just uttered, "I told you so." We had to talk. I had to ask questions I didn't want to know the answers to yet. If I asked about her, it made her more real….and consequently, made me feel more like a whore rather than a Kate.

"We're not in the car now, are you going to give me another excuse so we don't talk? Or maybe you'll try to seduce me so I'll forget?" My eyes narrowed at the harshness of his tone. I couldn't be angry with him for saying it, it was true, and he felt the need to even the playing ground.

"Touché," I muttered, turning my head from his intense glare, pretending to be engaged thoroughly by twirling my wet hair around my fingers. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him take a hesitative step in my direction, dried sand scattering across the hardwood with the slightest of movement. "Don't take another step," I, all but shouted, meeting his regretful eyes. "I'm not angry," I righted quickly, refusing to allow him to think otherwise. "I just don't want us to get sand everywhere." It was absolutely insane where my mind went when I was around him. How was it possible to forget we were covered in sand and had been in a drenching downpour? It was hard to understand how I could even feel my limbs without crediting the warming sensation that trickled through my veins when he was near.

I loathed how I had become a lovesick fool. Edward was right earlier, we were going to catch pneumonia if we stayed this way. Even if we were indoors.

"We need a hot shower," I commented, earning an astonished look from Edward.

"I…" he started, stuttering over his words adorably. "I don't….don't think I could control…"

"Relax. I agree it's a good idea we talk before anything else happens," Edward visibly eased. "However, I am a fan of multi-tasking and not a fan of making you stand by the door while I shower." A grin started to form on his face, slightly mischievous. I liked it.

"And what do you suggest?"

"I suggest…we take a deep breath and then strip down to our bare necessities."

"Right here?" Edward asked.

"Yes, turn around though, since _someone_ doesn't have any control."

"I seem to remember someone else taking the lead out on the beach," Edward coolly retorted.

"Pfft, you were practically begging me to do something," I snapped back, playfully. "Now, turn around, dear." Edward huffed, but did as I said, his jacket falling to the floor. I watched with fascination as he lifted his soaked shirt over his head, the pale skin beneath, stretching over the toned muscles, calling for me to touch. I had to bite my fingers to keep from doing so. I heard his zipper lower and promptly turned around, shedding my own clothes in order to keep from helping remove his. I was practically panting from the speed at which I moved.

"You all right back there?" Edward asked, an audible smile on his face.

"Yes," I breathed, clinching my fingers into fists, except one hand clinched over plaster. _Son of a bitch._ Ever since this damn cast, bathing had become a nuisance. I was incredibly slow moving and could barely accomplish getting my hair washed. With all this sand in my hair, I'd never get it all out with one hand in a plastic bag.

"So where does this multi-tasking come into play?" Edward asked.

"Um, change of plans…sort of," I announced, grabbing his hands, leading him backward to my bathroom. "I'm going to need you to be controlled." I said, once we were in the bathroom.

"Bella…we can't," I spun him around quickly, his eyes immediately went to my chest, covered only by a lacy blue bra, but he recovered momentarily.

"I need your help," I said, softly, holding up my cast. "I can't wash my hair well with this thing in a plastic bag, and if you recall, there was a lot of sand." I could see Edward's brain, working like a hamster wheel, trying to come up with a method…an excuse. He came up empty. We could have called Alice. She had helped me with my hair the last night for the benefit. It was the first time all week my hair felt clean. Call me greedy, but I didn't want Alice here ruining everything. We did need to talk. Might as well do it naked in the shower. If anything, it would distract us….hopefully.

"Where are the bags?" his voice strained. I pointed to the shelf behind the door. He retrieved one, while I started the shower.

"We could leave on underwear," I suggested. "It would be like we were swimming." He nodded, still facing opposite me. His shoulders heaved as he took a cleansing breath, I mimicked him. We would need a lot of control and composure for the next twenty minutes or so.

"Give me your arm," he said. I shuffled over a few steps to be closer to him, holding out my plastered arm. I watched him as he slid the bag over my arm, tucking it in the top of the cast, completely focused, and possibly not even breathing. His fingers ghosted across the skin of my arm, I bit my lip in a vain attempt to ignore the spreading heat from his touch. I needed to move, before I did something he would regret following.

"The shower…it's…probably hot enough now," I stuttered over my words, nervous, as I should be. What ever possessed me to ask this of him? This was just more fuel to the fire of him hating me…much sooner than I had hoped. Edward's sharp green eyes stared hard at me and I swear I saw the resentment in them. Fleeing from what I thought I could see, I jumped into the shower, Selfish Bella hoping he followed, Reasonable Bella hoping he stayed away.

I stood for what felt like forever with my cast propped against the wall, letting the warm water replace the cold dampness of my hair. Using my one free hand, I tried to work some of the sand out with only the spray of the shower. It wasn't working well, but well enough to save Edward from joining me on this side of the curtain. Just as I was about to open my mouth and release him from his mental struggle, he stepped into the shower, clad only in his black boxer briefs I hadn't paid enough attention to earlier. My eyes were on them now and I couldn't tear them away. Slowly, but surely, he became hard under my unrelenting eyes. I felt like I had a superpower.

His fingers went under my chin to lift my gaze, meeting his eyes, full of want and desire. My lip slipped underneath my teeth, biting down hard.

"Stop that, you'll bleed," he reprimanded, as his fingers worked my lip from my teeth's grasp, his thumb gliding over my bottom lip, soothing it.

The steam from the shower became more suffocating, urging me to turn the water cold fast, before this steamrolled out of control. But like every other time we locked gazes, we were powerless to move.

"Kiss me," I breathed, wanting nothing more than his lips on mine. Edward smiled lazily, but shook his head, showing more will power than I thought he had.

"I thought I was the one that lacked control?" he teased. Selfish Bella stomped her foot on the floor, pissed she had been rejected. I, however, breathed a sigh of relief. We wouldn't stop at just a kiss.

"Just testing you," I replied. "Well done, you passed. Now wash this sand out of my hair," I added with a quick turn of my back. He laughed softly, but grabbed my shampoo bottle and went to work.

Ah…another form of heaven. Edward's fingers were like magic to my scalp. I could have started singing angelic tunes. A contented sigh released from my lips instead.

"Like that, huh?" he asked.

"Mmmhm," was all I could manage.

"Okay, rinse," Edward announced, spinning me back toward the shower's spray. I tilted my head back, closing my eyes as the soap rinsed from my hair, down my body. Lost to everything but the calming warm water and the feeling of clean hair, that is until I heard Edward step closer. I kept my eyes shut, but I could feel him close. First, his fingers joined mine as they worked through my hair, making sure all the shampoo was rinsed away, but then his fingers slid down my neck, slowly, making me shudder with anticipation, then to my collarbone, where they hovered before continuing their descent to my breasts. "Bella," he breathed and every nerve in my body was alive from the electric spark, his long fingers ghosting over the wet lace.

"Tell me about your wife," I spurted out, much to my own surprise as well as Edward's. The shock mirrored in our images.

"Why…why would say that now?" Edward backed away from me as far as he could in my small shower.

"You asked me earlier what I was thinking, she was part of it. I don't want to know about her, but I need to know. I need to know what's going to happen to us after today. After…I'm not here anymore." Edward's hands went straight to his hair and pulled, his face physically straining from the force he was applying.

"I don't know, Bella. I don't know what will happen."

"Well then, that's what we need to talk about. Because you won't be able to live with yourself if you follow my lead. And…I'm not sure I will either. I thought I could, but the more I think about it….I don't know anymore."

Edward's hands dropped from his hair and exhaled a long-winded sigh, staring me down as if I had answers to provide him. I didn't have any of those, only more questions for him. Also, I needed conditioner for my hair, but I wasn't about to mention something as mundane as that when he was pressed against the cold tile wall to be away from me.

"I'm clean enough. I'll go put your clothes in the wash so you have something to wear home." Edward nodded as I stepped around him to exit the shower, him moving forward to be under the hot spray.

"She didn't used to hate me," he said, just as I had one foot on the floor. What seemed to be an off-handed comment, stirred something painful in the pits of my stomach. His wife hated him? That was terrible enough, but what would happen if his wife woke up and loved him again? Would it make him happy? I needed answers, so I pushed these thoughts aside to focus on his words. Nothing would be gained if I remained silent and stewed over my internal thoughts.

"What changed?" I squeaked out, debating on whether to talk to him from this side of the curtain or the other.

"I don't know," he sighed. "It was like one day, a switch had been flipped and she didn't enjoy my presence anymore. Like I had become a burden to her."

"When? How long had you been married before she changed?"

"Could you come in here and close the curtain, you're letting in a draft," he smiled, avoiding my question, but made my decision of should I stay or should I go easier.

"Answer when and I'll close the curtain." His eyes met mine; his shoulders drooped slightly as he sighed again.

"Two months after we married, maybe more, maybe less, it's hard to say," he replied. I stepped back into the shower, closing the curtain to seal off the cold. "I've never really talked to anyone about this. Not even Alice."

"I imagine it would be difficult to talk to Alice about this. She obviously is not a fan of your wife if she's willing to befriend me."

"Even without talking to Alice, she knows," he said with a smile. "And because she and Tanya don't get along, she never really saw the good times we had, albeit brief."

I nodded, but my brain had gone into hyper drive. The smile along with the good times that were mentioned did not go unnoticed to mother fucking terrified Bella. I had to ask it…and now was completely sure the answer would be not favorable for me.

"Edward," I began, turning my eyes to his for a moment, and then dropping them to his feet, suddenly fascinated by the droplets of water cascading down his legs. _Put these images in your mental bank, Bella, because they're never happening again. _

"Bella…" he prompted, all while tears were pooling at my eyes. Dammit, this wasn't fair. How does one meet the person they believe they're supposed to be with only to have them tied to someone else? This was complete bullshit, and punishment for something I wasn't sure I deserved.

"When she wakes up…" Now it was inevitable that she would wake in my mind. Everything existed to fuck me in the ass. I was going to lose my best friend, my lover, my job, my home, all in one week. There would be nothing left for me.

"Bella," Edward's voice called to me, and while I wanted to resist its temptation and harden myself to avoid the pain, I was weak and looked up, traitor tears spilling down my cheeks for him to see. His fingers swept them away and pulled me into his embrace, the warm water spilling over both of us. For a moment, I was comforted. For a moment, I felt his lips on top of my head. For a moment, I savored, and then pulled away as much as I could, which turned out not to be far because he was unwilling to let go. "Don't push me away," he begged. "Now that I have you, I don't know what I would do without you."

"I have to," I cried. "She's going to wake up, realize her mistake and love you again….and I can't….I can't stay for that."

"Bella, Love….why do you think I would go to her? After knowing you…how could I?" How I wished I could believe it would be too hard from him. But if I had learned one thing about the man holding me this week, was something he had finally admitted earlier at my doorstep. He was weak and he would cave to her if she wanted him again.

"Because Edward," I hardened my tone for I hated the words about to come out of mouth. "You'll do what is easiest for you."

The water turned cooler upon my words, almost like it knew the blood in our veins had turned to ice regardless. Edward's eyes showed me of his defeat, his powerlessness. I could only hope that mine showed the hate for myself in turning what could have been a glorious night to a night that would destroy us. The words were already out there, I couldn't take them back, and when my front door closed with him on the opposite side, I knew, it would be the last time I ever saw him.

I needed a drink….badly. How wonderful it would be to drown tonight from my memory. Hell, drown the entire week. I was suddenly wishing for the technology in _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_. Edward could receive a little card in the mail: _Dear Dr. Edward Cullen, Bella Swan has chosen to remove the memory of your existence from her mind. She will have no recollection of you. Please avoid her, thank you. Have a good day._ Poof…he would be gone…and I wouldn't have this ache in my chest that would only magnify the closer he edged toward my door.

"It wouldn't be easier," Edward muttered, almost as if he were talking to himself. I looked at him, but he was looking past me, lost in internal thought much like I had been. What deep crevices of his mind had he searched and pondered? I wished I could simply ask, but I didn't want to interrupt. The air had shifted colder, but there was something brewing in his mind, and I wanted him to get there on his own for once. He reached over to turn the water off behind him, and then his eyes sharply fixated on me. There was a hardness there I wasn't accustomed to, but somehow welcomed. "No decision is easy in this situation…" he started, while I subconsciously backed into the wall, one step and he was against me. "As if I'd simply forget you if my wife I no longer cared for suddenly returned the affection I gave her two years ago. It's absurd…" he leaned down to my ear, whispering, "I couldn't forget this," his breath tickling my ear. I could feel my skin blushing under the current that was erupting, turning explosive. So much skin…and heat.

"What do you suggest?" I asked, turning my face toward his, our lips within inches of each other.

"It depends on what you believe."

"What do you mean?"

"Is this our last night together?" he asked. _Was there another option? _I didn't bother asking, because I felt I knew the answer.

"Yes," I agreed, voicing the fears in my mind, not at all liberating as I would have hoped. Quite the opposite, total despair as all my hope was lost. Edward only nodded, failing to trigger any optimism.

"I'd rather be damned to Hell than waste my final night with you," he said, as the tears rolled down my eyes again. This was it...this was all I'd have of him. Quickly, he wrapped his hands around my thighs, lifting me. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, giving in to the feeling of him being so close. We were dripping water everywhere as he carried me to the bedroom. It was the last thought in my mind as we fell onto the bed. My lips only sought his, as this was the last time I would feel anything again.

"I love you," I whispered, unable to hold it back as his lips trailed down the column of my neck, biting and sucking the water of my skin. Our hips colliding against the wet fabric that still separated us from total bliss.

"I love you," his voice like velvet, then ran his tongue across my collarbone. "You taste so sweet," his hips meeting mine, movement slowing as they touched. I could feel every part of him, hard against me, delicious friction as I glided across his shaft. My eyes rolled back in my head when coupled with his fingers brushing my nipples through the lace of my bra.

"More," was all I could say. His mouth was hovering over my left breast, tongue darting out to trace as his hips met mine again. My legs were tingling by a third pass. "More!" I cried and his teeth bit down on my nipple, a fourth and fifth pass came quicker, rougher. "I need to feel you," I pleaded, so close to coming. Edward smiled, mischievously, his eyes twinkling, looking so happy that I briefly wondered if this would be the last time.

"Just let go, we've got all night," he whispered against my skin at the valley of my breasts, where he seemed at home. His tongue went back to tracing patterns, worshipping the peaks with his long fingers.

"Edward, please, I can't wait any longer." He grinned again, adding another thrust for my pleasure and impatience.

"Just imagine how it could be, love. Me with you," his fingers trailed down my stomach, stopping just above the lace of my bikini briefs. "Every night," he kissed the same trail his fingers had previously made, while I shuddered from the intensity. My brain tried to process his 'every night' statement, but couldn't because of the sensations coursing through me. His fingers dipped below the lace. I brought my hips up to urge them lower. Just as I thought that all the stars had aligned and Heaven's angels were shining down on me, his fingers had inched lower and total bliss was moments away, there was a thunderous pounding of my front door that startled both of us.

Edward's eyes centered on me, gone were the eyes full of happiness, replaced by a seriousness that was jarring.

"Are you expecting someone?" he asked, pulling away from me. I missed the warmth of his skin immediately.

"No…I don't know very many people here," I admitted. Another thunderous pounding at the door sent Edward into action.

"I need clothes."

"There's probably something of Jake's still here you can wear," I recalled, missing the scowl on his face as I jumped off the bed and opened a dresser drawer. I pulled out a pair of sweats I used to sleep in and an old t-shirt that surely would be big enough. While Edward threw on the clothes, I grabbed my robe and went to the door.

I was not prepared for the tiny, yet ferocious, sprite in the peephole.

"Bella!" Alice screamed. "I know you're in there! I saw Edward's car!"

Holy hell…this was bad.

I couldn't just leave her outside to scream and get neighbors involved, so I did the next to worst thing. I unlocked the door and opened it.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I asked, attempting to distract her from whatever brought her here in the first place. She took one look at me, in a robe, hair still soaked, but disheveled, and then her eyes went to the floor, where mine and Edward's clothes still sat in complete disarray. _Oh fuck._

"Bella," she chided, "Please tell me I'm not too late." Before I could answer her, Edward bounded out of the bedroom, fully clothed, _thank goodness_, though his hair screamed that we had been romping around in the bedroom. "Edward!" Alice screamed, pushing past me into the apartment. I shut the door behind her. "I've been trying to call you! We need to get you to the hospital!"

"Tanya's awake?" he asked after a moment of digesting Alice's sudden presence.

"Yes, we need to go now." Edward nodded, but his eyes strayed from his sister and went to me, standing nervously by the door. Our night was over, leaving me with nothing to take from it.

"I meant what I said in there," Edward said, tilting his head to point toward the bedroom. "I love you," he stepped past Alice to get to me. I couldn't make myself look him in the eye, refusing for this to be our goodbye. His fingers lifted my chin in defiance of what I wanted. "You blow me away, and you don't even try," he whispered, much to my confusion. "You were right. Normally, I do take the easier path, but not this time. This time, I have too much to lose. This is not our goodbye, Bella Swan."

"It's not?" I asked, hope rising in my chest to the point of taking my breath away.

"Oh, what are you two talking about?" Alice interrupted. "You're being silly." Both of us turned to look at her, she stood with her arms crossed impatient. "Edward, you're not alone in this," she commented, cryptically. "And if you had spent more time around Tanya's room this week you would know this way before I found out."

"Alice, what are you talking about?" Edward asked, but my brain had already analyzed the words and computed a result.

"She has a lover," I announced. Edward turned back to me as if I had said something in Latin. I smacked him in the chest playfully because this was the best news ever! "It makes sense now! It's why she started to hate you…or felt like you were a burden to her!" He was slow to respond, but once my words registered a glimpse of a smile appeared.

"Tanya has someone?" he asked Alice to confirm and she nodded.

"I believe I met him by accident," she said. "I'm sure if he knew who I was, he wouldn't have said anything."

"Two years…" Edward muttered. "Has she…? Alice, do you think she's…" He couldn't pull the words together, but we both knew what he was trying to say.

"That's something for us to figure out later, Edward," Alice suggested. "Right now, we just need to get to the hospital. You can change into some scrubs when we get there. I'll give you guys a minute, but believe me, I'm watching the secondhand of my watch." Alice let herself out, but we could hear her tapping her foot with the time.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Edward said, holding my face in his hands.

"Promise me," I urged, a tear slipping out of my eye. It could have been happy tears or sad ones, I wasn't sure anymore.

"I promise," he kissed my forehead, then my lips softly, my tear disappearing beneath a sweep of his thumb. "I'll even leave my car here to prove it," he added with a smile. He kissed me again, and then was out the door. I stood by the door until I could no longer hear him and Alice stampeding down the stairs.

He was coming back. His wife had someone else. There was sudden hope for us. Maybe fate wasn't a complete bitch.

Sighing happily at the unexpected turn of events, I picked mine and Edward's clothes from the floor, carrying them to the washing machine. I may have pathetically breathed in Edward's shirt deeply, still saturated with his scent. I hesitated putting in the wash until I reminded myself that he would be back. I set the washer and threw all the sandy items and some detergent in it, when a knock at the door brought a smile to my face. I practically ran to the door, wondering what he could have forgotten to bring him back so soon.

"Coming back so soon does not fulfill your prom…" I started as I opened the door, stopping abruptly when Edward was not on the other side, but a blonde bombshell of a woman standing erect in impressive red pumps that could destroy me. "I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I was expecting someone else."

"Obviously," she sneered. "Are you Bella Swan?"

"Yes, who are you?" I asked, trying to sound as uppity as she was. It wasn't possible. This woman had a lifetime of training to make people around her feel insufficient.

"I'm Edward's sister, Rosalie, and we need to talk."

**A/N: Please review…even if I don't respond, they make my day.**

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	20. Revelations

**A/N: What's this? A new chapter…so soon? I know, even I'm shocked by this. I wrote this chapter in about three days. Completely unheard of for me and yet, my fantastic beta, keepingupwiththekids, says it's her favorite so far. Thanks go out to her for getting this chapter ready so fast. **** This chapter is lighter than most, so it'll give you a little break and I tried not to end on a cliffhanger this time. **

**Thanks to my reviewers…you guys are awesome and I hit the 500 marker thanks to you. I never thought this story would get more than 50, seriously. I know all fanfic authors think that, I'm not any different.**

**These characters aren't mine…but the plot is, so please don't take it. It's all I've got...besides another story idea…which you can't have either. **

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**BPOV**

Edward's sister gave me a snide look as I slowly processed her words. _Oh shit._ This sister looked ready to breathe fire rather than accept me like Alice had. She was here to wreak havoc on my night. Rosalie continued with her contemptuous look that would make weaker women crumble before her and kiss her feet.

Before tonight, I could have been said women. If I still believed that tonight was my last night with Edward, everything would be different. I would be broken and weak. I would cower in front of her and beg forgiveness for destroying her family.

But he promised me. He was coming back. Even if it did destroy everything he knew and I couldn't feel sorry about that. He was coming back to me, and that was all that mattered. This woman standing before me in her pissed off glory could kiss my ass. I wasn't going to back down from her. I straightened my posture so I could attempt to look a little taller against my enemy in her steely pointed death traps and took a deep breath.

"By all means, come in," I said, waving my hand toward the living room, preparing myself for her claws to scratch me as she breezed past me. "But I'm going to need a drink," I added. Alcohol was going to be my only friend tonight. I was pleasantly surprised by the cool and calm of my voice when I was screaming inside. Alcohol would threaten to let the screaming escape. Consumption amount was on my watch list.

"Rosalie Cullen!" a woman shouted from the hall before Rosalie could step across the threshold, startling both of us. Rosalie's eyes filled with astonishment and then maybe a little terror at being caught at my doorstep. Meanwhile, I was straining to see past her into the hall to get a visual to go with the forceful clicking heels of the woman's steps.

"Esme," Rosalie breathed, her eyes met the woman, then dropped her gaze to the floor, possibly ashamed. I had no idea what was going on, as I didn't know either of these women. I was already in awe of this Esme, who seemed to be able to tame the dragon supermodel bitch in front of me with only her presence. It didn't occur to me that I too should be terrified of this, Esme, who could also have the power to stifle what little fire Edward left burning for me.

"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do," the woman known as Esme continued, seconds before she stepped into my view. My breathing hitched when the woman with a striking resemblance to both Edward and Alice stood before me. I was staring at Edward's mother, right in the face, as I stupidly grasped at words to form and release from my mouth while wondering why she was here and what was to come.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," I stuttered, thinking she had to be yelling at me. As I was, of course, the mistress seeking to destroy all that was good and holy in her family. I was a threat to the safety and well-being of the Cullen name. This was the natural path a mother would take to protect her young. I was to be annihilated, apparently by the she-dragon supermodel (sent to make me feel less worthy and show what a real Cullen wife is supposed to look like) and the high-society matriarch (to prove to me that I would never be associated with Edward in his public life.)

I was damning myself before I even got the chance to speak on my own behalf. Surely, these women before me had already made their opinions and wouldn't listen to me anyway. I could go on and on about how special Edward and I were together, but it wouldn't matter. I was a fly that was meant to be squashed.

"Oh, not you, dear," Esme's voice morphed into so startlingly sweet and motherly, it floored me. It was the kind of voice you looked forward going home to, the one that nurtured you and made you feel on top of the world. It was the voice I wished my own mother had. Not that she was a bad mother, she just hadn't mastered the whole nurturing thing. "I was speaking to Rosalie." Her explanation only served to confound me further.

"Were you following me?" Rosalie snapped, her ice blue eyes settling on Esme, not bothering to hide her animosity of the situation.

"Yes, of course I did, just like you followed Alice here. I knew what you were thinking the moment you left the kitchen at lunch today."

"How could you possibly know what I was thinking?" Rosalie all but shouted, while I just stared at these two women bickering at my door, wondering when one of my neighbor's would open their door to complain.

"I knew enough to follow you here, didn't I, dear?" Esme chided. Rosalie turned her glare away from Esme becoming transfixed with a strand of her hair, looping it around her recently manicured fingernail, evading a response. "Bella, dear, would you mind terribly if we came inside? I feel we have much to discuss."

"Uhh…yeah, sure." I moved aside for them to walk in, Esme, all smiles, Rosalie glaring at me as she passed.

"I believe you mentioned a drink before I so rudely yelled in your hall. Your neighbors hopefully weren't bothered too much. I wouldn't mind a drink if you had one available," Esme chatted on pleasantly, as if it were like discussing the weather. Her voice had the same smooth quality as Edward's, I easily found myself fascinated by the sound. I could listen to her talk about the weather if she truly wanted to talk about it, even though I'd probably tap my foot impatiently waiting for her to strike.

"I'm sure I have something in the freezer. Please sit down and I'll get us something." I rushed away to the safety of my kitchen. I rummaged in my freezer to maneuver the bottle of vodka I had tucked away back there for horrible days at the Trib that make me hate my life. I contemplated taking a quick swig for a head start and to calm my nerves. Turning my head to make sure no one was standing at the door offering to help, I tipped the bottle to my mouth, gulping the searing translucent liquid like a man crossing the desert who just found water. The effects of the alcohol burned through my veins, lighting them afire in their journey, much like Edward's touch.

_Edward._

His name stopped me mid-pour of the cranberry juice in the shaker. He would want to know they were here. Luck was on my side when I saw my cell phone perched on the countertop. I made a mad grab for it and hastily punched keys to get the information to him.

_Your sister and mother are in my living room. Suggestions? ~B_

While I mixed the drinks, slowly to buy time, I stared hard at my phone, willing it to buzz. I needed to know what I should and shouldn't say to them. They obviously knew about us, otherwise they wouldn't be here, but maybe there was something I should keep secret. I really had no idea how to act in this situation. My phone delightfully buzzed seconds later.

_My mother's there? And Alice is with me, Love. ~E_

Huffing at his evasiveness for direction, I quickly typed another message.

_That was less than helpful, Edward! Rosalie is here with your mother, now what the fuck do I do? ~B_

I poured the finished drinks into three glasses and pondered how I could spend more time in the kitchen. _Garnish. _I grabbed a lime I just happened to have in my fridge and sliced a few pieces to make the drinks pretty. If anything, I could impress his mother with my under pressure drink mixing skills.

The phone remained silence and I gave up hope Edward would contact me again with advice before I had to return to the living room. I jammed the phone in the pocket of my robe…_son of a whore! _ I was still in my robe….with nothing but lace underwear on underneath it. Could this night get any more embarrassing? Thoughts of my hair, damp and tangled, entered my mind and I thought, yes, this was possibly the most embarrassing night of my life.

_Take them the drinks first, then deal with your lack of clothing, Bella._

I took my own advice, holding my head high as I walked to the living room to find Esme perched on my couch, studying the emptiness of my walls I assumed, and Rosalie still standing near the door as if it was disgraceful she even be inside my apartment.

In a way, it was disgraceful. At least I could understand her plight.

In an attempt to start over with her, I tried to hand her a glass, thinking alcohol would do us all some good. I was met with her upturned nose and snotty attitude.

"I'm breastfeeding," she sharply retorted, causing me to flinch.

"Rosalie," Esme warned, noting her abrasive tone.

"I'll get you something else, I didn't know."

"Of course you wouldn't know," she sneered, adding "home-wrecking whore," under her breath. So much for us starting over and being the best of friends.

"Kate," I said, abruptly, earning confused looks from both Esme and Rosalie. They must have thought I was crazy. This was definitely how I got on people's good side.

"My name is Rosalie," she replied with distaste for my existence.

"I know what your name is!" I shouted. "I'm not a moron, nor am I a whore. You may call me Bella or Kate, because this isn't just about fucking, or power, or money. I love him and he loves me, and there's nothing you can fucking say to change that." I reveled in the astonishment on her face and it made me bolder. "And that goes for you, too!" I added to Edward's mother.

I just yelled at Edward's mother. Holy fuck. I just said 'fucking' in front of Edward's mother…and semi-threatened her, but that wasn't registering as high as the 'fucking' was. Edward hardly ever cursed, and I imagined it was because of stern upbringing from his parents who wouldn't tolerate that kind of ignorant language. Fuck me. This couldn't be good.

When I finally gathered the courage to look Esme in the eye again, there was a smile on her face. Promptly informing me I needed to shut down the internal monologue because I knew nothing about this woman.

"Bella, please, come sit with me," she said with a genuine smile, as she patted the cushion beside her. Her words didn't sound dishonest, but I couldn't control my imagination from thinking otherwise. It was like she was luring me in closer only to snap my neck when I looked away. Rosalie could just be here to help her dispose of my lifeless body. She was a tiny woman and couldn't haul me down the steps unnoticed without help. The whole charade in the hall could have been just to fool me, attract me by dangling hope in my face and then attack and destroy.

Suddenly, I felt like prey to the Cullen's. Yet, the ever enticing Esme Cullen drew me in as she continued to pat the cushion beside her. I felt naked and exposed, rightfully so as I stood still in my robe. My emotions were getting the better of me and I had to reel them in before I exploded again.

"I won't bite," she offered and my mind fought with her statement. My feet however, were already moving toward her, shuffling their way to the couch. I handed her one of the two glasses in my hand after I sat down beside her, fighting the urge to gulp my entire drink and profess that I immediately needed another one. I was shaking with anticipation of Esme Cullen's attack I had riled myself up to believe was inevitable. There was absolutely no other explanation for her presence here. The phone in my pocket buzzed against my skin, and even though I yearned to grab it and see advice Edward was offering me, I stayed still, watching Esme sip the drink I gave her.

"This is…" internally I was already flinching, "refreshing. Thank you, Bella," she replied sweetly.

"You're welcome," I muttered, annoyed with my lack of patience.

"I assume you're wondering why we are here," Esme finally started with what I wanted to hear. I couldn't bear much more waiting. "Well, Rosalie and I actually are operating on opposite motives. You seem like a bright girl, I'm sure you figured that out." _A little condescending, Esme, but still not the attack I was expecting._

"Yes ma'am," I replied, trying to usher her to the point.

"Oh, please don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel old," she laughed, a genuine laugh that eased me, slightly. "Esme will be fine," she added, earning a gasp from Rosalie, who charged toward us finally leaving her perch at the door.

"Esme, I can't believe you! How are you okay with this girl? Don't you realize who you are talking to?"

"I'm very aware of my surroundings, Rosalie, thank you," her reply, clipped. "As I was saying, opposite motives."

"You wouldn't consider me so bold as to ask what your motive is…Esme?" I asked.

"I already consider you quite bold, my dear Bella, and I have to say that I like it. You're fiery, and I see what is drawing my Edward to you. It's something he is lacking lately. I saw it last night as well…however my vision at the time was clouded by the scandal."

"Your vision should still be clouded by the scandal," Rosalie prompted, finally sitting in a chair positioned beside us. I couldn't help but agree with her. "Esme, please see what this will do to our family. We'll be the laughing stock of society. We can't possibly just turn our heads away from Edward's discretions now that we know about them…now that everyone knows about them. Tanya is lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life for all we know! It's immoral and hypocritical of the way you and Carlisle raised your children! The church won't stand for it!" Esme and I sat quietly while Rosalie ranted off her opinion with no interruption. She wasn't saying anything I hadn't already thought of, so I tried to let her words bounce off me and land in the floor for me to step on later. It seemed Esme might have had a similar philosophy.

"Yes, Rose, I have thought of all of those things, and I understand why you would think of the situation this way. You do not know everything that I know, therefore have a very close-minded opinion."

"Well perhaps you could share with us this life-altering knowledge, Esme," Rosalie sneered, obviously peeved from the information she had been denied. It was then that something clicked in my cluttered brain and I knew what Esme's life-altering knowledge was. _She knew._ Was it possible that she had also met the mystery man outside of Tanya's door? Was that why she was here to accept me because if his wife had been cheating then it was Edward who was wronged? I stopped myself before I was too carried away, but I was sure that she did know about the man.

"You know about him," I chimed in, pointing a finger at Esme that was previously wrapped around my glass. A smile I was trying to keep off my face didn't allow me to succeed.

"Who?" Rosalie asked, her eyes darting from me to Esme. Esme's body language told me she was uncomfortable with discussing this, but she definitely knew something.

"I know of many things I should not," Esme replied cryptically. "They are not mine to indulge." Rosalie snorted at the refusal to give up information. Her frustration was clearly getting out of hand.

"Fair enough," I replied, "Alice already told us. Edward's wife…Tanya, has someone, possibly. Alice talked to him by accident before she left the hospital to find Edward." Rosalie stared at me, her mouth unhinged in shock and awe.

"You're lying," Rosalie accused. "You have to be lying. Alice would have told me." I was about to respond with the "what reason do I have to lie to you?" but that would seem in poor taste and I had every reason to lie to her in her mind.

"It's what she said before they left for the hospital," I added, as if it would help her understand.

"Of course you would say something like that. It's the only way you can look at yourself in a mirror, convincing yourself of a dying woman's infidelity in order to absolve your guilt."

"Rose!" Esme shouted. "You'd do well to listen to her."

"You can't be serious, Esme," she asked, her face falling in disbelief at the stern expression Esme was giving her. "Tanya has…she's been cheat…what on earth is wrong with these two?!"

"They weren't meant to be," Esme responded kindly, patting my bare leg. "Both of them were pressured into the match. Edward by his loneliness and need to find that certain someone to share his life with, and Tanya, by her mother. It must have been doomed from the very beginning, if I dare say."

"Then why didn't you stop him?" I asked, unable to hold back the question.

"I guess I should have, but at the time, he appeared happy. And that's all a mother ever wants for her children. It wasn't until…well, clearly the happiness wasn't everlasting. It was too late before we truly knew." I wanted to ask her why she stopped herself, changed the path of her conversation. It wasn't until what? Esme knew something, indeed. Just how long had Esme known that Tanya had a lover? How could she stay silent for so long if her son was suffering? I bit my tongue to keep from asking the questions I knew she didn't want to answer, at least for right now. She patted my leg again suddenly, as if she knew what I was thinking and appreciated my silence.

"Well what do we do now?" Rosalie asked, aggravated from the revelation she didn't expect. Our eyes met briefly; no longer did I see the burning hatred for me I saw only moments ago, a small comfort. We would never be best friends like Alice had become to me, but maybe she wouldn't blame me when this was all over and done.

"There is still a lot of waiting, Rose. We can't do much until after Edward and Tanya talk, which I imagine, if she's well enough, will happen very soon."

"What do you think she will do?" I asked, fearing the answer to this question still. No matter what everyone told me, I still had the lingering terror of Tanya realizing Edward is the best thing since sliced bread and would beg him to go back to her. This fear also played the Edward weakness card in my mind. He would fold to her conniving ways and forget all about me.

I resisted the urge to hit myself in front of Esme and Rosalie, going with internal chants instead. _He loves me. He loves me. He's coming back to me._

"I don't know, dear," Esme answered. "It depends on how the accident affected her. It's possible she won't remember what…"

"FUCK!" I screamed, unable and unwilling to hold back the rudest interruption ever. I hadn't even considered what the accident could have done to her brain. She could be a vegetable. She could not remember anything within the past two years. Maybe the last thing she could remember was she and Edward dancing at their wedding, happily in love. She could still love Edward. She could forget about the man outside her door. This was the kind of luck I had.

I was too lost in my head to register the wide-eyed stares coming from Esme and Rosalie.

"Fiery, indeed," Rosalie had said, fighting the smile that threatened exposure of her angry façade.

"Sorry," I muttered, mostly to Esme. "It's just…I mean…things were starting to look better. And if she doesn't remember this other guy…well it'll…" Make things impossibly hard again is what I wanted to say, but rapidly depleted strength kept me from it. I never wanted to think about this possibility. Edward forever tied to a woman who couldn't lift her head or use the bathroom, or walk…or anything. He would never leave her…and I couldn't ask him to. What kind of person would I be? The guilt would eat him alive.

I half-expected Selfish Bella to offer some sort of alternative to make him choose me, but she was oddly silent. Even this was beyond Selfish Bella.

"I know, dear," Esme replied, offering another comforting pat. "We'll get through this; it won't be as bad as you're thinking. But if it is, I will personally make sure that in the end, you and Edward are together."

"What?" both Rosalie and I asked at the same time, each of us turning toward Esme in alarm.

"I'm hoping it will happen without my intervention, but if it needs an extra push, I'll be there to push," she explained to my shaking head.

"No, Esme."

"Yes, listen to what she's saying," Rosalie interjected. I shot her a look that hopefully relayed the message of "shut the hell up." I didn't need her help, nor did I want it, and Esme was liable to rebel from her agreement.

"Esme, thank you, I appreciate it, really. But I know this is building a lot of stress on your family, especially if Edward's father is in the same mood from last night."

"You leave Carlisle to me," she replied with a smile. "I've already worked him over well at lunch today. He's lost, confused, and didn't realize how this would feel. I'm confident he'll come around."

"Even so," I continued, "Edward needs to find his way to me without help. He needs the opportunity. I trust you will agree." Esme nodded, knowingly, which pleased me. Edward would remain weak and untested if he didn't come through this on his own. Our relationship would only be stronger for it. I was glad she could see that without feeling the need to defend her son.

The wind whipped around outside causing the windows to rattle, drawing my attention to outside while silence loomed over us. The cold rain that soaked Edward and me looked like it was changing over to snow. The roads would be turning into sheets of ice. _Lovely, it was a repeat of last Sunday._ A draft from the windows brushed across my bare legs reminding me I still hadn't put on decent clothes.

_Jesus, Bella. Think…every once and while._

"Please excuse me for a moment, I think I've embarrassed myself in this robe long enough," I said, standing from the couch.

"Oh, not a problem dear," Esme chimed in her sweet voice, and I actually believed she didn't judge me. "The weather seems to be turning bad again, we should probably go soon."

"Okay, just let me change and I'll see you out," I added. I took a few steps toward my bedroom before stopping and turning toward her again. "You never really told me what your motive for coming here was." Esme smiled brightly and took another sip of her drink before responding. Rosalie and I watched her as we waited.

"I would have thought it was obvious, Bella. I came for two reasons," she stopped, as if allowing me to think what those reasons were before she answered. My brain was tired and longed for rest so I just waited silently. "One, was to stop Rosalie from scaring you away. She would have regretted it so when Edward found out," at this Rosalie snorted and turned her head away. "The other, was to finally meet the woman my son is in love with."

"Oh…"I stuttered, struggling with words again when this woman blew my mind. She was the exact opposite I imagined her to be.

"I suppose I should have waited until Edward had the opportunity to introduce us," Esme began.

"No," I interrupted. "I'm glad this happened. I'm just in shock of your acceptance of us."

"It took me a little while to get here, Bella. And while it's goes against many teachings, my son's happiness means more to me. We'll find a way to make it work."

I couldn't help but smile and happily nod. She was giving me more hope than I'd ever thought possible.

"I'll just be a minute," I said, excusing myself again.

Rushing back to the bedroom, I chucked the robe across the bed and was taken aback by the scent of Edward greeting my nose. _Absolutely divine._ I paused from my pursuit of clothing to shut my eyes and deeply breathe in his scent, it did wonders for my nerves. Upon opening my eyes again, I noticed my cell phone had rolled out of the pocket of my discarded robe, and the little light was flashing. Lunging for the phone, I nearly fell off the bed by my over-exuberance.

_All you need is another trip to the hospital with yet another broken arm. _

It took an extreme effort to keep from doing it again, as the little crazy light bulb went off in my head that said: _Edward is at the hospital._

I needed help…and some control. For distraction, I opened up Edward's message from earlier.

_Just be yourself, Love. Alice says Mother is on our side. Watch out for Rose. ~E_

Well, that would have been helpful to know beforehand, but I had it all figured out now. Rosalie might even start to like me at some point. Tonight was in the fucking win column for me. My fingers itched to call him and share the stellar news of Esme's apparent like for me and Rosalie's not complete hate for me, but I knew he had more important things to deal with right now. I settled for another text message, and hoped he would reply back soon.

_I survived! I really like your Mom, and I think she likes me, too. Come back to me soon, I miss you. ~Love, B_

I watched the phone as it went through the sending phase and then an extra couple of seconds just to see if I'd get a sudden reply. Nothing came. I got dressed while watching my phone, my ears extra attuned to its vibration, yet nothing came. By that time, I had been much longer than the minute I requested of Esme.

"Bella!" Rosalie shouted from the living room, with a tone of urgency that sent adrenaline through my veins. When I came out of the bedroom, she was holding a large manila envelope in her hands.

"Where did that come from?" I asked her, tucking my cell phone in my pocket, wanting to keep Edward close.

"It was by the door. It wasn't here when we came in, was it?" I shook my head, grabbing it out of her hands, curiosity overwhelming me. As soon as my fingers wrapped around the smooth, glossy feel of photographs, my breathing stopped. Inside the envelope, 8 x 10 photographs, all of Edward and me.

Edward and I walking on the beach, holding hands.

Edward and I lost in each other's eyes, right before things got out of hand.

Edward and I wrapped around each other.

Edward and I in the sand, him dominating me, straight up _From Here to Eternity_ style, all we needed was a crashing wave and epic music.

The last one made my skin flush from head to toe as I remembered how it felt. As appalled as I was by these photos, a part of me couldn't deny their erotic value. If they were taken with consent, I would keep them in a heartbeat. The love between us was so natural…and beautiful.

"What are they?" Rosalie asked, Esme standing at her side, equally curious.

"Um…" I wanted to hide them, they would only mean trouble, and I wasn't particularly keen on Esme seeing these. "They're photos," I answered.

"Photos of what?" Esme asked. I studied them more, wondering what the motive of these could be. Obviously, they were to serve as a threat, but if his family already knew about us, what did it matter? "Bella…" Esme prompted, "Photos of what?" I tore my gaze from the photos to meet hers. There was a seriousness etched in her features that gave me pause. While I only worried about Edward's family in the biological sense, I continuously disregarded his family in the religious sense. The items in my hand could destroy that part of him.

"Of me and Edward on the beach," I answered finally, my voice quiet and strained. Rosalie gasped, as if she knew what happened on the beach, or could at least assume it. Esme, however, snatched them out of my hands quicker than I could recover my grip. She flipped through each one, Rosalie glancing over her shoulder, while I nervously chewed on a nail. This was beyond embarrassing. I apparently hadn't been punished enough for my dirty deeds.

"This is bad, right?" I asked, trying to get their attention away from staring at the photographs. I could only handle so much of Esme witnessing me in the throes of passion.

"I will not lie to you, Bella, this is very bad," Esme commented. "There's probably another envelope just like it under Edward's door as well. If these get in the Church's hands, it'll possibly ruin any chance for an annulment. If the Church believes, or worse, has proof, he's been unfaithful to Tanya, they won't grant one."

"That's a big deal to him," I added, trying to voice the sudden internal explosion in my head. I needed to stay focused on Esme, otherwise I wouldn't understand.

"It is, or at least, it was before he met you. Things have changed, Bella. Bottom line is we need to figure out where these came from and stop them from getting to the Church. Just in case he still wants that option."

"Where do you think they came from?" Rosalie asked the question I wanted to ask. I had no idea about Edward's enemies, but I could guess Tanya's family would be on the list if they knew anything.

"It's one of two people, Rosalie, which means it's now urgent we get to the hospital." Rosalie nodded, leaving me in the dark as to what they were thinking. "Bella, please call Edward and tell him we're on our way. Tell him about the photos, it's likely he doesn't know yet, and should know before we blind side him."

"Yes, of course," I agreed, opening the door for them to leave as she handed the photos back to me.

"It really was a pleasure to meet you, dear. This is just another hoop for us to jump through before we see sunnier skies. Try not to worry too much." I nodded, even though not worrying was an impossible thing to ask. "Come along, Rose."

Rose stopped in front of me before following Esme. I found myself braced for impact.

"We got off on the wrong foot," she started, "but if Esme is willing to give you a chance…I suppose…." I was utterly dumbfounded by this point. This was not something I expected so soon from her. "I could try…one day," she added with a slight smile.

"That's more than I hoped for," I laughingly replied. Rosalie turned to follow Esme, but stopped just outside my apartment door.

"Oh, and Bella….you said I could call you Kate, why?"

"I'll explain another time, when our lives don't oddly coincide with theirs," I answered, because the similarities were truly starting to scare me. These pictures were something else to add to the growing list of our suddenly parallel lives. The important difference between us and them, and I had to keep reminding myself just how important this truly was, I had the blessing of Edward's mother. The Great Kate never had that, at least, not that I knew of for sure.

Rosalie nodded, muttering a goodbye before she disappeared down the hall after Esme. I stood behind the closed door listening to the click of their heels descending the stairs, bizarrely hoping that if I was ever apart of them I wouldn't be required to wear such atrocities.

The photos I needed to be more offended, less intrigued by, were still in my grasp. I went back to the picture of Edward and I embraced, before we fell to the sand. I hated how beautiful I found it. I should have been throwing up in my sink at the intrusion of our lives. Yet, I couldn't stop staring at how he looked at me…and how happy it made me feel.

My brain triggered a memory, or a reason, to call him. Esme said to call him, warn him of the pictures. It had felt like days since I'd last heard his voice, even if it'd only been hours. I dug my phone out of my pocket, excitedly finding his number in my contacts and hitting the talk button. The discouragement of his voicemail message went bone deep and only reminded me that I hadn't received another text from him either. Rather than leaving a confusing voicemail, I hit the end button and told myself to try again in a few minutes.

Honestly, I was hoping he would see the missed call and call me right back.

Exhaustion from this night had taken its toll on me. My limbs felt heavy and my brain had shut down all but motor function fifteen minutes ago. I ached to climb into bed; the only thing that would make it better was if Edward was there with me. Slowly, I staggered around my apartment, locking the door, turning off lights, peeling off my jeans for the comfort of my lounge pants, and then curled into a ball under the comforter.

It also smelled of Edward….and was slightly damp, but I didn't care. The scent of him almost lulled me to sleep before I remembered I needed to try calling him again.

Attempt number two registered the same as the first attempt. Two rings, then voicemail. I gave up and sent him another text message.

_Esme and Rose on their way. There are pics of us from tonight. Please call me and I'll explain unless E&R get to you first. I hope you're ok. Love ~B_

Pressing send was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep, my fingers curled around my phone, left waiting for news.

**A/N: Follow me on Twitter – playitagainsam9**

**Don't forget to review…they make me happy. Next chapter will pick up with Edward and Alice at the hospital.**


	21. The Voice Unheard

**A/N: Long time, no write…as usual. I'd like to blame London on this one. I went there during my prime writing time in March and didn't recover quickly. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this newest installment of WCN. There isn't much more ground to cover after this, so maybe I'll finish it up by summer. **

**To my reviewers – you ladies are awesome. I'm at 600 now…wow. I know I'm generally fail at responding, but I appreciate each and every one.**

**To my beta – keepingupwiththekids came out of beta-retirement to work on this chapter for me. She's the best.**

**S. Meyer owns the characters, I own the plot…don't take it, I would be most displeased.**

**EPOV**

Bella's door closed with a resonating click that snapped my eyes to it, as if my heart had just now realized I had to leave. I was rooted to the floor, unwilling to move unless it was to go back. Back to where Bella was pinned between her mattress and me, and I was licking water off her creamy porcelain…Alice was snapping her fingers viciously.

"I do not have time for you to play, should I stay or should I go," her voice disrupting me from my daydream. She was angry with me, that much I was sure; her mood was cleverly hidden while Bella was present. With Bella safely tucked away in her apartment, there was no reason for her to hide it. Alice grabbed my arm, with enough force to remove tendons from bone, proceeding to drag me down the stairs. Whatever my heart may have wanted, Alice crushed it with her sharp heel.

"Okay, Alice…I'm following," I pleaded, after she had tugged my arm again dissatisfied with my pace. I couldn't take her being angry with me. As much as I wanted to keep her out of this earlier today, I couldn't deny how helpful she had been and would continue to be if I let her. "It wasn't what it looked like," I offered, once the cool March air hit both of us. I hoped it would help cool her temper. Her cold, probing glare made me think otherwise.

"And if I hadn't come to find you, Edward…what would have happened?" Bad things would have happened. I would still be at Bella's…we would still be in her bedroom. It would have been the best night of my life. But Alice's voice was so tight with anger that I opted for a different answer, and hopefully one that would charm her into a better mood.

"Your timing was impeccable, Ally," I replied smoothly, adding a smile.

"You think this is funny?" she all but screamed, and for a second, I flinched expecting her fist to connect with my face. "Don't avoid the question, Edward! What would have happened?" My feet shifted from side to side, fingers nervously went through my hair as I withered under her intense gaze. Charm, obviously, wasn't the way to go tonight.

"She was so convinced of my weakness, Ally," I mumbled to the sidewalk. "She said tonight would be it, that it was all we would have…" another wild tug of my hair out of sheer nerves. "I had to…I had to make her see we had something more. That I can't live without her…and she didn't see it until I began to show her. I think she saw it…right before you started beating down the door. Would we have gone too far? Yeah, probably. But I don't care anymore, Ally. I don't care."

"You don't care?" Alice asked. I shook my head no in reply. "You know what this means?"

"Yes," I answered. Alice exhaled sharply. "She means that much to me."

"I know," Alice whispered, "and I'm not surprised that it'll come to this. It's what I expected would happen, I've been waiting on you to arrive to the conclusion. However…it's a good thing Mom worked Dad over real well at lunch today. He might not disown you for leaving the church now."

"Disowning might be better than the silent treatment I'm bound to get from him regardless. It'll be as if I don't exist, why not make it official?"

"Why don't you drive us to the hospital and I'll tell you why I think it won't be as bad as you expect. A lot went down at lunch today, brother dear."

"Hail a cab, I told Bella I'd leave my car here," I told her, as I walked up to my trunk to grab my overnight bag. I'd come prepared just in case I did spend the night with Bella and packed for my shift the next afternoon. I longed to change into the scrubs that were inside the bag, hating the feeling of wearing something that belonged to Bella's ex. The shirt had a musty scent I wasn't altogether fond of.

When I had closed the trunk and relocked the Volvo, Alice was halfway up Delaware walking toward Michigan, flailing her arms around to get a taxi's attention. It helped she was a girl, because she obtained one faster than I would had on a night that looked on the brink of a downpour.

"Get in," she demanded, swinging the door open as the cab came to a halt in front of me. "Everyone's at the hospital, it's time we settled all of this. No more secrets, okay?" I nodded in agreement as I climbed into the cab beside her, though it made my throat instantly dry as my nerves battled what little courage I had collected. The last thing I wanted upon my arrival at the hospital was round two of the showdown between me and my Father. At some point, I would have to apologize for throwing a paperweight at him, even if he deserved it, at the time.

Alice elaborated on the story of the Sunday lunch while I changed into the scrubs, omitting any confusion or questions for when I walked into Tanya's room wearing clothes large enough to fit Emmett. I was amazed, once again, by my Mother's strength to take Father down a few pegs, though guilt pierced my gut for it. She shouldn't have to fight my battles anymore. If I hadn't been so absorbed with my own problems and depression, maybe I would have noticed Tanya wanted someone else long ago. How much of this could have been avoided? How could I have not seen how miserable we both were? At what point did the communication between us shut down completely? If only she could have talked to me, I would have set her free.

The buzz of my phone ended all internal thoughts, especially when I saw Bella's name on the screen. The message was so unexpected I could hardly understand the words. None of it made sense. My mother and sister were there? Why would they be? Surely, this was some kind of a joke. Quickly, I typed a response back to her, only to receive an obviously more stressed message of concern seconds later.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"Mother and Rosalie are at Bella's," I answered, still in a state of confusion.

"What?" Alice screeched so loud she made the driver jump in his seat and left me to wonder if I'd ever have full hearing in my left ear again. "Did they follow me?"

"I guess so," I answered, while I pondered what to tell Bella. She was asking for help and guidance and all I could think of was how I wanted to go back and fend off the wolves.

"Rose was really pissed today at lunch," Alice added, not helping with my hero complex when it came to Bella.

"That's nothing new, Ally. She probably has the same close-minded stance on this as Father does."

"Bella's a tough girl," Alice replied, "I kind of wish I were there right now. She wouldn't back down easy. It would be an interesting match up." I laughed, because I couldn't help it. It was true. I could see Rose being her snide, rude self and Bella letting loose a tirade of swears that would make a sailor blush…in front of Mother, no less.

"We should go back. I can't leave her alone with them."

"No, we can't. Don't worry, Edward. Mother is there to keep a leash on Rose. She probably followed Rose there to do just that. Just text her that and she'll be fine. You're needed elsewhere." I nodded, staring at my phone, wanting to do something more than send a lousy text message. Bella may not have needed me there, but I wanted to be there to protect her against Rose's harsh words. The cat was out of its proverbial bag though, and she would have to face some scrutiny if we were to ever be together, as would I. I just wished we could be on the same battlefield. One day soon, we would be.

I typed a message I hoped would calm and comfort her, for it was all I could do now, as I had arrived at my very own battlefield. The cab came to an abrupt screeching halt in front of the hospital gravity nearly threw me into the passenger seat ahead of me. Alice immediately started shoving me toward the door.

"Alice! Chill out, I'm going," I chastised to no avail, she kept shoving.

"Hurry up, I'm getting all anxious," she justified, as she handed some money to the driver. He took off quickly as if he were anxious to be rid of us. Alice latched onto my arm, hauling me toward the entrance much like she had earlier when we left Bella's. A death grip advising she expected me to bolt the other direction at any time.

"Alice! You're about to tear my arm off. I'm going to need an x-ray if you keep this up."

"Oh shush, you big baby," her pace not deterred. "If I'm hurting you, then move faster." It was so tempting to throw her over my shoulder and carry her the rest of the way at my own pace. All of this rushing wasn't playing well with the nerves that threatened to ulcerate my stomach. I weighed my options quickly as we came upon the elevators. At least she hadn't chosen to run up the stairs.

"You never told me about Tanya's condition," I prompted, tearing Alice's attention from the descending light above the elevator. She had been tapping her toe against the tile floor impatiently while she waited.

"I didn't tell you anything because I don't know anything. Dad didn't relay anything to Mom other than she was awake. The only thing I do know is that Catherine sounded really angry when I was here earlier, before I met the mystery man."

"That could mean anything," I muttered, Catherine was always angry. I didn't really know her any other way, except on the day of the wedding. She seemed pretty happy then.

"I know….I know," Alice agreed. "It's just all that I have." The elevator chimed, signaling the doors were about to open. Alice's arm gripped mine tighter, though I wouldn't have thought it possible.

"Are prenatal vitamins giving you super-strength?" I asked her, jokingly.

"Are you going to cry all day about my grip, really?" She asked, but couldn't mask her smile. Mission accomplished. She couldn't stay mad at me forever.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ally, I promise," I assured. An uplifted eyebrow from her told me she wasn't so sure. My track record this week wasn't exactly stellar. It seemed I was always running somewhere to avoid the things to come. "Things are different now," I said, letting my internal thoughts be voiced for once. "And I really appreciate everything you've done for me this week. You've been more supportive than I deserve." She loosened her grip slightly as she turned to face me, surprising me by the glint of moisture in her eyes.

"Stop it," she cried, "I'm an emotional mess already," she added, swiping a tear from her cheek. The elevator chimed again, notifying us we had reached our destination of Tanya's floor. Alice, thankfully, hadn't returned her previous grip on my arm as we made our way down the long hall. Butterflies swarmed my stomach with each step closer to Tanya's room. A glass of bourbon would have done me and my nerves wonders during this time. It would give me some strength to do what needed to be done. With the lack of alcohol present in the hospital, I had to settle on an old comfort. _Hail Mary, full of grace…_

Alice stopped suddenly in the middle of the hall, pulling me to an abrupt stop beside her.

"What is…?" I started, but then followed her gaze down the hall. A man, completely disheveled, stood at the far end, his eyes locked on Alice, looking much like a deer caught in headlights. Alice shook my arm loose from her grip, taking off at a sprint after him. "Alice! What are you doing?" The man recovered from his semi-paralysis, before she was too close, and ran in the opposite direction.

"Go talk to Tanya," Alice said, as she stopped briefly to kick off her shoes. "I've got to get him back here!" I heard her yell back to me before she disappeared around a corner. It took my tired and confused mind a full thirty seconds before it dawned on me I was face to face with _the_ other man. Most men would feel threatened, or would have run after him for a confrontation, demanding he stayed away from their wife….me? I felt relief. Relief that she had someone who looked like they truly cared for her, like I should have been, but couldn't. So long as Tanya and I could figure out how to proceed after all the secrets were out, I sincerely thought that we would be okay…and of all things, happy.

The unexpected lightness that came with that revelation brought me with ease to the wide wooden door of her room. A door I had long been avoiding because of the guilt and despair of being trapped in this sham of a marriage. Meeting Bella changed my perspective of what it should have been like…how it would be when I made Bella my wife.

_Whoa…_._slow down, Cullen._

But it sounded right. Just not right now.

Right now, I had my hand paused at the door, prepared to knock for entrance. Right now, I had to make things right with my family, tell them everything. Right now, I had to set my wife free to be with the one who would love her, and she had to reciprocate. I knocked on the door pushing it open upon my force. The voices on the other side immediately silenced.

Tanya was the first within my sight, she lie still on the bed, unmoving except for her eyes following my position as I walked over to her side. She said nothing and she didn't reach for me, making it difficult to tell what she was really thinking. The opposite could be said for her Mother, who towered over her on the opposite side of her bed. Catherine looked angry enough to breathe fire and wouldn't have shocked me if she had. I mentally wondered how fast I could reach a fire extinguisher or some burn cream, before actually lifting my gaze from Tanya to her.

Fight or flight senses kicked in high gear out of habit when around Catherine, with flight demanding to take precedence. I took a deep breath, refusing to back down to her or anyone. _Times were different now,_ I reminded myself. I wasn't alone and this wasn't just my fight anymore. With Tanya's odd silence, I wondered if I wouldn't have to fight for both of us until she gathered more strength. I could do that, if it meant Bella was my reward.

"Edward," the voice of my Father came from the corner. "I see Alice finally tracked you down." His voice didn't hold the malice or anger it had the night before, a little annoyed by my late arrival, yes, but not angry.

"Yeah," I answered, my fingers finding their normal route through my hair, giving me reason to look away from Catherine and back to Tanya. Tanya seemed to have lost interest in my presence quickly, as she had become preoccupied by playing with her hair that had been pulled into a loose ponytail. She seemed so strange and quiet…something wasn't right.

"Pity," Catherine spat, "I'm sure it must pain you to be here when there's somewhere else you'd _obviously_ rather be," her words were sharp and clearly intentional, as if she expected to open up the confession lines right here. I choked back a retort to hold off the fight I knew was looming regardless. Instead, I noticed how Tanya never looked up at Catherine when she spoke.

"What's going on?" I asked, the question directed to my Father, and when he didn't answer fast enough, I reached for her chart at the foot of the bed. A sound escaped Catherine's lips that could only be characterized as a hiss.

"If you were _ever_ here, you wouldn't have to ask," she snapped, and subsequently, snapped the chart right out of my hands.

"There is no excuse for my actions, nor am I asking for any forgiveness, especially from you. Right now is not the time. Now tell me, what is going on?" I demanded, hardening my stare toward my Father. He had to answer my question, Tanya was still my wife.

"Aphasia," he finally relented. Through my peripheral, I could see Tanya glance up at me through her lashes, as if she were trying to hide her actions. "She can't speak," he added, when I tried to catch her looking at me, "and it appears she doesn't understand us either."

No, that didn't seem right. She was hiding something.

"It's most likely temporary, but we'll need to do some more testing. I've scheduled a PET scan first thing tomorrow morning," he went on to say, I nodded stupidly, staring at Tanya because none of it made sense. Was my Father distracted to the point he wasn't picking up these tells she kept doing. Were they specifically for me? Or was I over-analyzing and my exhausted brain was playing tricks on me?

"Naturally, when I have the chance to tell my daughter of your infidelities, she can't understand a word coming out of my mouth," Catherine casually added as if discussing the weather. I couldn't hold back the eye roll from the irony of my life. My infidelities were nothing compared to what her daughter had been doing behind my back for nearly two years. Did Catherine really not know why an unknown man was lurking outside her daughter's room all week?

"I don't believe it wise to discuss idle gossip at this time," Carlisle interrupted, right when he knew I was about to say something I wouldn't regret, but he too, obviously, wanted to avoid the confrontation in front of Tanya.

"She's my daughter, Carlisle," Catherine screeched, her voice getting louder by decibels, "and I'll do whatever I need to keep…" she stopped herself before continuing.

"Keep what?" I asked curiously, "your daughter in a cage?" Catherine shot me a look that a week ago would have had me running for the door. Her face turned bright red as she held back what she wanted to say, not without great restraint.

"How dare you…" she started with venom lacing her tone. She was a snake ready to strike at me with only Tanya, quiet and aloof, separating us.

"Edward!" Carlisle called out, our attention switched from each other to him. "Please join me outside. There is much we need to discuss." I glanced back at Catherine, who had returned to a more collected version of herself thanks to Carlisle's interruption, she was wearing a cold smile of victory on her face. I was about to agree and follow my Father out the door when Tanya's cool hand clamped down on mine. She was still playing with her hair with her other hand, her eyes never moving to betray her, but Catherine and I both stood bewildered at her movement. Tanya clearly didn't want me to leave.

"No," I responded quickly to Father, who had missed the whole exchange, Catherine's eyes shone with either anger or jealousy. "I think I'd like a few minutes alone with Tanya, if you don't mind." I added, with a sweet smile toward Catherine.

"Very well," my Father relented, easily, to my surprise. Mother really must have done something miraculous, because this was not the man I threw a paperweight at last night.

"I'm not leaving!" Catherine cried, when he tried to usher her away from Tanya's bedside.

"Come on, Cathy," he said, in what I would deem as his 'nice doctor voice', the one that had patients complying to whatever he asked, the one reserved for children afraid of shots, he was now using on Catherine. "You need a break, and Tanya needs some rest soon. Five minutes, Edward, then she rests."

"He doesn't deserve to be in here, Carlisle," she pleaded as he took her arm, guiding her out of the room. She was still arguing with him as the door closed, offering us a moment of peace. Not willing to waste time, I quickly wheeled a stool beside Tanya, ready to force her eyes to look at me, but when I sat down, I found they were already there. Her hair no longer her focal point.

"You can understand us," I stated, not needing to ask. She nodded slowly. "Can you speak as well?" At this, she shook her head no. "Why the charade?" I asked, unable to hold it back, even though I knew very well that she couldn't answer me directly. Tanya tilted her head toward the closed door, hinting at something or someone on the outside. "Carlisle?" She shook her head and rolled her eyes at my slowness. "Catherine?" Tanya nodded emphatically, only to confuse me further. Tanya loved her Mother. She did everything Catherine ever told her to do. What brought this change about, her near death experience or the man that Alice was currently still chasing down for all I knew.

My fingers worked through my hair in common frustration as I propped my elbows on her bed. Tanya only gazed at me, waiting for me to catch up to her, unable to provide me with more answers. As I sat watching her, it only made me realize how much I never knew her. What were we thinking when we decided to get married? Why did that make so much sense at the time? Or did it ever make sense and we just followed our parents' prompts like sheep? Everyone else was doing it; we assumed we had to as well?

So many questions I finally wanted to ask her, wasn't afraid to ask her, and she couldn't answer any of them with more than a nod or shake of her head.

A sudden buzzing in my pocket interrupted the chain of questions that would remain unsaid until I came up with a way to give Tanya a voice, or worse, waited out the aphasia. Hastily, I removed my phone from my pocket to silence it before Carlisle came in the room to kick me out and noticed I had left on my cell. The red light flashed at me, tempting me to chance the peek at the message before powering it down.

_I survived! I really like your Mom, and I think she likes me, too. Come back to me soon, I miss you. ~Love, B_

From the corner of my eye, I could see Tanya's uplifted brow, curious about the sudden grin on my face I couldn't hide. A poor attempt at stifling the grin, only led to her irritation of not being able to ask why. I thought about just going into it…the entire thing. Everything with Bella from the moment Tanya was comatose, but I wasn't entirely sure that's what she wanted to know. Or if it was something I should burden her silent mind with now.

"I need to tell you so much…" I started, "but I just don't know how…" I stopped myself as I stared down at my phone, the small lettered buttons screaming at me. "Wait a second…can you?" I held up the phone to Tanya, who gave me a look like I was crazy. One of the few expressions of hers I was familiar. Quickly, I cut off the phone signal before even thinking twice to send Bella a quick message back. I had to try this first and then I'd go from there. "Try typing what you want to say," I suggested to Tanya, after bringing up the notepad. A quizzical look toward me, but then she took the phone in her own hands, her fingers moving over the keys slowly. When she was finished, she tilted the screen to me. I was elated with what I saw.

_New phone?_

"Yes," I answered, laughing in delight. "I broke my other one yesterday." God, was it only yesterday? It seemed like ages ago I was at the benefit drinking myself into oblivion in a poor attempt to stay away from Bella. Tanya went back to typing.

_Who is she?_

I dragged my fingers through my hair while I pondered if now was the time. Tanya had her voice, I only needed some courage. _She wants to be set free, just as you do, _my conscience tried to remind myself, but I remained silent and waited for something…a sign, anything. My wandering thoughts distracted me from Tanya, who had typed something else for my benefit.

_Tell me, Edward. It's okay._

There was my sign.

"Bella…her name is Bella," I answered. "I met her…the day of your accident, before I knew you were in an accident." She nodded, her eyes shifting downward to the phone held tightly in her fingers. I waited in silence, not knowing what else I should say. Tanya sniffled causing me to panic. Did I make her cry? Was Bella right in saying Tanya would want me back?

_You should be with her._

I looked at the screen then back at her, tears were cascading down her cheeks.

"I know," I agreed, "but why are you crying?" Tanya wiped her face with the back of her hand before she typed a response.

_I've been so horrible to you. I'm sorry. _

"Tanya," I started, and grabbed her hand so I had her full attention. "It's okay. I understand why. It's the exact same feeling I've had all week. Honestly, I'm not sure how you've dealt with it for so long." An odd look crossed her features, so I took that as a cue to elaborate. "I know about the other guy. He's here…" Her eyes widened in surprise and at first, I worried we were wrong about the whole thing, that all of it was a misunderstanding, but then a bright smile broke out across her face. I hadn't seen her smile like that in years. She broke free of my grasp to type on the phone rapidly.

_Felix is here? Really? _

"That's his name?" she nodded, smiling even brighter. "Alice went looking for him. He's run from her a couple times," I added with a laugh. "Do you want me to bring him here?"

_YES!_

"Okay," I laughed again, relieved at the happiness coursing through her. This really was going to work out after all. "I'll see what we can do." Tanya quickly dropped her eyes back to the phone, typing furiously.

_You'll have to keep Mother away. I heard her tell Carlisle to keep him out. She won't let me be with him._

"So she does know about him?" Tanya nodded. Just then, a tap came at the door and my Father stuck his head inside the room.

"Edward, she needs rest."

"Not now, Dad…we're talking," I said with a wave of my hand, my normal formality of addressing him lost as I was overcome with curiosity at what else Tanya knew about while she pretended to not understand. Carlisle came in regardless of my words.

"Can she?" he asked, walking into the room despite my request.

"Yes," I answered hastily, before seeing Tanya shake her head at me. "I mean, no. Just give me a few more minutes, okay?" I asked, pleading for him to leave. He nodded his head, even though I could tell he wanted to ask more questions, but he thankfully remained silent, closing the door once again behind him.

"I'll distract Catherine for as long as I can and Alice can sneak in Felix. I'm sure once she starts yelling at me she'll lose track of how long she's been away from your bedside." Tanya grinned.

_Are you sure you're okay with all of this?_

My left hand made a circuit through my hair as I nodded. "Yeah, I mean, this is all very strange, but I want us both to be happy. We've got a lot more to talk about though."

_I know._

"Father Moloney wanted me to stop by and see him on Tuesday, but I'm thinking I should bring him here so we can both talk to him. Is that all right? We need to talk about getting an annulment." Tanya expelled a sigh as she typed a response. When she tilted it for my viewing, she looked nervous.

_I don't think we can get one of those now. I'm sorry, Edward. I was weak._ _I don't know how the process will work now or what will happen to us afterward._

"I don't either," I answered, half laughing from relief as all the guilt I had carried around needlessly, fell to the floor. "There will be decisions made, and a lot of secrets to break, but we'll figure it out when we talk to him, okay?" She nodded, but didn't look convinced.

_What about my Mother? She's not going to let us do this. She's more invested in our marriage than we ever were. _

"That's something I'll never understand," I commented.

_It's your name. It was important to her. She was always pushing the match, especially to Carlisle._

"How important could it be if your daughter was miserable? That's what doesn't make sense to me." Tanya shrugged her shoulders, unable to answer the question either.

_She said something about pictures. It was when Carlisle was out of the room. She acted like they were going to save everything…but I didn't understand._

"Pictures?" I scratched my head while I pondered.

_You haven't noticed anything funny? Anyone following you around? Mother would do it and would feel no shame about it._

"Well yeah, we had a guy catch us in the coffee shop earlier this week, but…"

"Edward!" the door had swung open violently, revealing Alice, looking as if she had run a marathon.

"Alice, what's wrong?" She was breathing heavily as I went over to her, ushering her to sit down, slipping into doctor mode as I wanted to make sure she and the baby were okay.

"I'm fine, Edward," she said, slapping my fingers away from taking her pulse. "He's outside…waiting. I've hidden him behind a corner," she added with a smile for Tanya. "He's really nice once I got him to speak to me." Tanya's fingers flew across the keys of the phone, while Alice looked at her quizzically. "Can't she speak?" Alice asked me.

"Only through the phone right now, but it's good enough," I answered, as Tanya shoved the phone in Alice's face. I leaned over Alice's head to see the message and laughed.

_Do I look okay?_

"Oh sweetie, you look just fine. Can I go bring him in now? I'm so excited to see this." Tanya nodded, though she looked nervous again. Alice squealed with delight and jumped up from the chair I had sat her in moments ago. Tanya motioned me to come closer to her once Alice bolted from the room. She tapped at the screen on the phone again.

"You're bruised, and mostly in covered in plaster, but it won't matter to him. He just wants to see you." She typed on the phone quickly.

_Thank you…for everything. I didn't know it would be this easy. If Mother hadn't said something about you seeing someone else, I would've stayed quiet. She was so cryptic about everything until you showed up._

"I'm sure it'll be anything but easy, we have a hard road ahead of us still, which I include your Mother as a part of that, but we'll make things right." I offered, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I'll tell everyone you're resting. There will be no need for anyone to check on you for at least an hour."

_Once he's in here, I won't let him leave. I have no reason to hide him anymore. _

"Fair enough," I agreed, happy she still had her stubborn streak. The door opened slowly this time, the man now known as Felix, shifted his feet forward, Alice gliding in behind him. We all stood there in silence for a moment, probably at odds as to what to do in this situation. The husband meeting the lover, the wife broken in the hospital bed, the anxious sister bouncing on the balls of her feet. It was all surreal. I shook my head of it and held my hand out to Felix.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Edward," I greeted.

"Felix Spencer," he said, shaking my extended hand, as I smirked at his last name. Spencer? Bella would enjoy that immensely.

"She's all yours," I announced, slapping him on the shoulder as I passed. I looked over at Alice. "I've got hours before my shift begins; I'm going back to Bella's." Alice waved her hand to shush me, busy watching Tanya with Felix. I turned around to see him hovering over her, his hands in her hair, his voice too soft for our ears. Tanya was crying as he held her close to him. Yeah, I needed Bella. No more guilt, no worries. Grabbing Alice's arm, I pulled her outside the room to give the two some privacy.

"Edward!" she cried, hitting me square in the chest once we were back in the hall.

"Ow, Alice! Seriously, I'm talking to your obstetrician about those prenatal vitamins."

Smirking, she changed the subject, her voice overly sweet as she wrapped her arm in the crook of mine, "I like it when people are happy. How long do we have to keep that a secret?" she asked, pointing toward Tanya's room.

"Tanya said it didn't matter anymore, but I'm not volunteering any information. Let them have some time together before she has to deal with Catherine."

"Everything is falling into place," Alice said with a grin. "I knew it would." I laughed.

"You didn't sound so sure last night," I chided.

"That was just a hiccup…" Alice started, but stopped once we saw Mother and Rosalie charge forth from the elevator, both wearing faces of intimidating determination.

"Where is your Father?" Mother demanded with a cold malice that had both Alice and I stuttering answers. Neither of us could provide her with an answer that satisfied her.

"Did Bella not call you?" Rosalie asked.

"Um…" my hand subconsciously went through my hair, "she might have, but my signal is off. Tanya's using it to speak." Strange expressions from both Rose and my Mother told me they hadn't been informed of Tanya's condition either. "She has aphasia. It's most likely temporary, but she can speak using my phone to type her words."

"Oh the poor child," Mother said, her hand to her mouth. "Is she all right otherwise?"

"Yeah, I believe so. I didn't run any tests on her. You'll have to ask Father. Why do you need to find him?" Mother and Rose looked at each other and then back at me.

"I guess we have to tell him," Rose suggested.

"Tell me what?" I asked. Alice's hand resumed its death grip on my arm, causing me to flinch.

"Someone…" Mother began, "well, there were pictures delivered to Bella's apartment while we were there."

"What kind of pictures, Mom?" Alice asked. Tanya mentioned pictures…said Catherine mentioned pictures. My eyes widened in shock as I connected the dots in my mind.

"You don't need to find Father," I said, "You need to find Catherine."

"Are you sure?" Mother asked.

"What kind of pictures?" Alice asked, this time much louder, as she never liked being left in the dark.

"Yes, I'm sure. Tanya said Catherine mentioned pictures, but she didn't know what she was talking about. What are they of?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"You and Bella," Rosalie answered, "on the beach." I cringed at her response.

"Are you kidding me?" Alice screamed. "That…that bitch had you followed?"

"Alice!" Mother reprimanded. Alice quickly muttered an apology none of us believed was sincere.

"It doesn't matter," I said, as we all turned, walking toward where we would find either Catherine or my Father to lead us to Catherine. "The pictures can't do anything. They won't prevent me from being with Bella."

"We know," my Mother said softly, wrapping her hand around mine, "but that doesn't make it right, and they still need to be destroyed."

"Where else were they sent?" I asked. Mother shook her head.

"That's what we're here to find out," Rose tenaciously added, her arm entwined with Alice's as the four of us marched down the hall in search of Catherine, and an end to all this madness.

**A/N: Want to know when you can expect updates? Follow me on twitter: playitagainsam9**


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